Disclaimer: I disclaim. I don't own Legolas and Thranduil, though I do wish I owned the latter.
Here it is, the highly anticipated fourth installment of the ...From Hell series. The Legolas/Mortal Wangst Story From Hell
It had been love at first sight. The minute my gaze met hers, I had been lost in their vivid green depths. As green as the leaves on the beeches of Orome's wood.
But 'twas a cursed love, for she was but a mortal maid, thus doomed to decay with the passing of time. And I a son of the stars, of the Elder children of Illuvatar undying. Alas that it made our love all the sweeter.
Unlike the women of my race, my love was rounded of breast and hip, with hair the colour of the lava that spews from Mount Doom. When we lay together, Ai! None have known such bliss, such is the passion of her mortal soul and the love that burns between us.
The only grief that lay on my Fea is that we were doomed to be parted, for eventually she would pass, and I would fade with grief and pass to Mandos.
But then, one mid-summers day, my love and I were called to a meeting with the Lady Galadrial, where we were given some startling news. The love that burnt between us was so strong, that the Valar took pity on us, and after a council with the Lady of Light, it was been decided to grace my love with live everlasting, and the chance to sail with me to Valinor.
Now, we walk in bliss everlasting on the strands of Eldamar, even unto the ending of the world.
Get Real.
Do you really think the Prince of Mirkwood would be interested in a human girl?
A clue?
No.
Legolas of the Woodland realm would not look twice at a mortal woman, let alone simper over her in such a sickening fashion. As for that treacherous Noldo, Galadrial. Who do you think she is? Manwe? Honestly, she can communicate as much with the Valar as I can with this quill and parchment.
And even if Legolas did marry you, give it thirty years and Arod would start looking attractive.
So sorry to spoil the fantasy.
Yours sincerely,
Thranduil, King of Mirwood
PS, I am not a homosexual, I do not find mortal women attractive, I love my son, my wife was not eaten by spiders and I have only ever lain with one elf-maid.