Snoke's Throne Room

Rey

I awake to smoke choking my lungs. The air is heavy with it, and as I open my eyes, the room tilts and sways. At first, I think it is my head; it aches fiercely from where it struck the ground as I fell. But then I realize the room is, in fact, in shambles. Our fight with the Praetorian guard left flames and bodies scattered, and huge gaping holes in Snoke's once pristine room.

I push to my feet, swaying lightly, as the full force of events washes over me. Snoke is dead. And Ben – Kylo – has chosen the dark side. My heart gives a painful, thudding lurch. I was so close. I was reaching him; I knew I was. I'd seen his eyes, felt his heart. When we had touched, his fingers on mine, I'd felt the truth. There was good left in Ben Solo. But it was so shrouded by darkness and hate that I feared it would never again surface.

I see him then, sprawled on the floor, eyes closed. He is breathing shallowly, and a bruise is already darkening at his temple. Furious, scalding tears burn behind my eyes as I stare. I could end this. End all of this. He wants to take up where his master left off. He wants to take the First Order in an iron grip and rule the galaxy. I've seen the level of desperation and rage he has sunk to. I've felt the pain and anguish. He will destroy everything and everyone in his path. I can see it; the last light fading from his eyes as he truly becomes the monster he craves to be. A man without guilt or remorse. A man without hope or love. He gave into the darkness. Now all he has left is destruction.

Slowly, hesitantly, I step toward him. I can do it. I can end this. My friends will be safe. The rebellion will be safe. Hand trembling, I reach down and pick up his discarded lightsaber. The unstable red flashes to life and pulses in my hand as I walk to stand over him. I can do this.

For the first time, Kylo looks peaceful. With his features relaxed in sleep, I can see hints of his mother and father across his face, scattered like a constellation to mark his heritage. There are no laugh lines to be seen. No hints of joy. But, in this moment, he is at peace. The first tear slips down my cheek as I stare. This is the man I was coming to know. This was the man I wanted to know.

I raise the lightsaber.

And then I lower it, a sob wracking me as I realize what I've almost done.

The angry red disappears as I will it and the lightsaber clatters to the floor. I drop to my knees beside him and reach out with trembling hands to brush his hair from his face.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm not like him. I won't be that person. I won't give up on you, Ben." Gently, gingerly, I bend over and brush my lips across his forehead. "I'll bring you back to the light, Ben Solo. I won't leave you to face this darkness alone."

I had almost done what I'd condemned Luke for. Struck him down in his sleep, murdered him for the future I perceived. Ben was lost. Damaged. But I refused to believe he was evil. Even now, after everything. I had to believe he could be saved.

Because I couldn't face the possibility that I was half in love with a monster.