"You need to talk to someone, Beka. This is getting out of control." Rosto the Piper said, moving around the room gracefully, straightening the knickknacks he had up.
"I do not!" Rebekah Cooper (called Beka by those whom she knew) replied, agitated. "It's just nightmares, Rosto. I don't need any help!" She was sitting at the table in the middle of the room, her head on her arms.
"You do, Beka. Talk to someone! It doesn't even have to be me; you can talk to Aniki, or Kora, or, I don't know, talk to Goodwin for all I care!" Rosto's eyes, usually so light and dancing, were deadly serious.
"You idiot!" She screamed at him, the three weeks of barely any sleep hindering her temper more than she cared to admit. "I don't need to talk. I'm handling it just fine! So back off, Rosto the Piper!" Her eyes were ice, and she was dangerously approaching a numb face.
Rosto knew this, and he knew what happened when Beka got angry, but he pressed on. "What if you die, Beka?" He asked, his voice softer than before, but piercing.
"I won't die, Piper!" She yelled back. "What in Mithros' name makes you think that? Have I not proven myself as a Dog?" Beka was hurt, although she concealed it well.
"You have, Beka, but even the best Dogs make mistakes when they haven't gotten a good night sleep in over three weeks." His tone was soothing, but his face was serious. Rosto did not want her playing with her life.
"I—I have to go, Rosto. My family is expecting me, it's my day off…let me go." These last words were spoken as Rosto reached over and grabbed her arm, her flesh warm beneath the dark blue dress she had donned in the hopes of impressing Lady Teodorie.
"You're coming back for dinner, Beka. All of us, Aniki and Kora, Ersken and Phelan, we're going to have dinner together. Come back for dinner, Beka." He murmured his voice soft.
Beka hesitated at the door, not sure. "I—"the words she had been about to say melted in her mouth at the sight of Rosto's eyes, unusually unguarded. "Of course I will," she promised, before disappearing out the door and into the streets, where she ducked around into a doorway and stood there, cursing her inability to say no to him.
~*~
That night, Beka stumbled into the tavern, exhausted from the day's work—putting on airs and faking a whole personality to make her adopted family still think she was theirs. It was truly hard, and Beka knew that her Lord Gershom saw right through it, but she did it anyway. It was easier than making waves and causing troubles on the few times she got to see them.
Her friends were gathered around the fire, some nursing ale in their hands, others twilsey, talking amiably. Their dinner was at a table behind them, and they were obviously waiting for her.
Beka smiled, glad that after such a long day, she had such wonderful friends. The meal was warm, too.
"Hello, all," she said, her voice soft. The group started, turning around to look at Beka.
Rosto the Piper, in particular, drank in the sight of her. She was looking exceptionally pretty that day, in her dress that matched her eyes, and a blush from the outside air staining her cheeks. Her eyes were soft, softer than he was used to when they looked at him. It would have been a perfect picture, had it not been for the shadows under her eyes that told of the screams that tore from her throat in the dead of the night.
Aniki and Kora nudged each other when they noticed the looks Rosto was giving Beka. Even Ersken and Phelan noticed, and exchanged humor-filled looks. The only one who did not see was Beka, and Rosto, who seemed not to notice he was doing it.
After the greetings, they sat down to eat, and the air was filled with the happy murmur of friends who are comfortable in each other's presence. Ersken took great pleasure in telling the group about his day with his family, and Kora seemed to enjoy the tales of the many, many gixies his sisters "just happened" to run into.
Phelan told them about the rushers he had talked to, mimicking their accents almost perfectly.
Aniki mentioned in passing the woman she had "had a talk with" about the Rogue business and Beka noted how Rosto seemed to tuck this information away for use at a later date.
Eventually, they moved back to the fire, each holding a drink in their hands, except Beka, who was fiddling with her thumbs, and Rosto, who was sharpening a knife.
During a lull in the conversation, after Kora had told her story about a woman who wanted her services as a washerwoman but did not want a mage working her clothes, and could not make up her mind, Beka spoke up.
"They all start the same." At the confused looks around her, she elaborated. "The nightmares. They all start the same way."
The perplexed looks softened into the looks of people who would listen even if it hurt them to, and Beka, taking notice of it, continued on.
"I'm seven, nearly eight. My Ma has a man, a horrible one, who beats her when he finds out she had the lung rot. He beats her so hard, he kills her. Then, he turns on my siblings. I—" her voice faltered, "I try to save them, but he locks me up, ties to a pole in the corner, and makes me watch as he beats them." She broke off, struggling to control herself.
"I have to watch, as he beats them, beats them to death. Then, it's not just them. It's you guys, and Goodwin, and Tunstall, and my Lord and Lady, everyone I care about. And then, it's you, Rosto." Her words were directed at the blond cove, and his dark eyes widened.
"M—me?" He asked, stuttering in a way unlike the King of the Rogue of Corus.
Beka smiled slightly. "Yes, you, you silly spintry. You—you were being beaten, even more cruelly. It was," she shuddered, and tears filled up her eyes. "It was awful. I—your screams echo in my head during the day, too. It's like I can't get away from it. And, and I know that if I can just get free, you'll be okay, you'll live, but I—I can't! And…and you die, all of you, slowly and painfully."
Kora's eyes were welling up, spilling over, and she opened her mouth to say something to Beka, but Beka continued, as if she couldn't stop now that she had started. "Then…" she choked back a sob, "then you all stand up, with your bodies broken, and stare at me, with that look that the dead have, that dead, empty look and you speak…" there was silence as Beka fought to control herself.
"You tell me, 'what kind of Dog are you, can't save your own friends? Can't save your loves?' And it ends…that's what makes me scream. Knowing I failed you." She looked down, struggling to hold in her tears, while her friends looked over her head, sharing horrified glances.
They had known that Beka was having awful nightmares, but not that they were this bad. They had just assumed it had something to do with the Shadow Snake, or with Crookshank. Not even their worst imaginings were this bad.
Aniki was the first to move, followed by Phelan, then Ersken, and finally Kora. They piled onto Beka, giving her hug after hug, smothering her in reassurances that they would never allow that to happen, and that she had better not doubt that. Rosto did not move.
When they moved back a little, Kora, whose quick eyes missed nothing, took in Rosto's unmoving form, and snapped her fingers. "I have an idea!" She announced. "Follow me, you three!" Her sweeping arm took in Ersken, Phelan, and Aniki. They all raced up the stairs, and Beka and Rosto could hear banging in the rooms above.
When they were all gone, Beka chanced a glance at Rosto. His eyes were dark, and cold, staring into the fire. "R-Rosto?" She asked timidly, and startled him.
His head snapped over to her. "Beka," he said, suddenly solemn. "That will never happen, I promise you that."
She smiled faintly. "I know that, now, Rosto. When I'm awake. But…when I'm sleeping, I don't know it. My heart doesn't know it. Gods, Rosto, I can't lose you!" Those words seemed to unlock the floodgates, and tears poured down her face.
Slowly, hesitantly, Rosto reached out and gathered her into his arms. "Ssh, Beka, it will be okay. You will never lose me. Any way you want me—watcher in the dark, friend, lover, Gods be willing—I will be here. I will never leave you, not even if you want me to."
She looked up at him, teary-eyed. "You-you mean it?" She sniffled.
He smiled down at her tenderly. "Of course I mean it, silly gixie. I will always be here for you, love."
She beamed, and Rosto saw the smile that she kept hidden from most. He fell even more in love with her at that moment, but held himself back from kissing her lips, the way he wanted to. Somehow, he knew that even though she had bared her soul to him, she wasn't quite ready for that. But that was okay, he could wait.
Instead, he kissed her forehead tenderly, and then pulled her into his embrace again.
The other four, who had been upstairs, came back down again, holding blankets and pillows. "We," Kora announced gleefully, "are going to all stay down here tonight, so that Beka knows she isn't alone."
"You don't have to," Beka protested, but Kora cut her off.
"Of course we do, you silly gixie!" She said. "What else are friends for?"
Beka smiled, like a sun coming out from behind the clouds. "Okay," she said, acquiescing.
Aniki grinned. "Good," she said, "Because we weren't taking no for an answer! We're here for you, Beka, whether you like it or not. Rosto, play for us while we go to sleep, if you please." Rosto nodded, hiding a grin at Aniki's 'request'.
When they woke up the next morning, Beka and Rosto were tangled together, her head on his chest, sleeping peacefully. There had not been a single scream in the night. All was well in their world once more.
A/N: I know that I don't normally write Terrier fics, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE Beka Cooper, and this one just popped out at me. It's one of the few fics I have written without a particular emphasis on a character, and I would appreciate any and all feedback on what I have written. Thanks so much! And keep an eye out for my next Beka fic!!
Xoxo Jayme