PROLOGUE... Or, "How to Piss Off Harry Potter Fans, Star Wars Fans, People who are easily offended, fans of the TV show Lucifer, Christians, Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists, Whovians, Trekkies, and possibly some Satanists and Deadpool fans at the Same Time, All in One Trigger Warning"
In a land outside of space, time, and death, also known as the Room of Requirement...
Across the room, a man in red tights lay spread-eagled on a love seat, and waved. "Heyyyy reader and/or lover! It's your old pal, Wade Wilson! Remember me? I'm in a lot of cinematic movie universes you don't know about. I pop in from time to time, it's one of the benefits of breaking the fourth wall. You get to show up everywhere to generally f*ck around with people.
Pssst! COMING UP SOON! I'm writing another fanfiction for Star Wars Episode VII, also known as Episode IV: My Death Star Is Bigger Than Yours! Spoiler Alert: Luke x Rey! Shhhh!
Anyhoo, I just wanted to show up to tell you that this story is going to be weird, even for a parody. And who better to tell you that than dear old mwah? So if you can't handle Dumbledore going on Grindr and bumping uglies with Cornelius Fudge, don't read this. If you can't handle Hedwig dying multiple times, this story might not be for you. If your ick factor can't tolerate Filch x Peeves, don't go on with this story. Consider that your trigger warning.
That's about it, I think. I'm gonna go to the universe of the Netflix original series, Lucifer, the show that makes Satan look kinda hot... figuratively speaking. Wink! I think I'll just dress up as a Jehovah's Witness and try to convert him to Scientology. Buh-bye!"
And with that, the interrupting merc with a mouth jumped into his stolen TARDIS, saying, "Beam me up, Scotty! I love cross-canon references!" and popped out into the domain of Lucifer.