This was supposed to be a little oneshot that was sparked from my headcanon about CS adopting. It took on a life of its own and…well, here it is, 8.6K words later. Thank you to Irene for being my ride or die, for always flailing with me and for reading this via photos of my laptop screen as I went along.
Past the Clouds We'll Find The Stars
"So...what do you think about adopting?"
It wasn't a question Killian had been prepared for. Not at 11pm on a Monday night as they cuddled in bed watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. It struck him as more of an over-dinner conversation, or one inspired by watching TV shows involving infants, as opposed to run-down shacks serving questionable-looking yet apparently delicious meals.
He shifted to find his wife's eyes, but she kept them fixed on the television screen, and his brow creased as he considered her. She was snuggled into his side, hand tracing idle patterns through his chest hair, cheeks aglow and hair tousled from their recent tumble between the sheets. But he had a feeling that the color on her cheeks had more to do with her question than their earlier pleasurable activities.
"Are you referring to a puppy or a child, darling?"
He asked carefully, watching her face. Emma frowned and pushed herself to sit up, wrapping her side of the bedsheet around her upper-half and finally meeting his gaze with a sigh and roll of her eyes..
"A kid, Killian. Clearly making our own isn't working out for us."
Her lips turned down and she reached for the TV controller, switching it off before turning her attention back to him. His heart had dropped a little at her words, a flash of that old self-loathing rearing its head momentarily. They'd been married for three years now, and had decided a little over a year earlier to try for a baby. They were in a good place, and it was something they'd talked about for awhile before they'd agreed it was time to stop using birth control.
Killian, of course, had been eager to get started, and for the first six months they'd enthusiastically enjoyed their attempts, trying out all of the borderline-acrobatic positions suggested on various online forums for couples trying to conceive. But none of it had seemed to work, and Killian couldn't help but feel it was his fault somehow. Emma had reassured him that it was probably just timing and stress ("that forum said the more we obsess over it, the less likely we are to make a baby...stress hormones and all that shit? I don't know. But it isn't your fault.") but he wasn't fully convinced.
After eight months, they'd gone to Whale. Not an appointment either of them had been relishing, but if it meant they'd perhaps have an answer to why they weren't conceiving, they were both willing to suffer through it. When the tests came back with no answers, both of them "perfectly fertile" according to Whale (and yes, they'd both shuddered at his phrasing), they were left with more questions than answers.
"Perhaps you're just not compatible,"
Whale had shrugged as they'd been about to leave. Emma had glared at him, and snapped that they were "perfectly compatible, thank you very much", before slamming the door and muttering curses about how unprofessional the doctor was the rest of the way home, But it was something that had stuck with Killian, as much as he'd tried to push it out of his mind.
What if the insensitive arse was right? What if he could never give Emma the baby she so wanted, because for some unexplained reason, they 'weren't compatible'? The thought had festered and eaten away at him for days, until Emma had finally called him out on his far-away looks and distracted responses.
She'd already forgotten Whale's offhanded comment, so when he quietly admitted it had been playing on his mind, she'd kissed him fiercely and assured him with infectious conviction that Whale was wrong. They had True Love, they were perfect for one another. The Gods themselves had reunited them, and they'd defied all laws of life and death to be together. They'd get through this too.
She'd given him an adorable, lopsided grin then and told him that not even death could beat them, so this wouldn't either. He'd fallen in love with her all over again that night and they'd made love until the first rays of dawn had danced across the floorboards. He was sure they'd conceived a baby that night, convinced in a way he had never felt previously. But a month later, and there was only another negative pregnancy test to show for it.
So now, hearing the slight defeat in Emma's tone as she quietly admitted it wasn't happening for them, he was sure he'd felt his heart crack in his chest. She'd been the optimistic one, the glimmer of hope in her eyes sparking his own each month as she'd disappeared into the bathroom for endless minutes, only to return with a sad smile and a shake of her head, a pregnancy test in her hand tauntingly spelling out "not pregnant".
"Emma," he said gently, voice cracking, "Are you saying you wish for us to stop trying?"
She shook her head vehemently.
"God, no. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I'm not getting any younger, and your swimmers are already...kinda ancient," she poked his side playfully, but he couldn't find it in him to smile back at her and she sighed, "I'm not saying I want to give up. I just think that maybe we could at least consider adoption. To be honest, even if we'd had a baby already...I'd still be thinking about it. The life we have, and what we could offer a kid like that...I always wished for this kind of home when I was in the system. A home where I'd have been more than just a meal ticket, where the foster family actually really wanted me, and not just the money they got for taking me."
Killian's throat was suddenly dry, and he instinctively reached for her. He knew all too well that the long-ago feelings of abandonment and loneliness were never truly banished, and from the haunted look in his wife's tear-filled eyes, he knew she was reliving some of her hardest years. He pulled her close, carding his fingers through her hair and murmuring gentle reassurances. When she finally relaxed in his arms, he pressed a kiss into her hair and pulled back to look at her.
"Emma, love, I am more than willing to open our home and our hearts to an orphan child. In fact, I think it's a wonderful idea. We can prevent them from experiencing the life we had, and give them the kind of home and loving family I know we both dreamed of having as children. So, yes, let us look into adoption. I'm just...sorry I've failed you and been unable to give you a child of our own."
Emma reached up and cupped his cheek, smiling sadly and shaking her head.
"You haven't failed me, Killian. And a kid we adopt will still be our own. Look at how much Regina loves Henry. He's her kid as much as he's mine. You don't have to give birth to a baby for them to be yours in your heart. I just...I know there's a kid out there somewhere that's waiting for us. And when we meet them...we'll just know we were meant to be their parents."
Killian leaned forward and kissed her, swallowing her gasp of surprise, and rolled her onto her back, the sheet falling away and leaving her bare to his gaze. He pressed a kiss over her heart before looking up into her eyes with so much love and admiration that she had to swallow the lump of emotion in her throat.
"What was that for?"
She asked, breathless. He smiled at her and pressed a tender kiss to her lips before replying.
"I need a reason to want to show my wife how much I love her? You're a bloody marvel, my love. Any child will be lucky to have you choose to be their mother. Just as I feel lucky every day that you chose me to be your husband. What did I ever do to deserve the love of a woman with a heart as incredible and beautiful as yours?"
She knew it was a rhetorical question so she simply rolled her eyes and smiled, reaching up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
"Well, any child will be lucky to have you choose to be their father. And your heart is pretty damn great too, captain."
CS
The adoption process was a new experience for both of them, It felt strange to Emma being on the opposite side of the system she'd grown up in, but at the same time she knew they'd made the right decision. Her parents had been as supportive as ever, and even Regina had been keen to help. Granted, Emma would have rather stayed oblivious as to how Regina had adopted their son, and the shady side-stepping she'd done with the help of Gold, but that was in the past, and she didn't want to dwell on it too much.
What mattered now was their future, and the little girl they'd fallen in love with the first time they'd visited a group home in Boston. Initially, Emma had been wary about going back to one of those places, tempted to opt for the agency's 'catalogue' of kids (another thing she actively chose not to think too much about, wondering bitterly if she'd appeared in her group homes' child menus). But Killian reassured her that he shared her instinct - they needed to visit the homes. Which is exactly what they'd done.
Emma had gripped his hand so tightly on their first visit that he was sure she was going to cut off his circulation. But he simply squeezed back reassuringly, knowing that it was more than a little distressing for her to be willingly stepping back into the kind of place that had left lifelong scars on her soul.
Her grip on his hand had loosened a little when they'd met Elizabeth. The seven-year old had been sitting on the stairs, watching them silently through the wooden rails as the other children all chattered and bustled around. Emma had immediately been drawn to her, approaching tentatively with a kind smile, aware that the little girl was likely wary of getting her hopes up when prospective foster parents visited. She remembered that feeling all too well, and knew she'd probably worn the same expression.
"Hi...I'm Emma. What's your name?"
"Elizabeth…"
She'd said softly, eyes boring into Emma's as though searching for sincerity.
"That's a lovely name. This is my husband, Killian. Would you like to come downstairs? We'd really love to meet you properly."
Elizabeth had eyed them warily for a few moments before standing up and slowly making her way down the stairs to them.
"Y'know, I lived in a place like this when I was your age, too, Elizabeth. It's not much fun, is it?"
The girl had peered up at her, slowly shaking her head.
"I had a mom and dad til I was three and then they had their own real kid and didn't want me anymore. That's why I live here now."
Emma had stared at the child in shock, her heart stuttering as her own story was repeated back to her from the mouth of a skinny blonde child. History repeating. And no doubt it would keep repeating for Elizabeth, just as it had for Emma. She'd assured Killian that when they met the child they were meant to adopt, they'd just know. She'd been sure of it. And as she'd turned and looked up at him that day in the group home, he'd nodded. They'd known.
The adoption had moved quite quickly once the homestudy and all relevant checks had been completed. Emma had been nervous about those, sure that her background would immediately discount them, along with the fact that they'd had to basically make up a 'normal' life story for Killian and use some magical assistance to create evidence of such.
But, much to Emma's surprise and relief, the fact that they lived in a small town, had a large family support system and held respectable jobs within the community (Sheriff and Deputy were apparently very pleasing titles to the homestudy people), along with owning their own home and having a 'charming and well mannered' son willing to testify to their parental suitabilities, it had all turned out very much in their favor. They'd passed with flying colors, and Emma had cried with happiness the moment the assessors had left.
It took a few more months after that for the agency to process their adoption papers, and a few extra months on top for all the legalities to be finalized. But eventually, eight months after they'd first met Elizabeth, they brought her home to Storybrooke. They'd been in touch with her constantly, visiting and letting her pick out everything for her room via Skype. She'd been reserved at first, and Emma knew she was holding back on getting her hopes up just in case they suddenly changed their minds. She got it. She'd been there.
But they didn't change their minds. And when Emma and Killian picked her up, officially her mom and dad in the eyes of the law, she'd hugged them for the first time and Emma had tried her best to hold back tears, but failed miserably.
"Why are you crying? Did I do wrong?"
Elizabeth had asked, alarmed, and Emma had simply pulled her back into her arms, hugging her fiercely.
"God, no, kid. I'm just really happy that I get to be your mom, that's all. I'm not crying because you did anything wrong, I'm crying because I'm happy."
Killian watched the exchange with tears in his own eyes, and he remembered what Emma had said to him the night she'd brought up adoption for the first time, ten months earlier.
"You don't have to give birth to a baby for them to be yours in your heart."
And it was true. He loved Elizabeth just as much as he would have if she'd been his own by blood. He recognized so much of Emma, past and present, in the little girl too. The walls and the wariness; the quick wit and the stubborn streak. They even shared the same jade-green eyes and predilection for grilled cheese and every type of confectionary. It was uncanny really, and he was fully convinced fate had put her in their path.
The day Elizabeth came home, Snow had, of course, thrown a party at Granny's. She wanted her new granddaughter to meet the rest of her family. Emma had warned her mother that she didn't want Elizabeth to feel overwhelmed, so Snow had thankfully limited the 'first party' to their immediate family - herself and David, Regina, Zelena, Belle and Gold, and of course the children.
Elizabeth had seemed a little baffled at first by the fact that her new grandmother and mother seemed to be the same age, but she said nothing. Emma and Killian had discussed, at length, about how they'd broach the whole topic of magic, and had decided to hold off on that revelation until Elizabeth had settled in. Snow had assured them that children were a lot more open-minded than adults with such things, but they'd opted to wait nonetheless. A new family and new town were already a lot for a just-turned-eight year old to deal with.
It didn't take long for her to settle though, and their home quickly became filled with toys and drawings, artwork stuck to the refrigerator door, and dolls and toy trucks scattered around the living room. Killian attempted to keep order, having a large wooden chest made with "Ellie" engraved on the front, which he put in the living room and informed his daughter that she now had no reason to leave her toys on the floor.
Emma loved to watch them together. He had a number of nicknames for their daughter, but he most often called her 'Cygnet', and Emma had to admit that was her favorite. It was Elizabeth's favorite too, just as her favorite bedtime story was her parents' love story, which Killian called The Princess and Her Pirate. She was unaware of the fact that every word of the story was true, and Emma often wondered about her reaction when they finally told her.
She'd been with them for almost three months and things had been going so smoothly. Ellie had settled in at her new school, she'd made a few friends and even started dance classes at the dance studio Tink had set up. The counsellor who visited to check on her (something Emma had never had when she was bouncing around foster homes) had been very pleased with how things were going, and the three of them couldn't be happier.
Emma was so happy, in fact, that she hadn't really been paying much attention to her cycle. When they'd been trying to conceive, she'd obsessed over it daily, but since starting the adoption process, she hadn't so much as touched her ovulation tracker. It had been almost a year since she'd fretted over her hormone levels and the ideal date and time for them to try and knock her up. Which was why it came as such a surprise when she realized she was late. Very late.
Killian was over helping at her parents' farm with Ellie, and she was supposed to be in work but had popped home to check she had everything prepared for the evening. It was their fourth wedding anniversary, and she'd been planning a surprise romantic picnic in their backyard for that night, complete with fairy lights and candles and rum. Ellie was staying at her grandparents', which Snow had insisted on when she'd remembered it was Emma and Killian's anniversary.
With her heart racing, Emma had frantically tried to figure out exactly how late she was as she high-tailed it over to the pharmacy, swearing Tom Clark to secrecy as she bought four pregnancy tests. She didn't want Killian finding out via some offhanded comment from the pharmacy owner if he happened to stop by on his way home from the farm or hear through town gossip that seemed to travel faster than light in Storybrooke.
She also didn't want to get either of their hopes up if it was a false alarm. She returned home with the tests, and it felt somewhat surreal to be going through the motions again when they'd long since stopped actively trying. They weren't using birth control, but they also weren't breaking their necks in crazy positions or poring over every website forum they could find for weird and wacky suggestions to aid their efforts. They had simply gone back to enjoying their lovemaking the way they had before they'd decided they wanted a baby.
The adoption process and now having an energetic eight-year old running around had proved to be conception aid though, apparently. And as Emma sat staring at the stick in her her hands announcing "Pregnant", she began to laugh through her tears. She wondered if she should write that on the forums as a suggestion: "Adopt and stop trying". It had certainly worked for them. After double, triple and quadruple checking the result, all of them lighting up with the single word that made her heart soar, she had to remind herself to breath, excitement and elation a heady combination that made her want to scream and call Killian immediately with the news.
But instead, she made herself some camomile tea - something her mother had introduced her to awhile ago to settle nerves - and gradually stopped shaking. Her cheeks hurt from smiling, and she couldn't wait for that evening. She'd decided that their romantic anniversary picnic was the perfect time to break the happy news. And the next day she'd schedule an appointment to check everything was okay with herself and the baby, before they announced it to the rest of their family.
As she sat at the table, she thought of Elizabeth, her thoughts sobering a little at how their daughter might react. She'd been theirs for three months, and had settled remarkably well, but she remembered their shared history and how the little girl's first family had tossed her back into the system like an unwanted toy when their own biological child had come along, just as Emma's first family had done with her.
She couldn't ever imagine doing that, and she made a mental note that they'd reassure Elizabeth everyday that it wasn't going to happen, but Emma was well aware how deep those kinds of insecurities ran. And the only thing that would prove their promises to her would be their actions. They loved her just as much as they'd love their baby, and they'd simply have to remind her of that every day. She hoped that the fact she had Henry already would provide some sort of reassurance to her, and that it wouldn't disrupt Ellie's progress or how happy she was now, but Emma knew it would take a long time for those insecurities to fade.
Busying herself with wrapping up one of the positive pregnancy tests in the same paper she'd wrapped Killian's other anniversary gift with, Emma decided to focus on how happy she was. Everything she'd ever dreamed of was coming true. And she couldn't wait to see Killian's face when he found out too. She knew the next few hours would drag as she clock-watched, so she headed back to work in an attempt to distract herself.
By the time 5pm rolled around, she was jittery with excitement. She'd already ordered their picnic food from Granny's - grilled cheese, onion rings, fries, mini slider burgers, and a whole range of taster desserts - which she had to pick up on the way home. The leftovers would likely last them for the next few days too, especially once Killian found out the news and the food was long forgotten.
As she swung by the diner to collect the order, she made sure to school her face into an expression that didn't scream "I'm deliriously happy, ask me why". Granny was very perceptive, and she didn't trust herself not to crack under any level of the older woman's scrutiny.
Thankfully, despite a pointed comment about her sunny demeanor, and a suspicious side-eye as dropped the paper bags onto the counter, Granny didn't ask. She simply wished her a happy anniversary with a smirk and a wink over her glasses. Emma had raced home after that, knowing Killian would no doubt be back soon after her and she had to lay out the food and light the candles yet. Thankfully she had magic and no need to worry about explaining it to her daughter.
By the time Killian arrived home, she was already out in the backyard waiting for him, sat on the blanket with the garden looking like something out of a Good Housekeeping photoshoot. She was thankful that the late summer evenings were still warm enough to accommodate her plans. She'd called out to him and he'd appeared at the back door, eyebrow raised and a grin lighting up his face as he took in her handiwork.
"I'm impressed, love. This looks magnificent. As do you."
He took in her pretty white sundress, eyeing the low neckline with open interest and a lascivious drag of his tongue across his bottom lip. She rolled her eyes, despite her grin and the shiver that prickled under her skin as she imagined what that tongue would be doing to her later.
"Happy anniversary, babe."
She grinned, patting the space next to her, which he eagerly took. Dropping down to sit beside her, he pulled her in for a heated kiss, and she moaned slightly against his lips. She really did love when he let his passion for her go unchecked, and even after four years of marriage he still kissed her like every time was the first time. She melted into him, before remembering the news she had to share. Pulling back, with a few quick kisses for good measure, she reached behind her for the wrapped gifts.
When he saw them, he seemed to come back to himself and grinned, reaching inside his jacket and pulling out a rectangular box she guessed held jewelry of some sort.
"Open yours first, darling."
He smiled, handing it to her. She took the box from him and smiled, ripping it open inelegantly and gasping at the beautiful necklace inside. It was silver, with a delicate swan constellation encrusted with tiny diamonds. It was stunning, and she immediately moved to put it on.
"Thank you, Killian, it's so beautiful."
"I have a swan and a cygnet more beautiful than any jewels, but when I saw this I simply couldn't resist."
She kissed him tenderly, fingers caressing his sharp jawline, before pulling back and reaching for his gifts. She handed him the original gift she'd bought him first. A beautiful golden compass engraved from herself and Ellie. His old one had a crack in the glass, and she knew he wouldn't replace it unless there was a sentimental value to a new one.
After he'd swooned over the detail and engraving of his new toy, she handed him the second, surprise gift, her hands shaking slightly and her heart beating an erratic tempo of anticipation. She'd put it inside a rectangular necklace box similar to the one he'd just given her. As he removed the wrapping paper, he joked about them getting each other the same gift, but had eyed her with curiosity as she'd laughed nervously in response.
"Just open it, Killian."
She breathed, barely holding back her happy tears. He quickly opened it then, staring in silent shock at the word screaming up at him. When his gaze finally snapped up to meet hers, she saw his eyes were glittering with tears and that immediately caused her own to fall.
"Emma...Gods...Is this real? Are you-...?"
He whispered, and she nodded with a sobbed laugh, tears flowing freely down her cheeks then.
"Yeah...it's real. We're having a baby."
She barely had time to finish her sentence and he was pouncing on her, kissing her with desperation between laughter and tears. The food was long since forgotten as they made love on the blanket in the backyard, underneath the fading light of sunset and the fairy lights.
Afterwards, they bypassed the cold fries and grilled cheese, and opted to share the sweet treats she'd picked out, while they lay together and talked about what they thought their baby would look like. Whose eyes he'd get. And whether or not she'd have a dimple in her chin like Emma. They talked about how they'd tell Ellie, and the rest of their family, and the challenges they might face with that. But regardless, they'd deal with it all together, as they always did.
Killian's hand rubbed gentle circles against her belly, and he moved to kiss it numerous times as they lay there. She giggled each time, his scruff tickling her, and she was sure she'd never been so blissfully happy.
CS
"Good morning, you two. You're early today...and you've both come to pick Ellie up…? Is everything alright?"
Snow was flitting around the kitchen when Emma and Killian arrived the next morning to pick their daughter up. David had greeted them out in the yard as she'd pulled up in the bug, already busy feeding the chickens, and followed them inside.
"Yeah, yeah, everything's good. Great, even."
Emma had grinned up at her husband, who slipped his arm around her waist as he returned her smile. Snow eyed them suspiciously and exchanged a look with David. They'd talked at length the night before about how they'd break their news to her parents, but despite their plans to hold off until after the first ultrasound, Emma could hardly wait.
"Where's Ellie?"
She asked with a weak attempt at nonchalance. They wanted to sit down with their daughter and explain things to her properly, not have her overhear the news. Emma knew the little girl would need reassurances, after her previous experience.
"She's upstairs with Neal. Why? Emma...Killian? What's going on…?"
Emma moved to close the kitchen door, heart stuttering as she returned to her husband's side, looking up at him with a tender smile before letting out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
"We…we just wanted to tell you something-"
"Oh my Gosh..."
Snow was rushing forward and enveloping her daughter in a bone-crushing hug before she'd even had chance to reveal their news.
"You don't even know what I was gonna say!"
She wheezed, laughing as she extracted herself from her mother's grip. David looked baffled, and shot a questioning look at Killian, who simply grinned and scratched behind his ear, marvelling at his mother-in-law's perceptiveness.
"You're glowing, Emma. I've suspected for weeks, but I didn't want to say anything because you never brought it up...and I didn't want to upset you in case I was wrong."
"Uh...someone wanna tell me what's going on right now?"
David had his hands on his hips, his confusion evident, and Emma laughed, shaking her head as she slipped her arms around Killian's waist.
"We're having a baby, dad. I'm pregnant. Finally."
David looked floored for a moment, staring at the both of them in shock, before he mirrored his wife's reaction and surged forward, pulling both Emma and Killian into a somewhat-awkward hug.
"Oh, Emma, that's wonderful news. Does Ellie know?"
Emma shook her head with a sigh.
"No, not yet. I only found out yesterday and told Killian last night. It's been a bit of a whirlwind. And we're not sure how she's gonna take it...her first family tossed her back into the system when they had a kid of their own. So we want to handle this gently. We're gonna tell her after we've been for a checkup to make sure everything's okay."
David and Snow were both nodding in agreement when Ellie burst through the door.
"Hey mom, hey dad! I got to ride one of the horses this morning and help feed the cows. It was so cool!"
She barrelled into Emma, wrapping her little arms around her mother's waist and hugging her fiercely, before repeating the gesture with her dad. Killian grinned down at her with a chuckle.
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Cygnet. But you best be getting your shoes on, otherwise you'll be late for school."
Ellie grinned and nodded, disappearing in a flurry of energy and returning with her shoes and backpack.
"Can I have a sleepover with grandma and grandpa again soon?" she pleaded as Killian ruffled her already-messy hair, "We had popcorn and milk duds like mom makes and we watched Inside Out and grandpa made me and Neal a fort with the pillows and blankets in the living room!"
She was still talking a mile a minute about all the fun she'd had as she hugged her grandparents and followed her parents out to the car. Snow and David watched them go from the porch, waving and holding back their own happy tears. Their daughter's happiness was all they'd ever wanted, and they'd could honestly say they'd never seen her happier.
CS
After dropping Ellie off at school, Emma called the hospital and made an appointment for her first prenatal check. It was somewhat surreal. The last time she'd been pregnant, she was barely-17 and had consciously zoned out each time the prison doctor had gone through the regularly scheduled checkups. She'd known she didn't really have any other option than giving up her baby, and she'd done everything in her power to keep herself from getting attached to the tiny thing growing inside her. She'd figured it'd be easier to hand him over if she distanced herself emotionally from the whole experience. It wasn't.
But now…well, now she was in completely different place. She was married, with a good job and a town full of family and friends. She was happy. In fact, happy was an understatement. She was incandescently ecstatic, was probably a more accurate description of her emotions. They both were.
Thankfully, she was able to make an appointment for the same day (perks of living in a small town and also being the sheriff and savior), so after lunch they both excitedly headed for the hospital. It was the first time Killian had ever seen an ultrasound that didn't just show an empty space where they'd hoped a baby would be. He held his breath and fought off tears when a picture of their baby's profile immediately appeared on the screen as the wand was pressed against his wife's belly.
"That's our child…"
He whispered reverently, eyes fixed on the floating, pixelated shape of their baby. He gripped Emma's hand, brimming with pride and happiness. He could clearly make out the baby's head and body, in awe of the technology that enabled them to see their little one even before Emma even had a bump to show for it.
"You're about 11 weeks, Emma. You've had no symptoms until now?"
Emma gave a start, eyes widening in surprise as she shook her head.
"11 weeks?! Seriously? I-...I've not had any sickness or cravings or anything. I know I should've been keeping track of my cycle, but since we brought our daughter home, I've just not been obsessing over it like I was before. I only realized I was late yesterday, so I went and got some tests and...well, here we are."
The doctor smiled at her (and she was marginally relieved it wasn't Whale for once), clicking away at the screen and printing off a handful of copies of the scan for them, giving them to Killian. As the doctor ran through a series of questions and completed a quick physical examination on Emma, Killian stared in wonder at the pictures in his hand. They were really having a baby. There was really a growing child inside of Emma that they'd made together. And his heart felt fit to burst.
CS
Elizabeth was quiet when they told her the news. They'd called her down too early for dinner, and she'd known something was amiss. She'd eyed her parents warily and picked up on her mother's nervous energy as she moved around the kitchen. Emma then disappeared for a moment and returned with a small stuffed swan toy, fiddling with it nervously as she joined Killian at the table and gently asked her to join them too.
"Did I do something bad? Are you mad with me?"
She asked quietly, dread sitting heavy in the little girl's stomach as a foreboding sense of deja vu gripped her. Emma recognized the fear in her eyes immediately and shook her head.
"No, Ellie, not at all. I promise it's nothing bad. It's...well, it's good."
Still not fully convinced, Ellie slipped into her seat and stayed silent. For long moments, Emma seemed to be trying to find the right words, and finally Killian stepped in, reaching for his wife's hand and smiling warmly at their daughter.
"First of all, we want you to know that we love you very much-"
"You're sending me away."
"No! Elizabeth, we are not sending you anywhere. We will never, ever send you away, we promise you that. Your mother and I...well, this is a gift for you…" he gently took the swan toy from Emma and held it out to Ellie, "It's a gift from you new baby brother or sister."
"My...brother or sister?" Ellie looked confused for a moment and then her face fell, "You're having a real baby, aren't you? Like the other family did."
Emma finally found her voice, standing quickly and moving to crouch beside Ellie's chair.
"Ellie. This isn't gonna be like the last time. I promise you, I promise, we're not sending you back. This is your home and we're your mom and dad forever, no matter what. We are having a baby, but it's not going to change how much we love you," she wrapped her arms around her daughter as a tear slipped down her cheek and she pressed a kiss into Ellie's hair, "It just means you'll have a new sister or brother to love, like you love Neal. And it doesn't mean we don't want you anymore, because we'll always want you, kid. You're our daughter, and nothing will change that, even if you end up having a whole bunch of brothers and sisters. We love you just as much as we'll love the baby."
Killian watched them with a lump in his throat and his heart aching. The two loves of his life had been through so much, and he remembered all too well how long it had taken to convince Emma that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he truly wanted and loved her, through good and bad. Ellie had similar walls, and her scars were so similar to those on Emma's soul. It would simply take time for them to prove to Ellie, just as he'd proven to Emma, that their family was real and true and unbreakable.
CS
For weeks after they told Ellie of her impending big sister status, she was withdrawn and jumpy. She stopped wanting to go to her dance classes and would get upset over the slightest wrongdoing, breaking down when she accidentally chipped the paintwork on the porch and dropped a glass in the kitchen. Emma recognized the emotions, and knew what Ellie was doing - trying to put up her walls to protect herself, so that when they inevitably (in her eyes) sent her back, it would be easier to handle.
It made Emma ache to the bone to see her daughter closing herself off again. And as happy as she was to be pregnant, and to see her belly starting to grow with the smallest, most perfect little bump, it was still painful knowing her other child was struggling to adjust to it all. She tried her best to reassure her daughter with actions, knowing words didn't work for a kid who'd been let down with lies and broken promises so many times before.
She pulled Ellie into hugs everytime she got upset, even over what seemed like the smallest, most insignificant things. She made sure to reiterate every night as she tucked her in that she wasn't going anywhere, that they loved her and would never send her away. She encouraged her to stay involved with the things she'd enjoyed before, and made sure to spend as much time with her as she could.
Even Henry helped. At 18, he'd recently moved away to attend Boston University, and his family missed him like crazy. But he made sure to visit as often as possible, and when Emma told him about the baby on his latest visit, he was thrilled for his mom and step-dad. He'd asked how Ellie was taking it, and Emma had smiled sadly, shaking her head. He'd asked if he could have a chat with her, knowing that maybe as an adopted kid himself, he could offer her some reassurance.
It seemed to have helped a little. As the weeks went by, Ellie's emotions seemed to stabilize. They'd gone to Archie for advice, and he'd been more than happy to see the little girl. They made progress, and he guided Emma and Killian as well as Ellie, with how to navigate their new circumstances.
As Ellie settled back into her routines and started to come out of her shell once again, Emma found herself able to start enjoying her pregnancy with a little less guilt. Killian was as doting as ever, holding daily one-sided conversations with the bump and thoroughly enjoying what pregnancy was doing to the rest of Emma's body - namely her chest. She was thankful that the whole thing seemed to be going quite smoothly, aside from the fact that the baby had a tendency to tap-dance on her ribs and make itself comfortable directly over her bladder.
She hadn't had any particularly strange cravings, other than the odd occasion when she'd woken in the night with a killer need for ice cream and potato chips. Killian had dutifully acquiesced to her strange requests, but they'd been few and far between. He was overly protective when they were at work, however, and insisted she didn't do too much. It had driven her crazy at the start, but she'd eventually come to accept and even somewhat enjoy his attentiveness. Even when she felt like all control she'd had over her body had disappeared with her waistline, and had all but given up trying to feel remotely sexy, he still managed to make her feel like the most desirable woman in the world. Not an easy feat when her ankles were swollen and she was running for the bathroom every ten minutes.
At their 18 week check, they'd decided not to find out the sex, and neither really had a preference either way. As far as they were concerned, they had a son and a daughter already, and after trying for so long with no success, they'd be thrilled no matter what they'd made.
Emma was almost 24 weeks when Ellie first started to take an interest in the baby as anything other than the thing that was going to cause her parents to love her less, or simply not want her anymore. She'd been slowly coming around as the weeks had turned to months, with help from Archie and constant reassurances from Emma and Killian. But the real breakthrough came one Sunday afternoon when Killian had popped to the store to grab a few things, and Emma was resting, her back protesting the gardening she'd attempted to do with Ellie that morning.
"Mommy?"
She said quietly, opening the door with a somewhat nervous smile. Emma had ushered her in, holding her arms open as an invitation for her daughter to join her. Ellie climbed onto the bed, shyly holding out the drawing she'd made, and tears immediately filled Emma's eyes when she saw what her eight year old had drawn.
"That's you, and that's daddy. And that's me, and Henry. And there's a puppy because I really like puppies. And...and that's the baby. It's a girl, because I kinda want a sister seeing as how I've already got a brother. We've got matching bows in our hair and she's gonna have blonde hair like me and you. It's our family. I'm holding the baby there, see? Can I…hold the baby when it gets here?"
Tears were slipping down Emma's cheeks as she sniffled and smiled at her daughter, heart soaring at the turning point they'd finally seemed to reach. Ellie looked alarmed for a second and then reached over to wipe her mother's tears.
"Are you happy crying again?"
She asked, and Emma nodded with a quiet sob, pulling her daughter close and crying softly into her hair.
"Of course you can hold the baby, Ellie. You can hold her all the time. She's so lucky she's got an amazing big sister like you, and-...here, give me your hand," she pressed the little girl's hand over her large bump, the kicks strong and sure under her small palm, "She already loves you so much. Can you feel that? She's kicking to say hi. She knows your voice already."
Ellie stared at the rippling bump in awe, feeling the insistent kicks and giggling. Emma only wished Killian had been there to witness the moment, but when she told him about it that night after they'd both tucked their daughter into bed, he'd cried just as much as she had.
CS
Emma went into labor a week before her due date. Killian had been preparing for the event for the better part of a month, and yet he still went into panic mode when Emma walked into the kitchen rubbing her belly and casually informed him that her water had broken. He stared at her blankly, unsure he'd heard her correctly. She didn't seem in the least bit hurried, tying her hair up into a messy bun and rummaging through the refrigerator for the bottle of coconut water she was sure she'd left in there earlier.
"Emma, did you just say what I think you-"
"Ugh, shit, I'm like, leaking everywhere. Gross."
"Emma…"
"Did you move my coconut water?"
"Emma! Are you...is this...is the baby coming?!"
He was on his feet, eyes wide and heart racing, as he stared at his unnervingly calm wife with her head still in the refrigerator..
"Ah, there it is."
She said with a triumphant smile, grabbing the coconut water from where it had apparently been hiding behind the milk, and holding it up as though Killian gave a damn about bloody coconut water in that moment. She noticed his panicked expression and smiled serenely.
"Yeah, unless I'm just spontaneously peeing myself," she grimaced, "And for the record, I'm not."
"Bloody hell! Where's the bag?! The hospital bag we packed, where is it?! Do you wish for me to carry you, love? Can you walk? Are you in pain? I should call your parents and tell them! We need to get to the hospital!"
Emma chuckled and shook her head, taking a swig of her drink as her husband rambled on.
"Killian, chill. Firstly, the bag is by the front door, where you insisted we had to keep it since the start of the month. Second, I'm perfectly capable of walking, so please don't attempt to carry my elephant-sized ass to the car bridal-style because I'll be forced to punch you. I'm in a bit of pain but I've had period cramps way worse at this point. And lastly, yes, we can go to the hospital now, but I'll call my parents in the car and they can pick Ellie up from school on their way. Take a breath. We're fine."
Killian gawped at her, dumbfounded by her level of calm when he felt like throwing up with the sudden onslaught of panic he'd been hit with. She cupped his face, anchoring him with a reassuring smile and a tender kiss. When she pulled back, she grinned and canted her head toward the door..
"Let's go have a baby."
CS
Her labor was intense but mercifully quick. By the time they arrived at the hospital, she was already seven centimeters dilated, and feeling great considering. The calm and organized team of nurses and doctors put Killian at ease, though he was still somewhat of a jittery mess, excitement and nervousness buzzing under his skin and making him restless. He barely let go of Emma's hand, sitting rooted by her side and staring intently at the monitors she'd been hooked up to for any minute changes.
David and Snow arrived with Ellie shortly after they did, and sat anxiously in the waiting room, keeping their eyes glued to the delivery room door. Emma made Killian periodically go out to them with updates, despite his unwillingness to leave her side for even a moment.
As her contractions grew closer together and the pain intensified, her previously calm demeanour cracked and she eagerly accepted the pain meds offered to her. Finally, they told her she could push, and she took a deep breath before following their orders. Killian hated seeing her in so much pain, and attempted to talk her through the worst of it between her screams.
"Shut the fuck up, Killian, with your stupid accent and your - FUCK - stupid handsome face and your stupid - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST - cock that did this to me!"
The doctor and nurse were attempting to hold back their amusement and at first he was flustered as she yelled at him through the pain, but he held tight to her hand and continued to soothe her regardless.
By the time the doctor said, "one more push, the head's almost out!" Emma was shaking and whimpering with exhaustion. It had only been an hour since they'd first arrived at the hospital, but it had felt like an eternity. As she put everything she had into that final push, Killian held his breath…
A piercing cry filled the air and Killian immediately felt the tears spring to his eyes as he watched the doctor lift a perfect, squirming, red-faced baby up to the the nurse beside him, who immediately did a quick weight and measurement before moving back toward Emma and Killian.
"Congratulations, you have a perfect little girl. She's beautiful. Well done, Emma, you did so well."
She placed the baby on her mother's chest, wrapped in a hospital blanket, and her tiny hands flailed around as she wailed indignantly. Killian instinctively offered her his pinky finger, and the moment she grasped hold of it, she calmed, her wails becoming soft cooing sounds. The tears slipped from his eyes then, and he gazed at his wife and newborn daughter with so much pride and love that he had no idea how to put it into words.
"You are both so perfect. My beautiful girls," he whispered, voice cracking, "We have another daughter, my love. You brought our daughter into the world. You're incredible."
Emma smiled up at him through her own tears, overwhelmed by emotion and the awe on her husband's face. As their new bundle of joy promptly fell asleep to the calming motion of her mother's breathing, Killian whispered his love and adoration to them both, basking in the afterglow of the moments they'd waited so long for.
A little under an hour later, once the doctor had examined both Emma and the baby, and left them alone to bond with the new addition, there was a soft knock on the door. Snow and David stood in the doorway with beaming smiles, and Ellie ran over to her father, tentative gaze locked on the baby in her mother's arms. Killian immediately hoisted her up onto the bed, warning her softly to be extra gentle.
Emma shifted to allow room for her older daughter and smiled tiredly.
"Do you want to hold your little sister, Ellie?"
She asked, her voice hoarse with exhaustion, and the little girl nodded eagerly, holding out her arms and gasping on a giggle as Emma and Killian both helped to position the baby tenderly in her hold.
"She's so tiny," Ellie whispered, staying perfectly still and staring down at the tiny infant, before a huge grin broke onto her face, "I'm gonna love her forever and ever. I'll be her best friend and play with her all the time. She can share all my toys too. I'm so happy I have a sister now! Can we call her Eva?"
"Eva...I like that."
Emma smiled, her heart aching with love, as she looked to her husband for his opinion. He nodded thoughtfully, ruffling Ellie's hair and smiling adoring at his three girls.
"Aye. Eva is a wonderful name, Cygnet."
Emma leaned back against the pillows, one arm around Ellie and the other supporting their new baby daughter in her arms, as she smiled up at Killian.
"You've got three women in the house now. You really are outnumbered, buddy."
Killian leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss into Emma's sweaty hair.
"I wouldn't have it any other way, my darling."
Fin.