I do NOT own Naruto, but I do write funny things about him.

It was a bright and sunny day in konoha, It was roughly 6 months after the fourth shinobi war and all was well for konoha's Blonde sunflower, Naruto Uzumaki.

Sasuke was back to the village after talking with Itatchi and helping defeat Madara and Kaguya. Kurama or Kyuubi, and Naruto got along very well...and the bomb that Hagoromo dropped on them about the irreversable damage done to their space/time continuity seemed like nothing to worry about...for now atleast; Coupled with the fact that he made a bunch of new friends...some explaining would need to be done in the near future.

Anyways back to Naruto, he was headed towards his favorite resturaunt, Ichiraku's. As he walked in there was no one there and there was a sign said "out to lunch", Naruto payed little attention to the sign and walked around to the back of the building and opened the door, But as soon as he stepped through he was attacked by a White and brown blur. He was violently pushed against the wall and he felt something warm and soft against his lips and two arms wrapped around his neck he responded by wrapping his arms around the slim waist of the figure, Ayame. She forced her tounge into his mouth while slightly moaning, Naruto broke the kiss by leaning back.

"Ayame-chan stop being so aggressive, will ya? your father could come back any second!".

"Sorry Naruto-kun I-I just get warm...when i see you."

Naruto then smirked at his fortunate circumstances "How about you come over little later?" He finished smoothly with a foxy grin; "Oh and Ayame-chan! im kind of hungry and im in a hurry so do you think you could make me a to-go bowl?"

"Sure Naruto-kun" She said happily and got to work having him on his way in under 5 minutes but not without a even more saucy goodbye kiss.

Naruto found nearly every woman he met acting the same way around him after the war. Then it soon came to him that he was a VERY lucky man, Just before he showed up at ichiraku's he was at a certain Hyuugas compound...

*Flashback*

"Naruto-kun! It's this way...I think I seen onee-chan over here- ...oops" the voice of the younger Hyuuga said sarcastically as she led his hand to her chest making him give her an annoyed look and a sigh.

"Just get out of here...I'll find her myself" he said walking past her despite her tugging on his arm...he had to admit she wasnt of age just yet but she was becoming a thing of pure beauty. Her antics when he visited were getting more and more noticeable as she grew...even managing to sucessfully pull a switcheroo on him with Hinata...it didn't happen but it was definitely a learning experience.

"Ughhhh...fine you suck" she complained cutely as she pulled him along a few more Coridors until stopping at room with a door that had posters of psychedelic drugs along with a large Led Zeppelin on the top...snatching him in she quickly slammed the door behind them a latched it shut.

"Uh...this is your room?" He said densely as he sat on the bed taking a look around, it was surprisingly clean...she had a desk in the corner by her closet where she was currently seated playing PC games along with her TV being mounted on a wall above her Dresser...she just pointed to the door without saying a word...sure enough upon opening it was Hinata...gagged and bound in what appeared to be a...Wonder Woman Costume?

"Not a bad choice actually...but why?" He asked as she turned with a blush not meeting his eyes even for a moment. A trait her and her sister shared...albiet an adorable one.

"I...uh...wanted to watch maybe..." she let out as he sent her a face that read 'be realistic', he lifted his prize and planted a kiss on Hanabi's forehead and hefting Hinata over his shoulder.

"No" he said plainly before attempting to leave.

"But Onii-Chan!" She complained with the cutest set of puppy eyes...Hinata couldnt resist as she motioned for her to remove her mouth cloth.

"But Naruto-Kun..." she said with a similar look however he was all but immune to it by now as he put the cloth back in her mouth and moved to leave again...however the younger sister had other plans as she pushed him back on the bed with an airpalm that momentarily knocked the wind out of him...he couldnt move.

"Haha!" She chuckled mischieviously before mounting him much to Kuramas amusement; the fox couldnt help but chuckle at its containers luck.

"Damnit Kurama don't just watch, help!" He said unable to stop the Hyuuga as she removed Hinatas Gag again.

'I am helping; I wont heal that closed chakra point of yours to ruin things for you' it said giggling behind the large Iron bars.

Hinata more or less was useless as well, being red as a tomato and not really aiming to stop her...but luckily the door opened just as one of the Gatekeepers waltzed in with Kakashi...only to see Hinata 'battle ready' ontop of Naruto and Hanabi on her knees in the front of the bed unbuckling his pants...

"Uh..."

"Don't mind us Naruto-Sama I was just delivering a message from the visitor you have" he said with a Bow and a straight face as if this was the norm around here...

"This isnt what it looks like..." He tried as he looked up to notice Kakashi flashing a thumbs up with an Anime star in his visible eye until he blinked and seen him reading his IchaIcha...

"As I said not a worry sire, I can't tell you how to use your property" he finished leaving Kakashi to the perverted trio...

"Mission time - ill give you some time I'll be outside; forget I was here." He said with a straight face as he took his leave as well...

"Wait- Sensei!" Naruto pleaded despite the mischievious giggles and the door slamming behind him. It was almost worse than Sasukes own interruption...

It was at Sakura's house where she and the Uchiha were susposed to be watching a movie, but it seems she got carried away and was in the middle of a furious make-out session using her tounge to battle for dominance. It was then that her mother came in, she was embarrased at seeing her daughter act like well... a complete and total slut.; Then she laid her eyes on the young man that was making her daughter act in such a way. She had always thought her daughter was crazy for obsessing over one boy when another was around the corner just waiting on her call...but she had to admit she knew how to pick em'...

"SAKURA!" she said loud enough to shock them both.

"M-mom we were just.." Sakura tried to make an excuse but was cut off.

"Im sorry Mrs. Haruno would you like to join?" he asked with one of his confident grins

Now Ms. Haruno gave it some thought before acting, she was shocked but then again not really suprised at the same time. After about 20 seconds she motioned for Sakura to sit on the other end of the couch so she could sit in the middle.

"Yes, I would Sasuke...kun ". What she did next shocked both the Uchiha and her daughter she began her attack the still confused Sasuke's lips she forced her touge into his mouth, after at least 20 more seconds he came out of his shock and broke the kiss...unsure of exactly what to think.

"Uh...I was talking about the movie Mrs. Haruno" He said with his rare dumbfounded expression...however the sheer lust in that kiss...

"Oh please Sasuke-kun call me Mebuki". She said seemingly ignoring his new comment as she moved to undo her blonde shoulder lengthed hair from the ponytail she had it tied in, her intense Jade eyes and friendly smile made her intoxicating to look at...in-fact she looked Identical to Sakura in nearly every way minus the hair color...but one thing was for sure. The difference between a woman and young woman dawned on him quickly as their tongues met again, her passion and sexual energy beginning to envelop him.

Now it was Sakura's turn to snap out of shock...

"MOM! what are you doing!?" She asked rather loudly...with a hint of jealousy in her tone.

'That Slut! Can't even trust your own parents now-a-days!' her innerself fumed in agreeance.

"Sakura hush, you should watch and to learn a couple of things..." She said the last part in a sultry tone as she pushed him on his back and began to explore below his waist...unbuttoning the top and unzipping the zipper then pulling down his pants, revealing his well endowed member.

"Uh...S-Stop...?" He said, making no effort to move...his innerself wearing a smile that went from ear-to-ear.

"Hush... Im just going to be teaching Sakura here how to pleasure a man such as yourself" She finished beginning to stroke it lightly before licking the clear droplet from the tip of it; it made him jolt a tad

" Mmm, how cute..."

"B-but mom..." Sakura said with a pout.

"No buts, now come over and help me with this monster" Sakura did as she was told and came over

She started to stroke his now completely stiff member, oogling at its size "L-like this..."

"Yea... dont be shy give it a taste."

"Do I have a say in this?" asked a still semi-confused.

His comment seem to be ignored as Mebuki kept giving Sakura tips and pointers...she took a bit at a time but it was evident she was new to this sort of thing, but when she got the hang of it...noticing he shuddered a tad when her tounge circled the tip of it...she began to steadily take more of it at a time in concentration; more and more of it vanishing down her throat with each head bob while her mother had opted to get another taste of his lips. She was more than intoxicating, her sexual frustration was utterly pouring into him...and he couldnt help but to submit to her passion. She was near Succubus-like with the way she seemingly pulled his soul out out him upon breaking the kiss...but not before sending him another wink.

"Now im going to teach you my sucking technique, but it will take practice for someone as big as this" She said while moving her head closer to it.

"W-Wait..." he didnt get to finish as Mebuki took his head into her mouth making him shudder again in pleasure...but his world litterally turned upsidedown when she took the whole thing while looking him in the eyes with an amused look on her face...she was a monster; she took his full length without hesitation, her tongue seemingly pole dancing on his member every time she came up; he was on the edge of his seat... Mebuki feeling his member beginning to stiffen more ready to recieve her treat...It was then a knock heard at the door making everyone eye eachother in confusion..

"Ill get it..." Said Sakura in a huff; as she had been totally cockblocked...by her own mom.

She walked up and opened the door to see the one-eyed silver haired jonin. "Hello Sakura, Sasuke here by any chance?" he said with an eye smile.

"Um..."Sakura said looking over to Sasuke who was waving frantically to tell him no..."Yea, one sec" she said closing

Kakashi waited five minutes and during those five minutes heard shuffling and various groans and complaints but he decided to ignore it and read his Icha Icha. When Sasuke came out Kakashi looked up from his book and gave him an invisible grin... "The hokage wishes to see you."

"You never saw me here" He said in a lowtone while scratching the back of his head. "Any specific reason though?"

"Well we have a mission today so I just came by to inform you... Oh and how was it?" Kakashi said with a straight face to his 'star' pupil.

"...I don't know what you're talking about" he said with a sweat drop.

"Meet me in the hokages office in a few" Kakashi said with another eye smile and shunshin'd away "not much calls for Team 7 now-a-days; be ready"

*Flashback end*

Naruto was now in the Hokage Tower heading to Tsunade's office like always when he got to the door he barged in loudly "Hey there Baa-chan!"

Everyone in the room turned towards him with the 'Here we go again' face that he just loved to see. "What a loser" Said Sasuke looking as indifferent as ever.

Shikamaru muttered something most likely 'Troublesome'.

Tsunade just gave a glare that made Naruto want to piss his pants and shizune just sighed.

"BAKA! i told you to stop calling me that!" Screamed tsunade. "As I was saying a squad of our anbu have been captured by some woman Nanami Kazuki. She sent a messanger bird with a note i think you all should read." She sent the note around the room almost everyone who read it raised an eyebrow and looked at Naruto with a confused look.

"So whats it say?" Naruto said taking the paper from sasuke. He began to read

I have your pesky anbu squad in my Humble abode in the mountain range just south of Konoha. I will release them on the condition that you bring me Uzumaki Naruto, nothing more nothing less(Though I would also like to meet The Lightning Blade!). I also happen to have formal plans in the guesstimated timeframe of your stay, I would suggest you all dress accordingly and bring as few males as possible. If Uzumaki Naruto does not show in the next three days I will have to put these men to death for tresspassing...Srry!

Sincerely Nanami~ :3

"Who the heck is this?" Asked Naruto with his usual confused face.

Shikamaru was the first to speak "Intel suggests were dealing with a fairytale about Witches in mountains...but we've got a historical lead That says they exterminated the Kinkaku force in revenge for the loss of the 2nd Hokage." He said lazily rrading his report before handing her a copy.

Everyones eyes widened upon hearing that but Tsunade was the first to respond.

"Theres no way they could live that long, I think they may be descendants, children or even grand children of the original so im assuming they are very skilled. For this mission im assigning Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, Suki and Kyuubi."

"Speaking of Suki-chan where is she teme?" Said Naruto biting his thumb and slapping his palm to the ground"Summoning jutsu!" When the smoke cleared there was an positvely stunning woman she was around 5' 6, with long red curly hair, a perfectly heart shaped face topped with her deep blue pools for eyes that resembled Narutos. She could make any man melt...and with her fox appendages she resembled something of a fantasy. But what really took the cake was her perfect hour-glass figure and the very revealing silky black kimono that failed to hide it...she look like she had been lounging around the house all day

"Surely you mean Sakura?" She asked boredly.

"Oh stop the whining, it wouldnt be any different than Naruto doing a mission with you inside him!" Tsunade said beginning to make a fuss "Besides since we've registered you as a Shinobi you havent done one damn mission! So, no you're not going to sit on your ass and run up tabs at every bar in the city." She finished making the Vixen look away with a 'hmph'.

"If you ever get kidnapped I hope they fondle you" she finished with a defeated huff unil she heard the door creak.

"Why not send Sai?" Said a feminine voice walking in through the door making everyone pause Suki Uchiha. A raven haired girl resembling Sasuke. She had black eyes like all Uchiha and a heart shaped face, as well as a light pattern of freckles that made her adorable. She wore the same short sleeved white shirt with the purple bow around her waistline, a black skirt that stopped a few inches above her knee's with the Uchiha symbol on the back and standard black shinobi sandals. "Also Kakashi, Kimiko says you took her IchaIcha this morning.

"We don't know what to expect and can't afford casualties; these people have been a name in the shadows since the first Shinobi War... when I was a child I heard tales of them being the creators of Suiton from the Second Hokage...however I believed them to be just that" she said tapping her chin in thought.

"Meh...a bunch of witches with Suiton...I never really got to see what all the fuss was about when I roamed-..." she said pausing to stare at the Raven haired girl now furiously assaulting her Kit's lips; her eyebrow subconsciously twitched at the interruption while the Uchiha gave her a wink out the corner of her eye...

" and what the hell do you think you're doing?" She asked making her pause before breaking apart from the mostly confused blonde...

"Tryna' get some cock; there a problem with that?" She said bluntly as the two hostile women shot sparks from their eyes in an intense staredown...

" Im afraid im all the woman my kit needs" she said with a mocking smile as she tugged the blondes arm "you will do no such thing to him"

"Well he's gonna' do it to me so..."

"Oh my..." Said Shizune with a light blush at the usual antics they were used to dealing with.

"Well I think thats my que." Said the lazy ninja who took his leave, closing the door behind him as he whistled a tune down the hall.

Sasuke just stared indifferently as usual before thumping his 'sister' on the head. "Stop talking like that idiot" he said rudely as she in-turn headbutted him which made them trade thier usual brooding expressions.

"Suki-chan, teme is right stop talking like a perv infront of Shizune-Nii! Shes as red as a Tomato!" He said pointing out the semi-flustered woman who just let out a 'hmph' before dropping the stack of paper work on Tsunades desk making it took as if she was about to pull her hair out.

"AHEM!" Said the Hokage who had opted to stand and split her desk...by lightly tapping on it. "You leave in an hour, now get the hell out of my office, pack your bags and get going!" she yelled over everyone making it to the exit as quickly as possible to do what they were told...all except Kakashi.

"Damnit Kakashi you to!" She said as he raised his hands up in defense...

"I was just here to ask you about our Serpent friend..." he added making her give him a look of confusion before he placed the report on the desk...with a sigh she just turned to her window before standing and taking a look at the village...

"It seems we've been too lenient and forgiving...when you return we shall deal with him" she said not even bothering to lay eyes on him. He just bowed and left the Hokage to her thoughts...was it truly time to cut loose ends? Had Orochimaru really reached a change in heart...or was he back at his old schemes? She would never know by just sitting here...it was time to visit the Snake once again perhaps he could answer a few questions as well.

ok, minor edits...hm I always wanted to write one of these...so here goes...

"Team 7 back in action! An omnious feeling!"

Cya next time!