Title: A Day Out Shopping.

Author: AspergianStorytller.

Genre: Humour/General.

Time line: Somewhere between Skypeia and Water 7.

Summary: The Straw Hats are out of food, and the only island nearby has a Marine base! How will they get their shopping done in peace? Don't own One Piece, of else this kind of thing would be happening more often.

Oh by the way, I keep forgetting to do this but this fanfic is dedicated to my friend who first introduced me the world of fanfiction and stuff like yaoi. That, and in other ways, she's changed my life. Thank you!

'Sanji! Where's breakfast?'

'What's the hold up love-cook?'

'Sanji-Kun, what's going on?'

Sanji's head popped out of the kitchen. 'Sorry Nami-San, we're out of food.'

'How? I thought we were well stocked.'

'Oi Luffy, have you been raiding the fridge again?' Sanji demanded.

'How could I? You put three locks on it!'

'Then why has our food run out!?'

'I dunno! Seven people eat a lot!'

As Sanji and Luffy got into an argument, Nami sighed. All our food gone. We'll have to restock. At least there's an island to shop at nearby.

She told Usopp to steer for port so they could disembark. Zoro went up to the crows nest to look ahead.

'Oi guys! Should we be stopping here? There's a Marine base.'

'What!? Here? What bad luck. We need more food.'

'Well think of something! We'll be there soon.'

'Navigator-San.'

Nami turned around. 'Yes Robin?'

'Since there are Marines there, why don't we simply hide Merry and have Captain-San, Swordsman-San and myself wear disguises?'

'Of course! Robin you're brilliant!'

***

Ten minutes later, Going Merry was safely tucked away in largish cave and the wanted Strawhats getting into costume. Robin walked into the dining room looking decidedly different from her wanted poster photo. She was wearing one of Sanji's suits with a black cowboy hat and her hair tucked under it. Along with a neat beaded goatee, she looked rather like a male version of herself.

'Robin?' Nami said. 'Is that really you?'

'Yes. I'm used to wearing disguises so I know something simple is often best.'

'Ahh...'

Uh oh, Usopp thought. Nami's got that evil look again...

Fifth teen minutes later...

'No way! I am not going out dressed like this!'

'Aww, come on Zoro. It looks good on you!'

'You're an evil woman!'

'Compliments won't work~ You're going like this whether you like it or not.'

'Grr...' Zoro stepped out of the bathroom wearing borrowed items of Robin's biggest clothes: purple leather pants with a matching fringed jacket, platform boots, dark green bandanna and tinted sunglasses. With a little green lipstick to complete the outfit, Zoro made a -passable woman.

Usopp and Chopper burst out laughing. Sanji cracked up and cried 'Oh my god, Zoro-Chan! If that get-up doesn't fool the Marines, I'll be surprised! Wahahaha!'

Zoro glared ferociously.

'While we're in town, we'll call you Xena-Chan,' said Nami. 'Don't be so grumpy. You're really quite pretty, it's a great disguise. At least no one will know it's you.'

'Yeah, if you really were a woman, Sanji would totally fall for you!' Usopp cried.

Zoro grimaced and Sanji hit Usopp on the head.

'Now Xena-Chan. When acting as a girl, you have to know the walk and the talk. Let's start with your voice.'

***

While Nami was teaching Zoro/Xena the art of womanhood, Luffy finished putting on his diguise and came out of the girl's room, a pleased looking Robin behind him.

'L-luffy?' Usopp gasped. 'Is that you?'

Luffy's transformation was more convincing than Zoro's. From Nami he was borrowing a denim mini-skirt, white t-shirt, red spaghetti-strap top, high heels and a red cap. A touch of eyeliner-sorry-guyliner and deep red lipstick finished the outfit, plus a bit of make-up to cover distinctive scars, leaving a girl in place of the boy who was actually standing there.

Both guys were wearing stuffed bras to add effect, but only one of them was grinning.

'How do I look, guys?' Luffy asked. 'I haven't done this since Ace and me were still living at Fyuusha Village! It was pretty fun playing pranks on people.'

'Oh my god,' said Usopp with a grin.

'Wow, you're pretty,' said Chopper.

'Nice job Robin,' Nami remarked, although she was also a bit surprised.

'Dear god,' said Sanji.

'Holy shit. It actually looks good on him,' said Zoro.

'All I had to do was apply the make-up,' Robin said modestly. 'He picked out the clothes himself.'

'Well then,' Nami said. 'Let's a have a quick lesson in passing for the other gender and then head out shopping.'

***

'Remember guys,' Nami reminded them as they neared the shore in the dingy. 'Luffy is Luna-Chan, Zoro is Xena-Chan and Robin is Robby-Kun. Got it?'

'Yosh, Nami.'

'Yes Navigator-San.'

'Whatever, you evil woman.'

'Don't talk to Nami-San like that Marim-Xena-Chan.'

'We'll be shopping in groups,' Nami continued. 'Group one, food, will consist of Sanji-Kun, Robby-Kun, and Xena-Chan. Group two will be me, Chopper and Luna-Chan. We'll meet Usopp back at Merry in three hours.'

And of course, things didn't go quite according to plan...

***

Zoro didn't know how the hell it happened. One moment, Sanji had been gushing over Robin and picking out food from open market stalls, the next, Zoro found himself wandering around somewhere else with neither Sanji or "Robby" in sight.

Oh damn. How the hell did this happen?

***

And how did Luffy get lost? All it took was one minute of distraction: Chopper taking medical supplies off a shelf and Nami counting out money for it. Luffy got bored, and seconds later, lost.

Once he looked around and realised he couldn't see his nakama, Luffy decided to wander around until he found them. Okay, I think we were on this street... is that meat?

***

Zoro walked down a busy street, looking left, right, up, down and diagonally. Where the hell were love-cook and Robin/Robby? Damn it. Why do I have to be so- geographically challenged?

'Hey babe, nice jacket. Wanna hang out?'

Zoro nearly flinched and kept walking. Oh no. God no.

'Hey baby, don't just ignore me. Wait up.' A man with light coulouring in casual clothes caught up to Zoro, who was the same height.

'I'm not interested,' Zoro said, trying to put on a girly voice. He pretended to blow his nose on a hanky as if he had a cold, an excuse for his gruff voice.

'How do you know? You haven't even gotten to know me.'

'Leave me alone. I have to get back to my friends.'

'Lost are you? Why don't I help you out?' The stranger put his arm around Zoro's waist- or tried to. The swordsman stepped away.

'I. Am. Not. Interested. Try anything and you'll regret it.'

'Are you alright miss? She said no, be off with you.'

Zoro turned and went pale. Oh shit.

***

Munching on a drumstick, Luffy exited the girls toilets. What was the big deal about them anyway? They were no cleaner than the guys, and had those funny containers instead of urinals. Oh hang on, Sanji must be interested in the girls, not the toilets. Ew, who wants to watch someone peeing?

'Ugh, filthy place, it's worse than the ones on base,' a voice grumbled nearby.

Luffy looked over at the speaker and saw Marine captain Smoker coming out of the men's room.

Hey, that's- Luffy's eyes went wide and he started choking on his drumstick. 'Ack!' *Cough cough* 'Hck-' Two strong arms wound around his torso and squeezed. 'Hck- gah! *Cough*'

'Are you alright?' Smoker asked as he released him.

'I'm fine. Thanks.' Inside, Luffy was thinking Crap! It's him! That Smokey guy! He'll recognise me for sure.

'Go easy on the meat kid, humans aren't made of rubber.'

Except me. Remembering what Robin had told him, Luffy shortened his rubbery vocal chords just enough to sound higher-pitched and said 'Yeah. I'll try. But I like meat a lot so...' Wow. Is he an idiot? Or maybe I'm not out of practise! This could be fun...

'What was that thing you did just now? It felt like a move you could use in a fight.'

'It's a first aid procedure. Called the heimlich manoeuvre.'

'Oh that's cool. Do you know any other moves like that?'

***

'So Xena-Chan, does this look like the street you were on?'

'Uhh, I don't think so. They all look the same to me.'

'Can you remember what stall you were at?'

Zoro was freaking out and trying not to let it show. For God's sake, why did Tashigi have to be here of all people? It was taking most of his willpower not to run away. Come to think of it, if she was here, then so must be-

'You said it was a spice place. Is this the one?'

Tashigi's voice broke into Zoro's train of thought. 'Huh? Oh, yeah, I think this is it. But they're not here any more.' He pretended to blow his nose again.

'Let's ask if the seller has seen them then. Oi mister, have you this girl's friends, what do they look Xena-San?'

'Um, two guys in suits. One is a blond and the other has a goatee.'

'Ah, those two young men. Yes they were here ten minutes ago. I don't know which way they went though.'

Woah, she's more ditzy than I thought. How can she not see through this crappy disguise?

'Oh, well thanks. Let's ask another person Xena-San.'

'Okay.' Is this my lucky day or unlucky?

***

'Dammit, where has that idiot gone now?' Sanji muttered. 'We don't have time for this.'

'I could locate her by putting my eye out,' Robin/Robby suggested.

'Eh? Good idea Robby-Kun. Knowing that idiot, he-she'll get into trouble really quickly.'

'Very well.' The archaeologist closed her original eyes and sprouted a few dozen extras over the area. Oh my. This is interesting.

'Xena-Chan is with another young lady looking for us, and Luna-Chan is in the company of a Marine. Both strangers are carrying swords.'

A Marine? This can't be good. 'Can you listen in on what they're saying?'

'Of course.'

'It sounds like they went this way, Xena-San. Let's check in the shops as well.'

'A big fellow in a pink hat huh?'

'They're fine. The disguises are working quite well.'

'That's a surprise. Well, let's carry on shopping, Robby-Kun. We'll met up with them later on the way if they're okay at the moment.'

***

'Ugh, that idiot! He's nearly as bad as Zor-Xena-Chan!'

'Calm down Nami, I have hi-her scent,' said Chopper reassuringly. *Sniff sniff* 'That's strange. I can smell someone else near him. Someone familiar.'

'Who is it?'

*Sniff* 'I can't tell. But it brings Arabasta to my mind. Maybe it's someone we met there.'

'That would be some coincidence. I hope they don't recognise Luna-Chan.'

'Me to. Should we go get hi-her?'

'You can keep track of the scent, right? We'll find her later. We might get shopping done faster actually. And have time for me to start a map.'

'Alright.'

***

Back on the Going Merry, Usopp sat on deck preparing new ammo for use in future fights. Wow, I can't believe those three are going dressed like that! That was so funny! I hope it actually works, I've got a hundred belli riding on this after all.

'Oi Usopp, I'll bet you a hundred belli either Xena-Chan or Luna-Chan slips up within an hour or two.'

'I'll bet on two and a half hours,' was the sniper's reply.

'Three hours,' put in Nami as she overheard the conversation about money.

'It's been that time now. Too bad Sanji?'

***

Sanji checked his watch. Damn. There goes my money. Those guys had better last the whole three hours now.

***

'Hey, Captain Smoker-San! Hello!'

The Marine captain turned his head. 'Oh. Hello Tashigi. What's up?'

'I'm helping Xena-Chan relocate her friends.'

'Oi, Xena-Chan! You got lost to?'

'Luna-Chan?' Ack! It's the Smoker guy from Loguetown! Jst how far is he going to pursue us? What is it with us today? It's seems he hasn't recognised Luffy yet.

'Is this another friend of yours, Xena-San?'

'*Sniffle* Ah yes, we were travelling in groups. Luna-Chan must have gotten lost as well.'

'Yeah, Smokey-San saved me from choking and now is helping me look for our friends,' Luffy chirped happily and confidently. 'We can look together!' *Growl* 'Whoops. That's me.'

'Why don't we get something to eat while we search?' Tashigi suggested.

'Yosh! Let's eat!'

It's a miracle that he hasn't been discovered yet. A bloody miracle, that's all. Or else Smoker isn't as perceptive as I thought.

***

When the shopping and enough mapping for Nami's satisfaction was done, Robin and Nami went to fetch the boys back. They found them sitting at a café table sharing a bowl of hot chips with Tashigi and Smoker of the Marines. Luffy was trying to slow down his eating so as to not to give himself away while chattering like a talkative teenage girl. Zoro had calmed down enough to talk a bit and was joining in. Smoker had removed his cigar so he could eat. Tashigi and Luffy were doing most of the talking.

'"Bon Voyage?" That's a great song! I have the album for our Den Den Mushi and play it at least once a week. It's inspiring!'

'Xena-Chan, Luna-Chan, there you are,'

'Oh hey guys,' said Luffy/Luna. 'We got lost. Is the shopping done?'

'Yes,' Robin/Robby said in a low voice. 'It's done and we're ready to go now,'

'Yosh, thanks for helping us guys!'

'Yeah, you can finish the chips,' Zoro/Xena said as he/she dragged Luffy/Luna away.

'That was fun,' Tashigi called. 'Have a nice voyage! Weren't they so sweet Smoker-San?'

'A bit weird though.'

Ten minutes later, they were heading back to base where they were staying the night, though Smoker would have preferred to sleep on board his ship.

'Xena-San reminded me of someone with her shyness and lack of direction.'

'Really? I think that Luna girl was familiar. And her friends who showed up as well.'

'Still, they were nice girls.'

'Captain Smoker! Tashigi-San!' a Marine soldier approached them with a smile. 'How was your day? I noticed you made some new friends.'

'Hello Jotaro-San. We did make new friends. A couple of girls got lost and we were helping them find their friends.'

'They looked awfully familiar,' Jotaro remarked.

'We noticed.'

As they entered the Marine base reception, Jotaro glanced at the wanted poster wall. 'Hey, those faces kind of remind me of something.'

'Hey, that looks a bit like...'

'Oh shit, they weren't...'

'Oh so that's where I've seen them before. Those young girls look very like these pirates here. Do you think they were pirates in disguise? Wouldn't that be a laugh? Uh, Captain Smoker? Tashigi-San?'

'Oh my god, she reminded me of Roronoa because she-he is Roronoa!'

'I can't believe I was walking around with Straw Hat right under my nose. I had no idea they were capable of fooling us like that.'

'So they really were pirates in disguise? Should we go after them?'

'Yes you idiot,' Smoker growled. 'We're pursuing them immediately!' I actually fell for that? Well, that Straw Hat had a surprisingly good cover.

***

'Luna-Chan, Xena-Chan, you idiots!' Nami yelled as they ran on board Merry. 'Why were you with those two off all people!? You could have blown your cover!'

'But we didn't blow it!' Luffy yelled back. 'Anyway, we just bumped into them and ended up having a nice day!'

'Whatever. We'll take off now in case they suddenly remember where they've seen us before. Let's go!'

'Luna, Xena, Robby, how did it go?' asked Usopp.

'And Usopp, Sanji! You both owe me a hundred belli so pay up!'

A tip for disguising: having one thing in your costume that stands out, like a cold, an interesting hairdo or bad acne gives people something to focus on and draws attention away from the rest of you.

Thanx for reading! Please review, I could really do with the feedback.