"Ascension" and all the characters in this story belong to Rinmaru and Rinmarugames.
I love Ascension visual novel and I decided to write something about it, but, since English is not my first language, I'm afraid this will be full of mistakes. It would be great if you could point them out, so that I can learn from them. :)
My throat is sore. I know I screamed, the echo of it is still in my ears, but I'm not sure if my scream was confined to my dream or if I actually cried out loud.
Oh... I did, didn't I?
And, even if I try to deny it, I know exactly whose name I called. No, it wasn't Zander's, my sweet mage, so caring, so strong. He's always there for me and yet, in my dreams, it wasn't his face that came to my mind. Nor was it Jace's, my friend, my knight, the man who grew up so much in the time we spent apart that I barely recognized him, when we met again. No. I called out Faelern's name. The blasted Elf.
Great.
I look around, trying to determine if anybody heard me, but I'm all alone in my cabin. All right. Maybe he didn't hear me – it is night, after all. I'm sure he is asleep, just like everybody else. I take my head in my hands, trying to shake off the remains of the nightmare. I won't admit it even to myself, but that weird dream terrified me. I always try my best to be a strong, independent woman, and yet sometimes I found myself wishing I had someone there for me, someone able to protect me, should I find myself in need of protection. I almost laugh at my thoughts: Sky would look at me with her beautiful, concerned face and tell me I wasn't alone, she would say I didn't have to face the world on my own, that I had her, and all my friends, and that all of them would be ready to die for me, if it ever came to that. And still... still, in my dream I didn't reach for any of them. I chose Faelern to be my protector.
Maybe I shouldn't be surprised: I spent the last year with him, I saw him almost every day and, even if we had never been friends, maybe I started considering him part of my life. And, after all, Ava asked him to protect me.
Is this really the only reason you cried out his name like that, Aida?
I hate that little voice. I hate it. I don't have time to answer that question though – answer it, or deny whatever my conscience may have implied by asking me that – because the door swings open.
«Did you just call me?»
Oh, no. So I did call his name...
«Faelern...» I great him, trying to find something to say. It isn't easy, he's standing in front of me wearing his usual, impassive face. How am I supposed to know what he's thinking? How am I supposed to know the best way to handle this situation?
He must have taken my uncharacteristic silence as the clue something is amiss, because when he speaks again he sounds agitated.
«Solyn! Are you alright? Did someone attack you?»
I can't help blushing: his face may be inexpressive, but his voice is not. Suddenly I feel very silly for alarming him like this, all because of a stupid dream.
«I... no,» I sigh, closing my eyes.
I hope this will be enough for him; maybe, seeing I am really okay, he will go back to his cabin and leave me here, so that I can spend what it is left of the night reflecting on my idiocy. But alas, when I shyly open my eyes again, I see he is still here.
It looks like I'll have to explain a little more.
«I just had a bad dream... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to alarm you.» my voice is low and, I suspect, more gentle than how it usually is when I'm talking with him.
This isn't good...
But he doesn't seem to pay attention to it, because he just nods slowly and says
«Okay... I'm leaving, then.»
Unexpected, a rush of panic comes back to me. Blood, there was so much blood. Whose blood was that? You know it, Aida... I shiver and suppress the little cry that rises to my lips. Instead, I offer Faelern a tiny smile.
«Okay...»
I watch as he walks toward the door, preparing to bid him goodnight, when he suddenly stops, turning around to face me once again.
«You look a little pale – he says, squinting slightly to better see my face – Are you sure you are alright?»
«I.. I'm alright – I say, hoping my voice isn't shaking – I'll be fine.»
He takes a step toward me, then stops, as if he was unsure about something.
«I can stay...» he offers.
What? By the Old Kings, no! shouts the part of me that thinks Faelern is the biggest, self-assured jerk since ever.
Yes, please! says the other part of me, the one that's still shaken by the dream and that finds rather cute the fact that the Elf is willing to spend the night watching over me. Maybe there's something beyond his cool demeanour... I feel a curious happiness when I think that maybe he isn't offering to stay just because he feels he has to, that maybe he's doing it because he wants to...
But no. This is Faelern. He has made very clear his opinion of me and I am deluding myself if I think he may have some kind of feelings for an object.
«There is no reason for you to worry about an item, Faelern, – I snap – My worries are none of your concern.»
Okay, that may have come out a little harsher than I had intended, but his reaction leaves me stunned nonetheless.
Something shifts in his face and next thing I know he is holding my chin and he is standing very, very close to me. So close that when he speaks I can feel his breath on my lips.
«None of my concerns?» his voice is low, now, and I shiver again and this time it isn't out of fear.
«The girl who unlocked the first gate... - he goes on – the girl who will most probably be the death of me...»
I know I should probably say something, but he's tilting my face toward his and suddenly my head feels curiously empty. I have faced many terrible things, but I can't quite remember when it was the last time my heart beat this fast.
«Do you even know why I keep calling you Solyn? An item?» he asks, and I can't tell if he's laughing or if he's getting mad, but it doesn't really matter, as long as he keeps touching my face like this.
«Because if I were to ever see you as a person...» he whispers, and I realize I've closed my eyes, waiting for a kiss I'm sure will come very soon, because he's getting so much closer and surely, surely he is about to kiss me...
«I might end up falling in lo-» his lips touch mine, or maybe it is just the shadow of a touch,or...
«Aida, are you awake?!»
I jump back, stumbling. I've thought many times about the way I would die, but I never thought it would be a heart attack to kill me.
«I swear if I find Jace creeping arou-» Sky marches into my cabin, ready to kick Jace's butt, but she stops cold when she sees who there really is in my room.
«Oh... oh, my... - she stutters, clearing her throat – Did I come at a bad time?»
What could I say?
No, Sky, you are very welcome to join us.
It is useless to lie, our cheeks are so red I am surprised the cabin isn't illuminated by them.
«Not at all,» I reply, anyway, just as Faelern says he was about to leave.
And he does, he really leaves, this time, without looking back. When he is out of sight, I let myself fall on my bed with a groan. That was... that was...
Sky shuffles uncomfortably near the door, but when I look at her I see she is hiding a smile. She stares back at me, raising an eyebrow.
«So, - she says, and I can hear the laughter in her voice – Faelern, uh?»
I weave my hand at her.
«I just had a bad dream and he... - I explain – he...»
She is looking at me expectantly. Does she really think I will tell her every detail?
I snort.
«Sky, please.»
That makes her laugh.
«Alright, alright. I'll go – then she turns serious – Are you okay, though? Your dream...»
I nod, smiling at her.
«I'm fine, really. It was only a dream, and it's gone,» I say.
She doesn't look too sure, but she knows me well enough to be able to tell if I need her or if I just need some time alone instead.
«Okay, - she says, turning to go – I'll see you in the morning, then.»
«Sleep well!» I call after her, feigning a cheeriness I don't really feel.
In all honesty, I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I have never been good with these things,with feelings, but this is something else entirely. Sure, the dream affected me more than I am willing to admit, but deep down I know this is not the cause of my present agitation – at least, not the only one. Silly how it is, given the situation we are in, my mind keeps going back to Faelern, to the way his eyes had darkened when he was saying those things to me, to how hot his skin had felt against my own...
What was he going to say?
'I might end up falling in lo-'
Falling in "lo"...? Falling in love? Did he think he was falling in love with me?
No, Aida, I reasoned, he said 'might end up'. "Might" being the keyword.
Why am I even thinking about his words? I don't love him. Sure, I think he is hot and all, but this is not what love is. At least... I think it isn't. Love is about... well, I'm not sure, but sure enough it isn't about bickering and calling names and hurting each other's feelings. When you love someone, you should care about them, and be there for them when they need you and enjoy their company. I start thinking about my relationship with Faelern: he was the one who found me when the tower collapsed, maybe he actually saved my life, that day, but I never felt too much in debt with him, because... well, because he was annoying as hell. Sure, I still found myself spending quite a lot of time with him, playing stupid drinking games and running into him at least a couple of times a day, and, even if I may have hoped a couple of times he shot himself in a leg with one of those arrows of his, I never really wished any arm to come to him.
I... I feel something warm move around in my stomach (or maybe it is my chest?) and I have the nagging feeling it has nothing to do with my last dinner, so I hastily decide it is time to stop thinking about the Elf.
It is still night, after all, and I should try and sleep for a couple of hours. Who knows what I'll have to face tomorrow?
And yet, as I lie in my bed with my eyes closed, I know very well that I won't sleep at all, but I smile thinking that maybe waiting for the dawn won't be so hard, this time, now that it isn't the memory of blood and pain that keeps me company, but the one of Faelern's hands and lips.