I've been wanting to write something about this song for a really long time, and I'm kind of sick right now, so I've been laying around since late afternoon, and I finally decided to write this. Kelsey gave me her fabulous help (as always!) and I'm not quite sure how I feel about this piece. Anyway, I'll let you all decide that!
Ooh, this song is Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, and one of my absolute favorites!
Brenda
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
It was impossible for her not to resist his charm. But then again, it was impossible for her not to resist the charm of nearly any man. Brenda had a problem, and it was one that couldn't be easily remedied. There was something inside of her that could never be satisfied; those urges that started deep in the pit of her stomach and surged through her body, they were something that she had tried, many times, to relieve, and though she would succeed for the moment, soon, they had returned.
She wouldn't begin to pretend that she was interested in those few moments of intimacy between her and any given man, or the thought that perhaps one of these men would fall in love with her, sweep her off her feet, and carry her into the sunset. In fact, the only real place she wanted any of those men to take her was the bedroom, and didn't expect him to sweep her off her feet unless it meant pushing her onto the bed.
Most of the men she was with used her for their pleasure, once, maybe twice, and then abandoned her. Corny was different. It was true, he didn't pretend or try to be able to give her any of those things that she didn't want to begin with, but with him, there was a routine, almost a schedule that she knew, and could appreciate.
Neither of them thought much about the routine they'd let themselves fall into, at least not until that dreadful day when she realized that the swollenness and tenderness in her breasts didn't go away. The day she realized that she had gone up a dress size, the day she realized that her life had ended before it had even begun.
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
Although it should have been, telling her parents hadn't been the hardest part. Her mother drank more than necessarily appropriate for a woman of the time, and her father had left town when she'd been four years old. She could barely remember him, and what little she did recall made her happy that he'd decided to do her the favor of abandoning her before she'd had a chance to really get to know him. One of her only memories of him was the smell of tobacco and whiskey, and coincided with a photograph of her wearing a sundress with fingerprint-shaped bruises spanning most of the skin on the top part of her arm.
But no, the hardest part had not been breaking the news to her mother. In fact, she neglected to tell her until it was absolutely necessary. The hardest part had been telling Corny, and not for any emotional reason. Not because she knew he'd be upset, or angry with her, but because she knew that would be the end of their affair. No more kissing, no more sighing, no more sex. No more routine.
And that small seed of nothingness that he had planted inside of her, the one that would grow into the baby she would give up for adoption, interrupted the only constant that Brenda had ever known in her life; the physical love of a man that would never really learn the meaning of love to begin with.
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
Tammy
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
Most people didn't know much about Tammy. She lived her life based on appearances, and while many of them were true, and she was a genuinely happy person, she had her little secrets. Everyone did, after all. She had a good family life; better than most of the council girls. Her mother and father were still married, and seemed to genuinely love one another. She had two younger siblings; a sister and a brother who fought as all siblings do, but also bought each other birthday presents, and confided in one another like friends. Tammy didn't have a serious boyfriend; she was slightly shy, and despite Amber's constant urging for her to get out and socialize, she often preferred to spend the weekends with her family, or curled up in the window seat in her room with one of her favorite books.
Tammy had always been extremely family-oriented, and as a child, had held a close relationship with her favorite cousin, Laura, a girl that had been only a few months older than her. They had grown up together; their families were constantly together, and, in some ways, Laura had been more a sister than a cousin. They had attended grammar school together, spent every weekend at each other's houses. They had braided each other's hair, talked about boys, become teenagers together.
One of the last moments they'd been able to share together had been outside Tammy's house, during Christmas Break in sixth grade. The two girls had bundled up and trudged into the snow. They'd laughed, and thrown snowballs, and made snow angels. It was the last perfect moment between two best friends.
Two days later, Laura was hit by a car on her way to school, and killed.
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
It had taken a long time for Tammy to adjust to the loss of her cousin, and best friend. She had cried relentlessly for months, and ended up barely passing the sixth grade because of the sudden interruption in her life. It hurt so much at first that she could barely stand to think of Laura, or their memories. She refused to accept the loss, and became withdrawn, depressed, and angry. This lasted for nearly a year, and even after Laura's own parents had seemed to accept their only daughter's death, Tammy was inconsolable. Eventually, the hurt began to subside. She could recall her best friend without crying, and could begin to remember all of the amazing times they'd had together.
Life had gotten busy, of course. She'd started to focus on school, and, years later, after she'd started to dance on The Corny Collins Show, she would think of Laura, and would sometimes even admit that Amber slightly resembled her, with light eyes and fair hair. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of her childhood friend, and, after one particularly grueling rehearsal, she pushed her way out of the studio, and blinked for a moment. It was snowing; light, fluffy flakes that drifted from the heavens and landed on the ground, scattered around her feet like leaves.
Tammy allowed herself to stand, arms extended, in the parking lot of the WYZT studio like that. In that moment, in that snow, Laura was there with her. She closed her eyes, and let herself smile.
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
Shelley
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
Shelley was an enigma, even to herself. From the time she'd been a child, she'd always had problems making decisions, and though she usually knew exactly what she wanted, she had difficulty in finding it. She usually met others with anger and hostility, and that wasn't to say it was a lie. She couldn't be overly-happy like Tammy, or overly-slutty like Brenda. She couldn't pretend to desire things she didn't want, and couldn't pretend to look for things that she wasn't interested in finding. She flirted with the boys because it was appropriate, and socially expected of her, and she was nothing if not those things.
She didn't understand what it was about that blonde girl that she couldn't get out of her mind. She didn't understand how, when such a hatred for Amber boiled over inside of her, she still couldn't bring herself to be torn away from her. She didn't understand how Amber's words, Amber's touch, Amber's everything held such power over her. She could dismiss anyone else's insults, or slurs, and though she could pretend to do the same with Amber's, there were only so many times she could pretend to smile when her heart told her to cry. But Shelley did not cry, especially over what she had (or, for that matter, didn't have) with the young Von Tussle girl.
And it became increasingly easier to hide those feelings from Amber, because she'd had so much practice in denying that there was anything between them in the first place. Shelley had become a master at lying to herself, and each time the girl met her eyes, the lies just got harder, and deeper, until her entire existence became one.
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
It was a miracle to Shelley that she hadn't threatened to kill Amber by now. No one could get away with doing as much to the redhead as that girl did, and Shelley always managed to excuse her. They would fight bitterly, and swear hatred to one another, but something always felt differently with her. Perhaps it was the passion in their fights; something that Shelley had never experienced with anyone else.
She found a strange sense of comfort in her relationship with Amber, and the knowledge that she was always there; Amber was the only person that she relished fighting with. If even for a moment, they were so utterly close to one another, Amber's cheeks flushed, and her eyes bright. It was beautiful, to see her like that, and she found infinite joy in that moment, to be so near her, despite the circumstances.
It was hard for Shelley not to grab Amber, press their lips together, and kiss her until both of them were breathless. And yet, somehow, she resisted.
And that feeling of helplessness and complete recklessness that she felt in the presence of the other girl was something that she had never experienced, or admitted to experiencing with Amber herself. And somehow, Amber had pushed past the walls of steel that Shelley had spent her life building, and, for the first time in her life, Shelley let another person in. She had sparked a fire inside of Shelley, one that would eventually teach the redhead to stop following her head, and to start listening to her heart.
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain