AN: ahhh I'm so nervous but here goes nothing, I'm not sure where this is going yet but I'm going to try it out for a bit, I'll be updating every two days... anyway I hope you enjoy my first attempt at Destiel, reviews are always welcome even if it's to correct my grammar :)
Chapter 1: First encounters.
Castiel Novak was always searching for someplace that would make him feel safe,warm and loved, but he found no comfort in any part of this depressing thing he called his life. He wore out his heart looking in all the places you're supposed to, family, work, love, but those things brought him nothing but misery, simply put his life was a depressing mishmash of failures. The worst part of this shit storm, was that he tried, god knows he tried so hard but still it didn't matter, his soul was still being crushed by the dreary work he did, and family, well that was just a word, there was no warmth or familiarity to be found there only humiliation and anger. As for love, he was always the loser because, he loved too hard, too enthusiastically, too completely, he wanted so much but the people he wanted never wanted him back in the same way.
So here he was on a Tuesday night sitting alone in a seedy bar, downing his god knows what number whiskey, eyes lowered shoulders slumped, a pathetic sight, sighing Castiel staggered to his feet trying to make his way to the exit. He manages about half way through before he bumps into a solid figure, his unsteady feet don't hold him up and he finds himself on his knees, the guy he knocks into is flat on his arse.
"I'm s-sorry...I'm sorry", Castiel mumbles, his head lowered dejectedly as he refuses to meet the persons eyes, when suddenly there's a gentle reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"s'okay man, it was an accident", the voice is strangely comforting, sighing the man helps Castiel up, still refusing to meet his eyes Castiel tries to move past him but his legs wobble unsteadily and it seems as if he's gone fall again but then there's a firm grip on his arm and his body shudders at the touch, startled he looks up, finally their gazes meet, and the air around seems to thicken, their breaths stilling as they stare at each other with an intensity strange for two people who've just met.
"s-sorry...thank you", Castiel mumbles lowering his gaze as the man's arm drops away, the man rubs the back of his neck as he regains control of his breathing.
"no problem man...erm you okay", the man asks, Castiel's gaze flickers up before quickly looking away again.
"fine...thank you", again he's pushing past the man as he makes his way out of bar, the man watches the swishing of the long tan trench coat , clinging to the man's slumped shoulders as they disappear through the door. Sighing the man turns to walk towards the bar when he kicks something looking down he sees a wallet, picking it up he opens it and finds himself staring back at an old photo of the mumbling man in the trench coat. Like a shot he's out the door looking frantically down the street, in the distant he makes out the faint silhouette of trench coat, he runs towards him grabbing his arm and swinging the man around, once again he is assaulted by bluest eyes he's ever seen and equally the saddest.
"you dropped this.." the man says breathlessly handing the wallet over, Castiel takes it extremely aware that the man is still holding his arm.
"thank you..." the voice that leaves the man this time is gravelly and low, he's no longer mumbling, as the man realises he's still holding onto Castiel's arm he lets go, rubbing the back of his neck to hide his embarrassment.
"s'okay you're just having one of those nights", the man says, Castiel frowns.
"what nights" he asks waiting expectantly, the man shrugs casually.
"one where everything goes wrong" Castiel lowers his gaze, his fist clenching.
"everything always goes wrong", Castiel says quietly, its the man's turn to frown, there's a long uncomfortable pause.
"it'll pass..the bad times don't last forever", the man says slowly as he's suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to comfort the shorter man.
"I really wish..that was the case", comes the solemn reply as Castiel begins to leave, the man panics.
"Dean...", the man suddenly shouts startling Castiel who turns back around and tilts his head staring at the man curiously.
"I'm Dean...Dean Winchester y'know incase you were wondering", he says laughing nervously as he offers his hand, Castiel gazes at the outstretched hand before taking it tentatively and as there fingers wrap around each other, it seems like a bolt of electricity reverberates through their bodies for the third time that night.
"Castiel...Castiel Novak", and then they're just staring at each other, eyes locked, hands clasped together, Dean breaks the handshake first.
"that's er...an interesting name", Castiel gaze is still on Dean who feels it as it sears his face making him feel warm and prickly all over.
"well that's one of the kinder things that's been said about it", Castiel states simply, dean smiles relieved he hadn't insulted the fragile man, there's a moment of awkwardness as neither one says a word.
"this might seem a little strange..but I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna stay in contact...it's just I recently moved here and I don't have many friends and er...I thought maybe", Dean trails off, noticing the man's slightly bewildered expression.
"you...want to be my friend" Dean doesn't miss the disbelief in the man's voice.
"er yeah...if you'll have me", Castiel eyes widens as he clears his throat.
"okay", he says in almost a whisper, Dean smacks the side of his arm in delight Castiel gazes at him, as an intoxicating smile breaks out across the man's face, illuminating his already beautiful features, starting with those effervescent green eyes and as he basks in the man's warmth a small smile graces Castiel's lips. Dean takes out his phone and hands it to Castiel.
"put your number in", he says , and Castiel does.
"give me your phone", slowly Castiel takes his phone and hands it to Dean, who quickly punches in his digits before handing the phone back.
"well...I gotta get back to my brother, he's probably wandering where the hell I've gone" Dean says reluctantly looking back towards the bar.
"of course", Castiel says his shoulders deflating as disappointment seeps into his voice.
"unless...er you wanna come back and have a drink with me", Castiel's heart picks, but he shakes the feeling away, he probably just feels sorry for me he thinks.
"I think I've had enough drinks for one night", Castiel says stoically, Dean nods.
"another time then...Cas", the nickname just slips out, Castiel tilts his head.
"Cas", he sounds slowly, Dean watches his lips as he forms the word.
"erm your name's kinda long...you don't mind, do you?", Dean asks worriedly eyes flickering back up to meet his.
"no...I like it, no ones ever given me a nickname before", there's sadness in Cas' voice and Dean wants nothing more than to embrace the shorter man and tell him everything's going to be alright.
"good glad you like it..I have to go, but I'll hear from you, right" Dean asks nervously.
"if that's what you want", Dean frowns at the response but shrugs it off as he waves and begins walking away, Castiel watches Dean's retreating back with an inexplicable sense of loss, a large part of him is hoping that Dean's offer of friendship is genuine, but another part, the pessimistic part is telling him that men like Dean Winchester don't become friends with men like Castiel Novak, the man probably just felt sorry for him. But for the first time in forever Castiel Novak finds himself telling his pessimistic voice to shut the hell up.
Castiel couldn't get to sleep that night, his mind brimming with the memory of the green-eyed man, his voice, his scent, his touch and then his heart began to swell with the thought that maybe he could be close to this man, close to Dean.
And so for the next three days Castiel was decidedly distracted, his eyes glazed over as he stared at the various figures on the spreadsheet, sighing he closed his eyes finding Deans face staring back at him, opening his eyes he sat forward groaning. Slowly he reached into his pocket pulling out his phone, and for a few minutes his hand hovered over Deans number, but at the very last second he decided against it, gently placing the phone back in his pocket.
Sitting in his new apartment, Dean held his phone tightly in his hand staring at Cas' number, should he call, maybe Cas didn't want to hear from him, he had practically forced Cas to be friends with him. Sighing Dean fell back on his bed groaning as he stared at the ceiling, as soon as he closed his eyes all he could see were those striking blue irises gazing back at him, sitting back up he frowned wondering what was wrong with him, he'd never thought about any guy this much before.
Another two days drifted by, without either of them finding the courage to call each other, Castiel was laying in bed after another dreary day at work when his phone rang, his heart jumped into his throat with anticipation as he lunged at the side table and picked it up.
"h-hello", he said breathlessly.
"Castiel", his heart dropped as his grip on the phone tightened.
"it's Anna...I just thought I'd let you know...dad's dead", there's a sharp inhale and then Castiel hangs up. The following morning Castiel calls in sick, he's never taken a sick day in his life, so his boss tells him to take as long as he needs. And he does lounging in his apartment, drinking anything he can find and after about three days of drinking, insomnia and starvation Castiel becomes less than a shadow of a man.
It's about 3 am when the loneliness of his existence, his anger and sadness become too overwhelming and with shaky hands he reaches for his phone and calls, the phone rings and rings and rings and finally someone answers.
"Cas..."Deans hoarse voice echoes through the line, Cas grips the phone tightly.
"d-dean...", his voice cracks with such despair that Dean sits up and turns on his side lamp.
"are you alright...what's the matter Cas...did something happen", the concern in Dean's voice pierces through the fog in Cas's mind and he smiles a little, tears rolling down his pale cheeks.
"I'm...sorry", Cas mumbles, Dean hears sniffling.
"Cas...tell me what's the matter", he gets no answer and then phone suddenly goes dead and Dean panics, he calls back time and time again, but there's no answer overwrought with panic. He gets out of bed and picks up his phone book and spends the rest of the night making a gazillion calls, by mid morning he knows where Cas lives, taking a deep breath he heads out to find the broken man with the pretty blue eyes.