A/N: Well this fic is full of firsts for me. It's the first time I've written in the Ned Kelly fandom, it's the first time I've tried this style of writing, it's the first time that I've written slash and it's the first time that I've and posted something when I'm still drunk. I'm sure this can't be good. Also it's the first time that I've written and AU and it being historical fact and all I feel pretty bad about writing it but it was in my head and needed to be written so what can you do? Read on and remember reviews make the world go round.
Disclaimer: Don't own nothing.
Summary: After everything he had a field.
After everything what he had was a field. Truth be known, however, it was a rather large field and the Kelly family was finally able to prosper. The sheep roamed the field happily and as Ned watched them he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.
He felt rather than heard Kate come up behind him. He felt her arm wrap around his waist and he felt her chin come to rest against his shoulder. He felt her words coil around the air; "We've finally made something of ourselves."
And then he actually heard her words. "We've finally made someone of ourselves."
Ned felt himself freeze though he doubted Kate noticed as he always tended to stand tensed up, his years as an outlaw showing themselves through his stance. It was so easy for Kate to say that they were finally something. Because she had never been anything,. She had never been a member of the Kelly gang, she had never lived out in the bush, she had never had a bounty on her head.
But Ned had been all those things. And none of them mattered.
Because the only time that Ned had ever felt that he had been anyone was when he was wrapped around Joe, their breathing even, their chests rising in unison, their hearts beating in sync.
Kate's arm shifted so that she was standing in front of him, asking him what was wrong.
Ned shuffled though the acceptable answers in his head. He was worried the farm wouldn't stay up. He was worried that he would be arrested again. He was worried that Kate and his other brothers and sisters would be stuck out on the streets. He was worried that he would never atone for Dan's death.
But the only answer that he wanted to say was one that he couldn't. I miss being inside Joe. I miss having him wrapped around me. I miss kissing him. I miss moving within him. And the only thing that he was really worried about was that the he was forgetting the taste of Joe's skin.
But Ned said none of these things. He just stared out at the sheep, tightened his grip on Kate and said that everything was going to be all right.
Though he knew that everything would never be all right. And Kate knew this too. Though she thought that it was because the rest of the Kelly gang was dead and he felt guilty. And she thought it was because he had been an outlaw and so living a normal life was strange for him. And she thought it was because he had killed people and it was slowly eating him alive.
But really the reason Ned knew that it was never going to be all right was three simple words.
Joe was dead.