Okay! This is my second FF8 fic. 'Tis about life in Ultimecia's Kastle before those pesky SeeDs showed up. For those of you who want to know who Lionhearted is, see my bio. (He has nothing to do with any of the lion motifs in the game. He is my own. Get it? MINE! Grr!) Ultimecia will do the disclaimer.
Ultimecia: Leonine One 252 does not own anything affiliated with Final Fantasy VIII, ekcept the game. So don't sue him. If you do, I will sentence you to death beyond death! I will send you to a dimension beyond your imagining, where you shall be my slaves for eternity! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Lionhearted: Hey, your not supposed to say that yet!
Life in the Kastle
Ultimecia awoke. She yawned and stretched happily in her bed (of evil) and hugged her little Griever doll (of evil). The sorceress began her day with her usual speech exercises. "Lokusts. Akkursed. Kompression. Kramer. Kaktuar. Chokobos. Kiros. Kruella de Vil. Ku Klux Klan! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Griever was downstairs, doing pushups (hey, GFs like to keep in shape, too) when he heard the evil sorceress's evil laugh of evil. That was the daily indicator that his favorite sorceress was up. He went to her room. "Hey, Ulti. Whatcha want for breakfast?" he asked cheerfully. "Grendel-burgers with torama sauce, fastilocalon caviar, and a Bloody Selphie," Ultimecia replied happily. "But Dr. Odine said you shouldn't start the day with alcohol." "Oh, Dr. Odine's a fool. Her perkiness is just what I need for inspiration for torturing lost souls. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" "Well, if you say so." So Griever went and slew the monsters needed to make Ultimecia's breakfast. "Hey, Griever. Whatcha doin'?" flirted Sphinxara, the only other (distinguishable) female in the castle (called Ulti's Kastle). "Just making Ulti's breakfast," Griever said casually as he hurried out the door and into a portal. Shinxara stared at Griever's behind as he went, almost drooling. "He's a lion, I'm a half lioness...he's cute. We're perfect for each other!" Somewhere in Balamb Garden, Selphie screamed and fainted due to having three cups of blood drawn out of her.
"Here ya go, Ulti. Anything else I can get you?" "No thanks. You're the best, Griever." The ultimate GF beamed at his mistress's compliment. Ultimecia then went to get ready. She put on her make-up, her face paint, and her red contacts (her eyes are actually only slightly red). She had to wait ten minutes for her hair gel to dry, because she had to use vast amounts of magic-enhanced Jelleye Gel to keep up her hairstyle.
"So, what shall we do today?" pondered the evil sorceress. "Wait? For time compression?" suggested Griever. "We've been doing that every day for years now. I meant something we kan do while we wait." They thought for a moment. "Hey. Wanna go mess with Laguna's mind?" suggested Griever. "Ooh! That's always fun." So they used the Ellonatron (the name for the machine that allows them to reach into the past) and reached out into the deeper recesses of Laguna's mind.
President Laguna was in his office, doodling on the reports of conditions in Esthar when suddenly, "Laguna...Laguuuuuuna..." "Wh-who's there?" stuttered a surprised Laguna. "It's me, Julia," said Ultimecia in Julia's voice.
"Julia? But I thought you died!"
"No. I'm alive and well."
"How are you talking to me? Where are you?"
"Silly Laguna. I'm talking to you through telepathy."
"How?"
"We have a sorceress to help us."
"Oh. Well I'm so glad you're alive. I've really missed-wait a sec...us? Who's us?"
"Me, General Caraway." (Griever)
"Caraway? You mean the guy who married Julia?"
"Yes/yes."
"What do you want?" asked Laguna. "Nothing. Just this," responded Griever in General Caraway's voice. And Ultimecia and Griever started moaning and making kissing noises. "Oh, Drake--. You've been a bad general," giggled Ultimecia. "Well I have been a little naughty," responded Griever as they began making suggestive noises again. "AAAAAAH!!! Get out of my mind! HELP! HEEELP!!!" screamed Laguna. "He's doing it again..." said Kiros as Laguna fell over backwards in his chair and started struggling and clawing at his head. Ward responded with his usual "..." "Should we get the psychiatrist?" asked Kiros. Ward nodded.
Ultimecia and Griever laughed uncontrollably as they returned to their time. "Heheheh. That was fun," chuckled Griever. "Let's go mess with that akkursed Selphie." "I think she's still unconscious," said Griever. "Then we'll have a little fun with her body," said the sorceress, who now had an evil grin on her face. "Cool," said Griever.
Back at Balamb Garden, in Dr. Kadowaki's office, Selphie (Ultimecia and Griever) arose. "Oh, your up already, Selphie? Take it easy next time, ya hear?" advised Dr. Kadowaki. "Yes, doktor," said Griever/Ultimecia/Selphie (GUS) in a triple voice. "Oh, do you need your throat checked? You sound pretty hoarse there." "No, thank you, doktor. I am fine," said GUS. "Well, alright, then." GUS proceeded out of the infirmary and walked around the Garden, looking for something, anything, to mess with. At the training center they casted Apocalypse on some unsuspecting students who were watching their instructors perform a Firaga spell. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Later, they had set fire to the quad, tear gassed the dorms, and completely rearranged all the books in the library out of order. The heroes (a.k.a.: those pesky good guys) came running at GUS. "Selphie! What the hell are you doing!!!?" yelled Zell. "Pathetic SeeD..." muttered GUS. "What?" said a confused Irvine, "What's going on, Sephie?" "Swarming like lokusts akross the generations. You disgust me!" "Selphie, what's wrong?" asked Squall, ready to draw his gunblade if needed. "Nothing, Squally-poo. Teeheehee," said GUS, which was really creepy, considering that they had a triple voice. GUS jumped at Squall and kissed him, which made Rinoa really mad. They started fighting, but since Ultimecia and Griever currently possessed Selphie she was much stronger. GUS then temporarily became US because they summoned Griever. He used his Shockwave Pulsar attack which promptly KOed Rinoa. "Wha- how did you get that GF, Selphie?" asked a stunned Quistis. "That's not Selphie. It's Ultimecia!" said Squall. "Kurses! We've been found out!" And with that, they promptly left Selphie, who collapsed again on the floor.
"Phew, that was too klose," said Ultimecia, "but at least it was fun." "Yeah, for you. I had to kiss a guy!" "Oh, cheer up, Gravy. I didn't like kissing a SeeD, either," said the white haired sorceress. "I wish you wouldn't call me that..." "Oh, k'mon. Say, let's go corrupt the leaders of the world!" said Ultimecia excitedly. "Well...okay, Ulti!"
The rest of the day they had lots of fun consisting of corrupting people, hurting people, scaring people, and anything scary in general. As the day came to an end they returned to Ulti's Kastle and got ready for bed. "Goodnight, Gravy," said Ultimecia as she lay down in her bed. "Goodnight, Ulti," said Griever as he tucked her in and turned off the lights. "I love you, Gravy." "Wh-what!!!?" said a dumbfounded Griever. "As a friend. Mwahaha. Silly Gravy," laughed Ultimecia. "O-oh, of course. Eheh..." said Griever, blushing.
Griever did some sit-ups, took a bath, brushed his teeth and went to bed in his little cot.
The End
--The game doesn't mention General Caraway's first name, so I just made it up.
Done. Yay! Please review. Also, sorry if it was a little bit to cutesy.