Love and death

by liliCartMan

AU from the episode "The Unbeatable Master": my OC Amelia Rowse follows Eli and his Gang to the Vault, and sees the battle that takes place and Shanai's fate. She does not agree with her death to impose a Slinger's victory, but what could she tell Dr. Blakk to persuade him, and herself? Sex, angst, a secret too...

In what tomb is
Shanai's body lying?
Down in that dark earth, or maybe better
"up in the dark earth" that lies
much beyond the caves of Slugterra
in the deep part of the world of mine
that here in Slugterra they call "Burning"?
Up in the dark earth?
Or in a Nirvana, or any paradise,
or whatever it is?
Is lying on a bed, torpid,
my stripped body.
She slung above again her two Slug,
rose in air the unbeatable Slinger
before she disappeared.
My mind is going back to her,
surprised I was, charmed,
conscious of my sorrow for this death,
then it falls down again:
my thought is falling on the bed,
feeling I humiliated
for my mouth being closed, by the speech
that overbearing other people is everything,
and by the love act;
feeling I humiliated,
and humiliating in not clinching
the death, and I say death
that gave Thaddius glory.
Awfully on earth is slamming,
my spirit, not my body only.
Pronto's flute in my memory I am feeling
that for Shanai was playing,
to tell her still farewell
that I was secretly listening to,
despite Thaddius
and his "let's go away"
before I went away secretly:
to her a funereal,
to me a bitter hymeneal tune.
In my bed, so low, I am lying now
submissive to Thaddius' kisses,
to the desire that his body is kindling.
On my skin like lips are burning,
Thaddius' passionate lips,
the rejected pupil's lips.
To me, it is both a wave of pleasure, like
a goblet of sweet,
inebriating wine, and
on my heart a hard hammer blow:
both sweet inebriation and sorrow
I am feeling, now in this bed.
He is running on my lips by his lips,
he is running on my cheeks by his lips,
my breast, my neck, my abdomen
under his fingers,
a sop to my passion.
A still sweet love
but as bitter as it ad never been
because of that scene of today:
the Unbeatable mater who again
as many times she had done
was choosing her pupil,
a contender saw coming to her
a contender to whom once she had
told no, because
evil, as a Slinger has not to be
she saw Thaddius Blakk;
told no, on behalf of Will Shane,
my "enemy"'s father,
the well-known "vigilante" of Slugterra.
Thaddius sparred with her,
and the Twist as him disguised,
sparring fiercely,
until Shanai put her Slugs next,
who, slung together, their powers then
what an amazing scene! combined
throwing Twist powerfully on the ground.
And behind her Thaddius prowled
and the Ghouled Healer then
he shot against Shanai
slinging the strike that to her fatal was
And Eli's Healer,
Doc, nothing could do.
Farewell Unbeatable Master!
My breathe broke.
Was it worth of her life, Thaddius Blakk,
showing your progresses?
"Now it's enough, Blakk:
you killed an innocent woman,
you'll not miss you punishment now, no more"
shout Eli Shane, and the great
Master's blaster loaded
the Fusion Shot repeating
hardly, still stupefying us.
Striken by it was Thaddius; he was hit,
then he said "Enough:
with Shanai I've already finished, let's go"
Eh, a Pyrrhic victory
for Thaddius ad for the Shane Gang too.
Still astonished, I looked
at Eli who was scolding
me, for following, silent, a criminal.
I answered nothing,
astonished by Shanai's death,
disappointed for her knowledge
in this way lost, and meanwhile
I doubtful looked at Thaddius,
but later towards him
I moved, in my soul feeling
that useless was objecting:
either this was acceptable,
a rival's death, a least here,
to the success,
at least in someone's opinion,
or Thaddius would not, anyway,
any reproof accepted.
How stupid, I am speaking about it
as if it was a fact that happened
many years ago: because, stupidly, now
I am feeling lost in the pleasure that
Thaddius imposing is on me, and I
partly consentient, just
to live quietly, my indignation,
at every touch and kiss,
I am silencing, only
part, in a cloak of lust.
Thaddius told me "enough"
when to the evening we arrived,
once we closed our commitments.
"Why should you worry?
Shanai nothing more had she could teach me,
totally by myself I got
what I need, now"
Dark Water, isn't it?
I was thinking bitterly.
"is this your opinion?" I quietly said.
"When you ameliorate your Slinging
you'll see, if desire will not come
for you too, to stop rivals of you
by any mean"
I haven't answered yet.
Obviously: who was I
to judge there a skillful Slinger?
I who for less than a year
had been able to make few Slugs fight?
And who, in front of an idiot
or dishonest colleague, or parents who
don't look as if they're listening to you,
believing they're foolproof,
doesn't threaten to kill, or to hit:
to achieve a goal and
make you been listened, and then
to show your value and qualities?
But how many among them, because of this, kill?
With a tricky game
of his lips, tongue and hands,
meanwhile Thaddius touching me started,
he started taking
all my clothes off me, all my body
fingering, the desire
of mine arousing, the one of him already clear
leading my hands
after in unveiling his body too.
Not my desire rising then
by his touch heated,
becoming spasmodic,
was that made me obey, actually,
his desire, but rather
it was the feeling that I, now,
what I could think still did not know
about how much he was right
about how things went here,
about how people live here,
and how they survive here in Slugterra
and that was best for me keeping silent,
just for "peace".
They last my doubts:
Thaddius, you went too far!
You are a murderer, little matters having
shown your skill.
Ancient samurais
a new sword used to test
raising it on anyone
passed on the road.
When a lion won, in a fight
with a lion, for a territory
or lionesses, the winner slaughters
the cubs of the won lion, and then
the descent of this
it destroy, to keep for himself the harem...
Turtledoves, far from being meek,
as Konrad Lorenz wrote,
fights until death,
members of its own species killing,
as few animals,
including humans, do...
Oh come on what speech am I making?!
What do I have to justify?!
Don't tell me that, then,
the destruction of a rival in Slinging
is allowed here! And not meaning it only
as taking his Slug,
as taking his Blaster
or power on something, like Thaddius
did with Viggo Dare, his master:
but meaning it as
killing the rival, physically
destroying him, not about his fame.
In the bed I lied down
just not to insist,
just to give him a sop
enjoying only partly.
His flesh, as pale as the moon,
unveiled by his Slinger clothes
as black as night, as red as wine and blood,
my body was wrapping now.
And like a wine that senses clouded
he was pouring love;
the blood that was pulsing in the veins
of him I am now feeling against my skin,
as he wanted to comfort me,
for that sorrow that in me was blossoming,
quickening his heart rate.
The night that hid my body
from the Shane Gang's eyes, anyway
not from their minds that surely
knew what relationship I have with Thaddius,
was still partly hiding my sorrow
from his resolute and greedy eyes.
Like the dark color of his clothes
that, taken off, unveiled
that man's, who my heart now keeps,
light-skinned, white body,
under the menacing dark, a man's body
like many other men,
with his desires,
who for me was admirable, because of his ransom:
from a bandit's slave
to a capable and successful man...
a man like other ones,
white as a light, that, who knows?
maybe was still lying in his soul,
hidden, that Shanai wanted to light on?
Like Amidala in Anakin Skywalker,
already the Sith joint,
could still feel a feeble
Light Side of the Force that,
unlike Shanai, Obi-Wan
saw now as burnt out?
Both a man in love,
and a powerful, astute Slinger,
until a so big harshness
that he killed as a demonstration,
in a man only, together: what a dilemma!
In my mind, innocent
in this sense only,
Shanai's blood Thaddius was wiping away
maybe not to worry,
that for him was a legitimate thing
killing to win,
or to baptize me,
in a rival's blood,
to the harshness of the life that
he does, and maybe
all the Slingers lead and accept,
and to make me "harsher" about my mind,
as to Siegfried, on his skin,
Fafnir's blood.
"You have not to feel pity.
Are you sighing for Shanai?"
Thaddius asked me.
"You have not to , Amelia, trust me,
the way of the world is this."
"The quickest only survives?"
I repeated, just to persuade me.
"He who has more power only.
Slugs are power, and he only who
can completely use them, here can live.
Shanai was old already
her time she lived,
the only thing that count is power"
Power, yes, and here everything is consented?
To have power?
I am still wondering, still shocked,
in my mind only.
Ah Eric, what if you heard me!
You were a policeman,
that playing the great hero
now even, secretly, liked,
by himself, in his own way, like Batman,
like many other heroes
that already as a young girl I scrabbled,
before paying attention not to their story only
and its message, but their pictures too...
yes, like Spider-Man, that in my mind
is still sternly repeating
his hard lesson "From a big power
come, as big as it
responsibilities"
that sounds like a warning towards Eli
and a disgusted reproach towards Thaddius...
or like this William Shane
the well-known "vigilante" of Slugterra.
In your work, you surely saw so many
of these painful stories of
disappintment and revenge,
in which feelings don't justify
a crime,
and it doesn't matter if remorse comes,
because the crime has already been committed.
And where are you now, Eric,
who cannot see here
your friend, your "goddaughter" that in a bed
is seeing her certainties and beliefs falling
about "the aims that doesn't justify means",
(is this a sincere idea, because of your job?
Or later abandoned
far from my eyes,
to sabotage, as many people are saying
a man's great work?
As Shane Gang would do now?
From a policeman to a criminal, now?)
... is seeing her certainties and beliefs falling,
for an unknown pleasure,
in a both so similar and different world
from ours, my friend?
"Here the fastest only survives
my daughter" you used to say,
and later you disappeared.
Will I see you anymore?
To discuss about today will I be able?
About this duel that Thaddius Blakk's
superiority should confirm?
About my life now? About what should I do?
"Here the fastest only survives
my darling" Thaddius says
"if your teacher you don't outdo
important you'll be never, I today did it.
Didn't you do it, scolding?
Being disappointed, and threatening hardly,
in your work? No, this is the way of the world.
If you don't hit first,
with your hardest stroke, then,
then you'll be destroyed.
Reconcile yourself with this"
That Italian... poet... wrote...
"I am both light and shadow, an angelic
butterfly or filthy worm..."
Both two wings, who it were my parents
who built for me, even hardly,
but especially it was a upright policeman,
and a filthy body of a worm, that
gives up desires of flesh
and on earth is turning on itself.
Wings that for Thaddius are only
money and power,
not only a fair ambition that is
pursuing one's dreams;
his hands that in that woman's blood
and corpse are sinking
as a worm that is eating
and that Shanai had hoped she would turn
in two shining butterfly wings.
We are not so different
actually, I and Thaddius.
Like the Shadow Slug
and the White Healer
both united and opposites.
The will to fight
for one's ambition
and that I am seeing falling in Thaddius:
first with his Ghouls
and especially today with Shanai.
Like the Shadow Slug
and the White Healer
both united and opposites,
together powerful much more than one alone:
both love for me that is overwhelming me and
Thaddius Blakk's resolution,
pushed even to a painful crime.
Like the Shadow Slug
and the White Healer
both united and opposites:
his flesh, pale like a dead man's one
and red like blood that is life
and grey his clothes
His semen, white like milk
that a little naive toddler,
that doesn't know the world is still feeding
forming between his and nurse
a bond that love will establish,
his semen, than in his body was kept
while his body was moving
just to give me pleasure
while he in my body was still entering,
his semen I however
thought I was feeling,
as if in my body
it was going and a mark was leaving:
as color on my paint
or ink on a pen, to write
laws that life here in Slugterra
rule, a jungle law?
The love act, done
both to silence me
and celebrate Thaddius' victory,
to my body both pleasure
and disgust was gibving:
done to silence me
as a pen, to write
in my mind, by saying "listen to me,
it is me who am right;
I know what I say, for my experience:
I say it because I love you,
you trust me".
My red blood,
spilt days ago,
spilt in pleasure,
the first time, discovering love,
spilt then to say "you are mine,
I am yours", spilt
to take him in my life...
spilt then to see
now an innocent's blood being spilt.
I, a simple witness
a witness only, but for law as culprit
as Thaddius who the Goon Doc
slung to say "farewell now, Master,
I am better, now":
I, for not having opposed,
as culprit as the executor
of that "rule" that
imposes you to be better than everybody
at any cost, be worth of something?
Ah Thaddius my love,
alright, it is you who won:
enough arguing now,
even if I still want to understand
why you should have done it,
killing a woman
to be a good Slinger.
If here I keep discussing
about being Shanai's death allowed
or not, I'll end
a rough road
because of this ignorance about Slugterra of mine...
"Let's sleep now Amelia"
"Let's sleep, let's do it..." I tell him
just to silence him.
And then I'll reflect.
Like the Shadow Slug
and the White Healer
both united and opposites.
White brights the explosion of the blaster
by which people open their way;
dark your work clothes, like
the dark of the night
that your behavior is now revealing.
The white of light in me I hide,
of the Sun, of my world,
in the dark of a still doubtful love;
just not to argue now
my disappointment I am suffocating
for that great mind, for Shanai
now lost forever.
in my kiss to you now I am choking
my breath broken by that scene of today,
I am shuddering under your
still heated, by of our union, fingers,
because of what I still don't know
about Slugterra and you
and that I'll have to know...
A painful, even if sweet love,
a dark love, because of my secret!
Still in my mind
the two colors are alternating
both soft and, though, freezing,
not light and shadow only,
but red and white too.
Both united and opposites, inseparable.
You as white like power of semen
that, in your skin, is escorted by
another pale color that
in my world is represented by the Moon,
as to dissipate, in your way, the darkness
of my mind, to make me agree with you.
I red becasue of that blood that
from my body dropped,
revealing to you my heart, oh my love...
and the blood that Shanai lost, now.
You in your clothes red like life,
that, in your mind, is power only
(but is it true or not
this idea, here? And how much, Eric?)
and on your hands in another sense
spots of blood because
pale like death that
that, given to other people, is your life
as that proverb says.
I white as a dead woman, in feeling
that too pure, in an obscene way, is
naive, my mind
about this world, to whom
I do not belong, that however I d no want
to leave, loving you;
I as white as a dead woman, if for Eric
death is agreeing
totally with who
destroys other people's life
for his own profit
Yes, morally dead,
because for a quiet life
Thaddius' excuse I have already accepted
"Shanai was already old
she had her time"
But of a worse trouble I am afraid:
if I opposed Thaddius,
I'd lost his liking,
and not only your one, Eli's and the other's one
(who a doubt already
put in me, about what kind of man Thaddius is)
that I need to have information
that i will need
to find Eric.
What do you know about Eric... doctor Blakk...
Sleep is approaching...
already... not reasoning... any more...
Eric... what must I do?
Eric... Eli... Shanai... forgive me...

---

A) Dualism by Arrigo Boito: the verses about light and shadow and the worm and butterfly

B) The restaurateur (Italian TV show) (Amelia's and Eric's bio) the protagonist Basilio is a policeman who kills two people who had killed his wife; he spends 20 years in jail, where he learns the job of restaurating furnitures and decorations. When his time in prison ends, Basilio starts this job in a shop; but all the times he heards about a mystery (a theft, murder, disappearing...) he secretly leaves temporarily his work, to investigate on the case

C) Harry Potter fanfiction The Death Eater and the Muggle by www . forla severus / (delete the spaces; in Italian only) (Amelia's and Eric's bio): the protagonist is a Muggle that is a friend of the Auror Alastor Moody, who makes her know the magic world; after Voldemort rises back (end of 4th book) this Muggle secretly starts to work for the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts, as an "ambassador" of Muggles in the war to Voldemort

D) "A window to the past" by John Williams, soundtrack of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (that in my mind is associated both to Il Mangiamorte e la Babbana and the scene of the funeral of Shanai)

E) As white as milk as red as blood by Alessandro d'Avena

F) King Solomon's Ring by Konrad Lorenz

G) Star Wars - Revenge of the Siths by George Lucas for Anakin, Padme, Obi-Wan Kenobi

H) Sonnets by Giuseppe Gioacchino Belli for the metaphor of the male sex organ-brush, blood of woman-color (menstrual in the sonnet, blood of defloration in my piece)

I) Giacomo Leopardi for the title

L) the Norse myth of Siegfried