Revised.

Ma solitude de Noël sans lui || Les choses que je déteste parler de lu

English translation of the title: (My lonely Christmas without Him || The things I hate about him)

C.C. woke up to the sound of crackling wood.

She sat up and massaged her numb arm that lost its blood flow from being slept on from the night before. She stretched her back as she peered outside the window, hints of purple and pink already started to stain the gray skies.

It must be nearing five am.

A soft breeze chilled the room. She pulled the blankets closer to her body, hoping it would retain the heat her body let out. But to no avail, it still left her cold.

It's Christmas today. A time when family, friends, and lovers spend the day together. A day she would never have.

C.C. let out a scoff. Her humanity has died a long time ago, why was she thinking about humanly things. Her eyes landed on the picture frame displayed on the corner of the desk.

"It was because you said all those promises." She whispered, her eyes never leaving the picture of the awkwardly smiling young man.

She took a deep breath in, then proceeded to open the journal beside the picture frame. Flipping through the pages, it contained her fondest memories of him. Memories she was afraid of letting go, as time and generations disappeared. She reached the last page, a blank page meant for the last bit of her humanly feelings to end.

Her hands reached out for a pen, then she started.

'I hate the way you laugh with your friends, but with me you were always so grumpy.

I hate the way you lie and make yourself look the bad guy, just to protect your sister and your friends.

I hate how kindly treat them, while you were the one hurting inside.

I hate your proud and conceited attitude. You're a hundred years too young to get smart with me.

I hate the way you make me want to say thank you for the pizzas you've bought me, especially for the last one.

I hate you for eavesdropping on my dream.

I hate you for mispronouncing my name, although I hate to admit that you said it with enough love and compassion, enough to fool me.

I hate how you were the first one to ever thank me, even through the hardships the geass made him go through, you still smiled at me.

I hate how I cried for you, while I prayed for your safe return.

I hate that with the countless lives I've lived, you are the reason why I am miserable right now.

I hate how you never fulfilled your promises, and my greatest wish.

I hate Zero Requiem, the greatest plan you've ever schemed, as it took you away from me.

I hate how you proved me wrong regarding geass bringing loneliness.

I hate you for making me express my true feelings again.

I hate you for not hating me when I gave you the geass…..'

Her hand stopped writing, her last thoughts bringing her to tears.

Wiping it away, it took her, her willpower to continue on. With the last period jotted down, she put the lid back on the pen. She grabbed the picture frame, and unhooked the bolts from behind. Taking one last look at it, she slipped it inside the pages of her journal.

Time flowed for everyone, but it stopped for her. It was time to move on. She has an infinity to do so.

Standing up, she headed towards the fireplace. Tossing the journal into the dancing fire, gold eyes watched how it engulfed the leather-bound, her memories and feelings, piece by piece.

How dare you leave me alone when I loved you?