Another R/J fiction yes, but this one has been one ive had written for a long time, and on RJO (Ruth & Jay online, if you want to sign up, www . ruth and jay. co. nr- not sure if you can advertise on these boards, so join the spaces :D)
I thought if its there, I might aswell share it here..Ive got to warn you its pretty deep!
Its set around the circumstances of the abortion, and the first chapter is basically the emotions that follow...hope you enjoy guys, this angsty ride is a dedication to every R/J fan out there!
Chapter 1 - Lets talk. "Jay!" Ruth shouted, after his retreating back, as he stormed through the E.D on New Years Day..after just finding out that Ruth knowingly aborted their child. She knew how wrong she was, but as she broke up with Jay, the need to tell him wasn't as great. And then they got back together and everything changed. She yearned to tell him but everything with him was always perfect. She feared ruining that but she knew the longer she left it the worse it would get. And then the day the subject cropped up, she couldn't hold it in. she didn't know what reaction she was expecting. Maybe a bit of shouting, anger, but Jays voice only had a hint of anger in it. The rest was filled with heartbreak, he had been holding back all these feelings of him blaming himself, and she obviously had done nothing to ease that in letting him believe that it was a miscarriage. She was horrified at what Jay had been suffering alone, she tried to reach out to him, and that's when he walked away, looking defeated as ever. People looked from Ruth to Jay, and Charlie threw a concerned look over to Jay, while Tess started to slowly edge towards Ruth, knowing that she was the only person in the hospital who would have a chance of a conversation with Ruth. Getting emotions out of Ruth was like getting blood out of a stone for anyone apart from Jay. Everyone else looked at the commotion. Jay had stormed to get the bus, he didn't care where, just somewhere away from that hospital. He thrusted change at the driver and told him to keep whatever was left, and sat down trying to contain every emotion that had piled up inside him since that sentence. What was he doing bugging Ruth about the "secret" . Everything could of still been perfect if he hadn't done that, he could of still had a girlfriend, who he loved and was moving in with. Ruth was sat in Tess' office, after trying to reject her offer of sympathy and tea many times, she had ended up weakening on the spot and going towards the office with the head nurse. Charlie stepped into Tess' office, and Tess switched the kettle on. Charlie slowed down his car and parked it up near the river. It was near Jays home, and he knew Jay well enough to know he wouldn't want to be anywhere near his home at the moment. He would want to be alone, mulling over everything in his head. Ruth sat in the staff room, hands closed around a cup of tea, wondering if Jay was ok. Tess came in with her phone. Ruth sat for hours as Tess left her, the whole department was now starting to find out what she had done. Some wanted to know how Jay was, Yuki made a very brave move In giving her a chocolate bar and a awkward pat on the back, muttering something about "Nurse Faldren being a forgiving man" and Nick Jordan had told her that being in this sort of position himself, Jay just needed some time, just as Tess said. Jay was still outletting his emotions onto the shoulder of Charlie who was soothingally rubbing his back and telling him that everything would eventually be ok. It started to rain, and Charlie tried to guide Jay to the car, but he collapsed on his knees, sobbing, a broken man. Charlie realised how much this news had hurt Jay.
What was he doing, trying to blame himself for this situation? This was nobody's fault apart from Ruth, the girl that had successfully broken his heart twice now, the girl who was harbouring that secret for so long, and the girl that was now probably sitting in the staffroom with everyone thinking he was the bad guy. It was a assumption. Ruth was the delicate flower of the E.D, he was the joker, the only people that would stick up for him were Big Mac and Noel, and that's probably when they finished collecting their winnings, on betting that his and Ruth's relationship would only last a week.
He got off the bus the stop before usual, by the river..it was his spot, when he was upset, and just wanted to be alone, that's where he would go to release his emotions. He could sit in the cold, dark area for as long as he wanted, mulling over the disappointing thing that was life and love.
"Whats happened Ruth? Has Jay done something?" Tess asked, wondering what could have been so bad to break apart the couple that literally, half an hour ago were perfectly happy.
Ruth put her head up, and stopped sipping her tea in order to avoid answering questions.
"That abortion pill I took..i told him today. January. I took it in October" Ruth said, in a monotone voice, using every bit of effort she had left on trying not to break down, or cry.
"Oh Ruth.." Tess replied. What else could she say. She was expecting to want to hit Jay with bedpans until her heart was content, but upon hearing this, she felt a pity for the nurse.
"I thought you had told him when it happened?" she said, and Ruth shook her head
"How did he take it?" Tess asked, thinking of Jay. Usually, he was a bit of a hot-head.
"He didn't seem angry. Just really hurt. Said that I had been letting him think that it was a miscarriage, that it was his fault. He wanted to know why I couldn't trust him. then he left" Ruth said, sniffing slightly, she knew what she had just lost, was worth more then anything she had ever had.
Ruths pager went off
"Ruth you don't have to.." Tess started
"Yes, I do. And Tess, d-don't let everyone know" Ruth stammered, stepping out.
"Did you happen to see where Jay went?" Tess asked
"Just out the hospital" Charlie shrugged, his voice full of concern for the young nurse. He had looked distraught, and he was on his path to chase after him, but Adam had held him back, telling him that Jay probably just needed some time to himself.
"Do you know what happened?" Charlie asked, after hearing Tess sigh at his last response.
"To cut a long story short. Last year Ruth got pregnant, she aborted it, that's why she was in. she let Jay think it was a miscarriage, and the truth came out tonight" Tess said, and Charlie's mouth opened.
"I need…" he started
"Go find Jay, I'll cover your shift" Tess said kindly and Charlie smiled.
"we look after our own" Charlie said, and Tess smiled.
As soon as Charlie heard noise he knew his instinct was correct. Jay was throwing rocks violently into the sea and watching them bounce across the river.
Charlie stood behind him.
"How you doing?" Charlie simply asked, radiating that warmth that just made him Charlie.
"Oh great. Everythings fine" Jay replied, not taking in who was behind him.
"Gramps how did you find me?" Jay suddenly asked, sharply, realising it was Charlie who was behind him.
"I used to hide out around here when I needed to be alone" he answered, with a soft smile
Charlie could tell how upset and emotional Jay must be right now his eyes were shining, it was like he was having a battle with himself to not break down, he was similar to Ruth in that way, neither one of them liked to be seen as anything but strong.
"This morning I thought this year would be the best. Now everythings ruined" Jay said, softly, and Charlie knew he was beginning to explain the depth of his upset on his own terms.
"Ruth was pregnant. I thought she had a miscarriage. She didn't correct me. I spent MONTHS thinking I was a murderer, I had been causing all this stress, but she took a pill to end it and only told me now!" Jay said, more to himself then anyone else. He grabbed a pile of rocks and started throwing them harshly towards the river
"Its ok Jay, were all here for you" Charlie replied
"No its not ok..she-she-she lied Charlie..not just a ordinary lie..a big one" Jay said, snatching more handfuls of rock and slowly chucking them in, sensing his defeat.
"Oh bloody hell" Jay continued, and Charlie put his arm around his shoulder, hoping to be a source of comfort.
"what do I do?" Jay asked, and he repeated this question as his guard finally broke down and he was hysterically crying into Charlies shoulder.
"Charlie just texted, hes found Jay, hes upset understandably, but hes safe" Tess said, with a small smile.
"I need to talk to him" Ruth said, looking shifty.
"Ruth I think he just needs some time to calm down at the moment, yeah?" Tess said, calmly.
The young couple were so in love, so happy. What could get them back to that pattern of events?