Crashing Down

Kymanlvr

He comes to me when his world starts crashing down, and only then. When things aren't going so well, he goes to his best friend Stan. But when something goes wrong with Stan, then he comes to me. One time in middle school, when he got in a huge fight with Stan, he came straight to my house. I remember that night vividly. It was during a time when I wasn't really hanging around the group too much, so I was surprised that night when I opened my door to see the Jew's emerald eyes staring back at me. He looked like he was about to cry, and his body was trembling slightly. That was the first time he came to me.

The next time was early high school. He had gotten into a huge fight with his mom, but instead of going to Stan, he came to me. I wasn't as surprised to see him at my door that time, because I had been reconnecting with the old group right after we began our freshman year. However, it was still a bit shocking to see the same hurt, exposed look in his eyes. He stayed the night, which was actually the first time he slept over at my house without the others around.

It is now our junior year. Our group certainly doesn't hang around each other as much as we did in elementary school, but we try our hardest to check up on each other now and then. Kenny and I will always be good friends, but he isn't in school all that much anymore. Either he's skipping to go see a girl or two the next town over or he's dead. But even if I haven't seen him in a while, it's always like old times. I hardly ever see Stan. He's friends with the other members of the football team, and therefore doesn't hang around with Kenny, Kyle, and me that much. Lately, Kyle has been hanging out with me, surprisingly. He used to trail Stan like a lost puppy, and I could tell that he didn't really care for the other guys that Stan hung around with. He also used to hang with some other kids, but since the start of this year, he's been eating lunch with me. He also greets me before school, and we often chat between classes. We still bicker on a regular basis, but we certainly don't have fights like we used to. Now our daily insults seem friendly, and I find some sort of sick joy whenever he calls me 'fatass,' just as much as I suspect he likes me to still call him 'Jew.'

Despite how our interactions are much friendlier than they used to be, we would never call each other a friend, especially to the other one's face. We still stay that we hate each other. We don't get mushy. We don't have sleepovers. We don't really hang out after school, unless if Kenny or someone else is with us. We don't talk about our feelings or our problems. But even if I don't admit it to anyone else, I still consider Kyle a friend. I care a lot for him, which is rather hilarious considering how much I hated him in elementary school. Life is just so boring without him around to fight with. And Kyle seems pretty content to hang out with me, so I'm not going to complain.

This brings us to the present. Kyle is once again on my doorstep, looking a bit more pale than normal, and his eyes are shining with a familiar pain. Something has happened, and I feel an intense urge to protect him. Although, I must admit – I feel a bit protective when it comes to him on a daily basis. He's just so small. I wouldn't call him tiny or frail, but he is definitely thin. And whenever he gets that hurt look in his eyes, I just want to shield him from ever feeling that way again. It's frustrating to feel this way when you're not supposed to care so much.

He forces a week smile, but his hurt eyes betray him. "Hey, Fatass…."

I study him carefully. "Hey, Jew."

He takes a deep breath. "So, uh…. I was wondering… do you want to go to Stark's Pond?"

"I guess… I'm not doing anything else, so I suppose I can come…" I grab my coat quickly, and we're off.

We walk there mostly in silence. I'm not sure if he's going to want to talk about it. I'm pretty positive he won't. Every other time he ended up on my doorstep, he didn't really talk about why he ended up there. He would usually mutter something like, "I got into a fight with Stan," or "It's just my mom," and that would be the end of it. I don't ever pry for information. Sometimes I just don't want to know. It would be harder to act as nonchalant if he started pouring his guts out to me.

We get there, and plop down on the grass next to the pond. Normally the ground would have tons of snow on it by now, but for some reason the weather has been warmer lately. I glance at him, and he's staring off across the pond, lost in thought. His red curls are waving slightly in the wind, and I have to force myself to look away before he catches me staring.

Sometimes it's hard to pretend I don't like him as much as I do.

"I… got in a fight with Stan today."

I look over at him again. He seems to be choosing his words carefully, probably so that he doesn't divulge too much information to me. I decide to stay quiet. He continues.

"We decided to hang out yesterday, but then the day before he told me that he had practice, so he couldn't. But… I found out that they aren't having practice at all this week. He hung out with his other friends. I went to his house this afternoon. I wanted to know why he lied to me… I mean, shit, if he wanted to hang out with them, fine, but he didn't have to lie about it. Well, we got into an argument…"

He trails off. I'm not looking at him anymore, but instead across the pond like he is. I feel a bit awkward that he is telling me all of this, but also a bit happy. Maybe we're closer to each other than I thought.

"He… said that he didn't want to hang out with me anymore, and that I shouldn't be mad at him for lying… since…. Well, he accused me of lying to him."

I decide to break the silence. "What the hell did you lie about?"

He stops suddenly, as if I've broken some sort of unspoken rule. He swallows, but answers after another moment's pause.

"He… thinks that I was in love with him. You know, a few years ago. And that I didn't tell him…"

I turn to him. "…Were you?"

He looks sharply at me, his eyes narrowing. "No, dude! Of course not! I…" He sighs. "No… I was never in love with him. I mean, I DO love him, but… not that way. Not romantically. He was always my super best friend, and I guess I never thought that would change. But it did…. I… well, two weeks ago I…." He looks at me pleadingly. "Cartman, can I trust you with something?"

I blink. "Huh?"

"Can I trust you with something? Something important?" He asks again.

Something important? Trust? ME? Had he asked me this only a few years ago, I would have told him yes, and then tried to use whatever he told me against him. I'm surprised that he's even considering telling me anything of any importance at all. When did he start trusting me again? This time, I choose to answer truthfully.

"Yeah… you can."

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise, you stupid Jew. Now tell me."

He bites his lip, and takes a deep breath. "Two weeks ago, Stan and I were at his place playing video games. We were talking, and well, he asked me if I've been on any dates… like, ever. And I told him no, so he asked if I was gay. And… I said that I was."

Shit. Kyle just came out to me. Normally I would point and laugh and say 'I knew it!' or something of the sort, but I know that it would be unwise to try to defuse the tension between us with insults. This isn't the time.

"So… what did he say?" I ask instead.

"He… said 'oh,' and dropped it. But it was awkward between us. I asked him as I was going if he was actually ok with it, and he said that he was. But then he kept canceling our plans, and then he lied to me… and now he thinks I've liked him this whole time! Which isn't true. And he said that I should have told him earlier that I was gay, but to be honest, I wasn't completely sure of it myself. He was just so mad and... disgusted…"

Kyle trails off, his voice cracking. We sit in silence for a while as my mind wheels. Sure, I've suspected Kyle of being gay for a while, and I even tease him on a regular basis for it, but for him to actually admit to me that he is? And I'm shocked at Stan's reaction. I'm also extremely pissed off. So. Pissed. Off.

"That douche bag!" I suddenly spurt out.

Kyle jerks his head towards me in surprise, his eyes wide. "W-what?"

"That douche bag! To think that you trust him with something like that, and he immediately makes it about him! What an asshole! He's supposed to be your friend!"

Kyle is still blinking at me, shocked at my outburst. I continue swearing and cursing Stan's name for a good minute or so while Kyle stares at me in amazement.

Finally, he starts laughing. I glare at him. "What the hell you laughing at, Jew?"

"You!" He gasps in between chuckles. "Cartman, to think that you're sticking up for me…"

"Whatever. Stan Marsh is a tool, Kyle. Don't listen to what he says. It shouldn't matter if you're gay or not… It's not like you tried to rape him or something!"

Kyle smiles at me a bit, and then looks out over the pond. "You know, Cartman?"

"What?"

"That's the nicest thing someone has said to me in a long time. Thanks."

"That's sad if it's the nicest thing someone's said to you…"

Kyle shrugs. "Well, to be honest? I haven't really been hanging out with Stan as much lately, and I don't see Kenny much… the one person I see a lot is you, and we don't hang out after school… and my mom is always on my case about my grades and getting into a good university… I… don't hear many nice things." He turns and looks at me again, smiling. "And since it's coming from you, Cartman, well…. Thanks."

I sigh. "Whatever…"

He looks back over the water, and we both fall silent. The sun is setting, and it's getting late, so Kyle stands up and stretches.

"We better get back. I told my mom I was at the library all afternoon, and she wants me back by dinner."

I get up, not saying anything, and we walk back silently towards town. It's a comfortable silence, and I revel in it quietly. I feel as if we have suddenly gotten closer to each other.

When we get to the point where we must part ways, Kyle waves at me.

"See you in school tomorrow, Fatass."

"Kyle… wait…" He blinks at me questioningly, and I take in a quick breath before continuing. "I… you know… we… well…" I feel stupid, and I can feel his eyes staring at me as I flush. "We… well… you coming out doesn't change anything… we're… still… whatever we are. And… that won't change."

He stares at me for a few moments, then smiles. He claps me on the shoulder, and I look up at him, startled at the sudden contact between us. My face must be redder than a tomato, because it feels really warm.

"Thanks Cartman. Thanks for listening, and thanks for being there… and thanks for being a good friend, too." I blink, and feel my chest tighten. He's beaming at me. "I… feel much better. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He pulls away from me and waves. I wave back and watch him disappear down the street.

I start to walk the rest of the way home. I silently vow to treat him no differently tomorrow, and still make fun of him for being gay. It's the one constant in both of our lives – having the other one to make fun of and bicker with.

My phone suddenly vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out. I have a text message from Kyle. I frown, and flip my phone open to see it.

Hey, I saved up enough to buy that new video game… wanna come get it with me, and check it out at your place after school? I'll totally kick your ass.

I smile. I know that although things will be quite similar to before, things will still be different. We're openly friends now.

Whatever. I'll make sure to lock up all my valuables before you come over, Jew, so you don't steal anything.

I grin. Maybe he won't just show up on my door when his world is crashing down. Maybe now it will be just because he wants to hang out, and isn't too proud to admit it.

I walk home, happier than I have been in a long time. Maybe this could work out.

So, that was my first story. I would greatly appreciate it if you review. Nice reviews, please… constructive criticism as opposed to flames. Thanks so much! I hope you all liked it!