Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its character.
In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I'll pray to the gods let him stay
The memories ease the pain inside
Now I know why
Seamus tiredly dragged his feet along the floor of the deserted corridor. With each step he took, there was a loud echoing. He simply did not care whether Filch was just around the corner. Frankly, he really did not care about anything anymore. He only wanted his lover to be with him.
There were dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleeping and his eyes were also red from the countless nights he spent crying. His hair was unkempt, with his fringe covering most of his eyes. The light of joy that had once been in his eyes was totally gone. His appearance was ragged and he looked like the living dead.
His robes were messily arranged. His red and gold Gryffindor tie was hanging loosely around his neck. His pants were hung lowly around his hips but he did not bother with pulling them. He simply did not care how he looked anymore.
Besides, most people in Hogwarts looked like he did as of late. He was just one of the worse cases as he had once heard Professor McGonagall said to Professor Flitwick apart from Zabini. He honestly thought it was only a matter of time before one of them- the students that is- collapsed. Even some Slytherins were not looking so good, especially Zabini.
Sometimes, Seamus pitied them. They did not choose to be on the 'dark side' of the war. It was because of their parents and he was somewhat certain that they would not have chosen the Dark Lord's side if they had a choice, though they would have punched him or worse if he ever dared say that to them.
Seamus had started wondering occasionally what it would be like to be a Slytherin. Half way through his musings, he decided that he probably was happy- no, extremely jovial- that he was not a Slytherin. Who actually knew what they had to go through? Besides themselves of course.
He had also wondered what has caused Professor McGonagall to say that Zabini was once of the worse cases. He never really did notice Zabini before only until recently. He, of course, realised Zabini's terrible appearance as well but had merely thought- in a rather bias way- that Zabini was busy with affairs concerning the Dark Lord.
Unconsciously, Seamus' feet had brought him out of the castle and into the tall tower of the Owlery. He stopped dead in his track at the front door. It was freezing and he was not really wearing anything warm but he once again, did not care. He stood there for a long time before allowing himself to enter the Owlery.
He reached out and touched the freezing cold brass handle of the door. He could not say that he was not slightly surprised that he did not shiver at all. He probably was already immune to the cold. He believed that nothing in this world could hurt him anymore. Sure, he might scream if the pain was too intense but nothing could be compared to the hurting he harbours deep down in his heart.
Pushing down the door handle, he pushed opened the door. It made a scraping sound against the floor and some of the owls shifted slightly. He then entered the Owlery slowly as if expecting something or rather someone to be in there, waiting for him. He crept quietly towards the widows, careful not to make any unnecessary noises that might stir the owls.
Breathing in the air that the slight breeze brought, Seamus closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of relaxation for a little while. He did not feel like opening his eyes and returning to the dreadfully realistic world. He wanted to remain like this; carefree and happy without having to worry for his life or his lover's life every second of the day.
Having Amycus Carrow and Alecto Carrow as new teachers in the school was definitely torture. An average of at least twenty pupils was being given detention every day. That was a lot of people, considering that most students did not return to Hogwarts that year. Of course, Seamus was one of those pupils sometimes.
Honestly, he saw it as torture time. Detention was really a much, much kinder way of putting it. He hated them with a burning passion, as did other students except the Slytherins. Somehow, he was beginning to think that some of the Slytherins hated them too.
He opened his eyes and let out a long, slow sigh. The war was taking a toll on everyone and he knew it. Both the good side and the bad side were suffering. No, it was unfair to call the Slytherins the bad side but Seamus seriously did not know what to call them instead.
He sighed again. He remembered that night... that dreadful night. That night when Dean left him. He knew that Dean did not want to and that there was no choice but he could not help but feel angry at Dean. Looking back, it seemed such a childish thing to do.
He had remembered everything from that night. The way Dean kissed him, hugged him. The words Dean said and his expression and tone of voice when he said those words were etched deeply in Seamus' mind and heart and would probably remain there forever.
"I love you, Seamus. If I had a choice, I would not leave but I don't. I want to stay but I'll probably get killed and I don't want you to grieve over me. Once this damned war is over, I'll be back and before that, I promise you, I won't die. If I leave, I have a chance to live for our future. Promise me, wait for me," Dean had said softly as he held Seamus close to his chest tightly.
Finally, after a few minutes, Dean had pulled away from the embrace and walked away. He did not turn back for fear he would not bear to leave. He did not say goodbye, for it was not goodbye. He would see Seamus later and he was sure of it.
Seamus had stayed where he was, watching Dean walk away until he was nothing more than a spot. He had collapsed to his knees and cried.
He remembered that he had knelt beside the river and prayed. He had prayed fervently that Dean was only joking and that he would come back. He had prayed that Dean could stay. He had prayed that Dean would appear suddenly out of nowhere. He prayed and prayed, for how long he did not know.
When the sun came out from behind the hills, he knew that it was useless. Dean had gone and he would not come back until the war was over. But he would come back, as he promised. Seamus then left that place and went back home as if nothing had happened, keeping the pain inside his heart.
"I'm still waiting for you, love..." he whispered softly into the wind, hoping that it would carry his message to his lover, to Dean.