A/N: I wrote this after reading City of Ashes. I can't wait to read the third book! Anyway, this is just a short oneshot about Magnus's thoughts on Alec and their relationship.

Disclaimer: The characters in this fanfic are all property of Cassandra Clare, not me. I wish I could invent people like them, but I'm not that clever.

The TV was on, but Magnus was too tired to take in what it was saying, and he didn't think he was missing out on much. He let his tired mind concentrate instead on simple, wonderful things – things like the warmth of Alec's thigh pressing against his, and their entwined hands, creating sensations the warlock had never experienced before Alec.

Suddenly, the old grandfather clock chimed loudly, marking it six o'clock. Alec lifted his head to stare at it for a moment, then reluctantly stood.

"I'd better go," he said, looking down at their hands, which were still clasped together. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodbye," Magnus said, and Alec turned and walked out, letting his hand fall to his side. Magnus leaned back with a sigh as he watched the boy go. Never, in all his 300 years, had he found someone whom he liked as much as Alec. The boy was – intriguing. He was different, he was caring, he was special, he was – He would've made a good warlock, Magnus thought, standing up and walking over to a glass cabinet. He's wasted as a Shadowhunter. Magnus unlocked the cabinet with a casual flick of his fingers and a small burst of blue light, then reached in and pulled a crystal glass and a bottle of the strongest wine he could find. Taking them both back to the sofa, he poured himself a glass of the wine, tipped back his head and drained it. Alec had a way of making him feel – second-rate, almost. He certainly wasn't as handsome as Jace, nor as witty or strong or powerful – Not as arrogant, either, Magnus thought with grim humour. He knew that Alec still loved Jace, and he also knew that he himself could never compare with the blond Shadowhunter. Nevertheless, he gave all of himself to Alec in the hope that maybe, just maybe, the boy would move on. Jace would never, could never, return Alec's affections. Jace didn't even know that Alec loved him like that. And while Alec loved Jace, he couldn't fully give himself to anyone else.

Magnus sighed and poured himself another glass of wine. He drank this one more slowly, staring at nothing, wishing for something that could not be. When he and Alec were together, alone, it was never awkward. They made each other smile, they enjoyed each other's company, and sometimes Magnus could forget that Alec loved Jace, and hoped Alec forgot as well. Whenever the arrogant Shadowhunter was there, however, Alec always seemed to say the wrong thing, hurting all of them. Seeing the way Alec looked at Jace, with pain, love and despair, Magnus felt hollow. He wanted Alec to move on, and to give himself fully, just as Magnus did. He wanted Alec to be honest, and not hide their relationship. He wanted to stop seeing Alec, stop the pain the boy caused. But, in life, you can't always have what you want. Magnus knew that, and still he wanted. He would give anything, anything, to have Alec love him instead of Jace; to love him as he himself loved the boy. He longed for Alec to give something he wasn't prepared to give.

Magnus raised his glass to his lips, and realized with numb surprise that it was empty. He filled it up once again, and resigned himself to another long and sleepless night.

If only he had never met Alexander Lightwood, the boy whom he loved. But to give up Alec was to give up the only person he had ever truly cared about. It was like trying to give up his own heart.

I hope you liked it! If you didn't, review and tell me why. If you did, review anyway! The more reviews, the better!

Thanks for reading (and reviewing!),

DarkenedWaters