Better Than Nothing

by Touchstone67

A o/s written for dannie's birthday. Edward is the rich boy with the perfect life, and the perfect secret, he has been lying to his family, Bella and himself. What happens when one event changes his life, who will he turn to? Rated M

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-This is dedicated and written for Dannie's birthday. She sent me a picture and said, 'write me a story for this, damn it'. So I did. Although, I'm thinking it's a wee bit more angsty than she would have expected from such a smutty picture, but…yeah, what can I say?

The inspiration picture prompt is in my profile.

A HUGE thank you to OnTheTurningAway for stepping in to pre-read and beta this baby. I appreciate it so much, as I was going to be flying blind on it. *hugs*

"**~~**"

"Fuck, yeah, right there," he grunted with each thrust into me as his short nails dug into the skin at my hips, holding me still as he pounded me. The headboard of the bed banged rhythmically against the thin wall that separated my bedroom from my father's. Stretching an arm out, I flatted my palm against the headboard, hoping to stop it from hitting the wall. Though even if my father had come in on me right then as I was getting drilled from behind, I'm not sure I could have stopped.

It felt too fucking good.

Reaching up to my shoulder, he gripped it, using my body for leverage. Then his hand was in my hair, fisting the long, black strands.

He loved my hair.

And my ass.

On all fours, I arched my back, wanting him to take me harder.

And I hated myself for it.

He was a slut, sleeping with pretty much anyone that spread their legs, or ass, for him. At his school he paraded around with Bella Swan, his girlfriend of a few years. On the side, he slept with a few other girls, and boys, but only boys on the Reservation. He couldn't ruin his pristine reputation as Carlise Cullen's straight son, and the boys on the Reservation were like a pack of wolves, we stuck together and we kept our mouths shut.

Not that anyone would listen to us anyway. There was no way anyone in Forks would take the word of a few poor kids from the Reservation over that of Edward Cullen. We went to separate high schools, but news and rumors still traveled between the two.

We were also willing taking the abuse he gave out just to have him in our bed with us for a few hours. There was no denying he was an amazing fuck.

Earlier that night he had pulled up to my house in his fucking shiny Volvo. I swear I got hard just at the sound of his God damn car, the anticipation of knowing what was coming. I had waited for him in the doorway as he tiptoed around the shit in my yard, complaining the entire time. Barely inside, his hands were on my shorts, undoing the button and zipper and shoving his hand inside to find me already hard as he dragged me down the short hallway to my bedroom. Shoving me onto the bed, he closed the door behind us and immediately pulled off his shirt and tossed it on the floor. Lying on the bed, I yanked off my shorts and waited for him. He kicked off his sneakers and unbuttoned his pants before he crawled onto the bed over me. For one second, I saw something in his eyes besides lust before he demanded I turn over and get on my hands and knees for him.

For him, I did as I was told.

My untouched, aching cock bounced with the movement of our bodies. Reaching down, I wrapped my fingers around my dick and began to stroke. He certainly wasn't going to do it for me. My hair slid over my shoulders, shielding my face as my head hung down.

"Yeah, touch yourself while I fuck you. You like me fucking you. You like my cock, don't you?" he spat out in between thrusts. When I didn't answer right away, he snapped my head back by my hair. "Don't you?" he repeated. The muscles in my arms bulged at the strain of my position, my Adam's apple protruded from my throat when he forced my head back.

"Yes," I admitted in a long open mouthed groan. "I love it when you fuck me hard."

"Mmmm, such a whore," he moaned before releasing my hair and raking his nails down my back. He spanked my ass once before grabbing my hips again. Furiously, I pumped myself, clear fluid constantly leaked from the slit as I felt my orgasm stirring low in my stomach and tightening my balls.

"Coming," I warned just as my climax hit me, my cock erupting with thick, creamy fluid onto the blue striped bedspread under me. Continuing to plunge his cock into me, he grunted through my orgasm while the spasms of my ass milked his cock. I fell to my elbows, the new angle allowing him to penetrate me deeper.

"Fucking tight ass," he practically yelled.

"Shut the fuck up," I gasped, glancing at him over my shoulder. "My father will hear us."

"I don't fucking care if he hears us, I think I can outrun him" he smirked, mercilessly slamming into me. Grabbing my hair again, he pulled me to my knees. Wrapping one arm around my middle like steel band, the other went around my throat. Limp, my cock hung between my legs, the remains of my orgasm still dripping from it as he rocked his hips into me.

"FUCK!" he roared. His heavy, wet breaths washed over my shoulder right before he forced my head to the side and sank his teeth in the delicate skin of my neck and came hard inside me. His cock jerked, releasing into the condom. Behind me, his body clenched as his orgasm overwhelmed him, his arms tightening impossibly around me. As he rode out wave after wave of his climax, my chest heaved in effort to breathe and his hips bucked into me until his cock was spent. Slowly he released his teeth from my neck and loosened his arms around me. Together, we fell forward onto my bed.

For once second, I felt his warm weight on top of me before he placed a rare kiss between my shoulder blades and rolled off me. On his back, he took a few deep breaths while I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow and watched him. His chest rose steadily with deep breaths and my fingers twitched with the desire to reach out and touch his hair. It looked perfectly messy and silky. One time I asked him how it always looked like he had just fucked and he replied with 'because I just did.'

We had an agreement, and there were limits in place.

No kissing on the mouth-it made him feel like he was cheating on Bella.

No touching his hair, or even any other touches that might be considered loving.

No contacting him outside of the bedroom. If he wanted me, he texted me and showed up minutes later. If I wasn't home, he met me wherever I was.

I hated the rules but in order to have him, even for a few hours once a week, I agreed to them. Something was better than nothing, right?

Pulling off the condom, he held it up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"You know where the trash is." I might be his fucktoy but I wasn't his fucking maid. He climbed off the bed and tossed the condom in the trash by my small desk. I admired the lithe way his body moved, almost like a cat or a predator of some sort. With long limbs, sinewy muscles flexed under unmarred pale skin, his cock was long and thick nestled in unique colored curls.

"I don't know why you make me wear one of those, no one else does," he said with more than a hint of disgust in his voice.

"Exactly," I scoffed.

He walked over to his jeans and he pulled them on. "Bareback is where it's at," he flashed me a grin.

"Where the fuck are you going?" I asked, reaching over the edge of my bed for my shorts. Standing up, I tugged them on.

He sighed heavily and ran a hand through the hair I was dying to touch. "Come on, Jake, you know I never stay. We go through this every time. Besides, I've got a benefit for the hospital tonight. I have to go home to shower and then pick Bella up at nine."

"How many other boys are you fucking?" I asked suddenly as I lay back down on my bed.

"None…tonight," he winked as he pulled his tee shirt on over his head. I looked down at the floor, hating that I was partially happy that he wouldn't be with another boy later. "You're pretty when you cry," he teased, nudging me with his elbow.

"Fuck you," I growled and rolled onto my back of his reach.

"Mmm, even hotter when you're possessive," he said as he sat on the bed and put his sneakers on. "I promise, no other boys tonight, but I might fuck Bella's tight pussy if she decides to put out. She can be so fucking moody." He stood up and went to the door. "Until next time, Jake," he said, barely glancing over his shoulder as he walked out of my room. As the door clicked closed behind him, I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow, hoping my father wouldn't hear the sobs I failed to hold in.

It was always the same thing. He came, he fucked, he left. It had been going on for about six months, and at least once a week he would show up on my doorstep. We had met through Bella. Her father and my father were friends and they had been invited to a cookout at my house one weekend. She had dragged Edward along and while we sat around the picnic table eating bar-b-qued chicken, I couldn't help but feel the weight of his stare on me. I had gotten up to use the bathroom and when I came out, Edward was in the hall waiting for me. With a cold glare, he pushed me back into the bathroom and forced me against the wall before undoing my pants and sticking his hand down them, palming my cock.

Instantly, I was hard.

Gripping my erection, he stroked me and whispered in my ear that he wanted to fuck me and to give him my phone number. My hips bucked into his hand, fucking it eagerly. Just as I was about to come, he released me and in blur, was gone from the bathroom.

"Fuck," I muttered and slammed the door closed before lowering my pants and stroking myself. The feeling of his hand on my dick was still fresh when I came, shooting cum into the tub. When I returned to the table, a pink flush to my cheeks, I saw Edward smirking at me, his dark green eyes hazy with desire.

I slipped him my number under the table.

Bella and I had been friends by default because of our fathers, and I had been tempted many times to tell her about her 'perfect' boyfriend and what a great fuck he was. But I couldn't hurt her like that. Edward was hurting her enough fucking boys behind her back, I didn't want to be the one who told her that news. Sometimes it made me sick to my stomach to imagine them together, his hands on her body when they should be on mine, knowing she got to kiss him, touch hair, feel his body freely and openly without hesitation.

The first time he had come over was about three weeks later, I had given him a blow job in the shed next to my house where I worked on cars; I had rebuilt the engine of an old Rabbit and was in the process of fixing up the body. He had pulled into the driveway about ten minutes after texting me and walked into the shed looking sexier than fuck in jeans, a turtleneck, and leather jacket. Leaning against my car while I sat on a milk crate, he told me the 'rules' and then complained about how fucking cold it was in the shed, and there was no way he was fucking me when it was so cold. Going inside was out of the question, my father was home. Nervously, I shrugged and suggested a blow job. His eyebrows raised and he nodded, his hands going to the button and zipper of his jeans. He walked over to me, stroking his long cock as he approached.

"Don't sit, kneel," he demanded, putting his hand behind my head and forcing me to my knees in front of him. "Open."

Parting my lips, I leaned forward, my hands resting on his jean covered thighs as I took his cock into my mouth. A delicious salty taste filled my mouth while I bobbed my head up and down his erection. I sucked him hard, swallowing around him, licking and lapping him until he came long and hard down my throat. After, I wiped my chin as he tucked his cock back into his jeans.

"Jake, is it?" he asked. I nodded and moved back to the milk crate. "You give excellent head. Next time find us a bed to fuck in though, okay? Head is great, but I want to fuck."

A minute later, he was starting up his car and leaving.

The next time he was over was when I found out I wasn't the only one on the Reservation he was fucking. Not that everyone was gay, but we were horny teenagers and the boy/girl ratio on the Res was about ten to one-we had no choice; it was either our hands or each other. We explored each others' bodies and what brought pleasure. As long as we were safe, we saw no harm in it. We had all been raised close together, all of our fathers were friends. It wasn't unusual for us to experiment on each other at a young age and then put our lessons to use on a girl once we finally found one.

I was different though. I knew the lessons I had learned from the other boys would never be put to use on a girl.

My father knocked on my door. "Jake, everything alright?"

Lifting my head, I wiped my eyes. "Yeah, Dad."

"Though I heard voices in there, did you have someone over?"

Fuck.

"No, Dad, just studying. I had the music turned up," I lied, grabbing the air freshener I kept in my drawer next to the condoms and lube and quickly spraying the room. The musky scent of sex seemed to cling to the air all the time no matter how much I left my window open. I could hear the wheels of his chair as he pushed away from my door and back into his bedroom. Eventually, my father was going to catch on, if he hadn't already. I got off the bed and turned off my light. Back at my bed, I pulled my bedspread off and tossed it in the corner with my laundry, berating myself for not having put a towel down while we fucked. Crawling back into bed, I lay down and stared at the ceiling, thinking of his hands on me as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

Almost six days had passed since he had left my room. I had gone through the motions, going to school, sitting in classes, taking tests, eating, sleeping. Nothing I did actually registered with me though, I was on autopilot as one day blended into the next.

On the seventh day, I was sitting in the cafeteria when Seth walked in and sat next to me.

"Hey, can I come over today? I want to see if you can look at that engine for me, I can't get it work, but maybe your magic fingers can."

"Sure," I shrugged, taking a bit of my sandwich. "Come over about seven?"

He shook his head. "Can't. Cullen is coming over about six, and I plan on him being balls deep in me at seven."

The casual way he talked about Edward fucking him made my heart clench, but I pretended to not care.

"Eight okay? He usually can't last longer than an hour with me. He says I have the tightest ass of us all," he winked at me and I wanted to fucking punch him.

Or Edward.

"Yeah, well, he said I give the best head, so…" I snapped.

"Jesus, stressed much?" he frowned at me.

"Yeah, eight's fine." I got up and tossed the rest of my lunch in the garbage before heading to class.

I was in the shed buffing the fender when the shed door opened and Seth walked in lugging his father's lawnmower engine. He set it on the ground by my feet and plopped down on the crate next to me.

He smelled like sex.

"Jesus, Seth, can't you fucking shower afterwards?" I snarled in disgust. He let out a loud belly laugh.

"I didn't have time. He was late, so we started late. It was good fuck, Jake. Cullen's got the most talented dick, hits all the right places. Has ever made you come hands free?"

Sighing, I tossed the fender to the ground. "I really don't need to hear the gory details of you and Cullen, okay?" I spent the next two hours fixing his father's lawnmower and smelling Edward's scent on Seth.

"**~~**"

"Fucking tight," he moaned, his pink tongue darting out to lick his lips as his eyes rolled back into his head.

It was breathtaking really, to watch his face and see his expressions as we fucked.

He was lying on his back while I straddled him. I had finally been able to convince him to face each other while we had sex. Long fingers dug into my hips as I impaled myself on him repeatedly. Thrusting up as much as he could, he arched his back and pressed his head back into the mattress. Sweat beaded on his forehead from his exertion and without thinking, I reached down and wiped it away, letting the tips of my fingers touch the wisps of his copper hair. I expected him to yell at me, but instead, he let out a low growl and then one side of his full lips curled up.

He liked it.

On my knees, my hand pumped myself. I knew he was close, the flush in his cheeks had deepened, and the guttural moans that escaped him had increased in length and loudness. I was thankful I had thought to turn the music up so it would drown out any sounds of us. Opening his eyes, he looked up at me, urgent and desperate.

"Jake," he groaned.

My name from his lips was my undoing. The tightening low in my balls, deep and heavy, exploded through me and my cock erupted onto this chest, cum shooting in short, strong bursts onto his pale, glistening skin. My body clenched around his cock, I released myself and put my hands on his chest as my entire body shuddered violently. Dropping my head down, my hair slid over my shoulders, the ends brushing his chest. I gasped when I felt his hand push it back over one shoulder.

"Such beautiful hair," he admitted before his hand went back to my hips and he lifted me, allowing his cock to piston up into my ass, drilling me until he came.

Beneath me, his abdomen flexed, the muscles defined and taunt, his shoulders rose off the bed and his face…his face was incredible. I had only seen him come when I gave him head, never when we were having sex. Flushed cheeks led to lush lips, parted by the tip of his tongue sticking out like he was concentrating, his eyes were open, widening for a split second before glazing over with ecstasy as his cock twitched and released inside me.

Exhausted, I lifted myself off him, and fell to the side. Glancing at the clock I realized we had been fucking for a little over an hour. The boy had stamina. But then again, he had a lot of practice. He exhaled a deep breath before reaching down and peeling the condom off his softening cock. When he went to sit up, I grabbed his wrist, took the condom from his hand and tossed it in the trash for him. After using a towel from my laundry to clean myself off, I turned around and found him watching me with narrowed eyes. I walked over to him and wiped my cum off his chest with the towel.

"Thanks," he mumbled before he rolled over onto his stomach. Folding his arms, he laid his head on them and his eyes drifted closed. Shocked, I climbed back onto the bed and lay beside him, mirroring his position. "Comfortable," he sighed.

I tried to resist, I wanted to stare at him longer, his gorgeous face so peaceful after sex, but my eyelids were heavy and fluttered closed.

"FUCK!" he yelled, jumping out of bed. Startled, I woke up and looked at the clock.

It was almost midnight. He had been there for over four hours.

"I can't believe I fucking fell asleep," he muttered to himself as he began putting his clothes on. "I was supposed to meet Bella at the movies. Jesus, she's going to be pissed."

Sitting up, I yawned and handed him his tee shirt. He snagged it and pulled it over his head. After stuffing his feet into his sneakers, he reached for the door knob. "Thanks for the fuck, Jake," he said just as the door slammed closed. I turned off the music and lay back down on my bed, my skin still tingling from where his hands had touched me.

The next day I was in biology when Seth came in, slammed his books down on the lab table and sat next to me.

"Did you hear about Cullen?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow. Hesitantly, I shook my head, not sure if wanted to hear what he was so eager to tell me. "Guess he was supposed to be meet Bella last night at the movies at ten…" he paused for dramatic effect. "He never showed up."

"Really?" I feigned surprise.

"Yep. Know where he was?"

I swallowed hard, my mouth instantly drying, my palms sweating. Had Bella found out that her boyfriend was fucking 'Indian boys'? Pounding in my chest, my heart rushed the blood through my system, and I could practically hear it in my ears. Opening my notebook, I kept my eyes on it, avoiding his gaze, and shook my head again.

"He gave her some excuse about being at home studying and he fell asleep, but she didn't buy it. She was pissed."

"Do you think she knows about us?" I asked him in a hushed tone.

"Fuck, no. If anything, she might suspect he's fucking that Jessica girl but she's clueless that he gets his rocks off fucking boys too." The teacher walked in and began class. Throughout class, he eyed me suspiciously. Seth wrote on a piece of paper and slid it across the table.

He was with you, wasn't he?

I scribbled my answer and pushed it back.

No

Smirking, he replied.

Bullshit!

I ignored him the rest of class.

As soon as I turned the dirt bike into my driveway, I saw the Volvo sitting there with Edward leaning against the hood smoking a cigarette. After I got off the bike, I hung my helmet on the handlebar and walked over to him. Tossing the cigarette on the ground, he crushed it with his booted toe before looking at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked, wasting no time on bullshit. He hadn't texted me, so he wasn't there for sex.

"I assume you heard what happened?" he tilted his head, his hair like a shiny penny in the bright sunlight. Nodding, I leaned against his car next to him.

"She was pissed?"

"That's an understatement. Accused me of all kind of shit, none of which was true, but still…" he sighed and shoved his hands on his pockets. "I might to not be able to come up here for a bit, at least until things calm down with her."

"Okay." Honestly, I was surprised he was telling me, it was as if he cared that I knew rather than just avoid me all together. "Just me or all of us?"

"All of you?" he asked, confused.

"Come on, Cullen. I'm not completely stupid. I know you fuck others of us. Seth, Embry, Paul…"

"Used to," he corrected. "I haven't been with Paul or Embry in months."

"Seth?"

"Yeah, I've been him a few times lately. Kid's got a tight ass and let's me bareback," he admitted and my heart sank a bit.

"How often?" I snarled. "How often are you fucking him too?"

"Jesus, Jake. I don't know, once a week maybe? Twice sometimes. I have no fucking idea. What the fuck do you care anyway, it's not like you're my boyfriend or something," he snapped before glancing around. "Hey, is your dad home?"

"No, he's with Charlie, they went fishing with Harry." As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized why he was asking. The look his face confirmed it, his lopsided come hither smirk and excited eyes. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, I was busy…instead, I motioned toward the door and he followed me inside.

As we stripped off our clothes in my room, he asked, "When is he due home?"

"Probably a few hours," I shrugged.

"Perfect, I've got an hour before I need to meet Bella for dinner," he said as he walked toward my table for the lube and condoms and tossed them on the bed. I lay down on my back and he plopped down beside me, his hand going right to my already hardening cock. "Mmm, I love how you are always ready for me, Jake, always hard for me." Wrapping his fingers around my erection, he began to languidly stroke me.

Foreplay was new.

Even at the small touch, my eyes rolled back into my head and I moaned.

"You like that, huh? See, Jake, I know what you like, don't I? I know how to touch you, bring you pleasure," he whispered right before I felt his mouth on my nipple, sucking it between his lips.

"Oh, fuck," I yelped, my hands fisting my bedspread to avoid going to his hair. He had never touched me like that before, and I didn't want to scare him off, I wanted to do anything to keep him doing exactly what he was doing. He rubbed his cock against my thigh, seeking friction of some kind. His mouth left my nipple and I felt it move over my chest, down my stomach, wet and lush, leaving opened mouth kisses behind. Then I felt his tongue dip into the slit on the head of my cock and I trembled with the restraint of not thrusting up into his mouth.

"Please," I begged, "more. Fucking more…"

Cool fingers released my cock and were replaced by his soft lips. It was all my fucking spank bank material come to reality. Hot and moist, his mouth embraced me almost completely as he swallowed around me before he began bobbing his head up and down my length. Every muscle in my body burned for him as a result of his touch, I felt like I was on fire from the inside out.

I would volunteer to be burned alive any day if it was going to feel like that.

All too soon, he stopped and reached behind him for the condom and lube. "Roll over," he instructed as he put the condom on. Doing as he requested, I turned onto my stomach, pressing my cock between my stomach and the bed. Lifting my ass in the air, I felt his slickened fingers spread lube around my hole before he inserted them briefly. The bed shifted as he went to his knees behind me and I felt his fingers spread my ass, and then the head of his cock began to press into me.

He might be an asshole but he was good about going slowly the first time he entered. After that though, it was no holds barred and he began pounded into me. Using my hands, I pushed myself up onto all fours and began stroking myself again. I felt his hand on my back, grazing along my skin until it was at the nape of my neck gripping the rubber band that held my hair. Pulling it out, he freed my hair and it fanned across my back and down over my shoulders. Then his fingers were in my hair, running through it constantly as he continued to fuck me aggressively.

"Need to come," he hissed. He was impatient, he didn't have much time to get off and he had used some of it giving me head. Frantically, I pumped myself knowing as soon as I came, and my ass tightened around him, he would quickly follow.

I remembered his lips on my dick. I imagined how soft his hair must be.

"Fucking coming," I cried out. Intense and thick, a warmth spread through my lower body, my balls contracted and I came, my cock shooting onto my blanket. Clenching my eyes, I stroked and squeezed the head of my cock as my body convulsed with each wave that hit me. When I opened my eyes and saw the cum on my blanket, I was pissed at myself for forgetting a towel again.

I heard him groan behind me and he suddenly pulled out of me. "Turn around," he ordered and I did. He had stripped the condom off and was stroking himself wildly. "Lay down." I lay on my back and he straddled my chest, his cock only an inch from my mouth. Reflexively, I opened my mouth as I watched him above me.

A fucking God with a pale, marble-like sculpted body, long neck, perfect face, hair and eyes to kill for, all even more erotic when he was sitting on the edge of an orgasm. His jaw clenched and he shut his eyes as he his head lolled back, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.

"FUCK!" he screamed and I closed my eyes. Warm cum hit my face in long, even bursts as he grunted powerfully with each one, his hand never slowing as he rode his climax to the maximum. Continuously, his hips bucked forward with each shot of his load. Sated, he let go of his cock and sat back on my chest. Cum ran down my cheek, my nose and chin, leaving a sticky trail behind, and I heard him chuckle. "Fuck, Jake, you look hot with my cum on your face."

Then he did something I never expected. His fingertip traced the trail of cum on my cheek and he swiped it onto his finger before bringing it to his mouth. Parting his lips, he dragged his tongue along his finger, cleaning it off.

"Mmm, I taste good," he smirked. I rolled my eyes and he got off me and got a towel, wiping his hand and cock off before tossing it to me. After, he glanced at the clock and then began dressing. I lay on my side and watched, he made even something as simple as getting dressed hot. Although I preferred him naked.

When he was completely dressed, he walked over to me and my heart raced with anticipation. Was he going to kiss me goodbye? Hold my hand? Brush his fingers along my cheek?

None of those.

He reached out and fingered the ends of my hair.

"Think sometime we can fuck while you're wearing a headdress?" he asked. No matter how much I craved it, I pulled away from his touch.

"Is that all I am to you? A fucking novelty?" I sneered, disgusted I had let him touch me, even more disgusted that I wanted him to continue to.

"Nah," he replied, "you're a good fuck too." He turned for the door, opened it and then stopped glancing over his shoulder at me. "Try to find one though, will ya?"

"Fuck you."

I heard his laugh as he closed the door behind him.

When my father got home a few hours later, I asked him if we had a tribal headdress around.

It was over two weeks before I heard from Edward again. The days were long, the nights even longer, and I began to think he was done with me. Maybe he had found someone closer, or maybe he wasn't even fucking boys anymore. At school, Seth sat next to me at lunch and biology, barely mentioning Edward. He seemed to take it in stride, and said he'd just let Embry fuck him even though his dick wasn't nearly as big as Edward's.

Then one Saturday, I got a text message from him. I was embarrassed at how much my heart raced when I saw his name.

Got the headdress?

Fuck you! I replied, and could almost see him laughing in response. Glancing at my closet, I knew behind the red doors sat a headdress my father had gotten from an elder. It wasn't authentic, it was more of a costume, but the design and colors were representative of our tribe.

Mmm so hot when you're pissed off. Meet me at 4?

Bella let you off the leash?

LOL, no I broke free. So 4?

Fine.

To waste time I worked on the Rabbit all day and then went inside to shower. At four sharp, I heard the purr of the Volvo as he drove down the dirt driveway. Minutes later, we were lying on my bed, surprisingly clothed. He had walked in, went right to my room and collapsed on my bed. Lying next to him, I openly admired him, tired of trying to mask my emotions and want for him. On his back, his eyes were closed, his body completely still.

"Why are you staring at me?" he asked, turning his head and opening his dark green eyes. I shrugged.

"Just wondering why we're laying here…with clothes on. I thought you wanted to fuck?"

"Actually, I said 'meet me', not 'let's fuck'," he countered.

"Same thing with you."

He sighed and turned his head away. "Bella's been a real bitch lately. Watching my every move, constantly wanting to be with me, spend time with me. I can barely breathe. It's like she's suffocating me…"

He was opening up to me in a way he never had before, in a way I never expected. And as much as hearing about Bella hurt, I remained quiet, hoping he would continue on his own.

"I can't…I can't be who I really am with her, know what I mean? I mean, to her I'm this rich, perfect boyfriend, but inside…I'm not that at all. Inside…" he paused and took a deep breath. "Inside, I'm dying, Jake."

Biting my lip, I waited for more. When he didn't continue, I moved closer to him, and tentatively laid my arm around his waist before laying my head on his chest. I felt him stiffen immediately. We had fucked a lot, but we had never held each other intimately, with compassion and tenderness. As I listened to the sound of his strong heart under my ear and felt his chest rise and fall with each deep breath, I felt his hand on my back, soothingly stroking up and down. For a few minutes, we lay like that, actually holding each other until he broke the silence.

"Did you get the headdress?"

I pushed off him, contempt in my eyes and despair seeping from my pores as I sat and glared at the smirk on his perfect face. Despite my hatred for him at that moment, I nodded my head. He was off the bed and undoing his pants in a flash.

"Where is it?"

As I stood and pulled off my tee shirt, I motioned to the closet doors. He slid them open and grinned when he saw the brightly colored feathers and beads adorning the headband. Lifting it, he examined it before placing it on the bed. He finished undressing and then handed it to me across the bed.

"Put it on and leave your hair down," he commanded. Naked, I took it from him and put it on my head. I had already tried it on a few times since getting it to make sure it fit and wouldn't slip around during sex.

"I suppose you want to call me kemo sabe too, right?" I snapped.

"Don't be ridiculous," he rolled his eyes. Obediently, I climbed onto the bed and took my position on my hands and knees. After getting a condom and lube, I felt him behind me, his fingers exploring my hole before the head of his cock pushed past the tight muscle.

I willed myself to not get hard, but the more he thrust into me, the more I felt my cock lengthen against my will until I finally gave up and began stroking myself. He flipped me over onto my back, holding my legs up and out with his hands under my knees as he entered me again, groaning loudly. Before, I would have been thrilled to see him while we fucked, but the more I looked at him then, the more I hated him..and myself.

"Fucking love this look on you. So raw…tribal…" he moaned and reached down to reverently touch the feathers at the top of my head. I closed my eyes; I didn't want to see the look on his face as we fucked, as I stroked myself to his thrusts, as I came with his cock in me. I was ashamed of who he had made me into.

Someone willing to exploit their heritage for the sake of sex, willing to let them demand where and how and with what.

My heart ached as much as my cock, one in pleasure, one in pain. How was it possible for one person to bring such opposing emotions to me at the exact same time? And always, always, in the end my body won and the pleasure would overtake the pain, bringing me the precious seconds of release that would steal me away from the hate and agony.

With my eyes clenched, I came, my cock releasing onto me, and I hated myself even more as the ecstasy flowed through my body and I yearned for more. When I dared open my eyes, I saw Edward's head lolled back, his mouth open as he ground his hips into me, his cock filling me with each push of his hips. Suddenly, his head snapped up and he looked at me with cold, empty eyes as he came with a roar. Stilling, his cock emptied into me as his body tensed. My legs fell to the bed when he let them go, and he pulled out of me and sat on his heels, catching his breath. Reaching up, I pulled the headdress off, letting it fall to the floor. Quietly, he took off the condom and threw it away and then began to get his pants on.

Agony ripped through me as I wiped myself off and picked up the feathers and threw them in my closet. He pulled on his gray tee shirt and then sat down and tugged on his boots before standing. I just stood, watching him, seething with loathing and anguish, my body and mind, and honestly, my heart, conflicted with each movement of his.

I wanted to yell at him for making me ashamed.

I wanted to beg him to stay.

I wanted to hate him for making me want him.

We faced off, him completely dressed, me completely naked, our faces only inches from each other, my body hummed with the need to reach out and touch him even as my mind screamed to get the fuck out.

"Why are all you Indian kids such good fucks? Is it something in the water up here?" he sneered. I wanted to say something just as hurtful, tell him that I thought Jasper might be a good fuck. Rumor had it that Alice had broken up with him because she had caught him looking at another guy with a bit too much want in his eyes. Jasper may have been Edward's best friend, but they were in constant competition for everything. Most popular, sexiest, smartest…best lay.

Sometimes I wondered if they hadn't already fucked each other.

I knew it would hurt him if I suggested going to Whitlock for sex, he would hide it under his mask, but deep down it would scar.

Defiantly, I lifted my chin, my hands fisted at my sides. "Get the fuck out of my house," I growled. With a smirk, he turned and headed for the door, as he opened it, I said the final words, "And don't come back."

Naked, I fell onto my bed, buried my face in my pillow and cried, shame, self hatred, and grief and all poured from me in the form of salty tears.

"**~~**"

A few months went by; I kept busy working on the Rabbit every second I wasn't at school or studying. I was more determined than ever to get good grades and get into college. I wanted nothing more than to get off the Res and away from everyone. I had heard through Seth that Cullen was still visiting him, and that Embry had given Edward head a few times. Seth was suspicious, he nagged me about my mood, and I ignored him, never telling him what had happened.

Late that spring, the Rabbit was fit enough to finally take it public. To celebrate, I asked Seth if he wanted to head into Forks and see a movie. Not having anything else better to do, he agreed. I picked him at his place that Friday and we drove to the theater in Forks. Drizzle fell lightly on us as we walked into the theatre and paid. After getting our popcorn, we sat down in the last row and put our feet up on the seats in front of us. People filed in while we waited and then I heard a familiar laugh.

Immediately, I tensed.

Sure enough, he had entered to our left and was walking down the aisle, his hand on the lower part of Bella's back as he guided her to their seats. My stomach churned and bile rose in my throat. Repulsed, I swallowed it and willed my heart to stop racing. Unconsciously, I lowered myself in the seat and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up.

He hadn't changed at all. He was still beautiful. He was still commanding. He was still an asshole.

They sat several rows in front of us and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Seth glance at me.

Leaning into me, he whispered, "Is that Cullen?"

Nodding, I kept my eyes trained to the floor, but when I heard her giggle above all other chatter, I looked up at them through my eyelashes. The theater darkened and the movie began, but even in the dim light, I saw his arm snake around her shoulders and she laid her head on his. Forcing my eyes to the giant screen, I attempted to concentrate in the movie, but all I saw was them… cuddling, kissing, murmuring, giggling.

"I'll be right back," I mumbled to Seth as I stood and walked out of the theater and practically ran to the bathroom. With my hands on the cold porcelain, I leaned over the sink, my thoughts racing along with my heart as I tried to calm myself down. Turning the faucet on, I cupped my hands, gathering some cold water in them before splashing it on my face.

I sensed he was behind me even before I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror. Dark, confused, ocean-green eyes returned my gaze. Taking a deep breath, I turned around and leaned against the sink.

"What do you want?" I sighed, folding my arms across my chest.

"You know what I want," he smirked with a tilt if his head.

"Yeah, well, forget it. Not going to happen," I denied, shaking my head. The smirk never left his face as he took two strides to me and looked me in the eyes.

"If I want it to happen, it'll happen," he challenged. I could feel his breath washing over my face and I inhaled the sweet scent, coating my lungs with his essence.

"Won't Bella miss you?" I snarled. He shrugged his shoulders and leaned in to me until his mouth was my ear.

"I will have you again," he promised before turning on his heel and walking out. Shaken, I took a few deep breaths, but when I heard the door swing open again, I ran out and back into the theater. I took my seat next to Seth, my eyes on the back of Edward's head the entire rest of the movie.

Part of me hoped he kept his promise, and I hated myself for it.

As we were walking out of the theater, I kept my head down but she still recognized me, even from behind.

"Jacob," she called out. She never called me Jake. With a heavy sigh, I stopped and turned around, resolved that I was going to have to face them together sooner or later. His arm was slung around her shoulders, hers was around his waist.

Her fingers rested just over the scar on his left side. A scar I knew well.

"Hey, Bella," I gave her fake smile. "How's it going?"

She grinned up at me, so happy…and clueless. "Great. You remember Edward, right?" He gave me the courtesy guy nod and I returned it.

"Yeah, and you remember Seth?" I motioned to Seth standing to my right with a shit eating grin on his face as his eyes hungrily roamed up and down Edward's body and he licked his lips. I was surprised he didn't fucking drool.

"Hey, Seth," Bella greeted, "So did you guys like the movie?"

Seth responded first. "The action was kick ass, but needed more nudity, ya know? I thought for sure they'd be getting on with all the unresolved sexual tension."

Bella laughed deep and honest. "Yeah, more sex is always a good thing," she agreed. I attempted to avoid looking at him, but my eyes were fucking pulled to his, finding a chuckle in them at the irony of his girlfriend's words.

"I agree. Don't you, Jake?" Edward asked with a raised eyebrow. Looking away, I nodded.

"Sure, I guess. If it's with the right person," I countered. Things were getting a bit too close and messy, and I glanced at Seth. "We gotta go, going to grab a bite and then the drive back to La Push. Good to see you, Bella, Edward."

"Wait, Edward and I were thinking of getting something to eat too, why don't we all go together?" she suggested.

Panicked, I looked at Edward, silently begging for him to say no. "Sounds good to me," the asshole agreed.

"Me too," Seth spoke up. "Barney's?" Bella and Edward nodded and headed toward his car. As soon as I closed the door to the Rabbit, I turned to Seth.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" I snapped.

"What? You're the one that said we were going out to eat. What was I supposed to say? Fuck off, I want to be with Jake alone, how would that look? Besides," he said as he buckled up his seatbelt, "might be kinda fun."

I started the car and drove to the small diner. We arrived before they did and got a seat. The waitress gave us a strange look when Seth sat on the same side of the table as I did. A few minutes later, they walked in, hand in hand, and made their way to the table, sitting next to each other on the other side of the booth. I held the menu in my hands in an attempt to hide the fact that they were shaking. We made small talk until the waitress came by and took our orders. When she left, Edward pointedly stared at me as he lifted his arm and put it around Bella, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.

I felt sick.

"So, Edward," Seth began, emphasizing Edward's name, "where are you going to college next year? Daddy buy your way into ivy league?"

It was like he was rattling the lion's cage just to piss him off and see what he would do. You don't piss off a Cullen. Emmet, Edward's younger brother, had been pissed off once and had broken a kid's hand just by pretending to shake it. He had a grip like a fucking bear. His younger sister had once sliced the tires of her boyfriend's car because she saw him talking to a girl in the hallway. Whitlock learned his lesson after that and had never looked at another girl again.

They all had tempers.

Edward chuckled at the challenge and I kicked Seth under the table. "Ouch, what the fuck," he said leaning down to rub his shin.

Edward angled his head to answer but Bella spoke up first. "Actually, Seth, Edward got into Stanford on a full scholarship."

Shocked, I looked at Edward. "You did?"

Why hadn't he told me?

Oh, because we never fucking talked…we just fucked.

"I did, got the letter a few weeks ago." His voice was even, smooth, still velvety.

"That's great," I nodded just as the waitress brought our drinks. I saw movement in Edward's lap and realized Bella's hand was on his thigh, stroking it. His eyes fluttered a few times as her hand crept closer to his crotch. I wanted to stand up and scream at her to get her hands off him, but all I could focus on was that in a few months, he would gone, thousands of miles away, meeting new people…fucking new people.

"Will you guys do the whole long distance thing?" Seth asked as he took a sip of his soda.

"Of course," Bella scoffed, as if there wasn't a doubt in her mind. She couldn't trust him at her high school, how the hell was she going to trust him at college? "We're together for life, aren't we, baby?"

Baby?

I almost spit my soda out.

"What?" she asked looking at me. "Don't you call your girlfriend baby?"

Seth laughed so loud the entire restaurant turned to look at him. "Jake have a girlfriend? That's a good one."

"Shut the fuck up," I scolded him under my breath. "What he means to say is that there are not that many girls on the Res, and even fewer that anyone would want to date."

"Oh, sorry to hear that," she apologized, and then her eyes got wide before she looked up at Edward. "We could set Jake up on a date, couldn't we? Jessica, or Angela maybe? Or even Alice, she and Jasper broke up," she finished excitedly.

Shaking his head Edward stopped her. "No way." His brown creased. "Besides, I'm sure Jake doesn't need our help finding someone to fuck him. He's a good looking kid."

"Got a big dick, too," Seth shrugged absently. All of us looked at him, our eyes wide in shock at his statement. "I mean, well… ya know, I've seen the goods, gym class and shit." He stammered excuses. Edward chuckled at Seth but his eyes never left me.

How could he be so comfortable sitting at a table with two boys he had fucked and the girlfriend that didn't know it?

"Well, that's uh, good to know," Bella replied quietly, blushing. The waitress brought our orders over and everyone began to eat. Seth kept the conversation flowing by asking Bella some questions about her father, the police chief, and about life in Phoenix before she moved to Forks and became Edward Cullen's girlfriend. I remained quiet throughout most of it, but felt Edward's eyes on me more than once.

"So, Edward," Seth switched his focus. "What are you going to major in?"

"Medicine," he answered casually with a shrug.

It was no surprise, his father was a doctor, I was sure he was expected to be one as well.

"Cool," Seth mumbled around his burger.

"Yep, my baby is going to get his med degree and then we are getting married, aren't we sweetheart?" Bella asked sweetly, and I swear I saw Edward grimace when she said the word married.

This was the suffocating he had been talking about. The closer I watched him, the more I saw it. He wasn't excited by her hand on his thigh, he was surprised by it. He didn't return her pet names, he didn't brag about how wonderful she was like she did him. Suddenly, everything they were doing seemed fake and forced…even the kisses.

But it didn't matter. Regardless of whether or not he really wanted to be with her, he was.

After what was known as the longest dinner ever, we paid our check and headed out to the car. Bella finally released her hold on Edward to give me a hug goodbye. I embraced her, watching Edward over her shoulder. In a second, I could have changed his world, a few whispered words into her ear and his entire house of cards would have come tumbling down. I witnessed the fear in his eyes, he knew the power I had in those few precious seconds.

But my lips remained sealed.

"Bye, Bella," I murmured, kissing her cheek. "Say hi to Charlie for me."

"I will," she promised. "Bye Seth, good to see you again." She turned and grabbed Edward's hand. As they walked toward his car, he tossed me a glance over his shoulder and I swear he looked sad. Inside, my heart ached not just for me anymore…but for him.

It was the last time I saw Edward.

I went on with my life. The school year came to a close and I took on some extra work for the summer, fixing up a few cars. My dad tried to convince me to skip college and just open a garage in La Push. I ignored his advice and began sending away for brochures for colleges that offered architecture or engineering. At sixteen, I hadn't decided on a career, but I knew those things both interested me. The summer dragged, I saw Seth sometimes, he came over occasionally and we hung out, but I stuck to myself and spent a lot of time trying to forget Edward.

Except every fucking time I closed my eyes, I saw him under me, or sleeping next to me, or over me as he came. Every time it was quiet, I heard his chuckle, his moan or his whisper. Every time I was horny, I felt his cock in me, his hands on me, or his lips sucking me. I spent many lonely nights jerking off to images of him in my room, naked, dressed, sleeping, awake. It didn't matter where he was or what kind of an ass he was, my heart ached for him, to have him near. One night, I had even been tempted to text him, tell him to come over as soon as fucking possible, but somehow I found the strength to resist.

About half way through summer, I was in the shed working on a dirt bike for Sam, a friend of mine that was few years older, when Seth came running in like someone had been chasing him. It was hotter than hell outside, he was dressed in a pair of shorts and sandals, pretty much same thing I was, when he came sprinting into the open doorway, almost tripping over the tools on the ground.

"Jesus, fucking watch where you're going," I scolded him as I wiped off an engine part.

"Holy shit, did you hear what happened?" he panted, bent over with his hands on his knees.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, tossing the rag onto the ground. After a few deep breaths, he began.

"Cullen."

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Car accident," he gasped, his information in bits and pieces.

My heart clenched, tightening impossibly in my chest, crushing my lungs, allowing them only shallow breaths. Instantly, I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach.

"How bad?" I asked, stunned. Seth shook his head, his shaggy hair drenched in sweat.

"I don't know man, pretty bad I think. He and his dad were in it. The Doc was driving," he attempted to explain.

"When?"

"Last night, well, really early this morning. On their way home from some benefit or something. His mom didn't go."

"Had he been drinking?" It was no secret that Carlisle enjoyed his wine with dinner and his bourbon with dessert.

"I don't know. Doc is worse off than Edward from what I hear, but…Edward is pretty banged up." I stood up and looked for my shirt, putting it on when I found it. "Where are you going?"

"I've got to go there, I've got to be there with him."

He grabbed my wrist as I walked by. "Jake, what's going on? These past few months you've been acting so fucking weird and now…now you're acting like you're in love him or something. It was just sex man, nothing more. He used us, we used him." Almost black eyes warily gazed at me, sizing me up, attempting to read my emotions and thoughts.

"He's a friend, Seth," I reasoned, attempting to hide my true feelings from my closest friend.

"You can't go, you know that. His family is there, Bella, hell, I think even Jasper is there. What are you going to say when you walk in? Bella thinks you guys have only met at a cookout and at the movies, you really want to tell her what's really been going on?"

Slowly, I shook my head and sat down, burying my head in my hands. He was right of course, I couldn't very well show up after supposedly meeting Edward once at a cookout almost a year before and then for an hour one night at dinner. I could say I was there to support Bella, but after not having seen her for the past few months, that would seem almost as odd.

"What do we do?" I asked Seth, looking up at him. He was leaning against the dirt bike with his arms across his chest. Raising an eyebrow he shrugged his shoulders.

"We just wait and see. Be a shame if something happened to this dick though, it sure is talented."

"How can you only think about the guy's dick? Jesus, you have no heart." I walked out of the shed and into my house, hoping like hell he didn't follow me.

After a few hours, I was sick with worry and chanced sending a text to Bella.

I heard about Edward, hope he's ok.

She replied fairly quickly.

He has a broken arm, a few broken ribs, severe concussion and lots of cuts. Drs say he will be ok.

I could taste the tears as they rolled over my lips before I had felt them actually fall. Relief swept through me at a frantic pace. I sat for a minute, letting my heart calm before I replied.

That's good. How's his dad?

Not good. In a coma, lots of brain damage-they transferred him to Seattle General.

Tell Edward I'm sorry.

Ok thanks Jake.

I set the phone down on my table and lay back on my bed, my body trembling from the news of his accident and then the relief of hearing he was going to be alright. As much as I wanted to see him, I had no choice but to wait. It wasn't safe, or smart, to go while his family and Bella were there.

It was a little before dawn when I snuck out of the house and pushed the Rabbit down my driveway before starting it up. The drive to the hospital was pretty short and I found a space close to the entrance. I walked in casually and made my way up to the maternity ward where Sam's girlfriend Emily worked the nightshift. Luckily, she was at the nurse's station when the elevator doors opened.

"Jake? What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Hey, Em," I smiled," I need a favor."

"Sure."

"Edward Cullen was admitted, can you tell me what room he's in?" If she was suspicious, she didn't act it, instead, she hit a few keys on her keyboard and then looked at me.

"Room 305," she supplied.

"Thanks, Em," I turned for the elevators again.

"Jake, visiting hours aren't for another six hours," she reminded me as the doors closed between us.

I got off at the third floor and walked to his room, taking a deep breath and looking down the hall in both directions before I walked in and closed the door behind me. The room was dark, the only lighting coming from the machines that monitored his vitals and pumped him with pain medicine. Numbly, I walked toward the dark, covered figure in the bed, gasping when I saw him up close. His face, his beautiful face, was swollen and bruised, cuts and stitches marring what had been perfect skin. On the left side of his forehead, the hair that I had longed to touch so many fucking times had been shaved and replaced by a line of stitches. His left arm was in a cast, and lay next to him on a pillow. The other arm had an IV needle in it and was bruised. Nervously, I glanced around before taking a seat in the plastic chair near his bed. Leaning forward, I hesitantly placed my hand over his and gently curled my fingers around his discolored ones. I bit my lip to keep my emotions in check and failed miserably.

Seeing the boy that was always so strong, commanding, intelligent so…broken destroyed me. It was not the Edward I knew, it was a ghost of him laying battered in the bed. Each time I heard footsteps or voices in the hall, I panicked, but we remained alone. Even under my touch, he didn't respond, so in a hushed voice, I spoke to him.

"I don't know if you can hear me, Edward, but I had to come. I…" I trailed off, having really no fucking idea what I wanted to say. Weak, I swiped at the tears that steadily streamed down my face. "I just wanted to see you for myself. See if really was you." I sighed, hanging my head.

Images of Edward, strong and healthy flew through my mind. And with each one, a realization began to occur to me.

The stupid shit I had done for him, the willingness to be anywhere at any time for him, the desire to be what he wanted, the yearning for not only his body but for his mind and heart as well…it all began to make sense. My chest tightened impossibly as I gasped for breath.

I loved Edward.

It was why it all hurt so much. The jealousy, the shame, the absence, the words- they all inflicted so much pain because of my feelings for him. It was why the situation never bothered Seth-he didn't love him.

Clutching his hand in mine, I worried I was hurting him, but I couldn't find it in me to let him go. My time was limited, I knew a nurse was bound to walk in sooner or later and would kick me out. Before it was too late, before I never saw him again, I had to tell him how I felt, even if he couldn't hear me, or reply, I had to let him know. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, summoning the courage I needed.

In the dark room, I whispered, "Edward, I…I love you," to the beautiful, damaged boy in the bed. Beneath my hand, his fingers twitched reflexively and my heart skipped a beat. I brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed it softly before placing it back on his bed. Standing up, I looked toward the door and when I was certain we were alone, I brushed his matted hair off his face, relishing in the texture even if it was dirty, before I leaning down and placing a kiss on the cool skin of his forehead. I had touched him in so many ways, so many times, but right then was the most special to me.

Ironically, he was unconscious for it.

"Love you," I murmured against his skin. Unwillingly, I pulled away and released his hand, even giving him a weak smile before I turned and walked out of the dark room and into the bright light of the hospital hallway. I didn't remember the drive home, but I woke up in my bed several hours later to my phone ringing. It was Seth, Edward had regained consciousness, he was even sitting up a bit and talking. After I hung up, I lay back and smiled.

Perhaps in some small way he had heard or felt me the night before. Perhaps he knew.

Maybe even before I had.

The next week dragged by while I waited for word on Edward from Seth, resting only when he had been released from the hospital. I kept myself busy, trying to keep my mind occupied and off him and my unquenchable desire to be near him, to see him. Each second I denied my body, and heart, that yearning, I felt a pit in my stomach that matched the tightening in my chest. Seth had told me that Edward's father was still in the coma and Edward had made the trip to Seattle to see him a few times since being released.

A few days later, I was sitting on my couch watching some stupid, mind-numbing reality show when there was a sharp knock at my door. With a sigh, I got off the couch and ambled to the door, shocked when I opened it and saw Edward.

He still looked like shit, but he looked better. His eyes were dull with black circles under them, this left arm was in a sling and his face had begun to heal more. The bruises had gone from dark blues and near blacks to faded yellows and greens. The stitches had been removed and pink lines had been left in their wake. To cover up his shaved hair, he had a baseball cap on. It was pulled low, almost over his eyes.

"Edward?"

When he lifted his head, my heart broke.

The whites of his eyes were bloodshot with evidence that he had been crying.

Tugging his bottom lip between his teeth, he struggled to rein in his emotions, but they began to flow freely down his face as he drew in shallow breaths and stared at me with such anguish in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Not even thinking to invite him inside, we stood in the doorway to my house, him on the step, me just inside, my hand still on the knob of the door.

"My father," was all he said before he fell forward. Instantly, my arms were out and around him as he collapsed into my embrace, his arms going around my neck as he buried his head into my chest and sobbed heavily. I ran a hand up and down his back soothingly, whispering 'ssshh' in his ear, telling him over and over it was going to be okay and I still had no idea what had happened. Supporting his weight, we stood there as he let it all out; I began to cry for him, his sadness encompassing us both.

"My father is dead," he blurted out suddenly. I pulled away from him to see his face, to see if it was one more of his cruel jokes but the pain in his eyes told me it was definitely no joke.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen was dead.

"Wh…what happened?" I asked, still stunned, my arms tightening around him as if they could ease his grief. Against my chest, he shook his head, as if he didn't know or couldn't bring himself to say, I didn't know which it was.

With his forehead pressed against my shoulder, he began speaking into my cotton tee shirt I had on. "His brain started bleeding last night, they took him in to the OR to relieve the pressure, but he had a heart attack during surgery and they couldn't save him," he explained in a surprisingly calm voice. He exhaled and I felt his warm breath spread over my chest. Laying my head against his, I nuzzled his hair and let my hand travel up his back to the nape of his neck where the silky wisps tickled the back of my hand.

"Is your mom okay?"

He nodded. "She's with Emmett and Alice. I couldn't stay in the hospital any longer, I had to get out of there before I did something crazy. I was so pissed they let him die with all those doctors around."

"Does Bella know?" I felt his head move against me as he nodded. "She must be a wreck. Why aren't you with Bella?"

Slowly, he lifted his head off my shoulder and looked at me with the most intense eyes I had ever seen. His hands came around from my neck to my face and he cupped it. Tilting his head, he gave me a weak, crooked smile.

Then he said the words that would forever define us.

"Because you were the first person I thought of."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~