Title: The Christmas Card

Author: darley1101

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Alex/Izzie

Premise: An old Christmas card prompts Alex to seek out his ex-wife on Christmas Eve.

Dedication: For Samantha, Marie, Tatiana, Taciana, and Roo.

Author's Note: I have an idea for an epilogue for this if enough people are interested.

There wasn't anything special about the off white card with its glittery green ornament and bright metallic red Merry Christmas. It looked like every other card Alex Karev had ever been given. What set it apart was the giver. How George O'Malley had found a way to give him a Christmas card from beyond the grave was a mystery to Alex. Yet, that was exactly what had happened.

It had been during rounds that the rosy cheeked, Mrs. O'Malley had sought him out. She'd been going through George's things, she'd said, and found a card addressed to him. She had thought he would want it; another memory of his friend. Alex hadn't had the heart to tell her that George and he hadn't been friends. On a good day they had been co-workers who got along. On a bad one they had hated each other. Why O'Malley had taken the time to address a card to him was a mystery.

Throwing it away had crossed his mind. Most likely it just said have a great Christmas or some other generic holiday greeting. In the end he couldn't do it. Friends or not, O'Malley had thought enough to write the card, the least Alex could do was read it. He waited until rounds were over and found an empty on-call room. He ignored the fact that it was the same room where he had first told Izzie he loved her and focused on opening the envelope. Off white with a glittery green ornament and bright metallic red Merry Christmas stared back at him. Nothing special. It had come from a box of cheap cards that most people bought and handed out to be polite.

As he opened the card a couple sheets of paper fluttered onto the rumpled bed. Heart pounding, Alex picked them up. George's familiar handwriting stared back at him. Whatever George needed to say it wasn't a simple Merry Christmas. A wave of nausea swam around him as he scanned the words. Izzie's name was peppered liberally throughout the letter. Damn it. He wasn't sure he could read George declaring his love or some other sentimental bull shit; not where Izzie was concerned. Yeah, he had told her to leave, that he deserved better, but the truth was he didn't want better. He still wanted Izzie.

Inhaling deeply, Alex told himself that reading the letter was the respectful thing to do. George had put his pride aside to write it, and looking at the date in the upper right hand corner, it had been days before his death. Confusion wrinkled Alex's brow as he tried to sort through why George had put the letter inside a Christmas card in the middle of May.

Alex,

You're probably wondering why I'm sending you this. The answer is simple. We both love Izzie and I know things that you don't. You're probably getting a little pissed over that line but you shouldn't. I love her the way you loved Rebecca Pope. It's one of those confusing loves, you know? The kind where you're not sure what you're suppose to feel or how you're suppose to act...

He couldn't do it. He couldn't read two pages of George declaring his love for Izzie and spilling her secrets. Forget that it was wrong. Forget that he should respect George enough to finish. He just couldn't do it. Except, he muttered an oath under his breath, he understood where George was coming from. The other man had called it perfectly when he said Alex's love for Rebecca had been real but it had been so messed up he hadn't known what to do with it. Taking a deep breath, Alex forced himself to read on.

The kind where you're not sure what you're suppose to feel or how you're suppose to act or if you even should act. In both our cases we should have just faced facts and admitted that kind of love is too messed up to work. I know love is messy, that it isn't suppose to be easy, but it shouldn't be that way all the time. There should be good times too. At the end of the day you should be able to say you love that person because of their faults. I spent most of mine and Izzie's so called relationship wondering what the hell we were doing. This is where I start telling you things you need to know.

Izzie is a runner and I'm not talking about in the park with other joggers either. I'm talking about being so scared of being hurt that she takes off at the first sign of not having control. And let's face it, she can't control you. Most of the time I'm not sure you can control you. At some point in your marriage she is going to take off. You are going to do something or she is going to think you've done something and she is going to run. And knowing you, you're going to let her.

And he had. When Izzie had ran he had tried for a couple weeks to get her to come home but then gave up. He hadn't gone after her. He hadn't fought for her. All he had done was nurse his wounded pride, screw Lexie, and then tell Izzie he deserved better than her. He should have screwed his pride, said thanks but no thanks to Lexie, and told Izzie that they both deserved better than what they were giving each other. He should have fought for her. That was what George was getting at. He could feel that down in his soul.

You can't do that Alex. You can't let your pride get in the way. If you do you're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting her to. I know you love her. I see it in how you look at her and how you refuse to let her give in to this cancer. You are going to have to keep fighting like that for her. You're going to have to refuse to give up on her because Izzie doesn't know how. She takes the easy way. The safe way. She did it when she chose Denny and she did it when she tried to have a relationship with me. I think she cared about Denny and I know she loved me but not the way she loves you. It has always been you, you know? Even back when she was telling you to stay away from her because she wanted to be with Denny she loved you. That was why she ran. Her feelings scared her and we both know a scared Izzie is an unpredictable Izzie.

Wasn't that the truth! It seemed that anytime something scared Izzie she ran and she ran fast. Remorse seeped through Alex's veins. Losing her job had scared her. It had probably terrified her. Especially since it had come on the cusp of her battle with cancer. She had taken her fear out on him and bolted. And stupid boy that he was he had let her. When he should have held her tight, reassured her that everything would be alright, he had let her run. Damn it. How could he be so stupid? He clenched the letter in his fist, his chest burning, as he tried to come to terms with how screwed up life was and how he had lost the one woman he was capable of loving.

Swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat, Alex smoothed out the wrinkled paper. No matter how much it hurt he was going to finish George's letter. He wished the other man had been brave enough to tell him these things before. It would have helped. It would have altered the course of his life. Of Izzie's life. Their life together.

I'm hoping you get this letter before something like that happens and you both do something you'll regret. If not, then you need to put this letter down, get off your ass and run after your wife! If you don't you're going to spend the rest of your life thinking about what might have been or what could have been if you had just swallowed your pride. Don't be like me Alex. Don't let your pride keep you from loving someone. I made that mistake with Callie and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. You don't want that and I don't want that for you. You're a good guy and I know you can give Izzie the kind of life she deserves. Take care of her for me.

George

Get off his ass and run after her. George's request seemed simple but man was it complicated. It had been almost seven months since Izzie left him. Four months since he told her to stay out of his life. How could he just walk back into her life and say he was sorry? They were divorced. She had a new job. Hell, she probably had a new boyfriend. Excuses; every last one of them. Valid ones but excuses none the less. A quick glance at his watch told him he still had two hours left on his shift. They would be the longest two hours of his life. When they were over though he was going to get off his ass and find his wife.

Finding her turned out to be easier than he than he expected. When he walked into Tacoma General he had expected to have to bug several nurses for her whereabouts. Instead, as he walked toward the main entrance, his heart pounding, she walked out the double doors. His steps faltered the moment he saw her. She had lost a little weight and there were dark circles beneath her eyes but she was still beautiful. To him she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

"We screwed up," he blurted out, catching her attention. Her dark eyes widened as her body stilled a couple feet from him. She was close enough for him to smell the familiar scent of her perfume. He wanted to pull her close, to hold her in his arms, and tell her he loved her.

"Alex," she said softly. Confusion shone in her eyes, along with a sheen that looked suspiciously like tears. "What...what are you doing here?"

"We screwed up Iz." Her head shook, the confusion growing as she stared at him. "When you ran. When I let you. When you blamed me for Webber letting you go. When I slept with Lexie. When I told you I wanted you to leave." He inhaled deeply, the cold air burning his lungs. "Do you want me to keep listing all the ways we screwed up because I can?"

A soft sigh escaped her lips. "Today has been really crappy Alex so if you're here to go over all the ways we messed up I'm not up to it." Her fingers shook as she raised her hands and shoved her hair off her face. As her arms fell to her sides a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I'm not here to make you feel bad, okay? I'm here to tell you that we screwed up but it isn't too late. We can fix it, Iz. We have to." A million answers scrambled through his mind when she asked him why. A weaker man would have taken the question as a sign of defeat. Not Alex. He overlooked the obvious and heard the desperation in her voice. She wanted him to give her an answer that gave her permission to say yes. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life hurting women because I can't love them. I'm never going to be able to love any woman but you Iz. And I know you're never going to be able to love another man but me. We're it for each other. So, we have two choices. We can forgive each other for the mistakes we've made or we can spend the rest of our lives trying to find love and failing."

Silence engulfed them as his words were digested. Her arms raised again a moment later. Instead of pushing at her hair or hugging herself, she wrapped them around his waist. Her cold nose nuzzled into his neck as tears wet the collar of his jacket. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, squeezing him tight. "I should have stayed. I should have listened to what you had to say."

"I should have ran after you," he choked out, pulling her closer. He buried his face in her hair and told himself not to cry. He wasn't going to cry. "I am so sorry Iz. For all of it."

"It doesn't matter," she whispered, pulling back just enough to smile at him. "Its done. Its over."

Its over. Those two words scared the hell out of him. Was she talking about the past or she was talking about them? "So where do we go from here?"

Izzie stepped back. His body instantly protested. The smile on her face brightened as she held out her hand. His brow wrinkled in confusion as he tentatively took it in his own. "Hi! My name is Izzie Stevens and I'm looking for someone to spend Christmas with."

A grin stretched across his lips. "I'm Alex and as it happens I have Christmas free."