Consider This

by loservillealive

I've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting. Don't give me choices, 'cause I can't decide. My mind is soaked in words. I've come to terms with all my insecurities." BEVIN, HINTED GWEVIN, DRABBLE, SEMI-ANGST, NON-SONGFIC

Title: Consider This

Fandom: Ben 10: Alien Force

Characters: Ben, Kevin, Gwen, Julie

Category: Slash/gay/yaoi/shounen-ai/BL/Homo-sex-you-all
Pairing: Bevin
Setting: some specific episodes include "Ben 10 Returns," "Grudge Match," && "Fool's Gold"

POV: Third limited; Ben
Rating: PG for curse and category

Type: Oneshot (seems to be standalone, also);; drabble

Wordcount: 605

Notes: Title is a reference to the Anna Nalick song, which has a lot of lyrics that I realized sort of fit the mood of Ben's progressive outlook on his nonexistant relationship in this, I think.

[09252009]

The only thing Ben can bring himself to be when he sees Kevin is speechless. He wants to be angry (because it's iKevin/i and because, of course!, he's still doing the bad-guy thing), but he can't at that time. He is too shocked and glad that he doesn't seem to be able to even muster a shred of mad adrenaline to go over and bash him into the core of the Earth.

*

Five years since Ben's seen Kevin, and of course the first one Kevin goes for is Gwen. Ben knows he shouldn't be surprised by this, given most of their encounters, but it still leaves him with an ache regardless. There did so happen to be times when Kevin and he actually had some enjoyable moments together, but it seems that Ben was the only one who got a racing heart from them. Ben hides the pain he feels at watching this budding relationship by acting the fool. He just hurts worse when Gwen and Kevin believe it and appear none the wiser.

*

Ben has a dream of a memory that morphs into a semi-fantasy. The part that is a memory is of him and Kevin fighting in space, on the Megacruiser. They both deal simultaneous powerful blows, and the disruptive friction it creates when they clash is insane. It blasts everything around them away in a bright flash, and when the light clears, they are alone and floating in a red-hued version of space. The power reverted them both to their original forms; either one of them is no longer an alien. For a while, they just hover in this strange vortex, staring at each other with half-lidded eyes, both trying not to pass out. Kevin suddenly starts talking, low and semi-soothing. Ben can't understand a word he's saying through the haze behind his skull, and the noise of Kevin's voice just makes him very warm and lulls him to sleep. In real life, Ben wakes up late and feeling extremely depressed.

*

Julie comes around and suddenly Kevin is even more of a gigantic asshole. He picks on Ben in a way that is meant more to embarrass than anger. When Ben and Julie have dates, Kevin does drive them, but that doesn't mean that it is an act of kindness rather than another situation to be able to humiliate Ben. Ben doesn't even really try to do anything about it. He knows he couldn't go against Kevin now.

*

There's an opportunity presented to Ben during Spring break. They're against cute little aliens with cloven hooves and fluffy tails. True to his seemingly immature form, Ben's best idea in one moment is to throw a solid Kevin at them. Ben enjoys it because it releases at least a fraction of the frustration he feels. Even after trying to be nice to Kevin about him and Gwen apparently in a fight... Ben realizes now that there is nothing he can do. Kevin is totally down for Gwen, and completely inot/i for Ben.

*

That night, Ben sits outside on a shoulder curb and thinks. He's so disappointed, with everything. When Kevin had revealed the reason he'd stolen the Rust Bucket, Ben had felt a little surge of hope-- and also when Kevin had come to him for dancing advice. And when, in the beginning, he'd joined them instead of fighting them. After silently witnessing the locket scene between Gwen and Kevin earlier, Ben knows better. If Kevin won't even allow Gwen to love him, then Ben can never be more hopeless. He closes his eyes and silently cries himself to sleep on the sidewalk.

New Notes: The biggest response I get to this is, "Ben, don't be stupid! You can't just fall asleep on the sidewalk!" Which is pretty funny. But really, he's not that far from his house--at all. The scene is really just to show how much Ben doesn't care anymore.