Disclaimer: The Rat Patrol is not my property. They come out to play sometimes, then I send them home.

Author's note: tullyfan and I thought "Der Führer" needed a sequel so…

The Invitation

By Suzie2b

With another German ammo dump exploding as they made a fast exit, the Rat Patrol headed for home. It had taken them three days to locate Captain Dietrich's precious munitions, but they were back a base again in a day and a half.

Captain Boggs was happy with their report and gave the unit a forty-eight hour pass.

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After a shower, shave, and a clean uniform, Tully wandered into the mess hall for some supper. It was still a little early, so there were plenty of seats, but after getting his food, Tully chose to sit with Hitch.

Hitch smiled at his friend and swallowed before he asked, "No Charley?"

Tully shrugged, a bit disappointed that his wife was away. "She left a note saying she's out on a mission. I hope she gets back before we get another assignment."

"What're you going to do with your time off?"

"Don't know yet. I guess just work on staying outta trouble. How 'bout you?"

Hitch took a sip of milk, then said, "I've been thinking…"

Tully smiled. "Uh-oh."

"No, listen … remember our mission to kidnap Hitler?"

"A little hard to forget it."

Hitch said, "I was thinking maybe we could write that letter."

Tully swallowed a bite of potato before he asked, "What letter?"

"The one inviting the real Hitler to come here and see how we do things."

"Hey, that's right. Do you think he'd even read it?"

Hitch grinned. "We won't know unless we try."

Tully chuckled at the thought of Der Führer getting a letter from a couple of privates in the American army. "Your place or mine?"

"Yours. Fewer interruptions."

As soon as Hitch and Tully were finished eating, they walked to the apartment. Hitch sat down at the table while Tully went into the closet to locate stationary and a pad of paper.

He sat down across from Hitch with the pad and put the box of stationary in the middle of the table. "We'll write it out on the pad first. When we've got it right, one of us can copy it to the good paper."

They spent three hours writing and rewriting what they wanted to say. When Hitch and Tully were satisfied, Tully handed the pen to Hitch and said, "Your handwriting is better than mine."

Hitch took the pen and reached for a sheet of crisp white stationary, then stopped and asked, "Shouldn't we get it translated first?"

"If Charley was here, she'd do it. I got the idea Moffitt wasn't too keen on being involved in this idea."

"Why don't we just send it in English? I'm sure Hitler can get it translated." Hitch only had to start over once before he got the letter meticulously written on the stationary that Charley's Aunt Emily had sent. "Now we need an address."

Tully frowned and said, "How're we gonna get that? I don't think anyone around here has it in their address book."

Hitch thought for a moment, then said, "Peggy Marshall. She works in headquarters typing up dispatches and such. If anyone knows where to get Hitler's address, she does."

Sure enough, Peggy was able to procure the address where Hitler's military office was located and didn't ask any questions. The payment was a date with Mark Hitchcock.

The envelope was addressed and dropped off with the next batch of outgoing mail.

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Weeks passed and the letter was mostly forgotten. Both Hitch and Tully had figured Hitler would never even see it.

The two jeeps, with their human occupants, returned from a two day patrol. They made no enemy contact, but did discover that the Germans were using that sector as part of their supply routes.

After the jeeps were parked in the motor pool, Troy looked at his tired privates and said, "Why don't you two take off and get some rest. Moffitt and I will report in and do the same."

After food, showers, and a good night's rest, the four men of the Rat Patrol were feeling good and ready to take on their next assignment.

But then…

Midmorning found Troy at headquarters handing his written mission report to Captain Boggs' aide, Corporal Green, who took it and said, "I was just going to send a messenger for you, sergeant. The captain wants to talk to you and your team. Go on in and I'll send for Sergeant Moffitt, Pettigrew, and Hitchcock."

Troy nodded. "Okay, thanks." He went to the office door and knocked and waited for a summons before he opened it and said, "You wanted to see me, captain?"

Boggs looked up from the paperwork he'd been working on. "Yes, sergeant, come in and have a seat." Troy closed the door and sat on one of the two chairs facing the desk. The captain shuffled some paperwork until he found the file he wanted and handed it to the sergeant as he said, "One of our German operatives got that to me. Go ahead and read it while we wait for your men."

Ten minutes later Moffitt arrived. "I came as soon as I got your message, sir."

Captain Boggs indicated the second chair and Moffitt sat down. Troy handed him the file and simply said, "Read this."

Moffitt opened the file and read through the report and then found a letter that had been sent to Der Führer Hitler.

Dear Mr. Hitler,

After recently discovering that you were unaware of the four man unit known as The Rat Patrol, we thought we'd give you the rundown on what we do out here.

Generally, here in North Africa, we're officially known as the Long Range Desert patrol. We specialize in destroying the enemy—mainly your Afrika Korps. Which, by the way, gave us our nickname because they've taken to calling us "desert rats". And just so you know, we don't consider it an insult—we've worked hard to earn it. Also, we don't consider the Italians much of a threat, since they tend to give up easily, and with only the two jeeps it's hard to take that many prisoners every time we run into them.

Don't get us wrong, you have some very good troops out here. Unfortunately for them, and maybe you too, the few times they have been able to take us prisoner we've been able to escape.

We would like to extend an invitation to you, Mr. Hitler. We'd like to invite you (the real you, not a fake you—like Gustav Weler) to come to North Africa to see how we, The Rat Patrol, do things out here. Maybe you could learn a few things about the war and how it's being fought in the desert.

Please R.S.V.P. ASAP

Sincerely,

Private Mark Hitchcock, U.S. Army

Private Tully Pettigrew, U.S. Army

When Moffitt had finished reading, all he could say was, "Good lord, they actually did it!"

Boggs said, "Sergeant Troy tells me that you both knew about this."

Moffitt closed the file and set it on the desk. "Yes, sir … well, sort of. It was after we captured Hitler's doppelganger, Gustav Weler. Hitchcock and Pettigrew were talking about doing this very thing. But then we were sent out on that assignment to destroy that ammo dump. They didn't mention it again and Troy and I thought they'd forgotten about it."

"Well, obviously they didn't." There was a knock at the door and the captain called, "Come in!"

Tully followed Hitch into the office and closed the door. Both privates looked at their sergeants, then saluted the captain as Hitch said, "Reporting as ordered, sir."

Boggs took the file and handed it to the privates. "Does this look at all familiar?"

Hitch took the folder and opened it as Tully looked over his shoulder. When they saw the letter they'd written, their eyes got wide.

Tully said quietly, "Uh-oh."

Hitch said, "Uh … yes, sir. This looks very familiar. May we ask how the captain got this?"

Boggs said, "That's a copy of the letter you sent. It and that report were sent by one of our German operatives to High Command."

Tully said, "We didn't even think Hitler would see the letter, sir. We thought someone would catch it and throw it away before it got anywhere near him."

Hitch asked, "How much trouble are we in, captain?"

Boggs said, "I suggest you read the reports from the operative and High Command."

Hitch and Tully took a minute to quickly read both reports. When they looked up the captain, Troy, and Moffitt were smiling. The privates slowly smiled themselves as what they'd read sunk in, and Tully said, "We're not in trouble."

Troy said, "Nope, not this time. You're lucky though."

Moffitt said, "From what the captain has told us, which isn't in High Command's report, Der Führer was beside himself when he got the translated letter and read it."

Boggs said, "Actually, off the record, High Command is commending your bravery for even writing the letter. If there were a medal for it, you'd both get one." He opened the top drawer of his desk and took another piece of paper out. "This is the answer sent in response."

Hitch took it and handed it to Tully, who saw it was in German and said, "Um … would you read it, sarge? You're better at it than I am."

Moffitt grinned and said, "It's good practice. I've already read it and the translated copy, so I'll help you if you have a problem."

Tully sighed, took the letter, and began to translate,

To Privates Hitchcock and Pettigrew, U.S. Army

I regret that I cannot accept your invitation at this time. The war keeps me very busy, so I have no time for a vacation. I will, however, be sure to visit you both and your two comrades after you are captured and sent here to be interrogated before you are all shot.

With respect,

Adolf Hitler

Moffitt nodded at his student. "Excellent, Tully."

Hitch said, "I can't believe he actually answered our letter and signed it himself."

Tully grinned. "I can't believe he respects us."