This is only my second attempt at writing a fanfic, so attempted murder is not appreciated!
Warning: Cussing, mention of death, skankiness, and a pedophile ahead(no touching or rape, perverts). Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Oxford Dictionary, Madagacar, Old Spice, I Like to Move It(though I do sing it a lot), or anything else besides the OC's in this.
There are three rules I've made for myself. As long as I follow them, I can be sure to succeed.
1) Always carry a copy of the Oxford Dictionary with you – It can be used to bash brains in.
2)Little girls with cute faces are invariably evil. Invariably.
3) Never, EVER, under any circumstances, drive when Noah's Flood is being recreated. Your parents will die in a car crash and you'll be sent to Konoha to live with your Aunt.
My dictionary has been confiscated.
I'm living with the most adorable little girl ever born.
#3 happened. Need I say more?
My name is Inuyoshi Umeko. Umeko translates as 'Plum Blossom Child'. 'Inu' means dog, and 'yoshi' means good. So Inuyoshi translates to 'good dog'.
Woof-woof.
I'm currently living with good ol' Aunt Hitomi in Konohagakure, a nice 'family' town. And guess what? It's my first year of high school! In a new town! In a new school! Hell, in a new life!
Auntie happens to have two other kids living with her. Foster care. Bringing unfortunates together since…Whenever the heck it was invented.
The first one, Chouko(means butterfly - go figure), happens to be about six, and an early bird.
"Nee-chan, nee-chan!" Why am I moving? It's not like my bed suddenly developed the desire to fly, has it?
And who's shrieking in my ear?
"Oomph," I mumble, shoving one hand out to whack the 'someone' bouncing on my bed, hard.
"Whaa!" The tiny kid is propelled away from me, and promptly starts screaming, "Nee-chan hit me! Nee-chan hit me!" I manage to get my glasses on in time to see the back of a brunette head disappearing through my door.
"Good riddance."
"You're such a meanie, nee-chan!" Chouko possesses superhuman hearing. Maybe she's a demon after all…
Well, thanks to Little Miss Shrill-Voice, I can't go back to sleep. Might as well get up.
Rumpled little me gets out of bed very gracefully.
No, I was not tangled in sheets, and ended up falling flat on my face.
No, I did not cuss under my breath and proceed to stumble to the bathroom.
No, I did not walk into a wall because my eyes were closed. On the contrary, I was as graceful as…as…A ballerina! Yep, that's me, the chic in a tutu!
Okay, so ballerina was a bad example.
A voice intrudes on my whimpering and self-pity after I do not walk into a wall.
"What's the point in wearing glasses if you're eyes aren't open?"
"Shut it, Emo!" That was the other foster kid, Satoshi. For those that don't know, Satoshi means 'clear-thinking', 'quick-witted', 'wise'…
Just about everything I'm not.
"'Shut it, Emo'?" he asks, one eyebrow vanishing in his mess of black hair. "The depth and reasoning behind your statements never fails to make me doubt your intellectual status."
I mean, heck, I'm pretty dang smart, but I'm definitely no Satoshi.
There is, however, one awesome part of his name.
"I don't have to take crap from you, Wise Guy," I snap, dancing into the bathroom and slamming the door.
Hah! You get it? Cause his name means smart, and he's a genius, and…Yeah, I'll shut up now.
Satoshi never can come up with a comeback for Wise Guy (partly because I never give him the chance). I win!
So maybe the triumphant, "Boo-yah!" was a bit unnecessary, but he left me alone, and I got to shower, so I count it as a success.
I poked my head out of the bathroom, looking left and right. No-one there…
Ninja time.
See, all I had on was a towel, and while some lucky people don't have to worry about being too revealing in those fluffy white things, I happen to have a chest.
Not as cool as you'd think.
Concentrate, Ume! Tip-toe, come on, you are a ninja! Move it, move it, mo-! Hey! I like to move it, move it! He like to move it, move it! She like to move it, move it! We like to, MOVE IT!
Concentrate!
"Why, hello there, Ume-chan!" Freeze time.
Crap.
I turn my head slowly, watching the sick, twisted jack-ass leaning casually against the wall. Enter Auntie's boyfriend.
"Uh… Hi?" It comes out as a question, but heck, you try getting caught in a skimpy towel by your perverted, pedo-…relative of a sort. It will creep the hell outta you too.
"'Hi' indeed, Ume-chan. So, it's your first day if high school, huh?" He's moving closer – Too close for comfort. So, I take a step back. He keeps coming. I keep my mouth shut – Screaming for help would mean admitting defeat, which I never do.
"Tell me, Ume-chan, do you finally have a boyfriend? 'Cause if so, I'm installing cameras in your room. Might get to see a little somethi-"
For the record, I didn't cry, or scream, or faint, or punch him in the face. No, I just kicked him where it counts and got my sorry butt to my room.
Why don't I call child protective services on his ass? Because I'm a stubborn bitch, who doesn't know how to accept help, that's why.
Twenty minutes and a lot of grief later, I'm on my way school, dressed in a white blouse-type vest, ripped jeans, and an untied black tie (no uniform – Boo-yah!). My dark green eyes were glinting behind…You know those glasses the 'evil, smart, and calm' anime/manga dude always wears? Yeah. I have those glasses too. Pretty cool, huh? My blondie gene seems to be acting up, since my now-dried long hair is shining brightly and boldly.
But nowhere near as boldly as that kid across the street.
The first thing that crosses my mind is, "Pink hair." Bright, bubblegum pink. No way that's natural! Said hair is also very short, and tied back with a strip of bright red ribbon.
The second thing that crosses my mind is, "Pink outfit." More of a magenta/hot pink than her hair. Low cut, well-fitting tank top and short denim shorts, with burn-your-eyes-neon boots and white hoop earrings.
Apparently, my surprised whistle drew her attention, 'cause she turns around. One look at my sky-rocketing eyebrows and mocking grin is enough to make her scowl.
"You got a problem?" she yells, raising one fist threateningly. My grin widens a bit.
"No way, boo-boo. Just think my eyes might be watering…" I raise one hand in a 'shield my face' gesture, and bust out laughing at the look on her face. "I mean, seriously, who are you trying to impress?"
That sobers her up a bit. A pink tinge creeps over her cheeks, and I stop laughing abruptly, jerking upright.
"Wait a chicken-wing-flappin' minute! You mean to tell me you're actually dressing like that to try to impress a guy?" My jaw is somewhere around my stomach region.
"Why the hell shouldn't I be?" Pinkie's looking defensive. Oh boy.
"You look like a slut!"
"No, I mean, why shouldn't I be trying to impress a guy? I like him, okay! Not your problem!" My head shakes incredulously. How the hell does she not know this?
"We've both got ovaries and vajay-jays, right boo-boo? Well, as a fellow female, it is my business, dammit! Guys should be trying to impress us, not the other way around! Try playing hard to get for once!" Hasn't anyone told her this before? According to her sudden thoughtful expression, a giant, shrieking 'NO!' is called for. I'm frankly stunned when she crosses the street and walks next to me. A fellow bearer of ovaries. Voluntarily walking next to moi.
I think hell just froze over.
Then she's offering me her hand, awkward flush from our conversation lingering, but her green eyes are blazing.
"Haruno Sakura." I watch her face cautiously. Then I look at her hand. Her face. Now her hand. Now back to her face. Now back to her hand. Now back to her face.
Old Spice moment, anyone?
Finally, I carefully – Oh, so carefully – take her hand and give it a firm shake. Surprisingly, our friend the pink ska-I mean, Sakura-has a strong grip. Now that she's closer, I can see the muscles in her arms.
"Inuyoshi Umeko." She sniggers. Joy to the world. At least she has the decency to try to hide it.
We walk a few more minutes in silence.
"Say, Sakura-chan, have you ever considered boxing?"
"WHAAAT? No way, then Sasuke-kun would never like me!"
"Oh, so his name's Sasuke, huh?"
"SHUT UP!"
So, what'cha think? Reviews, suggestions, and general stuffs are very much appreciated.
Sorry about the slow start, I couldn't resist including her messd-up "family." Yes, pedo will be dealt with a bit further on. For now, he's helping me keep Ume from being a total Mary Sue. He's there for you to hate him, so go ahead.
More will be added(hoefully) soon. Spread the word, ma peeps!
P.S. Boo-boo is an affectionate term(used sarcastically in this case) that I stole from my old gym teacher. Vajay-jays was another fave of hers. *sniggers*