Two Birds, A Different Feather

"If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together"

If It's Love - Train

Prologue

He wasn't a child.

At least, he didn't want to be. Not anymore. But he wasn't capable of fast-forwarding through time. And no one else was either. That was why he had to do this, had to go. Because he couldn't stand to see her anymore, not in the pathetic state he was in. She was so gallant, so strong, and so brave. He couldn't compare, not in a long shot, not as far as everyone else was concerned.

No, when people saw him, all they could see was a boy. Despite how he'd helped, and how powerful he was, none took him seriously. Not even his family, his friends, could see past his age. They were all out doing their jobs, helping to rebuild civilization on Pulse, and he was constantly being pushed aside.

Go be a kid.

Why don't you hang out with kids your age?

Don't worry about it, someone as young as you shouldn't be concerned.

You did what you had to and now it's time to be a kid again.

He didn't want to be a kid! He'd just turned fifteen, it'd been almost a year since they'd completed their l'Cie work, and still he hadn't been allowed to do anything. He had the fighting skills, he was better than most of the soldiers in the Guardian Core and the army. He still had his magic and his Eidolon. He still had it all; he could be of use, yet he was constantly and repeatedly being rejected.

All because he was a "kid."

He wasn't… He'd seen and done things none of the other teenagers could even imagine. He couldn't relate to them. But no one he wanted to relate to would give him a chance.

Not even her…

She'd said once that they were partners, but that had only lasted as long as she'd had to put up with him. As soon as their l'Cie duties had ended, the whole idea had gone from equals to adults and children. Suddenly, despite his efforts, she'd tried to push him back into the world he'd left behind. A world where teenagers weren't allowed to see reality because of its horrors. A world without her.

Well, not anymore. He knew that until he was older, she'd never view him as any more than a child. He had to make her see; there was no choice. It was too painful otherwise, constantly being left behind. He had to disappear and come back as someone new.

At first, his feelings for her had been immature. He'd revered her, and wanted to learn from her. He'd wanted to be everything that she was. But as they'd journeyed together, him and all those "adults," he'd begun to learn. To see what real emotions were. Despite everyone's assumptions, he did understand. He knew what real love was like, and the agony it could cause. There had been nights when he'd seen Vanille and Fang beneath the moonlight, held in each other's arms with an air of accepted defeat around them. As if, despite their attempts to fight their Focus, they'd known, in the end, that their lives as they knew them would be over one way or another.

He'd seen Sazh, standing beside the water, looking out as if he saw something. His dead wife or his forsaken son. Loss, that was what Hope had seen in Sazh. He'd fought on through it all, but always seemed empty. When they'd all been together, Sazh had been their wisdom, their caution, but when he was alone, he'd been vacant.

Snow… Snow had sat alone in the dark with Serah's tear and he'd… he'd cried. Never out in the open, but Hope had seen him. A silent observer, he'd seen the power of love that had been ripped apart. Despair, that was what it was. And it was currently how he was feeling. Snow's life distanced from Serah had been nearly unbearable for him, the thought of being with her again the only thing pushing him onward.

That was what Hope thought of now. That maybe if he pressed forward, became a man that she could finally see, then perhaps this agony would be over. That he could cure his own pain and her loneliness.

Because that was what he'd seen in her. And in himself too. On those nights they'd spent alone on Pulse, where the threat of the fal'Cie had seemed to loom above their heads, yet was at the same time been far, far away, he'd gone to her side, to try and ease both their afflictions. For a while, during their journey, it had worked. When he was with her, she'd lose that aching isolation in her clear blue eyes. And when he'd been with her, he'd felt his own heart relax, the mental tension fading away.

She'd become everything to him. His partner, his peer, his friend. His family. Yet, at some point, he'd realized he'd wanted more. And the thought had been so ludicrous that he'd banished it whenever it'd come up.

She was seven years older than him. There was no way, when he was just a child, that she'd ever consider being with him. And it hurt, this knowledge, no matter how hard he pushed it away. It always came creeping back, stabbing him every time the realization of the impossibility reared its ugly head.

When she'd tell him to hang out with kids his own age.

When she'd leave without telling him where she was going.

When she'd gone back to work and not expressed to him a single feeling about it.

Because now that they were back in the real world, he couldn't possibly understand. He couldn't take the stress of their adult lives.

Well, it was too late for that. He'd been forced to grow up, even if none of them could see it, and he wasn't going to stand around with a bunch of teenagers his own age and pretend to act like he understood their simple mentalities. He couldn't, not anymore.

He had to move on, to go and do something worth his while. And when he came back, just as grown-up looking as the rest of them, they'd finally see him for who he truly was. But until then, he wasn't going to be ignored and isolated.

He didn't want to leave her, to leave his family or his father, but he didn't have a choice. He couldn't stand the rejection anymore. To see her eyes look down at him and not really see who he was. Once, she hadn't been blind, none of them had been, but relief, and happiness, and peace, it'd spread ignorance in the way of their stares.

He wouldn't stand for it any longer.

The people of Cocoon had had trouble adapting to Pulse at first, but over the last year, things had slowly progressed. Now soldiers and volunteers were being called in and dispatched. Some to protect different colonies, to defeat the raging monsters, and others on surveying missions.

This was where Hope was going. Technically, he wasn't old enough. Eighteen was the legal age to volunteer, but he'd managed to create a fake ID. He knew he didn't look eighteen, not yet, but his combat skills hadn't been something the recruiters could pass up. Why? Because anyone that could fight like he could had been accepted elsewhere. Surveying was the most dangerous and least desired job. They scouted into uncharted areas and created maps, looked for different types of agriculture and resources, everything. One of the most important jobs, but no one wanted to do it. That was why those who were desperate for some kind of compensation, those who hadn't had the money to live well in a colony, joined up. Because they had no other choice.

So Hope was a godsend to them. He could fight, he knew monsters and how to take them down, and he knew how to survive on Pulse. The only thing he hadn't used to his advantage was the fact that he'd been l'Cie. If he had, then it wouldn't have been long before his friends had come and found him.

He went under a secret guise, the name Thunder Sorrow. It was obviously fake, but he'd been inspired and his recruiters hadn't dared question. Files were kept so poorly that no one would know who he was or where to find him. He'd be gone, vanished, and that was exactly what he wanted.

He'd left a short note for his father, explaining where he'd gone, but he'd be too far away by the time he got it. There was no going back now, not until he was worthy, was an adult.

Then he'd come for her. He'd be a man she could see, no longer a child.

For her.

For Light.

oOo

"Hope!" Bartholomew furrowed his eyebrows as he yelled his son's name for the fourth time. Generally, as one of the Head Leader's of the colony they lived in, he was gone before his son was even up, so he hadn't bothered to check in on him before he'd gone to work. Later that day however, around two, he'd gotten a call from the school Hope was attending, the secretary explaining that he hadn't shown up.

Well, Hope was responsible, so he must have been sick or something. At least, that was what Bartholomew assumed. That was why, now that he was home, he was searching their small home for him. Somewhat irritated now that he wasn't getting a response, he huffed before making his way up the narrow set of stairs to the boy's room.

"Hope!" he yelled again, knocking on his son's bedroom door. Still there was nothing however and, finally tiring of the chase, Bartholomew twisted the knob and pushed his way in through the door. Glancing around quickly, ready to give his son a piece of his mind, he was somewhat surprised when the room was empty.

Hope wasn't in the house?

Somewhat concerned now, Bartholomew furrowed his eyebrows and looked around the room again. This time however, looking more closely, he noticed the sheet of paper lying on the bed.

A note.

Shaking his head, Bartholomew quickly went to retrieve it. Picking it up, he read the words, which seemed to sink into his brain at an exceptionally slow rate.

Dear Dad,

I apologize for doing this to you, especially after everything I've already put you through, but I have to go. I've joined the Survey Core and left last night. Don't bother looking for me, you won't find me. I love you and don't worry, everything will be fine.

I'll be back someday.

Sincerely,

Hope

Bartholomew didn't know how many times he ready the note before finally dropping it back to the bed. Gulping, he turned and flew from the room. Clamoring down the stairs, he ran to the phone and called the first number that came to mind.

It rang and he cursed when someone didn't pick up right away.

"Hello?"

"Sazh!" he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Bartholomew?" he sounded curious. "Somethin' up?" Generally, the older man didn't make a habit of calling Hope's friends, whether they were his age or not. Or if he did have to speak with them, it was always his son that had called, not him.

"Yes," he verified breathlessly. "I need you to tell me something. Have the airships that were carrying out the Survey Core left yet?" Somehow, he dared to wish that they hadn't. If they'd been postponed, something, then he could go fetch Hope and put an end to this foolishness.

"Uh, well, yeah," Sazh replied uncertainly. He was a pilot, so he'd be aware of the major departures from the airship dock. "They left last night. All forty of them. They're long gone."

Bartholomew swore, no doubt taking Sazh aback. "How many volunteers were there? How many left?" Perhaps he couldn't go and get Hope himself, but if he could find him among the others…

"Oh I dunno," Sazh replied thoughtfully. "This is their first really organized deployment. So I'd say about… forty thousand? Yeah, cuz I think each ship holds a thousand." Forty thousand? Bartholomew felt his insides sinking. How was he supposed to find his son among forty thousand men and women? He'd have to go hunt him down himself because those in the Survey Core lost communication abilities where they went. "Why?" Sazh continued. "What's up?"

"It's Hope," Bartholomew explained, feeling more and more helpless by the second. "He… he left a note. He joined the Survey Core. He's gone." Leaning his head against the wall, Bartholomew clamped his eyes shut, trying to think of something, anything, that he could do.

"Wh-what?" Sazh gasped on the other line. "He ran away? But why?" Bartholomew didn't answer, just shook his head to himself. He had no idea. He'd thought Hope was happy. He'd been safe, going to school. Back to the teenager he'd been before… everything had happened.

What had the father missed?

"Well, we can't sit around and not do anything!" Sazh stated, determined. "We'll find him Bartholomew, just you wait. And we'll give him a good talking to on the way back from whatever backwater place he's ended up in." Bartholomew allowed a bitter smile to stretch across his lips. Sazh's words relieved him a little, but he wouldn't ever be at ease until his son was back home.

The Survey Core was the most dangerous branch of the military there was. Many didn't come back, and even those that did couldn't do so for six years.

Why? Why had Hope done this?

"I'll get Snow and Serah, and Lighting, and we'll find him," Sazh concluded.

"Alright," Bartholomew accepted. "Please find him. Please bring my son back." He hung up the phone. Walking across the house, he eventually found himself at the kitchen table. Trembling, he placed himself in one of the chairs. Staring forward, he waited.

He went to work. And he waited.

Weeks went by and they all began to wait. Because no one had found him.

Months, years…

Waiting.