The date was March 14th, 1975. Pi day. It was an important day for Jave, probably the most important. IHOP was serving a buy one slice, get one free deal on cherry almond pie. His favorite. The woman taking his order was Winona Ryder, beautiful and smart, he loved her. He owned her entire filmography and watched Edward Scissorhands each night before he slept.
Cock Mobster was playing on repeat on the loud speaker, he saw Ms. Ryder visibly gag whenever her (dis)respective line played. He vowed to take MC Paul Barman down with Undertaker's Tombstone Piledriver one day.
Parents covered their children's ears, lining up to complain to the manager. She apologized while giving them $50 gift cards, explaining their Bluetooth was being hacked. Jave overheard this, and scanned the area looking for anyone suspicious. He spotted a chubby deer fursona in the back, typing quickly on his Acer laptop. Jave hated Acer, a despicable company built on lies and thievery. A window was opened that looked like the infamous website "hackertyper dot com" but Jave knew a real terminal when he saw one.
The small cervidae started crushing up a pill, using a razor to make a line and then snorted it. (AN: I watched Breaking Bad once, I know how people use drugs.) Jave froze, this was the legendary hackerman outlaw Ferdinand. He had been looking for this artiodactyla for 8 months now, no one even knew if he still was in the US. But there he was, eating a raspberry danish. Disgusting.
Jave slowly hoverboarded (AN: The real ones from Back to the Future II.) over to the mammal, and put his hand on the synapsid's shoulder, and whispered into his ear, "FBI. You're under arrest."