Wash stared at the screen, her heart twisting painfully. This time it was a demand for less Terra Novan soldiers to be in the field. This wasn't an unusual demand, but it made Wash think about Reynolds, who was in charge of the last unit that was attacked by the Sixers. He was young, had so much talent, and he was so happy now that he had Maddy Shannon as his girlfriend. He almost got killed.

Because of her, of course. And it wasn't even the first time.

Methodically, Wash entered her reply and saved it to the chip.

I'll see what I can do.

She wouldn't, though. Because she loved Terra Nova too much to leave it defenseless. Mira was probably just sending her this message because Lucas demanded it, not because she really wanted less soldiers in the field. The woman didn't want them to win, but she wasn't a fan of Nathaniel Taylor, either.

It could be worse, though, Wash thought. It could have been the order, the one that she most feared would come one day. The order to silence her commander once and for all.

That's when she would pack her things and leave, consequences be damned. The only reason she was still doing this was because by the time he had died, she's already given them so much information, they could reveal to Nathaniel how traitorous she was. There was no in hell she could handle the looks and words he would throw at her.

She could see it now, she'd be the dart board and he'd be the player. A look of hate, a dart to her chest. Banishment, a dart to head. A look of disappointment and the question 'why', a dozen darts to the heart.

Wash shook her head back and forth, wishing to shake the thoughts away. She was getting sappy.

She knew that if Nathaniel were to ask that question-'why'-she would tell him everything, starting from the beginning. That was right after they separated ways for a few years after the war.

Wash almost completely lost it after Somalia. Partying in bars, waking up in a stranger's bedroom, she was rarely ever sober. It just caught up with her. She'd been both cursed and blessed with a child. Cursed, because Wash was not really the motherly type. Blessed, because it made her get her act together.

Then he went missing from daycare and the next week they grabbed her. Explained that her friend, the infamous Nathaniel Taylor, was going to approach her with a job offer and sell her the idea of going to a new place called Terra Nova. She was going to accept, be grateful and eager and fascinated by this opportunity.

And she would be going without her son. And if she didn't feed them the information they wanted, she'd never see him alive again.

But Nathaniel wouldn't understand this. He had thrown Lucas, his very own son, out of the colony for aiding them. Of course, the public story was that Lucas went OTG for a mission and never came back. But Wash knew. Because Lucas had very willingly given her the story of the General's death at Nathaniel's hand. She also knew that, despite Lucas' bitter remake of the story, that Nathaniel would not have shot him unless he had to. Unless it was self defense.

Wash trembled. She was by no means a social butterfly, but didn't want to live alone in the Jungle or with the Sixers. Her son was dead, killed by an Influenza, she didn't belong with the tribal 'rebels' who were as stuck as she was.

And, most importantly, and most secretly, Wash didn't want to live without Nathaniel. Sometime years ago, Wash had blurred in her mind the line between commander and subordinate as well as the line between friend and, sappy as it was, lover.

A chocked sound forced it's through Wash's throat. She couldn't think about that, not with all of her guilt and deceit.

A buzzing sound came from above her head and came closer, the source of the noise landing on her desk in her room. The dragonfly. Wash took the chip out of the computer, studied it for a moment, before attaching it to the insect's leg. She waved her hand at it aggressively, wanting the thing to leave. It took it's sweet time flying to the open window before disappearing into the night, following the frequency it was trained to fly towards.

Wash turned off her computer and pushed herself up from her chair. She switched off the light before pulling the covers down and collapsing in them, hiding from the world.

She ought to leave before she did any more damage to Terra Nova. Maybe even leave some information about them to Taylor.

But she couldn't. Or rather, she wouldn't.

Because she loved Nathaniel too much to do what was right.

Let me just start by saying that if Wash is the spy, I'm going to be super ticked. But if she is, they better even it out with some TaylorxWash lovin, cause I would still be addicted to the show. I only wrote this because, one, I wanted to write something purely about Wash, and two, because a lot of people are saying she's the spy (and something about her dying...? What?), so I wrote how Wash may feel if she is spy. Yes, she was probably rather OOC, but I just sort of pictured her about to have a break down...so here it is.

I'm not sure if this is going to remain a one shot. I might write something out about Taylor finding out about Wash if a lot of people want me to or if I decide I really want to.

Remember as always, reviews are always treasured!