Summary: When Castiel, Angel of Thursday, most faithful servant of God (since he was the one who actually went and found him), let himself loose, he turned into a cross dressing wine enthusiast who really really liked Disney movies.
AN: This will be a 'verse of short extracts from Castiel's sabbatical as a human.
1.
"I have bought clothes." Dean looked up from his magazine. Castiel was carrying three full bags and wearing a ladies scarf around his head. Sam trudged in after him with another equally full bag of shoes.
"Hi Sam." Dean drawled.
"Dean." He threw the keys at his brother and watched him catch them with a smirk. "Next time your boyfriend wants to go to the mall, take him yourself."
"Hey- I know your girlish heart loves to shop, I didn't want to rain on your pink and sparkly parade." Sam pulled a face and disappeared into the kitchen.
"Jerk."
"Bitch! And he's not my boyfriend!"
Castiel looked up from where he was rifling through his purchases. "The assistant in the clothing shop believed Sam to be my boyfriend. Why does everyone think I have a boyfriend?"
Dean watched Castiel pull out a pair of highly fashionable ratty jeans that Dean would have chucked in the trash. "Well, you do come off kinda gay Cas- is that a skirt?"
Castiel held up the pleated knee length skirt. "I found it pleasing." Dean just stared at him. Sam wandered in with a mug of coffee and seemed unfazed by the black heals Cas had just pulled out of a shoe box.
"Dude, why'd you let him buy girl clothes?" Sam just looked at him.
"He threatened to have Inias smite me if I didn't let him get the shoes. Apparently if he is to exercise his free will as God intended he needs to not be bound by social prejudices." Dean gazed in slight horror as Castiel pulled out eyeliner.
"Why has he got make up- Sam, what did you do!" Sam shrugged.
"Hey, he's the one with the heavenly credit card. If he wants eyeliner and silk panties, who am I to stop him."
Dean spluttered. "Panties?" His voice went embarrassingly high. Castiel looked up.
"Do not fear Dean, I bought you some too, I know you enjoy their texture against you genitals."
Sam burst out laughing whilst Dean turned bright red. Castiel continued examining his eyeliner.
"Hey Sammy-Sam-Sam, how's things?" Sam took another sip of his coffee.
"Gabriel." Just then Dean decided to storm down the stairs yelling at Cas.
"Cas you are not wearing pantyhose to a bar, are you looking to get gay bashed?!"
"My legs are cold without them, I do not like the cold!"
"That's because you're wearing a freaking skirt!"
"I am exercising my free will!"
Gabriel watched the shouting match with amusement whilst Sam continued to drink his coffee.
"Huh, Cassy's really rocking the free choice then?" He summoned a lollipop into existence and began sucking idly as he watched Dean turn slowly more and more purple when Cas refused to change.
"Yeah. Dean's not big on the cross dressing. He still won't accept that Cas is his boyfriend."
Gabriel snorted. "Poor Deano. I could always lock him and Cas in an alternate reality until Dean realises he wants Cassy's gay rainbow babies." Sam considered this for a moment.
"Nah- I like watching him squirm." Gabriel looked over Sam with new appreciation.
"You know, I find you sexy when you're evil." He pulled off his lollipop with a rather obscene pop.
Cas insisted on the knee high boots as well as the pantyhose and red checked skirt, but at least the boots were flat. It was just unnatural when Cas was taller than him.
That and heals were totally impractical if they were attacked. He did concede to hide a couple of knives in a little thigh sheath he'd found on his shopping trip even if he did argue a gun would ruin the line of the skirt. Seriously, how did his angel turn out so gay? Ever since the apocalypse was vetoed by the man upstairs and Castiel was granted sabbatical for the length of his human life, Cas had decided he wasn't to be told what to do by anyone. And when Castiel, Angel of Thursday, most faithful servant of God (since he was the one who actually went and found him), let himself loose, he turned into a cross dressing wine enthusiast who really really liked Disney movies. Dean could feel his balls visibly shrinking.
He watched Cas study the pool table as if it could tell him the secrets of the world. Somehow he actually managed to pull off the skirt and black boots. It went weirdly well with the shirt and thin tie he wore over his wiry frame. At least he hadn't worn the eyeliner.
A large muscled guy with prison tattoos coating his arm walked up to Cas, bending down to speak in his ear. Dean felt his hand go straight to his gun. Cas however seemed perfectly calm.
"Dean," he called over after the man had finished speaking. "This man wishes to play pool with me. Will you join us and advise me as how to play?" Dean looked at the way prison guy was eyeing up Cas' skirt.
"Yeah Cas, I'll help you play." And stop you getting molested for wearing that stupid skirt.
Prison guy's name was Roy, and Roy was a pretty good pool player who insisted on correcting Cas' hold on the cue by leaning all against his back in a way that made Dean want to gut him, filthy scum rubbing up against his angel. Dean made sure to casually slip an arm around Cas' waist as he admired the shot, sending Roy a warning glare.
Roy, however, wasn't put off. As Cas reached for an awkward shot he caught the guy's eyes tracking the hem of his skirt as it revealed more and more of Cas' smooth, pantyhose clad thigh. Dean went in for evasive action.
Cas frowned as he felt Dean slide up behind him and press against his back. "Nice shot Cas," his voice was lower than normal for some reason. As Cas stood up straight again he felt the skirt rumple against his jeans and tried to fight off the blush as he reached down and smoothed it down again over the back of the angel's legs. The pantyhose were really soft and slippery. Huh.
"Dean, please remove your hands from my thighs, I cannot reach the red ball."
Dean stepped away like he'd been shocked and turned scarlet. Cas proceeded to win the game hands down and Roy apologised to Dean for checking out his boyfriend, even if he was a looker. Dean went and ordered a very manly beer and leered at the woman in the bar with the biggest breasts until her girlfriend walked up and slapped him. Castiel then admonished him for coveting another man's wife, or woman's in this case, and suggested they return home.
As he paid up the bartender told him to buck up and kiss the guy, and if they were ever interested in a threesome here was her number. Dean wandered out of the bar bemused and frustrated. He couldn't even get propositioned without Cas now, stupid angel and his stupid gay vibes.