We own nothing! That is all. We simply borrow the characters from time to time for our own pleasure.
Chapter 1
Lord of the what?
"Ow could you get lost Christina!?" Rachel exclaimed, sarcastically. "I mean, we were on the highway". She waved her arms around dramatically, "Now we are in a maudite forest!!" her arms spread out around her "In the middle of nowhere!!"
Christina shot her friend a warning look as she said with even more sarcasm in her own voice. "I don't know! One minute I was driving on ze 401 and ze next minute we ended up here, in ze middle of a goddamn forest!" Christina looked around, asking herself how it was that every single time she had to drive somewhere with Rachel, they always ended up in the most unusual situations. Especially, when their other best friend: Megan gave them directions.
"You know Rachel, maybe none of this would 'ave happened if you ad just asked your father for directions instead of getting zem from Megan" Christina pointed out heatedly. She knew Rachel would peg this on her. And boy was she right. "You know what Christina!" Rachel spat. //Here it comes// Christina thought //Once again I'm going to be blamed for everything, because I was ze one behind ze wheel...// "None of zis would 'ave happened if you would 'ave just told me to get directions from my dad". Rachel hissed. "Besides, -you- were ze one driving behind ze wheel if I recall".
Christina rolled her eyes at her beloved friend before she replied, "Ok, that's it I 'ave 'ad it!" she stomped her foot quite childishly and crossed her arms over her chest. "First of all I do remember stating quite clearly DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT, get directions from Megan, and second of all, ze reason I was driving was because we switched halfway through ze trip!" She snapped back. Rachel trembled and her amber eyes narrowed.
"You know WHAT!? You were ze one who called Megs!! Last night, -remember- ? I was ze one who said 'let's ask my Dad'! And second of all, you WANTED to drive second!" she growled. "And now look at us!" she waved her arms again, "we're lost, in a god damn FOREST! We are surrounded by TREES!! How do you explain THAT!? How, the hell, can you blame zis on me??"
"Là, là je suis en maudit, estie de tanante! That's it, I've had it up to here, with you, you annoying prat!, zis happens every single time. C'est pas moi qui a eu l'idée géniale de conduire d'Ottawa en une maudite journée pour voir un film à Hamilton, un FILM maudit ! " I'm not the one who had the great idea to drive from Ottawa to Hamilton for a movie, a MOVIE damn it!
" FERME LA! Juste ferme la! Maudite merde j'suis bon ben tanné de tes excuses Christina! Tu étais aussi contente de voir un film que moé! " SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! God damnit, I'm tired of your excuses, you wanted to see the movie too! Rachel stomped her foot childishly as well. "You know what? I've also had it up to here with this nonsense! It's OUR fault Maudit and we have to find a way out of-" "Ma faute? Oh non, c'est ta-" my fault? Oh no, it's your fault- Before Christina could finish, all of Rachel's pent up frustration and anger made her lunge, sending both girls to the ground. Rachel sat on her friends' stomach, pinning her hands to the side angrily. "Christina! Pour l'amour du ptit bébé jésus arrête! " Christina for the love of the baby Jesus stop!
"FINE! It's our fault!" Christina sighed, and made to push Rachel off when her friend tensed up and froze. "One more movement and an arrow will be released into your back, mortal". A strict, yet melodic voice threatened from behind the two girls. Rachel squeaked as she felt something sharp pressed into the hollow of her back. "Christina?" Rachel whispered, fear lining her voice. Her wide eyes fixed on her friends, than widened further as she looked around them.
They were surrounded.
All around them were blond haired, pointy-eared men wearing green and silver tights. "Is zis some kind of messed up Robin Hood convention?" Christina muttered and made to move once more, but stopped as Rachel let out a pained gasp as the arrowhead was pressed further against her back. "Do not move, mortal, less you wish for your friend to lose her life." The voice snapped once more. "Mortal? Just who do you think you are? You pointy eared freak!!" Christina snapped. "Haldir of Lorien, trespasser, and I suggest you heed my warning and not speak another word". "Chris, juste fait ce qu'il dit ok?"do what he says, ok? "J'pense pas que c'est une joke." I don't think it's a joke, Rachel whispered, closing her eyes.
"What are you two whispering about?" Haldir hissed, narrowing his eyes. "I thought you just told me not to speak, now you're telling us to speak, make up your damn mind!" Christina snapped once more, much to Rachel's annoyance. Haldir glared down at her with a sharp motion of his head. He pursed his lips and through clenched teeth, ordered. "Get up. Tell us what you are doing in our woods, in -that-" he motioned to the car, "before I decide your fate".
Rachel sighed and relaxed her tense position as the arrow was removed from behind her. Slowly, the two girls got up, dusted their pants off, and wearily looked at Haldir as the arrows returned, directing themselves at both girls hearts instead of just Rachels'. "Now" Haldir began, and narrowed his piercing blue eyes dangerously, "why are you here and what is that -thing-?" Rachel cast a sharp glance at Christina who had opened her mouth, and shook her head. "Laisse moi parler, ok?" Let me talk, ok? Christina nodded, and turned to glare at the nearest elf, he just glared right back. It was funny really, a glaring contest in the middle of middle earth between human and elf, female and male, mortal and immortal, bravery and…well...Rachel just decided to ignore her friend for the moment.
"My name is Rachel and my friend is Christina, we are simple travelers who mistakenly wandered into this forest. Forgive our rude behavior my lord, but we are very scared and meant no insult". She motioned to her car. "This is our caravan, in which we travelled, it comes from far away". She finished, bowing her head. "Il croit cette merde?" He believes that bullshit? "Oui, si tu ferme ta bouche!" Yeah, if you shut your trap Rachel snapped, lifting her head to glare at her. The elves gave each of them a questioning look as Haldir slowly put down his bow.
"I see". He nodded towards the other elves, who immediately put down their own weapons. "If ever you should cross these borders again, the punishment will not be lenient." //Haldir?// Galadriel's voice whispered in the march warden's head //I would like you to escort the two young mortals to me immediately// With an odd, sharp motion of his head, the bow and arrows were back, where they were placed previously, straight at the girls hearts. Rachel then glanced around uneasily at the stone looks that had reappeared on all of the elves face's and shuddered.
They glanced at their leader for instructions.
"What ze 'ell!? You just zaid we could go!" Christina snapped angrily, her eyes darkening. Rachel sent her a warning look and placed a hand on Christina's shoulder. "Arrête, avant qu'ils nous tuent..." stop it, before they kill us.
As they slowly neared the entrance to Lothlórien, Christina turned around and held the arrow, which had been at her back, in the palm of her hand. She grit, her teeth and cast an angered look towards the calm and collected Haldir. "Haldir...right? Would you stop poking me with that thing!" Rachel, who had been walking behind Haldir, began to laugh a little. Haldir, irritated, sneered, "keep moving you filthy little mortal!"
Rachel gasped out loud as Christina's eyes flashed in anger. "Why you". "Christina!" Rachel's voice held a tight edge to it, "non". She finished warningly, shaking her head. Christina bit the inside of her cheek and clenched her right hand. Haldir pulled the arrow away and pushed her shoulder, forcing her to turn once more. "Move". He snapped, pressing the tip once more into the hollow of her back.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
A while, later.
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No!"
"Are we there yet?"
"No!!"
"Are we there yet?"
"NO."
"Are we there yet?"
"NO!"
"Are we there yet?"
"NO!!"
"Are we-"
"If you finish that sentence, I'll finish your life."
"Merde" Christina pouted as Rachel shook her head exasperatedly.
xoxoxoxox
Another while later.
"That's it! I've ad about enough of this! STOP POKING ME!" Christina yelled, frustrated. Rachel could be heard laughing in the background. Haldir once again sneered, "I was never requested to bring you back alive mortal".
Christina's eyes got big and she bit her lip, dropping to the ground, hands clasped. "Please! Don't kill me, I'm French! I'm so sorry, I'll be good!" she pleaded as Haldir smirked. "Christina, for the love of god, - get up-. If he had been ordered to kill us, we would be dead by now. Obviously Lady Galadriel wants to see us alive." Christina got up and dusted off her jeans as she sent Haldir a nasty look.
Rachel turned to the March Warden, sighing, "Would you stop picking on her?" She asked, aggravated. "Would you rather I picked on you?" Haldir asked, looking down at her. Rachel gave him a slow once over and lifted an eyebrow, "perhaps".
A dull stain of red appeared on his cheeks as Rachel grinned, her eyes twinkling.
Haldir quickly turned on his heels and pointed the arrow at Christina's back once more. "Move" He snapped. As soon as they had started walking Christina started sighing tiredly, "Rachel, he's doing it again". The three elves that had been guarding Rachel started snickering. Rachel rolled her eyes and muttered out loud to Christina. "Consider yourself lucky Lina, I've got three things digging into my back."
Haldir looked over at the elves as Rachel grinned, "their getting' frisky back here." The elves jaws dropped as Haldir looked on with wide eyes at Rachel. "Is it a -bad- pain or a -good- pain?" She asked Rachel. Rachel turned to the elves behind her and asked, "What do you think boys? Is it a -bad- pain or a -good- pain?" she finished in a drawl. The three elves began to blush as they shook their heads. "Have you no shame?" Haldir asked, glaring at them.
Rachel turned to Christina "I don't know Christina, do we have shame?" Christina shook her head to the side as she said happily, "I don't know, I think we left that somewhere around Kingston, that or our society has corrupted us." She finished as Lothlórien came into view.
"Looks like we're here" Christina whispered as she gazed in awe. Rachel smiled and snapped her fingers in the air, making a pose as she said theatrically. "Take us to your leader".