Okay so here you go tell me what you think I hope you like it R&R
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Mayura looked at her older brother with a pleading look, "please, please, please, please, please, please!"
"Fine" he said throwing up his hands, "I'll take you but you can't tell anyone, and you have to wear a cloak."
Mayura looked pleased "Okay let's go now!"
The two of them jumped down from their cloudy home and fell almost seven-hundred feet until they landed in the city of Uru'baen.
The city was dark, everyone was asleep and the shops were closed. Mayura marveled at the shops they were so different from everything in Nimbus City.
She walked around for a while with her brother right behind her. She climbed up the side of a small house and sat on the thatched roof. Her brother climbed up after her and sat down looking at the world around them.
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Murtagh trudged along the street and as he passed by the last shop on the street he noticed something, there was a little girl and a boy sitting on the roof of the house next to it.
He looked at them and was about to shout to them when the girls cloak fell back revealing in the moonlight pointed ears and an angled face.
Murtagh gasped and slipped into the shadows as the elves turned to face him. However they didn't see him and continued to relax on the roof.
Murtagh turned around and as quickly as he could without making any noise ran back to the palace. When he got there he went straight to the throne room and as always the doors opened on their own. Inside was Galbatorix sitting on his throne.
He was dressed all in black with black gloves and a black cape. Shruiken sat behind him his wings looking like large black drapes. The king had a pale white sword with a pale stone on the end of the hilt in his lap and he looked at Murtagh as he came in.
Murtagh caught his breath and then said as politely as he could, "My lord there are elves in the city I saw them as I walked to the horses outer stables to fetch some extra saddles."
Galbatorix looked surprised which was something new for Murtagh and said, "bring me to them now… how many are there?"
"There are only two and they are past the last shop on red stone road."
Galbatorix stood up and walked down from his throne, "Bring me to them now Murtagh."
Murtagh had to jog to keep up with the king's long stride but he led him through the city to where he had seen the elves.
The girl elf was still there but he didn't see the other one. He heard Galbatorix mutter something under his breath and all of a sudden the girl elf yelped and fell to the ground.
He heard someone run toward them a second later and the other elf appeared. He drew his sword and attacked Galbatorix.
Galbatorix smiled and told Murtagh to get the girl elf then focused on avoiding getting cut to pieces by the other elves sword.
Murtagh looked at the girl who had stood up and looked worriedly at the other elf. The other elf disengaged briefly from Galbatorix and yelled at her to get out. Then went back to fighting Galbatorix.
She shook her head and yelled that she wasn't leaving without him. He responded by yelling at her to get out now or he would lock her in her room for two years.
She looked like she was on the verge of tears but turned and ran down the street. Murtagh raced after her as fast as he could and followed her down an alley way. It was a dead end and she whipped around but stopped when she saw him.
She watched him warily then muttered something he couldn't hear.
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Mayura watched the boy who had cornered her in an alley. She couldn't fly away with her wings because then he would see. The firen race was top secret and they were not allowed to let anyone know that they were not elves as everyone believed.
She cast a spell under her breath to transport her brother back to their home and the sudden lack of strength almost made her faint.
Mayura leaned against the wall of the alley and watched as the king Galbatorix came down the alley way. He said something but she was so tired that she couldn't make it out. She started to collapse and felt arms grab her.
She fell unconscious just as they started to carry her away.
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Galbatorix looked at the young elf laying on the prison bed. She had already been drugged and he had cast a scrying spell to find the male elf. It had revealed him talking to someone but it was somewhere he had not seen before and to someone he had not met so he couldn't see where he was.
The girl had not yet woken up and he had had to feed her strength to stop her from dying. He had tried to search her mind but her mind was well protected and he had decided to wait until she woke up to question her.
She stirred a little and then opened her eyes. She started to blink rapidly so that her eyes could adjust to the light. She sat up a little and looked at him with curious eyes.
She looked a little bit afraid but more curious to him. He studied her as she looked around the prison cell.
She had a petite figure and didn't look any older than ten, perhaps younger. Like all elves she had pointed ears and an angular face. Her eyes were dark blue, and filled with curiosity.
He noticed a few scars on her wrist but didn't think much of it.
He waited for her to turn her attention to him and when she did she asked him "what are you going to do to me?"
He answered with a voice like silk, "that depends on how willing you are to answer my questions."
She replied, "That depends on the question."
He spoke in the ancient language and said, "You are an elf correct?"
"I am like an elf yes."
Galbatorix noticed how she had avoided the question so asked her more directly "Are you an elf, yes or no."
She looked at him with a scared look on her face and finally replied in a small voice "no"
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So what do you think some of the characters might be a little different then you expected. Their ages are slightly confusing so here they are:
Murtagh=13
Eragon (would be) =10
The boy= 14
And some facts about the Firen (the girl and boys race):
They can summon wings to fly
They live in the clouds
No one except for the first Eragon knows of their existence
They look a lot like elves
There are complex social levels among them
Mayura is really high in the social levels and so is her brother so they are really sheltered and this was her first time going to the ground
Her brother is "slightly" over protected
Tell me what you think Read it and Review it, please.