Hey Guys! I know it's been awhile but I've been very busy lately.

Anyway I'm working on updates for other stories but I had to write this one first.

It wouldn't leave me alone.

So please let me know what you think.

It's not the greatest but I figured you wonderful people should be able to decide that.

Thanks(:

Rose is in normal text. Dimitri is in bold. Dreams are in italics.

Pulling on a long sleeve shirt I stare down at the white bandages covering my wrists before pulling my sleeves down. The cuts aren't that deep, not really. I'm only covering them because I have training with Guardian Belikov. It's going to be the first time since the retreat to the ski resort that I've seen him and I'm kind of embarrassed by the scars lining the inside of my wrist. A few tears slip from my eyes as I think of Tasha being here with him. He was supposed to love me not her. Wiping my eyes I search my room for a pair of black shorts, pulling them on I messily comb through my hair. Glancing at the clock I realize I have five minutes to get to the gym, grabbing my bag I race out. I stop at the door and grimace at my reflection; I doubt he even recognizes me. Hell I can hardly recognize myself at this point. Pushing the door open my heart stops at the sound of his deep voice laced with that Russian accent.

"Ah Rose I see some things never change." I laugh to myself because he hasn't turned around yet. A lot has changed. I am not the same person he left behind. I'm not the same person he claimed to love. I shake my hair from my face and open my mouth to speak but he turns and the look on his face stops me in my tracks. "Rose? Is that you?"

"Hello Guardian Belikov." I answer. He flinches at the tone in my voice but most people do that when I speak so It doesn't surprise me any. He walks closer and I fight the urge to back away because that would show weakness and I refuse to show weakness. I am anything but weak.

Reaching out he touches my thick brown hair, "Your hair. " I laugh slightly as his hand glides over my much shorter hair. "What did you do to it?"

"It's called a haircut. Don't you just love it? I must admit that it's way easier to fix in the mornings. Wow wouldn't you look at that your hair is longer than mine." Thank you God I needed my sarcasm back if I'm going to deal with working with him again.

"Why? You loved your long hair."

I shoot him a fake smile as I answer, "Shit happens and people change. My life changed and I had to adapt." Dropping my bag I walk over to the mat and begin to stretch. I may miss him more than anything and I may constantly be in pain but I've kept my training going. I'm even better than when he left. I know more, I've learned more. Now I know all his moves but he doesn't know all mine. "Are you going to stand over there or are you going to get ready for practice? I don't have all day. I have a lot to do today." Walking over he begins to stretch but I can feel his eyes on me the whole time. "Do you have a staring problem?"

"You're so small."

Jumping up I walk across the mat and get into a fighting stance. "You ready to fight?" I ask completely ignoring his comment on my size. Graceful as always he stands, takes up his stance and before I realize it we fall into an all familiar dance. We're matched punch for punch and kick for kick. I finally land a kick in his stomach causing him to momentarily double over allowing me to throw a punch towards his face but his hand shoots out and catches my wrist. His hands on my fresh cuts cause me to let out a small whimper, his eyes to widen and for him to drop my wrist. "Rose what's wrong?' He asks the worry evident in his voice. He reaches out and gently takes my wrist in his hand. I can see the blood seeping through my shirt sleeve so I know that it's pointless to try and make him stop. "Why are you bleeding?" I ignore this question as well because he'll know the answer soon enough. Pulling my sleeve up his eyebrows furrow at the sight of the once white bandaging, looking up at him I can see the confusion in his deep brown eyes. He gently unwraps the bandage until his eyes fall on my once flawless skin that is now covered in cuts some healed and other fresh. "What is this Rose?"

"It's coping." I answer my voice strong.

"Coping? You're 17 years old what could possibly make you do this?" He yells his eyes never leaving mine.

Pulling my arm back I make sure my voice doesn't fail as I answer him. "You Dimitri, you're the reason I could do this." Turning I walk away from him. Once I pass through the double doors my strong façade fails and the tears begin.

My eyes never leave her body as I watch her walk away; she cradles her wrist to her body. I breathe out angrily how could she do that to herself? Why would she do that? What did I do to make her this way? Turning I walk towards the bleachers and sit. I lean my head into my hands as my body shakes with anger, sadness, or a mixture of both I'm not sure which. I hear the sound of the gym doors closing but I don't move. It's not her and right now she's all I can think about, all I can deal with. I just don't understand. "You saw her already didn't you?" Lifting my head I look at the speaker.

Breathing out I close my eyes momentarily before answering, "She's so small Alberta. Her wrists" pausing I breathe in deeply before continuing, "She cuts them. " A look of sadness crosses her face before she sits down beside me. "How could she do that to herself?"

"She went through a lot after Spokane."

"I thought she could handle her kills. I never would have left if I believed they would have this effect on her." I say shaking my head. "I left because it's what was best for our situation. The way I felt…it wasn't right."

"The kills didn't do this to her Belikov, not entirely."

"What do you mean?"

"She lost her best friend; she held his dead body in her arms. She beheaded two strigoi with a dull sword and in the end all she wanted was her mentor. She needed you and all you did was leave. She loves you Dimitri and while the situation may not be ideal it's what she has become."

"I did this to her. I caused her all this pain." I close my eyes before I speak. Keeping my voice as even as possible I ask," Where is she Alberta? I need to speak with her?"

I feel a hand on my arm causing me to look over at the women who I'm sure is the reason Rose hasn't ended it all. "That's not something you get to determine Dimitri. When she wants to talk she will. You can't push her she isn't emotionally strong enough."

"I need her to understand why."

"She understands why you had to leave. She understands why you can't love her. She understands it all but that doesn't change anything. She's in love with someone she can never have and there is nothing she can do about it. Can you imagine feeling that way? How would you feel if you loved Rose with everything you had and she just walked away right when you needed her support and guidance most?"

"What if she's never ready? How will that affect her training? It's almost time for her to graduate, can she graduate?" I ask a million more questions running through my mind.

"Can she graduate? Dimitri I'm sure she can fight and win against almost anyone around here. She can give you a run for your money. She never stopped fighting; hell she trained even harder once you left. It's why she is so tiny."

"I can't…I just I can't take this. I can't believe I did this to her. I need to talk to her."

"And I told you that isn't going to happen until she is ready."

Standing up I run my hands through my hair pulling it slightly showing my frustration, "I can't do this right now. I need to think. I need to be alone." Turning I walk away.

I run for what seems like hours before my legs finally give out and I hit the ground. The tears seem to pour as I hit the ground but not because the fall hurt but because I just can't take this anymore. This constant feeling of pain, the constant ache in my chest it's just all too much. I hate this empty feeling. I feel so worthless like if I died no one would even notice. I'm such an unimportant spec in this great thing called life. If I ended it no one would even notice but I won't go out like that I will not take the easy way out; I can't it would show weakness. Raising my head I see the cabin Tasha stayed at during that dreadful visit where she stole him away. I fight to hold back my tears but I can't. All these horrible emotions are just eating away at me and I can't take it. Reaching in my pocket I pull out a small razor and drag it across my skin. I watch the dark red run over my skin. Leaning back against a tree I pull out a folded picture. Unfolding it I stare into those deep brown eyes I love so much. Closing my eyes I feel myself slipping into an unconscious state. I hope I didn't cut too deep.

His strong arms wrap around my waist pulling me back against him as he gently kisses my cheek causing me to giggle. Turning I stare up into his eyes before smiling and laying my head against his chest leaning down he whispers in my ear, "I'm hungry." Jerking away I stare across the room at not Dimitri but Elena. My heartbeat picks up speed as I stare at her. Someone moving catches my attention turning I see him. My worst enemy the person or better yet monster that started this all stepping back I hear a voice that breaks my heart.

"Let her go, or I'll kill you."

Isaiah, Elena, and I all turn at the sound of the new voice. Mason stands in the doorway, framed by light, holding a gun. I watch Isaiah study him for a few moments before deeming him threat less.

"Sure, try it." He sounds so bored. Even though I know the bullets won't hurt him I still can't look away. I watch as he throws the gun down and runs towards us I try to scream out my voice refuses to work and I watch as Isaiah once again seizes Mason grabbing his head with both hands and with a single quick twist ends Mason's life… once again.

I watch as he tosses Mason's limp body toward Elena, "There see if that'll tide you over. And save some for me."

"Don't. Touch. Him." The voice that says it can't be recoginized as my own yet it is mine. I had spoken without thinking. My need to protect Mason so strong that I can't think I can only act. I rush towards Elena but she knocks me back effortlessly. My chotki falls from my coat pocket.

Isaiah leans down picking it up. He looks over it momentarily before speaking, " Ah, the Dragomirs. I'd forgotten about them. Easy to. There's what, one? Two of them left? Barely worth remembering." His red eyes focus on me. "Do you know any of them? I'll have to see to them one of these days. It won't be very hard to…" Suddenly there's an explosion as the aquarium bursts apart and water shoots out of it, shattering the glass. Pieces of it fly toward me but I barely notice it. The water forms into a floating lopsided sphere and begins to suffocate Isaiah. Elena jerks to her feet, Mason lays forgotten on the floor.

Picking up a large piece of glass from the broken aquarium sprinting forward I plunge the glass into his heart causing him to pass out from the pain. Turning I run towards the fireplace grabbing one of the antique swords. I turn back toward Elena who is heading in my direction. I use the sword to keep distance between the two of us. Her fangs flash in her mouth. " I am going to make you…"

"Suffer, pay, regret I was ever born?" I suggest. Jabbing forward, I try to land a blow on Elena, no luck. She anticipates my every move, much like Dimitri does. She glances back toward the groaning Isaiah allowing me to swipe the sword across her chest. She glances down giving me the moment I need.

Mustering all my strength I draw back, and swing. The blade hits the side of her neck, hard and deep. She tries to move towards me so I pull back and hit her again. I strike and strike until her head lays detached from her body. Isaiah tries to rise but I'm on him before he can. I strike and strike feeling like a pro now.

Walking into the locker room I change into my practice clothes before heading to find Dimitri in the gym. "Sit down Rose." He gestures towards a chair in front of him. I hesitate slightly before complying. "I told Tasha yes Rose. I leave in the morning."

Bright light blares into my eyes as I lift my head but instead of the infirmary like I imagined it's… it looks like a wood cabin. Glancing down I see fresh bandages wrapped around my wrists. "Hello."

I hear some rumbling sounds before he walks into the bedroom. Worry frames his face but upon seeing me it turns into something else, something I can't quite describe. "Rose, you're awake. I was so worried. You looked so helpless. You were bleeding so much…"

"Why am I here?"

"I didn't want to lose you Rose."

"You lost me when you chose to walk away."

Anger floods his face. "You think I wanted to leave you? Do you think it was easy to walk away from the one person I truly love? Do you think I wanted to leave? I had to leave!"

"That's bullshit Dimitri and you know it. You didn't have to do anything. You decided to take Tasha's offer. You're the one who packed up and left. I didn't walk out you did."

"Nothing that has happened to you gives you reason to hurt yourself. How can you expect to keep Lissa alive if you can't even make sure you stay alive."

Anger burns through my veins at the mention of Lissa. " Don't you do that."

"Do what? Tell you the truth?"

"Don't bring Lissa into this Dimitri. I can protect her better than anyone else. I can kill any strigoi."

"I trained you Rose. I know what you're capable of and what you just said doesn't fit your skill level."

"You may have taught me some but I taught myself much more. I don't need you or your training."

"You need me more than you're willing to admit."

"I. Don't. Need. You."

"If you didn't need me then you wouldn't be acting like this. You need help Rose. Let me help you."

"You're the reason I'm like this. You're the reason I have these scars on my wrists. I'm so tired of feeling this way. "

"Let me fix you. Stay with me Rose." I look away from him. " Rose look at me, I'll do anything. I just want you to be better. I'll be whatever you need me to be. "

"No."

"I can help you hold on. You have to meet me half way here."

"I don't want your help Dimitri. I don't need you anymore."

Standing up I do the hardest thing of my life I walk away from the one person I love more than anything else in this world. He doesn't deserve a second chance. We ran out of time. I ran out of time.