A/N: these last few episodes have been completely...heartwrenching. and i guess writing about it has helped in some weird way? i don't know. anyways. read, enjoy. REVIEW.

lyrics are in bold, quotes/flashbacks are in italics, the story's in normal font.

Disclaimer: i only own the ideas. quotes, characters, they belong to mark schwahn and the CW, the lyrics belong to Evanescence, and in case you didn't know the song is 'My Immortal'.

Perfection

I'm not perfect.

I never thought I was, and I'm never going to think that.

Because no one's perfect.

Especially me. In fact, I'm far from it.

My name is Peyton Sawyer, and for the last six years I've been in love with Lucas Scott.

i'm so tired of being here,
supressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave,
i wish that you would just leave
your prescence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone.

I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with that. For most of those six years, he was dating someone else.

Whether it be my best friend Brooke Davis, Anna Taggaro, Nikki the random girl he met in a bar who happened to be the mother of his friend Jake's daughter Jenny (confused yet?), or now even his editor Lindsey Strauss.

I want to believe he's loved me back, even just for a little while. But it's getting harder and harder to do lately.

He thinks I gave up on him.

--

"You wanna talk truth? Let's tell the truth. You gave up on me, that's why you didn't say yes. You didn't think I could do it. You didn't think I could get my novel published. Maybe you just didn't care. 'Cause it wasn't about you, or what you wanted." He yelled at me.

"Well if that's the truth, if I never cared, then how come everytime I see this stupid book, I buy every stupid, damn time." And I began to chuck the books at him, "You said I was great, you said I could be great, you said we were destined to be together. You said it to the world, you said it to me, and I wish you never had because you did not mean any of it."

--

But I didn't give up. I never could.

No matter how hard I tried.

He has my heart, and I can't get it back.

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much
that time cannot erase

It's been three years since he came to visit me in L.A.

Three long years.

And he proposed to me while he was there. But I wasn't ready. I was 19, barely out of high school. I didn't even have a very good job. Unless mail cart lady is now classified as a good job.

He moved on after that, or so he says.

--

"What do you want from me? L.A., I asked you to marry me, you said no, so I moved on. Why haven't you?" He asked, clearly frustrated with me.

"Because I should have said yes." I replied simply.

--

And that's the truth. There's not a moment goes by that I don't wish I'd said yes.

I had my chance.

But I never would have said no. Not in a million years.

Because I love him. With all of my heart.

And now he's asked Lindsey to marry him.

So I've been forgotten.

Because I'm not perfect. I made a mistake.

I'm the one to blame.

when you cried,
i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you screamed,
i'd fight away all of your fears
i held your hand
through all of these years...

But it's so easy to blame him. To just make it all his fault.

In some ways, it almost makes it hurt less.

Through all of this, I know one thing will never change.

"I'm gonna love you forever, Lucas Scott."

...and you still have, all of me.

reviews. they make my world go round. :)