A/N: Sorry if it's no good! This is my first real shot at anything! The prologue (this!) is in Haku's POV. Feel free to flame.

Kohaku,

I can't seem to ever really get this right, and nobody is really reading this but Kathy, so Ill just start.

I think about you a lot.

Apparently it's kind of obvious because I get "this look" on my face, and people seem to think I'm insane now. I go to therapy, and every week I rewrite (well, retype. I stopped handwriting these years ago.) this letter, in hopes of finally pleasing my therapist, the aforementioned Kathy. She can't seem to understand how real you feel, and how the dreams, even though it's really the same one over and over, are real, too.

Oops, writing that is going to get me a dirty look. But, anyway, the "look" I get on my face is apparently some horrible cross between pain and... more pain, like I've lost a limb instead of a fantasy, and I am suddenly feeling the severance. I don't know what to do with that, Haku. I try to hide it, but I've never really mastered the art of subtlety, as you (or I, I guess) would know. It's weird for me to think you were never there.

They say I think about you too much, that it's unhealthy for me to be obsessed with a delusion like this.

But to me you're not a delusion. And I cant stop thinking about you, and in some ways I don't want to. Even though I'm usually afraid to say anything, right now I need to say it. And I need you to hear it, even if it just means reading this to myself. I don't want to remember you anymore, but I still do. I don't want this, but I have it. And I don't know this, but I feel it. I just...can't bear it anymore. I have a life to live now, and I intend on living it to the fullest. I'm letting go, if you were ever there.

Chihiro.

I crushed the letter to my chest, inhaling the painfully familiar scent of her perfume. The piece of paper was crumpled from where she had thrown it out in a fit. It was unusual for her to get so angry, but it was an understandable rage; who were they to consider her insane? And why couldn't she take control of her own mind? I wouldn't have known so much about her reasons if she had not shouted them at her parents.

It stung me that all of this was my fault. She wouldn't know who I was if she hadn't freed me. She would've simply forgotten. . .

I shuddered.

Watching her for the past six years, three months, and five days had been horrifying. I had witnessed her transformation from a happy (if not overly paranoid) child to a husk of her old self. She became skin and bones, and she absolutely refused eat until her playmate returned. She was sent to therapy for what they called anorexia nervosa, but the light that had once been in her eyes didn't return with the weight. I read every one of her many letters, sneaking into her room while she was away at school. To my disdain, they became less and less pleading as they became more recent, almost as if she had given up. It broke my heart to see her like this, and though I had been freed of my contract with Yubaba, I couldn't bring myself to make myself known. She wouldn't have recognized me anyway; the day she left, something strange had happened. I was standing in Yubaba's office, and just as I was released from my contract. . . .

I grew, almost like a human, but not quite. It was too sudden, like a flash of lightening against a midnight sky; imperceptibly swift, and easy to ignore until you realize what it left in it's wake.

But I suppose the correct word would be matured, not grew. My entire body became larger, and more muscled, changing into something entirely different from the body I had originally (albeit subconsciously) chosen. Upon venturing out I discovered that I could pass as a twenty year old man. My hair and clothes had made it impossible to get a serious job, but that was okay. I didn't need money or fine clothing, and I could pilfer food easily. Others saw me as a normal street rat, just a kid trying to make his way. I couldn't help but yearn for the old days in the Spirit world. This one was so cold and so cruel. And what was the use when I couldn't even be with Chihiro?

I was different now. The fact kept slamming into my mind, over over again, and each time was just as jarring as the last. It was a change I'd have to get used to. A major change.

But when I looked in the mirror, I could still see what I was, and I could still change into my other form at will. If I had entered Chihiro's room at the time, she would've screamed. I was not the Haku she remembered, and I was sickened by how different I was, and even more sickened by my own inability to rescue her from the world I had exposed her to.

I read hundreds of books, trying to figure out why my body had changed so quickly. It seemed like all hope was lost, but then I stumbled across an article in a random book, which explained it almost immediately. Beings like me only fall in love once. We are constant creatures, and so our bodies adapt to the needs of our chosen mate. They change to fit what is needed at the time by our love (not including food — I can't turn into talking tofu, as disappointing as that may be).

Needless to say, I was beyond confused. But after a while, I finally came to a conclusion.

Something must've gone wrong with me. I should've stayed a little boy. That's what Chihiro had needed; her friend Haku. I couldn't bear to think that, had Yubaba released me earlier, I probably would've changed immediately. I could've been this... thing in front of Chihiro.

And she never would've gone near me.

Another tremor rocked through me as I clutched at the paper.

She had just screamed in her sleep again. It tore through me, making my heart sink and my muscles tense. I'd never get used to that. The screams had gotten louder lately, and more peircing. Almost as if she was awaiting her seventeenth birthday as anxiously as I was. It was the day I had decided I would finally show myself to her. It was next Thursday.

I looked at her through her window again, wondering how this could've happened to someone so innocent and pure. Her dark blue eyes were closed, and the features around them were like those of a porcelain doll. Her long, dark hair was brushed out of her face, hanging to her waist. It was usually braided during the day. I suddenly realized this was something she hid from everyone else. It was something that only Chihiro, Her parents, and I witnessed. Seeing her like this, so intimately, made me quiver. Her pale face, illuminated in the full moon's light, was horror-struck, just like every other night, and I could almost feel her terror in finding the same dream again.

What had I done?

I sniffed. Men didn't think like this. River spirits thought like this, and I couldn't afford to be that. Because, apparently, now Chihiro needed a man. I chuckled darkly to myself.

Well, I suppose if you fail once again to be what she wants and needs, you can always go back. Too bad that stupid Kaonashi had to take the only spot at Zeniba's.

I sighed, forcing myself to think of something else. I wouldn't give up. As long as there was an inkling of hope to be crushed, I would try. And even then, maybe. I would most likely never give up on Chihiro Oniga.

Not as long as I remembered.

The memory that had kept me there, watching her, year after year.

I could still recall the day she left my world, as clearly as if it had just happened. And I could remember the anxiousness that laced every one of our last words to each other. But most of all, I remembered the unmistakable pull towards her as she ran away, and now the urgent need to watch over her and protect her. To tell you the truth, I kind of felt like a dirty old pervert for feeling so bound to such a young child, but I knew that she was it. She was the one I would give up my immortality for.

A/N: Sorry it's so extremely short, that is if you enjoyed it at all. Please review either way. This is just taking up space on Fanfic if it's sucko. And if I get 5 reviews, I'll continue it.

I'm going to go watch Footloose and develop a weird crush on Kevin Bacon, yeah?

I give you some PIE! for entertainment!

And also a drawing of what Haku looks like at this point, as well as Chihiro (NOT BY ME!)

It's on my profile, at least the URL is. Links don't seem to work for me on here.

And also

Five reviews (not from Anne) and I will update!

-xoxox, The Hoove.