-Picks up during New Moon Chapter 18 - The Funeral-
Please do me the honor of a review. -M.
"Are the rest of them coming?" Jacob spit the words at me.
"No, they aren't coming back..." Damn this hole. I wrapped one arm around my waist, praying the flimsy stitches Jacob's presence had sewn there over the last few months would hold.
As he watched my movement, his body visibly slacked. He knew what I was feeling, like he always did. All the tension was gone from him as he took a few steps towards me, tentatively holding out his arms. I bit my lip, moving into his sheltering embrace. His warmth hugged me, my sun. All our angry words seemed ridiculous now. All we had was each other, why did we have to hurt one another like this? He gently laid his cheek on the top of my head, sighing.
"Bella..."
With the exhale, his body seemed to embrace, to fit mine, almost wrapping around me. I looked up at him slowly, taking in the veins in his neck, the power in his jawline, the curve of his lips. His eyes stared into mine, filled with something that looked like longing, mixed with sadness. He brought one hand up to stroke my cheek. His warm touch felt so good, so perfect it made me want to cry. I took his hand in mine, kissed his palm, then wrapped it around my cheek. I felt him take over the motion, slipping it under my chin, pulling my face closer.
My pulse quickened. I knew I wasn't ready to make this decision yet. I loved Jacob, so much that it hurt sometimes, but I was still such a broken mess. How could I really offer myself right now, especially with Alice back? But it felt so right, didn't it? Would it be that hard, to try with him? We were two halves of a whole, he was my Jacob. I closed my eyes, sensing he was an inch away. His lips hit me, I saw red.
The phone rang loudly, making me jump. Jacob reached a long arm back, his eyes boring into mine, the heat coming off of him almost visible.
"Swan residence."
Jacob's features twisted into a scowl, the passion in his eyes replaced by a black emptiness.
"He's at Harry's funeral."
I strained to listen, but the voice in the phone was too quiet to hear.
"No, she's perfectly fine with me." A pause. "Yeah, sure. Bye."
He slammed the phone back onto the cradle, his shoulders heaving with the effort of staying calm. I knew only a select few could have made Jacob that angry. I stared at him, my heart throbbing.
"Jacob, who w-"
"DON'T, BELLA."
The emotions hit me, tearing off the cover of my hole. I wrung my hands on his shirt, clenching my teeth. "WAS. THAT. WHO-"
His fist slammed violently onto the countertop inches from my waist, sending marble shards scattering across the floor and effectively shutting me up. Suddenly Alice was there, crouching in front of my rattled frame. Jacob threw his hands up, his limbs trembling. His eyes pleaded, pain seeping from his being, as he turned, running for the door. Goosebumps covered my body as I watched him go. Once again, I had broken my best friend's heart. My Jacob.
"Mutt." Alice eased her stance, turning to face me. "I heard all of that. No, I wasn't eavesdropping, Dogbreath just has a loud mouth." She sighed and pulled me to one of the chairs, lowering herself into an adjacent seat.
"Bella, I'm having a big problem, and I need you to help me figure out what's wrong." She assessed my features and continued. "When I first walked into the house, I could see you just fine. Now you're gone again. I thought we established that the Dogs were what causing this, so what is the tie between them and your future? I need to know, I need to solve…"
"What, Alice? What did I do to mess everything up that badly?"
Her expression softened then, sadness filling her eyes. She stood up and paced the length of the tiny kitchen, stopping only long enough to mumble something about hoping for another sister. After what felt like hours, she broke the lull, suddenly standing in front of me. She yanked me out of my chair and threw her arms around me. I could feel the pressure squeezing the air from my lungs.
"Alice!" I squeaked.
Her embrace weakened as she whispered in my ear, "Charlie will be home shortly. Bella, I shouldn't have come, and it will only make it worse if I stay."
My stomach dropped. Suddenly I was gasping for breath. Leaving? Again?
"But you just got here! You can't leave! Alice, please stay with me!" My fingers clawed at her back, tears stinging my eyes.
She stroked my hair, hushing me. Once again, I felt like an overgrown doll, only this time I was being put back on the shelf. I swallowed the lump in my throat and made an effort to steady my voice.
"So he was telling the truth. E-Edward. He really doesn't want me." Alice was expressionless.
"I'm so sorry I came. I should have stayed away. You were doing OK, weren't you? I know it was rough, but-"
"Rough?" I felt myself crumbling, collapsing to the floor. Alice smiled sadly at me, knowingly.
"He will take care of you, Bella," she purred, backing away.
This was all wrong. The tears blurred my vision of her graceful exit, of her willowy shape blowing me a kiss. Then the kitchen was empty again, everything stretched maliciously high above me as I hugged my knees. This couldn't be happening again. The edges of the hole seared. The burning crept down my arms and stole into the bends of my legs. It was too much, this pain. I screwed my eyes tight.