Fic: Playing By The Rules
Author: justinebeckoning
Pairing: Drake/Josh
Rating: a strong K+ to mild T
Disclaimer: I am not Dan Schneider and therefore do not own anything. However, if Dan Schneider wants some slashy ideas for the Christmas movie, that's fine by me…
Warnings: slight girl/girl. Oh, and if you're like me and jannikajade and the thought of Josh in an apron and a Santa hat is a little too much for your heart to bear, don't say I didn't warn you. ;)
Author's Note: And my elusive Christmas!fic surfaces, finally! A little something I came up with in honor of "Best Christmas Ever" (hooray!). Not only is this the first time I've written a chaptered fic, but I also realized this is the first time I haven't been working from an established relationship with the boys, so I'm a teeny bit nervous.
"Honey!" Walter yelled, sneaking yet another glance at the living room clock. "We're going to be late!" Drake rolled his eyes, enjoying his stepfather's nervous pacing from the comfort of his spot on the couch. "It's almost five forty-five. Aren't you ready yet?" he called, his voice rising in pitch as he strained to shout up the stairs to his wife.
"Easy, Walter," Drake said, taking a swig of his Mocha Cola.
"You okay, Dad?" Josh said, emerging from the kitchen.
"I would be, if your mother would hurry up and get down here so we could leave. This could be a very important evening for me." Walter fidgeted with his bowtie, leaving it even more lopsided than before. He and Audrey were attending the San Diego Weatherman's Association's annual holiday banquet, and Walter had been a frantic, excited mess all day in anticipation of the event. "I've heard on very good authority that the Weatherman of the Year award is being presented to yours truly." He beamed, then looked at the clock again. "Honey!"
"You're getting Weatherman of the Year?" Drake scoffed in disbelief. "Why, is Bruce Winchell in the hospital or something?"
"What?" Audrey froze in terror in the hallway entrance, earring in mid-clasp. "Bruce Winchell is in the hospital?"
"No, dear," Walter said through gritted teeth. "But the ratings for our six o'clock news shows have been beating Channel 11 for six months now. And whose weather forecasts do you think are responsible for that?"
Drake gave a mock sigh. "Guess that's what happened when Bruce Winchell got that haircut, huh?"
Audrey smoothed her hands over her evening gown and shook her head sadly. "I know," she agreed. "What a loss. All that beautiful hair, gone—just like that." Walter glared at Drake.
"Y-you look really nice, Mom," Josh said, jumping in to diffuse the tense situation.
Audrey smiled at him thankfully as she grabbed her purse off the dining room table. "Now, you boys know the rules, right? We're trusting you two by letting you have this party while we're gone tonight."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Drake said, rising from the couch. "No drinking, no breaking things, and everybody out by midnight. We know." After weeks of begging, Walter and Audrey had finally agreed to let the boys throw a Christmas party. Josh returned Drake's grin over Audrey's head. With their parents gone all evening and Megan headed out to Janie's house for a sleepover, Drake had high hopes for tonight.
As soon as Walter and Audrey were safely out the door, Drake ran upstairs and retrieved the plastic bag from where he'd shoved it underneath the desk. Satisfied with his brilliant idea, he hummed to himself as he headed back down the stairs. This was going to be the coolest Christmas bash ever.
When he reached the kitchen, he was greeted by an apron-clad, Santa-hat-wearing Josh pulling a tray of shrimp—what did he call them? canopies?—out of the oven. Drake chuckled to himself. Josh was so excited about this whole party thing. Sure, there were the times that Josh had threatened Drake if he didn't stay for at least half an hour at one of his little nerd get-togethers, or the times that Drake had conned Josh into keeping things quiet to their parents by letting him hang out at one of the parties he threw, but this was the first time he and Josh had actually hosted a party together. He'd planned a full menu of fancy Christmas hors d'oeuvres; Drake would've been fine with pizza, but he was happy to humor his brother. After all, seeing Josh so happy made him happy. And besides, it occurred to him as his brother turned to him, Josh did look pretty nice in that apron after all. He shook that random thought out of his head after a second and pulled a chair over to the doorway leading into the foyer.
"You ready for our fantastic Christmas party, brotha?" Josh was busying himself arranging the hors d'oeuvres on a tree-shaped platter.
"You bet," Drake said. "And I happen to have a surprise that'll make it ten times more fantastic. Look." He reached into the bag and proudly displayed a twig full of leaves and red berries. "Yep, one of these beauties is going on every doorway in the house."
Josh scrunched his eyebrows together and laughed. "Like you really need an excuse to kiss every girl here tonight."
Drake hopped down from the chair after attaching the mistletoe to the door frame. "Yeah," he sighed contentedly. He winked. "But don't be jealous. I'll make sure that you get lucky tonight, too, brotha." That came out a little wrong, but before he could worry about clarifying himself, he heard a car horn sounding in the driveway, followed by footsteps heading down the stairs. Megan appeared in the doorway a moment later.
"What are you boobs up to?" she asked, sleeping bag in hand.
"Only getting ready for the greatest Christmas party in the history of Belleview High School," Josh responded, walking over to stand beside her. He gestured up toward the door frame. "And I believe you happen to be standing in the lucky doorway. How's about a kiss for your favorite stepbrother?" He pointed to his cheek, grinning like a doofus.
Megan narrowed her eyes at him. "How's about you wake up tomorrow morning in the desert, five hundred miles from the nearest water supply?" Josh slumped a little in fear.
Drake moved toward his sister. "Ha, ha, Megan. Now look. Janie's mom's out there blowing her horn at you, and we have a party to get ready for. And the last time I checked, there were no little sisters on our guest list. So scram."
"Fine." Megan said, slinging her sleeping bag over her shoulder. She turned back when she reached the door. "Oh, and boobs? I wouldn't stand there if I were you. Unless there's something you want to tell me about." She puckered her lips and made a kissing noise.
Drake and Josh's eyes met, then simultaneously looked upward. They both clambered to make their way out of the doorway as quick as possible, knocking each other over in their haste. Josh fell into the counter and flipped the tray in the process, causing hors d'oeuvres to rain across the kitchen. Drake sat up and glared at Megan. "Very funny." Megan just smirked at her shrimp-covered brothers before heading out the front door.
"Sorry, man," Drake said, embarrassed.
"Hey, there's more in the oven." Josh shrugged, equally bashful. His Santa hat was lopsided and falling into his eyes, and he was covered in splatters of shrimpy goo; he looked like a big, loveable dork, and Drake couldn't help but grin at him. The awkwardness of the previous moment dissolved as Josh returned the smile.
Drake picked a stray piece of shrimp off of his brother's cheek and popped it into his mouth. "They're not bad this way, though." He went to swipe another fingerful, but Josh stopped him.
"Come on," he said, "let's clean this up. We've got a party to get ready for."
By seven o'clock, the Parker-Nichols household was overflowing with festive teenagers. In the living room, the couch had been pushed out of the way, and a group of people were bobbing their heads and swaying to the music. Josh had wanted to make a mix CD of classic Christmas music, but Drake eventually persuaded him that the Hailstones' Christmas album was a much better choice than chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Drake surveyed the crowd, coming to the realization that the ratio of hot girls to guys was quite excellent. He had his eye on one particular very hot girl, in fact—a blonde he'd appropriately dubbed "Pink Skirt," for lack of a better name. He'd seen her around school a few times, but he didn't really know much about her. Then again, he knew she had very nice curves, and very soft-looking lips that he really wanted to make out with before the end of the night, so he figured that was enough. He didn't see her in the crowd in the living room, though, so he made his way into the kitchen to grab another handful of Josh's delicious appetizers.
Upon entering the kitchen, he was greeted with one very appealing sight. Pink Skirt was leaning in the doorway between the kitchen and the foyer, talking to an equally attractive brunette whom Drake recognized from his math class. As he sauntered over to the two girls, a particularly brilliant idea popped into his head. Yep, this mistletoe thing was the best idea he'd had in a long time.
"Hey, hey, ladies," Drake said, stepping between them and putting his arms around both girls. "Having a good time, are we?" Pink Skirt nodded, although the dark-haired girl didn't seem too interested in Drake's advances. He didn't let that stand in the way of his plan. "You know, we happen to have a rule at this party. See, anyone who ends up under the mistletoe has to kiss whoever they're standing under it with. No exceptions." He looked up above the three of them. "And I believe you two are standing underneath the mistletoe with me. So you know what that means."
Pink Skirt giggled. "Do I get to kiss you first, or does she?"
Drake smiled wickedly. Here was his opportunity. "No, no... I am a gentleman, after all. So ladies first. I insist."
The other girl stared at Drake, a skeptical look on her face, but Pink Skirt blushed and let out a giddy laugh. "You mean... you want me to kiss her?"
"Yes, indeed," Drake responded. "After all, a rule is a rule, right?"
"And then I get to kiss you, too?"
Drake looked at her sweetly. "Would I break my own rule?" She giggled again, and before the dark-haired girl had a chance to protest, Pink Skirt eagerly puckered up. Drake held back a satisfied groan as he watched her press her lips against the other girl's lips. This was so the best party ever.
The look on the other girl's face after Pink Skirt pulled away told him he probably wasn't going to get any making out out of her tonight, but that didn't really matter, after what he'd just gotten to witness and what he hoped would happen next. He raised an eyebrow in Pink Skirt's direction. "You follow the rules very well," he said. "My turn now?" She nodded, and he leaned in to her, tasting an intriguing mix of two different flavors of lip gloss as he brushed his tongue across her lips.
It wasn't long before Drake was having second thoughts about his brilliant idea. Pink Skirt (he vaguely recalled that her name was Jessica, but at this point he didn't really care) had glued herself to Drake's side. The kissing wasn't even that great, and she'd broken their makeout sessions twice now with her awful, annoying laughter, saying that Drake's tongue was tickling the roof of her mouth. And the times when they weren't making out—well, that was almost enough to make Drake rethink his whole "kiss now, get to know later" policy when it came to cute girls. She was driving him crazy. As he listened to her rambling about something completely unfunny that he was only half paying attention to, he realized needed a way out. Now.
"And so I told her that 'Middle School Musical' was totally better than 'Susannah Louisiana,' but she said—" Drake glanced over her shoulder into the kitchen and saw Josh loading up a few trays of hors d'oeuvres in his arms. He figured it was time to make a break for it.
"Uh, that's great." He held up a hand, cutting her off. "But I'm thirsty, how about you? Okay, I'll get you a Mocha Cola," he blurted, leaping off the couch before she had a chance to respond. He bolted toward the kitchen, almost knocking Josh over in the process as he was coming out the door with the food. He grabbed ahold of his brother's arm and dragged him back into the kitchen.
"Having fun on the couch with your little friend?" Drake could sense a bit of bitterness in Josh's voice. That had been Josh's standard reaction whenever he was around one of Drake's girlfriends ever since he had broken up with the Creature for good a month ago. He rolled his eyes. Drake didn't see what the big deal was; Josh had had fifteen years of practice at being dateless, so why was he being all moody and jealous about it now?
Drake rolled his eyes. "No. Man, I am so sick of her already and we've only been dating for half an hour." Josh looked skeptical. "I'm serious, Josh. This girl's got, like, the IQ of a pretzel."
"A pretzel?" Josh had that look on his face that was reserved for times when Drake said or did something remarkably stupid. Drake chose to ignore it.
"And have you heard her laugh? She does this snorting thing—" Drake comically tried to imitate the noise— "that makes Kelly Hayfer's laugh sound like nothing." He shuddered at the memory.
"Mmhmm," Josh said, looking more interested in the tray of hors d'oevures he still had in his hand than in Drake's state of panic.
"Come on, dude," Drake said, snatching the tray out of his brother's hand and tossing it on the counter. "Focus. We're working on Operation Ditch Pink Skirt here."
"Pink Skirt? What is she, the sale of the week at A.C. Benney's?"
"Very funny." Josh moved toward the door into the foyer, but Drake grabbed his arm. "I've got it! Okay, you go in there, and you tell her that I'm moving to China to become a monastery, so I can't date her anymore."
It took a second for Josh's confusion to give way to another one of those deathly looks that came right before a Josh-splosion. "You mean missionary? Unless you want to have monks praying inside of you!"
"Huh?"
"And you only flunked English twice how?"
"Hey! I don't know who declared this let's-pick-on-Drake-day."
"Oops, my bad. That's the fifth of every time you do something stupid!"
"Okay, remember what I said about your sarcasm? And anyway, this is not helping. At all. I have got to get rid of—"
"Drakie?" Drake's heart sank at the sound of that voice. "Did you get the Mocha Colas yet?" Drake hung his head and felt his brother pat his shoulder, in a way that seemed more like Josh was enjoying the heck out of this than trying to comfort him. Then he heard the voice change into a high-pitched, timid giggle, and he looked up, puzzled. She was staring at Drake wide-eyed, leaning on the ledge looking into the kitchen.
"What's so funny?" Drake asked, annoyed. He glanced around for something to check his reflection in. He wasn't getting a zit, was he? Drake Parker did not get zits, not counting that one time in chemistry class when Josh decided he was done with him. That was a result of Josh withdrawal, so it was okay, but there was no excuse for it now.
Pink Skirt broke into one of her infamous snorting fits. "I think you forgot the rule," she said, when she finally caught her breath. She gestured upward, and Drake followed her hand to the green leaves dangling from the top of the doorway where he and Josh stood.
He was sure his face was as white as Josh's when he returned his brother's stare. They stood, frozen, for a moment, then broke into jumbled strings of words that tripped over top of each other and eventually fell into a heap of nonsense.
"What? You can't—I mean—he's my—but—but—"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you have any—what are you—there is no WAY—"
"Are you crazy?" both boys finally managed to spit out in unison.
Pink Skirt just giggled again and shook her head. "Nope. You said a rule is a rule, right?" Drake scowled, not really at her, but at the fact he couldn't figure out whether she was too stupid or too smart for his own good. "So," she said, pointing at him playfully, "I'm not leaving this party until you play by your own rules."
Now a statement like that was something that could change Drake's whole opinion of this situation. He grabbed Josh's wrist and leaned in, speaking quietly. "Dude, did you hear that? She'll leave the party if we just get this over with."
"Drake..." Josh said, warningly. "Besides, I don't think she meant it that way."
"Come on, man, it's not like we haven't done this before, right? It's not like it means anything." Josh sighed unhappily, but Drake wasn't in the mood for protests. "Let's just get this over with and get on with the party, without her."
It wasn't long before Josh gave in, just as he always did when it came to Drake's crazy schemes. "Fine," he muttered. "But you better keep your tongue where it belongs, mister!"
Drake just rolled his eyes at that. He turned to Pink Skirt. "Fine," he said. "Happy?" Then he leaned in, writing off the butterflies in his stomach as nervousness about what this being seen might do to his coolness, and pressed his lips against Josh's.
It was supposed to be a quick kiss, just a little peck on the lips to shut her and her stupid laugh up for good, but something changed before Drake could even fully realize it himself. He felt his lips move ever so slightly against Josh's, which were warm and rough and almost inviting against his own, and he didn't move away. His eyes opened wide when he felt his knees weaken the tiniest bit, and he met Josh's own flushed stare inches away.
Then Drake pulled away quickly, stunned, and walked out of the room.