I am a sick minded person that has had a load of sugar. I love you. :D

Dear reader, my gorgeous sweetie pie, my dear, my kitten, my orange space captain with feathery shins: You are eider lolling or going 'WHAT?'. But for those who are wild, open minded, random or a orange space captain with feathery shins I write this random list for your amusement, and randomness.
Firstly lets start this off with a nice little story line to make this an actual story:

The space captain lifted his orange head up from his pillow and looked around his flat wearily. It was dark, no one was awake, the city around him slept. He stretched his toned body and padded out of the bedroom into the kitchen to get himself a little snack from the fridge. As he drank his milk a thought popped into the captain's mind, his elegant features twisted into a daintily frown. What if... He shuffled his orange wings and padded back into his bedroom with a smile that we could all describe as 'seductive' on his humanoid face.

He slipped into bed and pulled his laptop from his bedside table onto his lap. After deleting all of the 500 daily emails form his fan-girls (he was considered very attractive, at the younger age of 250 (about 25 in human years (lol a bracket inside a bracket) so yeah, he was considered ravishing.)) he logged onto his very old fiction story account that he abandoned when he was 150 (15 you noob). He smiled again as he opened a new document and started writing:

The super evil plan of how to do a grox

What is a grox?
A grox is a cute little creature that lives near the centre of the galaxy. They are red and small and have bionic implants one one side of their body. They hate other races and will shout out little cute phrases like 'EXTERMINATE!' and 'RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!' and proceed to kill you.

I'm not sure why you would want to do one but yeah... you go do that.

WARNING! ALL GROX HAVE AN ATTRACTION TO BOTH MALES AND FEMALES! SO BE PREPARED!

What you shall need:

1) A space ship.
2)Super space captain training. (Don't ask me what that is, I seriously don't know.)
3) A universal translator.
4) A pie.
5)A pet carrier.
6) A piece of string.
7) A grox disguise.
8) A stick, with a sharp tip would be recommended.
9) A fully functional brain.
10) A pack of red bulls.
11) A teleport.
12) A gun.
13) Central heating.
14) A sexual attraction to cute red cat-like creatures.
15) Anything else you might want: a rope, a whip or anything else you want to take you little sicko. XD

Your disguise : Your disguise depends on what type of grox you would like to do. You can simply spray paint yourself, it will make you more grox-like.

Shades of red: You must be aware that the shade of red you use will highly affect your chances of getting it on with your desired grox.

Light red: This wimpy shade is the sign of a young or a submissive grox. Light red will mostly attract very dominant groxes, it is a great combination with cream markings giving you an image of a helpless princess/prince. The bad side of this is that you would attract very dominant grox, that will get rough. And that will hurt, unless that is what you want. This shade can also attract other young grox, and mostly grox of the same sex.

Normal red: It is a regular color red or 'crimson'. The grox find this color most arousing, but it dosn't attract any royalty, unless you have cream markings. If you are interested in nothing more than a good time that is a good color to choose since you will be treated like any other grox in bed. But you still may be approached by some dominant grox. So beware. This shade also attracts grox of the same sex.

Dark red: It is mostly the colour of very mean and dominant grox. You will get a load of attention from the ladies with this particular only problem is that you will have a load of competition from other grox, usually male. This may lead to violent groxing which is not as erotic as it sounds.

Other colourings: Besides the red there are other colours that your grox lover will be affected by. These also include the places that you find them in.

Stripes: Stripes are the general pattern that the grox will have it is recommended to use stripes. As you will not be noticed by the dominant groxes that quickly. Stripes also represent the animal-like aspect of your nature so you will get more attention from 'wild' grox. The more stripes you have the more ravishing you look. But I wouldn't cover myself in them since you don't want to look like a whore do you?

Cream: The colour not the substance, that 'cream' comes later. This color is only to be used by the royalty of the grox. And the royalty are the most horny or 'fruitful' of all grox. It can be mixed with dark red to make you look like a important high-ranked, mean grox. But beware, using this colour will make you seem really horny and before you know it you will be in a closet with the emperor/empress. The creamier you are the more high-class you seem. BONUS! You can try to persuade other high ranked grox into obeying you!

Siamese: This marking is the most seductive, exotic , and erotic to all grox. EVERYONE will launch themselves at you when you walk into the room. But this marking is extremely rare, and it will attract a load of questions thus making you talk. So it is recommended only to experts at this type of thing. Don't know what to do or you'll become the victim off violent groxing.

Types of grox One of the most important things you need to know is the grox that you want to do. So pick wisely.

Royalty: These grox consist of the high generals, scientists, dictators and so on... but NOT the royal family. They are most horny and evil out of all of the grox (except for the royal family). The male grox are usually the most dominant, being very needy and lustful they get who ever they want, when they want. The females are similar, being in a never ending conflict with the male population of the empire about who will rule the mattress. There are load of willing and submissive grox like that as well, but that dosn't mean that they aren't evil.

The slightly lower class: These include all of the other grox. They are sightly less horny but still reproduce quickly. It takes less effort to bed one, but it isn't really different...
I'm not really sure why I divided the grox into these two groups. They are all really evil...

The Royal Family: These grox are at the very top of the sex food-chain of the empire. A little is known about them. It is hard to bed them too, they might let you watch. And with a stroke of luck they might let you join in but that's it. Or they might preform violent groxing on you.

Talking to a groxYou know when the Indians have like 30 words for 'green'? The grox have 40000 ways of saying 'lets get it on'. Here are some doos and don'ts.

DO- Be racist to everything that's not grox and mix it in with your conversation like 'I do believe we could use more grox on protecting the core.' smile and raise your eyebrows and it will work.
Try to comment on the grox's appearance for example 'Your eyes are as bright as the lazor I used to BLAST THOSE LOWLY LIFE FORMS OUT OF HERE!'
When approached by a dominant grox just nod and say 'yes miss' or 'yes sir' to avoid violent groxing.
DON'T- Be nice to other races.
Reval your true race.
Be non-grox.
Be un-horny
Be straight forward like 'Lets have sex!' Which will lead to violent groxing.

CompetitionThis will be an issue to you since other dominant grox also want love! The key is to violently grox them or they might violently grox you. The whole point is to display your horniness in the most horny way so they would get away.

Now on to the actual plan:

1)Fly to the nearest grox colony, or make it straight for the home-world.
2)Say something like 'I've been abducted and I stole this ship.'
3) When you're there you better start groxing, or they will guess that your not a grox. Or it might lead to violent groxing.

Plan 2- what did you think the pie was for?

1) Repeat steps 1 to 2 in the plan above.
2)Go into the grox ship/house/plaza/office/laboratory/whorehouse/bathroom.
3) Do it sneakily or it may lead to violent groxing
4)Set the pet carrier in a chosen spot and place the pie inside.
5)Tie a string to the door and wait beaching a corner.
6)When a grox goes in to eat the pie you pull the string, thus trapping him/her inside.
7)Teleport back to your ship or you will be treated by violent groxing.
8)Poke the grox with the stick until it agrees to ''copulate' with you.

This may not work since the grox aren't that stupid and they don't always feel like pie so I would stick to plan 1, you will also be violently groxed afterwards.

Groxing the grox So you have managed to spray paint yourself correctly, mastered the grox language and fended off all competition. You are moments from 'copulating.'

There are many fun positions you can try! Like groxystyle, grox-on-top, grox-n-roll and the all popular groxing-the-grox. Your grox partner is sure to provide a fun-filled evening. Who knows? You may also want to swap numbers at the end, there is nothing more precious than a relationship with a grox. That's what they say.
Grox also have a high libido and can orgasm multiple times, and it takes 2 to 10 hours for them to finish off. If it dosn't suit you than you will fall prey to violent groxing.

Health and Safety

Protection is to be worn at all times, no matter how cute the grox is. Their orgasmic fluids can reach dangerously high temperatures. No protection can also lead to pregnancy, no matter what gender you are or what gender the grox is. You will then give birth to a baby grox that will be so cute that you will bring him back to the grox. You will then be violently groxedand impregnated again, and the cycle will repeat...

Facts that you might want to know:

Do you know that Violent groxing only sounds funny when its not happening to you? Its funny afterwards too.

Some parts of a grox can vibrate

A grox copulates up to twenty times a day

A grox can copulate when sleeping

A grox purrs when aroused

All grox have an explosion fetish

All grox get aroused by the smell of cinamon, even through they have no noses.

No one has ever had any luck with the Royal Family...

I hope that you will use this information wisley. Good luck.

The captain yawned again, his eyelids closing. That was stupid, he thourght with a slight smile as he put his laptop away. He yawned again lay down on his side and fell asleep. He wascomplatley unaware of someone waching him from the corner of the room...
'Teehee' Giggled the fangirl.

Flame me, I double dick dare you.