This is just a bit of humor done for my good friend 1FoxyLady on dA. She captioned an image of Katara and Sokka, and I expanded upon it, so I guess this could be called a collab. XD
Let the tasteless humor begin!
Oh, and just FYI, Avey=me. My dA name is Aveytra, soooo, yeah.
The Talk - a parody, an intentionally bad fic by Avey (Nyx!)
Sokka couldn't not notice the looks Aang and Katara shared on a fairly regular basis. As the big brother of the group, he felt action on his part was in order, and soon. They didn't need any baby airbenders running around in the middle of this war mess they were in! So after their flippity, twirlity, entirely too steamy dance during Aang's little school dance party, he pulled Katara aside for The Talk.
"Sokka, I really want to watch the dance," she huffed, crossing her arms.
"I know, Katara. But this is really important. We need to have…The Talk." He sat down next to her and sighed deeply, mentally preparing himself for what was next…. Possibly the most embarrassing and awkward conversation of his entire life.
Katara raised one eyebrow and smirked at him. "What talk? What are you going to be babbling about now?"
He gave her a death glare. "Katara…do you know where babies come from?"
She rolled her eyes and replied, "Well, yeah. I delivered one at the Serpent's Pass, remember? I believe you fainted. So I should be asking you that question."
The death glare intensified. "Okay, Sugar Queen, no need to be sarcastic."
(A/N - Sugar Queen? He must be hanging around Toph more than we know about! Some off screen Tokka, perhaps? Muahahahaha! *happeh spaz*)
"No need to ask dumb questions," was her sarcasm-laden reply.
"Grrrrrr… Okay, okay, whatever. Do you know how babies are made, then?"
She just stared at him.
He sighed. "Alright, it goes like this."
He grabbed a stick from nearby and doodled for a few minutes in the sandy cave floor. When he was finished, he threw down the stick and stared at his handiwork, satisfied.
"Umm, what is that?" Katara pointed to a bulbous oblong shape.
Sokka sat in silence for a moment. "That's a penis, Katara."
"Ooookay. And what is that?" She pointed to the blobbish looking creation.
"That's….that's a girl's…you know. Where babies come from!" A blush the color of Zuko's imperial robes crept across his cheeks.
(Zuko- "Hey! I do NOT want to be a part of this, Avey! I know all this stuff already. *koff-azulaexplainedittome-koff*I don't want to go through it again with these losers."
Avey- "Shut up, Zuko, and get back in that closet where you belong!"
Zuko- "….. Yes, ma'am." *sulks off to his closet*
Avey- "Good boy, Zuko. I'll reward you later." ^^;)
Ignoring Zuko's and Aveytra's internal argument, Katara cocked her head to one side and stated, "It's called a vagina, Sokka. And that kinda looks like a smushed banana and a wierd meat grinder. How do you know what a girl's private bits look like, anyway?"
"That's not what we're discussing here! The point is, I know, okay? Don't judge me! And it…yeah, I guess it does kinda look like a banana."
Katara just blinked at her brother. Sokka stared back.
"Soooo…. penis goes where?"
At that point, Sokka's mind snapped. He was at that point of insanity where laughing and crying and smashing your head against the wall is a favorite pastime. Instead, he just face-palmed and began explaining his drawing.
"See how the banana is being sucked into the meat grinder…?"
"Mmhm."
Aang chose that moment to join them. He flopped down between them, a little too close to Katara for Sokka's comfort.
"Hey guys, whatcha doing- what the heck is that?" Aang pointed in horror to Sokka's sketch in the dirt. This made the death glare almost epic in it's deathy darkness.
"Okay, listen up, you two! First off, move away from the underrage waterbender, Avatar." He pointed boomerang threateningly at Aang's face.
Aang blinked a few times and slowly skooched away from Katara, glancing to her in his usual cutely confused way.
"I'm going to be watching the both of you like dragonhawks from now on, so no funny business, you hear me?"
KatAang nodded in unison. (- See what I did there? XD) But they looked at each other, and not-so-sly grins came across both of their faces. The ever oblivious Sokka noticed nothing, however.
Then, as you all know, the dance party was crashed and chaos ensued, allowing the Avatar and his gang to escape through the back, where faithful Appa awaited them.
*chaos ensues, and escape is made*
Later that night, after camp is set up and everyone is asleep, Katara and Aang make their sneaky getaway behind a rock far, far from camp and Toph's sonic-mouth wave-hearing ability - errr, Earthbending sight.
"Okay, so, tell me what you guys were talking about earlier," Aang pleaded.
Katara rolled her eyes at the memory. "Oh, just Sokka giving me the bird-bees talk, that's all. I knew all that stuff already, but I wanted to watch him squirm, because I'm diabolical like that."
Aang: O_o
"Okay, I kinda know what you're talking about, but what did the drawing of the cucumber being eaten by the platypusbear have to do with anything? I didn't see any bird-bees in that picture at all! Sokka's a terrible artist." Aang shook his head sadly for his friend's unfortunate "talent".
"No, no, no. The bird-bees talk. You know, The Talk. The one about sex, "She placed one hand on his shoulder. "And besides, that was a banana and a meat grinder. I'll show you what the drawing should have looked like."
She sketched an anatomically correct version of the "banana-grinder" (as it will from here on out be not-so-affectionately referred to) in the sand for Aang's lesson.
"This is a penis. It's what boys have."
Aang nodded slowly, and began to think that he'd rather not know where this was going.
"And this," she pointed to the other thing. "Is a vagina. It's what girls have."
Aang's face lit up beet-red like a bad Fire Nation fireworks show.
(Zuko- *sigh*….
Avey- "Shut up, Zuko. Don't make me break out my Water Whip…"
Zuko-"I didn't say anything. But I do wish you'd get off our backs. The Fire Nation should be respected…not used in such a terrible-"
Avey- *cracks Water Whip in his direction*
Zuko- -_- I'm going, I'm going. *slinks back to the closet and closes the door*)
"Umm…what exactly do they have to do with one another?" he was looking at the sand-picture, memorizing it for future reference.
"They are for making babies, Aang. For sex."
"Ooookay…. So, how does it work, exactly?"
It was Katara's turn to blush. She couldn't bear to speak it out loud, so she whispered it in his ear.
"Penis goes where?" She clamped a hand over his mouth to shut him up.
"SHHHHH! What are you trying to do, wake my brother? He'll kill us if he sees us alone!"
"Sorry!" Aang looked up at her, playing as innocently as possible. "So, uh, I still kinda don't get it. Want to give me a practical lesson? I've always learned better by doing, anyway."
Katara whipped around and stalked over to him and Aang just knew he was in for a beating. She stopped in front of him, hands on her hips, and said, "Meh, why not? Come on, I know a good place where we won't be disturbed."
-=The End….or is it? XD=-
A/N -This is just a bit of humor done for my good friend 1FoxyLady on deviantART. She captioned an image of Katara and Sokka, and I expanded upon it, so I guess this could be called a collab. XD
I was halfway through a bottle of pinot noir while I was writing this, so it's kinda random and insane, and HOPEFULLY funny... My sense of humor is more like Aang's than Sokka's.
After teh fic...
*collects Aang and Sokka and puts them in The Closet with ZuZu and grabs Katara and Toph to tuck in with Suki and Yue under The Pillow for easy access and midnight girly pillow fights*
Zuko- *sigh* I wish I could be promoted to The Pillow. It looks so much comfier than this stupid closet. *kicks a shoe*
*the girls all tick their tongues out at ZuZu from the bed*
Aang- *pats his shoulder* "Someday, buddy. Someday…"
Sokka- "It's just not fair…" TT_TT
Suki- "When you boys can learn to sleep in our bed and not be pervy, then maybe Avey will allow it."
The Boys- "…."
Yue- "Yeah, I didn't think it was possible either."