One night, in the Mushroom Kingdom, some bright stuff fell from the sky. Mario and friends, being the curious little buggers they are, went out the next day to investigate. While searching the castle grounds for the bright stuff, a blue robed Magikoopa dumped a bunch of papers on them.
"Damn you Kamek! I just had the lawn done!" A very irritated Princess Peach hollered as the Magikoopa flew away. The princess in pink then proceeded to pick up one of the papers, and noticed that they had writing on them.
"Hey Mario, these papers have writing on them." Peach said, stating the obvious. "Could you read them for us?"
"Why of course I can Princess," Mario began. "After all, I am the only one that can read around here." The plumber in red rudely replied.
"Actually Mario, I'm perfectly capable of-" That green guy began before being interrupted.
"Nobody gives a shit Luigi." Our mustachioed hero retorted. Luigi sighed, but no one heard him since they were all too busy listening to Mario reading the letter to care.
"Dear Faucet Face, I mean Mario and friends,
You are all invited to my totally awesome party. There'll be all sorts of awesomely delicious foods, including, turkey, lobster and every freaking pasta dish ever prepared, just to name a few. There will also be kickass music by all the latest artist and bands. There will even be a live appearance by the one and only Cloud Rida. So unless you want to miss out on all the totally awesome stuff mentioned and more, I suggest you get your sorry asses down to the Dark Lands right now.
Sincerely, King Bowser Koopa Senior
P.S. This is not a trap"
So Mario and friends got their sorry asses down to the Dark Lands, only to discover that, to their surprise, the party was a trap.
"Bwahahahaha! You fell for my totally clever and not obvious trap!" The Koopa King laughed at Mario and Co., who were now locked inside a cage.
"Alright Bowser, what do you want?!" Daisy questioned in her usual high pitch, annoying tone of voice. It quite literally sounded worse than the sound produced by nails being scratched on a chalk board. Everyone besides Luigi and Waluigi cringed at the sound of her voice. The other two mentioned were apparently turned on by this.
"Aright Bowser, what do you want?" Mario repeated before the Princess in yellow could do so herself. The sound of Mario's stereotypical Italian voice snapped everyone out of the daze they were thrown into by Daisy's voice. It did not however, cure them of their terrible headaches, and it was not until Bowser had finished taking five Aspirin that he answered Mario's question.
"Well Mario, if you must know, I'm going to use this Star Rod that just so happens to look just like the one from the first Paper Mario game to shrink you and your stupid friends." Bowser explained.
"Oh hey, what's going on?" An annoyingly childish voice questioned. The voice was soon revealed to have come from Bowser Jr., the Koopa King's clone- I mean son. Yeah, that's totally what I meant. Anyway, let's get back to the story shall we?
"Oh hey! I just got done explaining my totally awesome plan I told you about before to Mario." Bowser excitingly answered. He always went out of his way to impress his son, and now was the perfect time to do so. "But first, I need to brag about how awesome I am. Wanna help me out?"
"Hell yeah I wanna help! This'll be awesome!" Jr. exclaimed. Then the two began to gloat, flinging insults at Mario and Co. while making themselves feel wonderful. About five minutes later though, Bowser realized that something was off.
Hm……. Something seems off…. The Koopa King thought, repeating what had already been stated by my narration. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. One that actually seemed like it would work.
"Hey, Cloud Rida! Get over here!" Bowser called. Soon after this, a Lakitu floated into the room. His cloud was decked out in all the latest gear, including a four Yoshi engine and hydraulics. His hair was in dreads, and instead of goggles he wore enormous bug eyed shades.
"Yo Lord King Dawg, what chall' need?" Cloud Rida asked.
"I need more people to help me brag." Bowser answered. Cloud Rida immediately understood what he had to do. The three Koopa's gloated for about a half an hour before finally getting bored of what they were doing.
"Alright, I'm bored now." Bowser stated. He then zapped Mario and Co. with the star rod, shrinking them to the size of ants. He then put them in a little bag and threw said bag to Kamek, who was standing in the corner of the room the whole time. The Magikoopa knew exactly what to do, and immediately rushed to the kitchen.
"How in the Star Spirit's names does this damn thing work!?" Kamek furiously questioned as he mashed random buttons. What exactly was the hag of a magikoopa doing? I'll tell you what he was doing; he was trying to get the blender to work. Why? Well it's quite simple really. Bowser's plan was to ultimately destroy Mario and Co. by chopping them apart in the blender. Unfortunately, he forgot to take into consideration how technologically impaired someone as old as Kamek would be, and as a result, his plan was destined to fail.
"Aww fuck it!" The elderly Koopa Magician exclaimed. I'll just throw them in the trash!" He then tossed the bag in the garbage can, which about a week later, was taken by the dump truck. The bag Mario and Co. were in fell out of the truck while it was driving down a suburban street, and the quest to find the bright stuff and restore themselves to their regular size began.