rich histor of tem
(A/N It's best if you read this out loud in whatever temmie accent you want. Trust me.)
"Today, Temmie tell rich histry of Tem," Temmie stated from their position at the front of the classroom.
"Um, excuse me," a student said timidly, "this is math, not history, we don't-" but Temmie continued on unhindered.
"Long, long time go, Temmies live great fear of Temmies. Many Tem fought for peace, but no peace. Only, hungr, hungr and moar hungr. But then, one Tem stud up. It was Motemses, and he wanted to help Temmies. No hungr, he said, he knew wear Tem flakes were, so gr8! Motemses led Temmies but not Temmies cross Temgypt, but then saw they Tem Sea and had stop. Much wadder! But, Motemses used power of Tem and Tem Sea part. Hapness nd tem flakes for all!"
"Years l8r, The Tem finds new problem in Temgeece. Moar war, moar hungr! Temmies against Tem, but Tem is strng. Spartems gather 2gethr and temmie armor use for grat glory. They defeats Tems, rejoyce! But Temmie armor left tired, tierd and hunggr. So hungrr and when ate tem flakes, hoives! Spartems no good for hoives, so died."
"Um, Temmie, are you sure this is Temmie history? It just seems like…" one brave student started to protest again. But as they continued, Temmie's eyes traveled off their body to the right and the student, thoroughly freaked out, shut up. Temmie's eyes returned to their body and they continued.
"No tale like Temcles, though, so brav much strong! Temcles was man, no half man half Tem. Tem hero, love by Temmies. Temcles have big sword, big mooscles. So Temmies know, when Hytemdra came to Temland, Temcles would save. Temcles was sleep at time, but when Hytemdra ate roof, Temcles wok up. Temcles grab huge swrod and use mooscles to trim Hytemdra nales. Hytemdra then super happi and thank Temcles for help. Then Hytemdra left and Temcles went back sleep."
"Temcles didn't kill the Hytemdra?" another student asked, somehow caught up in the story.
"What? No! Temcles no kill, barbric. But Temius Cesar, he make Roman Tempire thru killing. So Tems killed him with Temdrgon. Hav gud pitchur of Temdrgon versuz Temisu Ceszar at shop. Temmies not like killing, but Temdragn no Temmie, so goode."
"Better leedr than Temius Ceasar was King Temthur of Temalot. King Temthur led Temmies against battl with Saxtems. Battle many yrs, many puzzles. All da puzzls. Lots Tems tier after using brain for puzzels, but not King Temthur. King Temthur solves all puzzles and win! Saxtems leave 2 make moar puzzles, but get hungr and die."
"Not all Tem histroy about battle, temms leov art. And no better artest than Temmiardo da Tem. Temmiardo da Tem make gr8 art with craions. Hold twenty crayons, he paint sky blu! And he paint Temona Isa smile cause Temona Isa not happy. Now happi all time, Temona Isa save Tems by sailing oceans to find Inditem. Show Natems temmie flakes and everyone get hoives, but no hungr."
"Didn't Columbus cross the Atlantic Ocean?"
"Columtem? No, Columtem invent spoon, use for eat temmie falkes, so gud. Ah, other inventors, where Temight Brudders. Tembur and Temvlle invent spaceship, fly to Mars get superb temmie flakes, best temmie flakes eveaar. They practiced-"
"Temmie, no one's ever been to Mars-"
"HOI!" and the classroom froze as Temmie's eyes took up her whole face. For a moment, the class thought they broke their substitute teacher. But just when one of them was about to get up and get help, Temmie's eyes shrank back to normal size as they exclaimed, "I'm temmie!" The class released a collective sigh and Temmie continued on.
"So, World War Tem happen, and Tems use spacshep to battle. The Axtems and Altems foute across galaxe. Pew Pue Pw! Hitem use Tembur and Temville to make Tem Star, ulti spaceship, much wow. But, Hitem not kno that Luk Temwalkr and frendz also use spaceship, the Temnium Tem, and eat Tem Star. So delish. With that, Tems free eat temmie flakes and stars."
"Tem liv peece now, temmie flakes and hoives co-xist. Even as war wait, Tems know savr come. Legend pass down, great yearz that heero come. When world darc and Tems live feer, all Temmies know Super Siyan Tem will come sav. Will use temmie flakes get supr strng and eat darknes all up. And then, Tems wil kno no hungrr, just temmie flakes and freedum."
Temmie sat there at the end of their speech, waiting for applause from their audience, but received none. Instead, the students sat there dumbfounded. This was supposed to be math class, not history… But then a courageous student plucked up their nerve to ask the question they had all been wondering.
"Temmie, how did you become a teacher? What college did you go to?"
"Temmie no go to coll lege, no munez. Tem try sell temmie flakes, but eet all flakes and nevr sell. Now temmie tird and hunngr. Nap plz."
With that final statement, Temmie curled up on top of the teacher's desk and took a nap. The mystified students stared at Temmie for a solid thirty seconds before they accepted that it was nap time and went to sleep on their desks. Maybe learning about the rich history of Tem wasn't so bad after all.