A/N: I just couldn't resist a follow up to Tuesday night's episode. My inner muse has kept me busy for the last day or so. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
What? How? Then, it all makes sense. It makes the kind of sense that has her fighting the urge to scream for all the world to hear. Puck. He's the only one who knows any of this. Only because, she was stupid enough to tell him. She was stupid enough to bring her walls down, make herself vulnerable to him. Quinn's not even sure why. All she knows is that it's a mistake. The biggest mistake she's ever made. She barely even knew him, then. Yet somehow, she let it slip. Quinn allowed the most buried part of herself be known to Noah Puckerman. The biggest jerk in school. The town's biggest Lima Loser. How could she have even considered letting it slip?
She's not even sure what the last thing to leave Lauren's mouth actually was. Not that it would matter. Lauren hates her. Which is exactly why, she's done this. The feeling's mutual. More than mutual. Lauren doesn't want to be Queen. She just wants to see her be brought down. And she's doing a damn good job. She's exposed a part of Quinn that no one's supposed to even know about. A part of herself she hates. A part of herself that hurts like the sharpest knife going into multiple layers of a person's flesh.
So ashamed that she went so far as to change her name, her identity and everything she once was. And now, Lauren Zizes has used that against her. She can see nothing beyond the red hot rage that's coursing through her. The student body is nothing but a blur. The laughing though. .. The laughing's too much. Really, that's all she can hear. Every bit of it feels like gunshots aimed right at her. Quinn can feel red hot tears coursing down her cheeks but does nothing to stop them. She has a goal. Get rid of that God forsaken poster.
She's noticed that there's nobody in her way. It's almost like they know how she's going to react. She wants to smile, as it reminds her so much of her days as Head Bitch on Campus. She can't. All she can do is resist the urge to scream amidst all of these stupid people. People who know nothing about her. People she doesn't even know, judging her. Most of them probably don't even know anything beyond her name.
Finally, she sees it. The damn thing's huge. It takes up almost an entire bulletin board. With finely manicured finger nails, she rips it off. She smiles, as her fingers work to make a tear that splits right down her face. Every voice is gone now. Her only focus is the picture, shredding so beautifully. Music to her ears. Once this thing is nothing more than confetti, she'll be Quinn again.
Quinn cries even harder when she realizes what a lie that is. They've all seen it. There's no way in hell they'll vote for her now. Not after this. She'll be seen as a fake, a fraud. A queen is a leader, an example to the student body. Her chances of getting back on top are gone. And it's all his fault.
Quinn's running down the halls now, over-sized poster in hand. She has no idea where it is she's going. She just knows she needs to get away. She needs to hide, before she loses it. With no idea where she's supposed to go, she runs blindly, just letting her feet take her wherever it is they consider it safe enough to shatter.
"Quinn, wait!" Her heart stops. She knows who's called out to her. Quinn knows all too well who's chasing her. Fighting the urge to turn around and pound him, she pushes on. Her mind is racing; her pulse is beating in her throat, harder than she's ever felt it before. Her mind is a whirlwind of thought. Hate, hurt, anger. Every negative emotion a human being can feel. She's picked up too much speed. She can't think, can't feel. It's like all her senses have finally shut down. Somehow, the world around her has been set on a tilt. Quinn lets out a yelp-whimper combination. She knows where she's going now. She's going down and going down hard.
Quinn can't fight the whimper that escapes her lips when she feels her tailbone hit the floor. She goes numb for a minute before the impact finally sets in. She's done this before. She's landed hard after tumbling off the pyramid more times than she can count. It takes her a minute before she's finally able to let herself think again. Really, it takes her a while to hear herself at all. Quinn doesn't realize that she's finally let herself scream. Her scream echoes the halls and it makes her cringe.
Anger bubbles up inside her when his scent assaults her nose. Quinn wants him gone. She wants him long gone. His arms come around her gently. Her first instinct is to throw them off. Throw them off and keep running.
"Don't touch me!" she hears herself growl, arms fighting Puck's much stronger hold on her. Quinn can hear the impact of the punches she's thrown in the way he heaves a breath every now and then. "Don't fucking touch me! Just leave me the hell alone!" Puck's said nothing. He's just made himself comfortable and allowed her to keep throwing accusations at the world. It hurts him more than he cares to share, to see her like this. He hates himself for being half of the reason she's nothing but a mess. There's no taking back what Lauren has done, what he's done to her.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. Watery eyes throw a glare in his direction. Her gaze cuts him like a knife.
"You're not sorry," she seethed. "You did this to me! You have no right to be sorry for anything!" she roars. Again she's built up enough strength to at least stand up. If she's able to stand up, she can walk away. Her knees feel like jelly as they wobble underneath her. Having put all her energy into anger and tears, she loses it, finally having no choice but to come back down. Expecting her weight, Puck hasn't moved.
"I am sorry, Quinn. Sorry that it had to come to this." Quinn's allowed herself to curl into fetal position after finally being able to drag herself to a locker on the opposite side.
"Come to what? Humiliating me in front of the entire school? I don't even know why I told you that! How could I have been so stupid? I trusted you, Puckerman. I have no idea why, but I trusted you! I trusted you with the darkest part of myself. The piece that, not a soul should have known. And you use it against me! I know you're the biggest jerk in the history of the world. I know you find some sick twisted joy in making my life a living hell. But this...I...This is inexcusable!"
"I didn't know what else to do!" he growled. "You wanna win, don't you?"
"Of course I want to win! What kind of question is that? I've been working day and night to take that crown. Now, any chance of that happening is gone. No thanks to you!"
"What the fuck happened to you, Fabray? You're nothing like you used to be."
What? Of course I am!"
No you're not. I have no fucking clue what happened but, you're like the Ice Queen all of a sudden. You're always trying to one up on everybody."
"It's called determination," she snapped.
"No. It's called being a flat out bitch."
"I am not a bitch!" she defended.
"What the happened to you, Quinn? This is nothing like the Quinn I lived with. This is nothing like my baby mama."
"Don't you dare bring her into this!"
"If that's what it takes, I am bringing her into this!" More than angry now, she's finally regained enough strength to pull herself up. She doesn't get far before she feels him grab her roughly by the arm. "You're not walking away this time, Fabray!"
"I am, and there's no way in hell you're going to stop me! Just leave me alone, Noah. I've got enough shit to deal with."
"You're not walking away from me! Not this time. You're gonna talk to me whether you like it or not."
"You're not my father, Puck. Just learn to leave well enough alone!"
"You're right. I'm not your old man. Unlike him, I actually give a damn about you! Turn around, sit down, and talk to me!"
"If you cared about me at all, you wouldn't have spilled my life story for the entire school to see!"
"Why is it such a big freakin' deal for you to wear the damn thing?" he asked seriously. "Winning doesn't mean anything. It's a one night shot at five minutes of fame. I always thought you were so much more than that. The crown is so fuckin' petty. It's all just a shitload of popularity."
"That "shitload of popularity" is the kind of thing I need if I ever want to be on top again."
"Really, Quinn? Is that all you actually care about? You know how fake that is, right?" He scoffed. "You know, it took me till now to see just how much you've changed. The Quinn I knew had goals, dreams. None of them involved winning prom queen. She actually wanted to make something of herself."
"You don't understand," she whispered. "You don't understand anything."
"I understand enough to know that this prom queen shit is so below you. Remember the night we talked about life goals and you told me all about your hopes of becoming some famous architect?" She nodded. "You went on about that stuff for hours. All I did was watch you. You lit up like a Christmas tree. This...Quinn, this is nothing. As stupid as it is, if you wanna win, you gotta win for the right reasons."
"I...I...Puick this is all I have left...I...I don't know what else to do."
"You wanna wear the stupid crown, you gotta stop pretending. You gotta be willing to be yourself. You have to be willing to be Lucy."
"She's gone. There's nothing of her left."
"Oh yes there is. It's all in here," he whispered, placing a gentle hand on her chest. "I've seen her."
"They were embarrassed," she admitted. "When I told them...When I told them about how much I hated my body, the first thing they did was send me to a plastic surgeon. They acted like a check with enough zeroes on it, could solve everything."
"That's bullshit."
"It helped. Gave me some confidence." She has no idea why she's telling him any of this. It might be the fact that he's threatened her, the fact that he's got her cornered. Or maybe, it's the curse of the two of them having lived together. The curse of letting that much of herself be known to him. "Three months later, they took me in for lipo..." she whispered.
"That's straight up stupid! You were what, twelve?" She nodded quietly, not fighting the silent tears that finally crawled down to her lip.
"Can't really blame them," she laughed. "They wanted to keep up this image. They wanted to show the world how flawless a family we were." Puck just rolled his eyes. "When I got back to school, everything changed. The new face gave them a reason to actually like me. They actually noticed me now. Fast-forward to last year and...it all came rushing back. Being outcasted. It hurts the second time. Like someone's reopening old wounds." Puck sighs. He knows that, yet again, the wounds are his fault. "I need this. I can't keep being so invisible..."
"You think that hiding the truth will give you everything you want? In the end, it just comes back to bite you. Hard. You're better than that, Fabray. But again, if you want the stupid thing so much—"
"Why do you keep calling it stupid?"
"Because...I just don't see the point. It's one night. One night, vurses the rest of your life. You have the rest of your life to find people who will take you for exactly who you are."
"I've got no one, Puck. Don't you get that? My parents, this school, everyone's just...slipped away from me. Heck, my boyfriend doesn't even want me anymore."
"Speaking of which; why'd you tell Berry to get a nose job?"
"I didn't tell her to do anything. She wanted it."
"Yeah, but you encouraged it."
"I know what it's like to hate yourself, Puck. I know what it's like to stand in front of a mirror and just...cry. Cry for the person you are and long for the one you want to be. That feeling of knowing that no matter what you do, people are going to run you into the ground. Beth...Beth brought it all back."
"So, you regret having her. You regret being with me." It's more a statement than a question.
"I never said that!"
"You don't have to. I can see it in the way you look at me. The fact that you don't, actually. The way we can't seem to hold a decent conversation. I...I miss that. I miss my Quinn."
"I was never yours," she whispered. Puck closes his eyes. She can tell he's on the verge of yelling at her. "Admit it, Puck. I was never really yours."
"Why'd you sleep with me then?" he asked gruffly. Quinn ducks her head, not exactly ready for another confession.
"I...I don't know. All I know is, I wanted to stop being so perfect, so plastic. I wanted to find a reason for my parents to see that I wasn't their perfect little girl. It...It went too far. Now...Now I've got nothing."
"You're living with your mom again. I personally don't know why you forgave the bitch but, that's your choice."
"Living with her means nothing," she whispered. "She tries, but it's not there. The connection a mother and daughter are supposed to have...It's nonexistent. Home is just a roof over my head." Quinn wants to kick herself harder than ever. Why the hell is she telling him all of this? Why the hell is she spilling everything as if he actually gives a damn? Because he does.
"Do you want to be home?" As much as she fights it, she can't help shaking her head. She doesn't want to be home at all. Home is just a shell. "Why? Why do you keep doing things to please them? You're only hurting yourself."
"I know...I just...I can't lose that part of myself. Not just that. I can't keep disappointing them..."
"Do you ever do anything for Quinn?" She looks up at him, fighting tears. She honestly has no idea when that was. When was the last time she'd done something that didn't fit her parent's perfect plan? Looking him in the eye, (She really has no choice seeing as he's staring right at her, waiting patiently on her answer) she can't help drowning. They've pulled her in. She's drowning in them. More than that, she's forced to face the fact that it's not just his gaze. Quinn's drowning in the deepest pool of her own lies. She's just falling, with no hope of ever reaching the surface. She's falling hard. She's reached a point where absolutely no one can save her.
"I...I...don't know," she lied.
"Liar," he whispered. She raises her brow, a scowl on her lips. "You do know."
"You..." she whispers. He can barely hear her. He smirks.
"What about me?" he asks. He knows where she's going but he needs to hear it.
"You were it, okay? You were my one spot of rebellion. You're the reason I'm in this mess! What the hell do you care? You're dating Lauren. Shouldn't you be helping her?"
"You don't even know why I'm dating Zizes, do you?"
"You like her?" she said sarcastically.
"As a person, yeah. She's one hell of a spit fire. She knows what she wants and she's not changing for anybody. Do you know how long I had to wait to even hold her hand? She's got standards. Standards about as high as the Empire State building. She doesn't wait around for just anybody. She's waiting for the right person. And you know how she's doin' that? She's one hundred percent, Lauren."
"So, go get her," she said tiredly. "I can see how much you want her. Go be her skyscraper or whatever."
"She's not mine to have. She and I both know that."
"Well...I hope you find her one day. I hope you find her and treat her right, because God knows your glory days aren't going to last forever."
"I think I have," he whispered.
"Good for you," she sighed. She doesn't want to admit how much it hurts to hear he's got another girl. Though, she isn't all that surprised. It's Puck. "Can I at least get a name? You know, so I can warn her about you?"
"I think you know her," he smiled. He's not smirking. Puck's actually got a genuine smile across his face.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I think I might have this thing for a chick named, Lucy." He's come up to her to the point where she can feel his breath on her skin. She can't suppress the shiver of pleasure that rides through her system. A hot blush has crawled up her cheeks as she fights the urge to close the gap. Puck can see she's fighting it and smirks. "C'mon babe, you know you want some of this." She shoves him playfully, finally letting a smile sit on her face.
"Always so full of yourself," she mumbled.
"There she is," he whispered.
"Who?"
"My Quinn."
"I'm not yours, Puckerman."
"Oh really?" he challenged. "How 'bout now?" he asked, kissing her quietly. Almost as soon as their lips touch, she shoves him away.
"Finn," she says simply.
"Dammit!"
"I'm not cheating on him again. And I'm not letting you cheat on Lauren."
"I'm not. I broke up with her by the filing cabinet."
"The filing cabinet? Are you serious?"
"Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do to get his girl."
"We're not cheating on Finn."
"I really don't see the point in this. You know he's been making googly eyes at Berry for like, ever."
"Still, there's no excuse. I have to do this right."
"Shit's gonna hit the fan..."
"I know," she sighed.
"How long?" he asked. He keeps the fact that he wants to do more than kiss her right now, to himself.
"Glee," she says.
"I gotta wait that long?"
"You've waited a year. What's another afternoon? He only sighs with a shake of his head. She only smiles, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. Puck takes her hand, letting it weave easily into his. Quinn can't help thinking about how right this feels. She smiles even wider when she realizes that, for once she's doing this for her. The two sit in silence for another two minutes before Quinn reluctantly pulls away. Puck doesn't miss the two second draft he feels as she pulls away.
Standing up, he offers her his hand and helps her to her feet. She brushes his chest and gives a gentle squeeze of his hand. She's walked away hundreds of times before. As she does now, there's something different about it. This time, she's coming back.
"Hold up," he calls. She turns on her heel and smiles. Puck can't help feeling that this is her first genuine smile all year. He takes her in his arms one last time, placing a gentle kiss on her neck. One of her trigger spots, he's learned. He smirks when he feels her tense up. Not only does he know her, but he remembers her body. "I love you, Lucy. Everything about you."
"Call me Lucy again, and I have you castrated," she growled. She smiles when she sees the look of honest fear in his eyes.
"I love you too, Noah," she smirked.
"You know how much I hate that name!" he growled. Though secretly, he likes the way she says it. It sounds...special.
"Payback's a bitch," she whispered.
"Yeah well, so are you!"
"Sometimes, you gotta be a bitch to get stuff done."
"I think I like this bitch," he decides. I think I like her a lot."
A/N: As always, your thoughts and opinions are more than welcome. :)