A/N Well, here's another Skwisgaar/Toki, just because I guess. This one is a lot less plot oriented than my last one, but I thought the idea was cute and couldn't resist.
Disclaimer: I don't own Metalocalypse.
Hellos, my name ams Skwisgaar Skwigelf, and I ams de owner of an adorasble Norwegian named Tokis Wartooth. Now, this woulds be all wells and goods if de stupids dildo knew dat, but he ams sorts of a dumbass somestimes. Dat ams alright though, he ams will figures it out eventuallies, I will makes sure of its! It will be difficults, but I ams de fastest guitarists in de worlds, ja? I can has anyones I want in mine bed, he ams no exception! Alls I has to does is gets it across to him dat no, he can't 'pals around' with de others guys, because he ams mine, and dat ams dat! Nots too hard. But who to begins with? Theys all has too much contacts with my littles Toki, buts I guesses I shoulds get rids of the one who has de most first. Ors maybe not. Maybes I shoulds eliminate the ones who ams no competitions first, justs to makes sures I cans plan betters for the threats. Ja, ja, dat ams good! I's will have him knowings justs who he belongs to by the end of de week! Nows, all I has to do is try and figures out who ams goings first...
Murderface seems like de most reasonables option, I's suppose. He ams hideous, ands he usually only hangs around Toki when he can gets something out of its. Toki seems to likes him though. He comes like de damns dog, and never protests, plus Murderface ams hads de attractions to him befores. Whats if Murderface ams de competitions? Whats if Toki ams liking de guys like dat? Damn, dat ams disgustings! No way in hells would Tokis want dat, not my Toki! Murderface ams no competition ats all! It'll be reals easy to discourages him, especiallies since he ams always talkings about how he ams not gay, even though he obviously ams. Ja, I gets rid of him easies, no problems! It ams de others dat will be de issue, I t'ink.
I t'ink now I's needs to bes considering Mr. Managers Charleses. Littles Toki ams always so admrings of him, and it pisses me offs. I's am Toki's mentor, so he ams supposed to only looks up to mes! Charles ams nothings compared to me, but sillies Toki ams thinking that he is hims surrogates father or somethings! He ams always givings him de hugs and going to him's office all de times, it ams sickenings! Toki ams supposed to be knowings dat he should tells me what ams botherings him! He amnest needs nobody else! Stupids Charles, thinking he needs to be doings de comfortings and shits when dat ams my job! Toki ams supposed to be closest tos me, because he ams mine! He ams was mine de veries first day he became a parts of Dethklok, and Charles ams not will fucks with dat! I will deals with dat glasses wearing smarts ass right after Murderface.
Abigail ams next. Even after all dat shits with Pickle and Nat'an I t'ink she ams eyesing Toki. I can sees why, of course, littles Toki ams sexies, but if it was just dat I wouldn't be sos annoyed. She ams de lady, and pretties I guesses, sos I can't be sures dat Toki won't falls for her. He ams always talking about how he loves de pretties ladies and de kissings and huggings and stuffs, as though he could actuallies put hims dick in somethings. It ams a ridiculous notions! Tokis couldn't screw de woman if hims life depended ons it! He ams too perfect fors me to fucks nothing, buts just in case I needs to talks to Abigail and make sure she knows dat de only t'ing dat ams ever getting wrapped around hims cock ams mine hand, and when sweets Toki finally realizes dat he ams mine I's gots to make sure he stops with the attempts to fucks her, and de walking around Mordhaus shirtsless. All dese dildos around here amnest needs de extra temptation to steals what ams mine.
Speakings of de stealings, Pickle ams turning into a reals problem. He ams seemings to t'ink dat he ams qualified to give Toki de guitar lessons and shits, it ams fuckings stupids. Toki ams my rhythm guitarists, he plays what I tells him to how I's tell him too, and dat fuckings drunk t'inks he can change dat! He t'inks he can teaches him better den me? As ifs! I ams de best teacher because I ams de best guitarist! He ams just some washed up glams metal star, I ams de real guitarist! Toki must be taughts by me, so dat he can does de best he can! Ands all de time he ams spendings in Pickle's room? It ams needing to stop. I has seen de way Pickle eyes him, he ams practically fuckings drooling! He will find out soons enough dat Toki's ass ams mine, and I does not share. He wills find out dat Toki don't want no alcoholic druggie, he ams want someone what can actually still gets de boner! Damn, Pickle ams not even goings to be allowed in de room with Toki soon, he ams too fuckings attached! All dat friendship bullshit, I's know where he ams goings! I's got news for him though, it ams not de 80's no more, friends don't get to fuck! I's goings to have to make sure dey don't gets drunk together no mores too, who knows what dat old bastard has been doing to Toki's when he won'ts remembers it? Hells, he ams so out of it when he gets drunk or high I's coulds have fucked him overs a hundred times! In de hindsights I probablies should have, honestlies, but stills. It will bes better when he ams sober. Anyways, Pickle ams needings to go. He ams gettings way too close to Toki, and de more I t'ink of it de more I regret my decision to gets de lowest threats out of de way first, even though I ams knowing dat ams de best way.
Nat'an ams de biggest competition. Toki's has always had de 'hero worship' for Nat'an, almost as much as he ams had for me. He ams always hangings around de huge bastard, tryings to get him to plays de videogames, to eats de pickled herring sandwiches, to lets him has de solos... he acts like he ams supposed to act justs around mes. It woulds be funnies if it seemed to bothers Nat'an, but nos, he ams just acts all nice and shits. He amnest even yells at him like he does de rest ofs us! Ja, I's appreciate dat he looks after my littles Toki when I's can't, but it ams fuckings ridiculous! He cans be de bodyguards, likes a super protective Kloksateer, but dat ams it! No pattings him on de heads, no touchings him, no takings him off into de recording studios alone to records some pianos part, none of dat shits! I's am perfectlies capable of listening to hims play de piano, I's am probablies more capables den Nat'an! Sos what if he ams de frontman, I's write all de piano parts! Why ams he needs de perskonals time with Toki? It ams stupids, and it ams needs to get stopped. Alls of it, alls de shits with Murderface, Charles, Abigail, Pickle, Nat'an, alls of it! Toki ams mine, and everyone ams going to finds dat out reals soon! I's finally goings to stake mine claim, and no one ams goings to do nothings about it! Someone ams knockings on mine door now.
"Who ams it," I yelled, nots wanting to be disturbed during my plannings time.
"It ams Toki! I's was coming to tells you me and Murderface ams goings out. He ams havings some Planets Piss stuff he wants help with. I's be back later, ja?" his sweets voice came through the door, and I smirked. How perfects, I could get started sooner den I thoughts!
"Whatevers Toki. Hey, sends Murderface up here when you gets back, alright? I wrotes up some bass shit, and he ams needings to look at it."
"Ja, ja, I does dat. Bye bye, Skwisgaar!" I heard his heavy booted feets stomping down de hall and grinned agains. Ja, just a littles while and he woulds be onlies mine!