Peas on Earth
Summary:
Overweight, clumsy, socially inept Nicole has no talents and no attractiveness to speak of—except an incredible talent for cooking and baking. When she somehow is transported to the world of Naruto, this embarrassing skill might just come in handy… No pairings!
Chapter One
The zipper jerked upwards, pinching the freckled, white flesh that bulged above it between the two flaps of cherry-red silk.
"Aaah! Hahahahaha…." Nicole said, arching her back and flapping her arms frantically. Her sister grabbed the two halves of the dress back and pulled them together as hard as she could.
"Suck it in!" she grunted, the zipper cutting into her fingers. Nicole gasped a huge breath in, her chest swelling. The zipper began inching back down.
"Stop!" her sister, Sue, yelled frantically, grabbing for the little metal flap that was cheerfully making its way down Nicole's back.
"Sorry!" Nicole said breathlessly, letting out the air in her chest. The zipper quivered teasingly, then stopped. Sue sighed in relief.
"Okay," she said, "Don't suck it in." Nicole stuck out her stomach and held her breath.
"Nicole…" Sue said in a pained voice.
"Oh! Right, sorry," Nicole said hurriedly, trying to hold in her stomach, keep her chest deflated and not suck it in all at once. Her hammy legs quivered with effort. Sue was grunting again, forcing the zipper up her back, the two halves of the cherry-red silk dress jamming themselves together. The now zipped-zipper buckled and curled, the silk waving over Nicole's flabby back.
"Did it… did it fit?!" she yelled, whipping around. "THANK YOU SUE!"
Sue tore her eyes away from the fire-engine red satin stretched over her sister's thighs and smiled weakly.
"Yeah… that's great," she said. "Uh…" Sue could find nothing else to say. The dress her sister had picked out for her first prom ever—incidentally senior prom—was knee-length cherry-red satin with thin straps and a v-neckline. It was also about two sizes too small.
Nicole whirled around to look at herself in the mirror hanging on her closet door; Sue cringed and almost took a step back. Her older sister's backside had somehow been amplified by the loud color and the shiny silk that was stretched over the offending booty within and inch of its life. Folds of flesh spilled out from over the dress' tight back and bulged around the thin straps, almost concealing them entirely. Nicole's hammy neck rose up like a mountain of peachy-white flesh above the stretched satin back of her dress. At least her hair looked okay, Sue thought nauseously.
Nicole whipped around again, her wide face covered with a wonderfully happy smile.
"I feel so… so..." she breathed in heavily, her cheeks flushed. "I feel like a princess!" she whispered, clasping her hands. Sue closed her mouth. Nicole threw open her closet door and bent over, rummaging for shoes. The seams groaned.
"DON'T!" Sue yelled, lunging forward and dragging her sister upwards. The zipper barely held.
"What?" Nicole asked innocently. Her younger sister checked the rest of the seams in the taught dress and sighed in relief.
"Don't do that, Nic," she said. "You're seriously gonna rip something open." Nicole waved this away, accidently hitting her reading light. It flew at Sue, who leapt out of the way. It hit the wall with a crash.
"How am I going to find my shoes?" she asked in annoyance. She turned back to her cluttered closed and chewed a fingernail. "Pink or yellow?" she asked thoughtfully.
***
It was sprinkling outside but the evening was still warm. Sue perched herself on the arm of one of the family room sofas, listening to the sounds of her parents chattering excitedly in the kitchen.
"Isn't this great? Nicole's going to prom!" her mother was saying. "Oh, she's going to have such a great time!" Sue closed her eyes. Maybe her older sister was going to have a good time if she didn't rip open her size 10 dress…
"She'll have a blast," her father agreed proudly. "Joe's a good guy."
"So nice!" her mother exclaimed. "And offering to pick her up and everything!" Sue cringed. Joe or "Joey" Clark was a junior in her cousin's class. She suspected it had been largely due to Missy's persuasion that Joey had asked Nicole to the senior prom. The school board had made a special concession for him attending as a junior. It was impressive, Sue admitted, but her cousin Missy had literally never come across an obstacle she hadn't exploded out of her way.
"He even called to ask what color of dress she was going to wear," her mother said in a sentimental voice. "He wanted to wear a… matching tie!"
Sue let her head flop into her hands. Missy must have almost killed him.
Then Nicole came teetering out of her bedroom, dress stretched to the point of no return, on a pair of incredibly high, strappy, yellow sandals. Sue moaned.
"I'm ready!" Nicole called giddily. She had stuffed her paunchy arms into a short jacked and carried a beaded brown handbag.
Their parents came flying out of the kitchen.
"You look gorgeous!" their mother exclaimed, clasping her hands. Their father beamed. "Red is definitely your color, Nic," he said approvingly. Sue slid off the couch arm.
Ding-dong!
"Oh gosh, he's here!" Nicole exclaimed, swinging her handbag around so fast it hit the lamp, which toppled over. The light bulb broke with a timid crash.
"Do you have everything you need?" their mother asked, fussing with her jacket.
Their father opened the door.
"There's the man!" he said heartily, clapping Joey Clark on the back. The skinny junior almost collapsed under the impact.
"Uh… Hi, Mr. Vanni," he said nervously wiping sweaty hands on his black slacks. Sue blinked at him. Joey Clark was tall but so, so skinny. His chest was concave. His pants looked like he could have fit both legs into one pant leg. His red hair was sticking up in the back slightly, and the front was plastered down with more gel than Sue probably owned. His acne-ridden face was pale, and raindrops slid down the lenses of his round glasses.
Nicole teetered to the door. "Hi, Joey!"
"Hi, Nicole!" he replied with a lot more enthusiasm than Sue had expected. He actually grinned at her. "You look great," he added, tugging his red tie. Mrs. Vanni let out a sigh.
"Thanks," Nicole said shyly, blushing fire-engine red. Mr. Vanni beamed at him.
"Well!" Mr. Vanni said, "You two should get going. Don't want to miss anything, eh?" Nicole giggled. Joey pushed his glasses up nervously. Sue cringed.
"Okay, bye mom!" Nicole said, hugging her mother, who sniffed sentimentally.
"Have fun, baby!" she said. Nicole patted her shoulder.
"I will," she assured her. She turned to her father, accidently kicking the umbrella-holder, which crashed to the floor. Sue lunged for it.
"Bye dad," Nicole said with a flushed face. Mr. Vanni hugged his oldest daughter tightly.
"Okay, Nic, have fun out there tonight," he said. "We'll expect you home before midnight, okay? Anything happens, just call." He held up his hand to his head mimicking a phone. Nicole nodded sagely.
"Okay, dad," she said. "Bye Sue! Bye guys!"
"Uh… Bye, Mr. and Mrs. Vanni," Joey added. The door slammed behind them.
Mrs. Vanni sank into a chair, her eyes distant and dreamy.
"Senior prom…" she sighed.
Sue surreptitiously escaped to her room.
***
Nicole yanked the seatbelt cord, willing it to fit over her thighs. It stretched, popped, and just made it into the clip. She looked up to find Joey gazing at her with round, moony eyes. He jumped violently and whipped around to the steering wheel.
"Ready?" he croaked.
"Yup!"
The car lurched out into the drizzly night.
The two teens sat in silence as the beat-up white Subaru lurched and bumped down the road towards the school gym. Nicole was buzzing with excitement. This was the first time any boy had ever asked her to a dance of any sort. And senior prom! She couldn't help a huge grin spreading over her face. She had given up hope of ever going to this crowning dance of all high school dances, then Joey Clark… She glanced at him. He was staring hard at the road ahead, ears beet-red. She grinned to herself and turned back to watching the rainy night outside her window. It had all been worth it if only for the look on Sue's face when she came home announcing that she had a date for senior prom.
Life was good. Almost as good as those dark-chocolate cocoa ginger chocolate chunk cookies she had made the other day. Now those were good. She wondered if her dad had eaten the last of them.
The car hit a pot-hole in the road, sending them bouncing higher than usual.
"Oh, crap!" Joey said suddenly. Nicole looked at him quickly; something in the tone of his voice…
"CRAP!" he yelled as the car began to spin. "NICOLE!"
She only had time to scream before the car smashed into the curb and began to roll. Then, out of nowhere, a blinding light engulfed her. She stopped mid-scream as the white light enveloped her limbs, then the blackness won, and she sank into oblivion.