We don't own anything, because our budget is pathetic. Yeah, whine all you want. We're not going to stop mentioning it until we get money. "Fiction Express", DC questions away!
Dear Batman,
Who are you?
Sincerely,
Blunt
Dear Blunt,
Are you really so stupid that you think I'll reveal my identity? I'm the BATMAN!
Sincerely,
Batman
Dear Mr. J,
How are you?
Sincerely,
Your Puddin- Harley!
Dear Harley,
Stop. Sending. Me. QUESTIONS! When I break out of here, you are-(CENSORED)
Sincerely,
The Joker
Dear Superman,
Hey! I'm, like, your biggest fan! Mind sending me a signal watch?
Sincerely,
Jimmy Olsen
Dear Jimmy Olsen.
I've already given you one. Did you break it, or is this another clone?
Sincerely,
Superman
(WE INTERRUPT THIS RIVETING SERIES OF CORRESPONDENCES FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE AUTHOR:
Hello, readers. Be very careful when you read this story, and my other "Dear…_" stories, because I may be starting a storyline/series of Brick Jokes. END OF SCENE BREAK/(POSSIBLE) BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT
Dear Brainiac,
What's two plus two?
Sincerely,
Need Help With Homework
Dear Need Help With Homework,
Why do people keep asking me this? For goodness sake, I'm an artificial intelligence! CHALLENGE me!
Sincerely,
Brainiac
Dear Bizarro,
Goodbye! What is old?
Sincerely,
Bizarro Bizarro Batman
Dear Bizarro Bizarro Manbat,
Goodbye! I am having a bad day!
Hatefully,
Bizarro
Dear Catwoman,
Are you really dating Batman?
Sincerely,
Gossiper
(Note to our editor: Take that letter out of today's edition. Catwoman said she would sue and rob us for using it. -Jim)
Dear Penguin,
Hello. You do not know me, but I know you. I am a legitimate businessman, and I wish to ask you about your business. You say that you own a casino? I own a casino! You have a wealthy lifestyle, and you own a club? Ditto! Don't worry- I am the farthest thing from a rival that you will ever encounter. I propose a joining together- a merger, if you will, of our businesses. Certain friends of mine have told me that you know of a certain...enemy of ours. I also have plans relating to him, and I want to talk to you about that, as well. What say you? Meet me in the spot where you first read this article, precisely two weeks from now if you are intrigued.
Sincerely,
L
Dear L,
I am indeed interested.
Sincerely,
Penguin
P.S. Call me Oswald.
Dear Lex Luthor,
Would you mind sending us some money?
Sincerely,
Fiction Express
Dear Fiction Express,
Yes, but only if you do something for me.
Sincerely,
Lex Luthor