And it's all in how you mix the two,
And it starts just where the light exists.
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole,
Through everyone that feels it.
His head dropped back against the wall, his mouth wide and legs spread. The plunger from the needle currently hanging from his arm was pushed all the way down; the one substance that he craved and hated at the same time flowed happily through his veins. The fake bottle blond between his legs continued to bob her head up and down but he paid no mind to it. He didn't know her name and didn't bother to get it either. All he knew was that Aroura was going to kill him…again. She was literally going to string him up by the balls and cut him to pieces. But even that thought couldn't stop him. He was drugged, again, after promising her that last time was the end of it. And that time she took him back but this time he wasn't sure she would. And the sad part about it was that he knew he loved her, more than anything in the world, but he just couldn't stop.
Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it,
Won't come your way,yeah
Well you'll never find it,
If you're looking for it. (looking for it)
Before he knew what was happening, the blond was pulled off of his lap. "The fuck…," Bam mumbled, only to look up to see his girlfriend, his beautiful girlfriend that he put through hell far too often, looking down at him with hate in her eyes. More then that though, he could see her trust in him vanishing and her love for him slipping away. He had fucked up royally again. The one person he never wanted to hurt ever he had killed…again. "Baby…I…" he started, unable to finish before she cut him off. "You promised me Bam! You promised me this wouldn't happen again! I moved away from everything, put everything I had into us and this is what you do to me?" Aroura yelled at him, visibly shaking, ignoring the nameless girl as she escaped from the room.
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking,
Rather waste some time with you.
He tried to stand but tripped over his pants that were still around his ankles and stayed on the floor. "I didn't know you were coming home tonight!" he yelled back, quickly, well as quickly as he could in his state, pulling up his pants and tried to stand again. "Oh, so it's alright then because you didn't know I was coming home?," she yelled at him, stepping back as Bam stepped towards her. "You stay away from me," she said, shaking her head as she stepped back from him. "I'm done, I can't do this anymore" she said, dropping her head as she continued to back away from him. "Babe…I'm sorry, it wont-" Aroura stepped forward and slapped him, the kind of slap that he was sure the neighbors would be able to hear miles away, the kind that left his entire face throbbing. "It won't happen again, right? That's what you said the last time and the time before that as well," she said, finishing his sentence off for him. "Don't leave me," Bam mumbled pathetically, stepping towards her again. "Stay back" she yelled at him, thankful she had left her bag in the car. "I can't do this anymore" Aroura said, walking quickly out of the room as Bam dropped back to the floor again, defeated.
And you never would have thought in the end,
How amazing it feels just to live again,
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole, through everyone that feels it.
He was lost. It took all of 15 seconds for one bad decision after another to ruin him. It had been two weeks since Aroura had left and two weeks since he had been clean. He felt like he was alive again yet dead at the same time with his other half missing. The entire time on the plane he was going over in his head what he would say to her when he made it home, well their other home. California was where he would be able to see her again, he was sure of it. He wanted to be better for her, for them. He wanted her to be able to trust him again and love him again because he had never stopped loving her, how could he? She was the only person that really made him feel like he was wanted, needed, and the only reason for him to get up, to live. It was night by the time he landed. When he got off the plane he figured there was no need to rent a car and took a taxi instead. He had come with nothing, the only thing he really needed was an hour away, hopefully in their bed.
Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it, won't come your way, yeah
Well you'll never find it, if you're looking for it. (looking for it)
Bam was sweating again when the taxi pulled into their driveway and paid more then was owed, quickly stepping out of the cab and into the cold. He had to do this, had to say his piece. And if she still wanted nothing to do with him then he would walk away, broken completely, but he would respect what she wanted even if it meant that it would break him. He shuffled up the front steps, pulling his keys from his pocket and carefully and quietly stepped inside, locking the door behind him. It was just as he had remembered. Everything looked the same as it had the last time even though it had been some time since he had been in this home, opting to stay back East most of the time even though Aroura went back and fourth. He realized quickly that it had been part of his downfall; he should have gone with her every time. Even if it was just to show her that he wanted to be with her always, because he did. She was the only thing that he would fight for and beg if it came down to that; he'd get on his knees and beg if it made any difference.
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.
He laid his jacket on the banister and set his beanie down beside it then took the stairs, two at a time, being as quiet as he could. He was terrified that if she heard him that she would make him leave and that was something that he just couldn't do; leaving just wasn't an option right now. He would speak and then if she wanted him gone then he would go. Bam walked slowly and carefully down the hall to their room and grabbed the door handle, turning it quietly before poking his head in. She was there, sleeping on his side. It gave him some hope. Maybe she missed him as much as he had missed her? Without hesitation, he pulled his shoes off before stepping into the room and quietly got into bed with her, pressing his chest flush against her back and curled an arm around her, his hand searching for hers. He found it and laced his fingers through hers, going stalk still when she moved and nearly shit himself when she turned her head to face him, blinking tiredly as she focused in on him.
Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste some time with you.
"I'm a dick," he said quickly and quietly before she could say anything and continued to talk when she opened her mouth to respond to him. "I'm so sorry, Rour…You're the last person I ever want to hurt," Bam said, looking down at her, being as sincere as he had ever been, hoping that she could tell. He let out a sigh and shut his eyes when her other hand reached up, gently landing on his faded blue and yellow cheek courtesy of her slap before she had left. "I want to hate you," Aroura admitted, her voice hoarse with sleep but Bam couldn't help but think of it as the most beautiful thing he had heard since she had left. "Please don't," he said quietly. "I can't…but I should. I just can't though," she responded, softly stroking his cheek, turning her body so she was face to face with him. "I'll stop, everything. I promise. No more lying to you. I just want to be with you and I know it's not much at this point coming from my mouth but I love you more then I knew I could and I don't want to hurt you anymore, or us," Bam got out quickly.
Time with you... time with you... time with you…Waste some time with you...Waste some time with you...
She shook her head at him, watching as his face fell. "One more chance, please," Bam sighed, all but begging her, saving that for if he really needed it. Aroura looked at him closely, "you could have said all of this over the phone and saved yourself the trouble of coming here," she said, pulling her hand from his face. "It was no trouble, I want to waste my time with you instead of alone. I had to say all of this to you, I had to see you," he said, shaking his head as he swiped his thumb over her lower lip, relaxing slightly when she kissed his thumb. "I love you, I don't want to lose you," Bam said gently, "I'll change everything if you just give me another chance…" Aroura shook her head, watching as his face fell, and gently curled her fingers under his chin, stroking lovingly, gently combing her fingers through his goatee. "C'mere," she sighed, pulling his chin towards her and meshed her lips with his own. "No more bullshit," she mumbled out, kissing him again.
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste my time with you.
Bam nodded, kissing her back, thanking all of his lucky stars that this amazing woman that he was able to call his again had given him another chance, one that he was not about to take lightly. "I promise," he said quietly against her lips, kissing her again as he rolled her onto her back and rolled between her legs, smiling when her arms snaked around his neck. "I've missed you," Aroura admitted, playing with the hair at the back of his neck before reaching down to pull his shirt over his head. "I can promise you that it's not as much as I've been missing you," he said, pulling his lips back from hers as he tugged his shirt off and moved his lips back to hers. "I can barely go a day without you and this nearly killed me," she said, shaking her head as she kissed him again, tangling her fingers through his hair.
Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste my time with you.
"I'm not going anywhere," he smiled against her lips. "And if I do, I'm dragging you with me," he promised. "I want to be good for you always," he added, pulling his lips back again so he could pull her nightshirt off and smiled down at her. "You're beautiful, how you love me is just beyond me," he said, watching her as she tugged his belt from his jeans quickly and snapped the button on his jeans. "Shut up," Aroura said, quickly pushing his pants and boxers off. "It's still something I'm trying to figure out myself," she teased and grabbed his cock. Bam let out a quiet strangled moan and looked down at her hand. "Now, make it up to me," she grinned up at him at bit her lip, trying not to laugh when he dumbly nodded and dropped his head against her neck, moaning out when he bit her. He grinned when he heard her and huffed when she smacked the back of his head. "Don't you go messing with me, I'll make you sleep in the yard," she huffed. Bam knew she was serious and moved his hands down her sides and to her hips, almost able to feel her smile at him for being obedient for once and lifted her legs up, smiling against her neck when she locked them around his back and bit her again just because he could as he slid into her easily, feeling at home again.
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, my hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.
Rour sighed quietly, lazily smiling at Bam as he lifted his head to look down at her and rubbed her hands over his shoulders and arms as he moved his hips against hers. He smiled back down at her, moving his hands beside her shoulders. "Am I forgiven yet?" he asked, moving his hands to her breasts, thumbing her nipples, feeling proud of himself when she started moaning. "You're getting there," she panted out, pushing her hips forward to meet his as he moved his hips faster against hers. "But you're nowhere near being fully forgiven yet," she said, tightening around him, mentally patting herself on the back as he whined and tossed her head back when that spurred him to thrust his hips harder. "Jesus baby," she sighed out, reaching up to grab his hair. He dipped his head back down, pressing his lips back against hers and reached a hand down between them, his thumb quickly finding her clit, rubbing in small fast circles in time with his hips. "Now?" he mumbled against her lips. "Shut up and keep going," she scolded, panting against his lips as he listened to her and sped his hips up.
Bam pulled his lips back and dropped his head against her shoulder as he started to shake and moaned when Aroura's hands tightened in his hair. "Baby I'm close," he mumbled against her shoulder. She nodded, dropping her legs from his back and clenched around him, moaning wildly as she orgasmed, nearly ripping his hair out. "Fuck fuck fuck," he chanted, feeling her squeezing around him, managing to go for another minute before spilling inside of her. He slowed his hips when he was finished, continuing to move inside of her and moved his lips back to hers, panting quietly. Aroura kissed him back, lovingly moving her fingers through his hair again.
Waste some time with you...
"How about now?" he asked quietly, carefully pulling out of her as he reached down, pushing a hand through her hair and pulled his head back so he could look at her, unable to stop the smile forming on his face when he saw how flushed she was.
Waste some time with you...
"I think you already know the answer to that," she said up to him, moving her hands from his hair down to his cheeks. "I mean it though, you're mine. Start showing me that you want this and mean it or I'm leaving," she said, leaving no room for argument as she pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him, curling up on his chest.
Waste some time with you...
Bam smiled and laughed quietly when she pushed him and wrapped his arms around her loosely. "I promise…I have no intention of leaving you or hurting you again," he said, gently running his fingers over her back.
Waste some time with you...
"Good, because I told Daddy," she smiled against his neck. "And he'd like to have a word with you next time he sees you…he bought me a knife," she said happily, grinning when he started to shake.
Waste some time with you...
"Rour…" he whined gently. "Oh hush," she laughed and kissed his neck. "He overheard me talking to mom and I couldn't not tell him. Just be good and let him do his worst, you deserve it," she said, running a hand though his hair.
Waste some time with you...
He sighed and nodded. "I know…I'll be good." "You'd better," she said quickly.
Waste some time with you...
"I love you," Bam said after a moment of quiet, going back to rubbing her back. "And I love you," she mumbled against his neck. "Now shut up and let me sleep, you rudely woke me up and I'm tired," she grinned and picked her head up to kiss him. Bam grinned and kissed her back before dropping his head back on the pillow. He relaxed, feeling whole again, and waited until he felt her breathing evenly against his neck before he shut his eyes, eager to be able to sleep peacefully for the first time since she had left, ready to start over and show her just how serious he was about changing for her. Why not? She changed everything for him, it was time he paid her back and let her in as well.
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, my hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.