Alive
When Kurapika woke up he found himself in bed, unable to remember what happened and where he was. He could distinguish two strange figures discussing about something he could not understand. One of them a dog-looking humanoid girl and the other a tall man formally dressed. When his eyes focused again he managed to find one familiar face. A friendly face…where did he know him from? He thought of a crowd, a challenge, a fight.
"the hunter's exam" he finally recalled
"you are awake" Cheadle noticed. Leorio turned to him
"Le…Leorio...I don't feel so good" He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead in pain. Then he turned to Cheadle "What happened to the exam? Are you the next examiner? Did I fail?"
Cheadle and Leorio looked at each other concerned
"What...uh...what exam, Kurapika?" Leorio asked
"The hunter exam of course" as soon as he said that something clicked in his mind, "Hunter exam... why was I taking the hunter exam?"
Leorio and Cheadle looked in silence how he was spacing out, and carefully measuring the next word they were about to say.
"I think you need some more rest, we will talk tomorrow" finally said Cheadle, but Kurapika was not listening
Erratic images ran across his mind, back and forth, like in a messed up film roll. A village, parents, friends, people. Dead people. Why where they dead?
Spiders. All he could see was spiders. His body shivered, and a sharp pain appeared in the middle of his chest
"Spiders...? Why was I..."
Suddenly all the blurry images became vivid. Red eyes in a jar, an entire village slaughtered, the hunter exam, Hisoka's fake tattoo, the Phantom Troupe, Killua and Gon. All of them back and forth, randomly passing before his eyes. It was going too fast. He felt sick. His eyes turned bright red, and the pain in his chest grew until it was unbearable
He yelled in pain, shaking from one side to the other, causing him to fall from the hospital bed
"Are you ok?" Cheadle asked concerned
"Who are you?" He turned to her. The pictures in his memories fast-forwarded to a room with 11 strangers. 11? No, Leorio was there too. Who were these odd, animal-like strangers? The images were distorted abruptly, the animals turned into beasts. Fierce, hungry beasts with spider legs. Their faces, the 11 Phantom Troupe members in each one of them.
"Uvogin... why is Uvogin alive? I killed him..." the images became blurry and confusing again
He could feel a sharp pain, as if a needle pierced his eye all the way to his brain. He felt sick again, this time he puked on the floor.
Cheadle helped him up, but he refused, disoriented and terrified
"No! Get away from me!" He pushed her away but his arms were weak.
All he could see was the Phantom Troupe. Chrollo was smiling. They were going after him.
"Why! Why are you still alive?!" He yelled into the air, his pupils dilated like a wild animal. He struggled to get away from Cheadle, and Leorio held him down against the floor to prevent him from hitting her
"Kurapika calm down! Its just a dream!" But he could not hear his voice
Suddenly Uvogin's image faded, and he could see Leorio's concerned face calling his name. His lips were moving but no sound came out of his mouth.
"Le...Leorio..." he stopped struggling. His face showed pain and confusion, but no longer anger.
"Yes...It's me. It's ok, I'm with you now" He helped him sit on the floor
Kurapika slowly leaned forward and rested his forehead and hands on his friend's chest. Leorio could feel his body shaking
"What...what is happening to me?" Kurapika's voice was shaking even more that his body
"Cheadle, I think it is better if I handle this by myself for now. He doesn't seem to remember you, he seems… confused"
She frowned at him, hesitant and concerned
Suddenly the weight of Kurapika's body fell entirely over him. He had passed out again.
"Kurapika trusts me, you can trust me too…"
Leorio's eyes were calm and warm
"Fine... but if it gets worse you will have to call me"
"Yes I know"
"He is very important to complete our mission...it is not over yet and we need him"
"Yes..."
Cheadle left the room in silence. Leorio gently carried his friend back in the bed, and placed a wet towel on his forehead. While he was doing it, Kurapika grabbed his wrist.
Leorio sat by his side and held his hand.
After an hour or so Kurapika woke up again. Leorio looked into his deep gray eyes with relief. He followed those eyes, which were now staring at their hands, still interlocked. Leorio felt a little awkward and quickly removed his hand
"How are you feeling?"
"I...don't know. I'm so confused..."
Leorio hesitated one moment before he spoke
"You were unconscious for almost a whole day...after using Emperor Time..."
"Emperor Time...that's right… that's my ability" Finally all his memories from the Phantom Troupe became clear. "Yes, I remember now"
"Do you... do you know where we are?" Leorio asked carefully. He didn't want him to get a bad reaction again.
Kurapika looked around "yeah in the hospital I guess"
Leorio looked at him in silence
"Where are Gon and Killua? Were we supposed to meet them anytime soon?"
"They...uh...they are training right now"
He decided it was better not to tell him about Gon's near to death experience, or that nobody knew where Killua was.
"I see..." he looked at Leorio and stared at the red cross stuck to his arm "are you a doctor already? When... when did that happen?" His face was slowly turning into confusion again
"No, not yet. This is kind of... my internship"
"Oh I see"
A long silence invaded the room
"I feel like there is something I'm missing" Kurapika thought but when he tried to remember his head hurt again
"Kurapika...listen" Leorio finally decided to explain the situation
"I'm glad you are here with me..." Kurapika suddenly turned to him, a warm smile on his face
Leorio did not expect that
"I...I'm not doing it for you, I'm just doing my job as a doctor" he looked away so he could not watch him blush"
Kurapika let out a cute short laugh
That was the first time Leorio had seen him smile in a long time
He suddenly felt he did not want that moment to end. He wished he could stay like that. Weak. Unable to fight, under his care. He wanted to keep him away from the mission and wished he never got his memories back. It was wrong...it was so wrong to hide the truth from him, yet he could not find the words to tell him...
"I think I will sleep a little more... I don't feel so good" Kurapika interrupted his thoughts.
Leorio looked at him but said nothing. Kurapika could read his feelings
"If you are going to become a doctor you better be a good one in every sense, or don't be one at all"
"What?"
"If you keep looking at your patients with that troubled look you will make them worried. How are you supposed to tell them bad news with that face? You are there to support the patients and make them feel better. Not the other way around"
"Tsk...shut up. I guess you are not feeling bad at all if you have the energy to be a smartass"
"You can mock me all you want but that doesn't change the fact that I'm telling the truth" he smiled arrogantly
"I'm gonna put you to sleep with my fists if you don't sleep right now" he threatened him "although... there is some truth in what you are saying. It's just..." he could only finish the phrase in his mind…
"You are not just any patient..."
Kurapika lied on the bed and rolled over
"Thank you. I'm really glad you are here with me" he said in a sweet voice and closed his eyes
Leorio covered him under the sheets. He stared at his back and noticed how long his blonde hair had grown. He wondered how much he had changed himself in the past two years.
How was he going to tell him about the mission they were currently working on? He knew it was wrong to get in the way with his goals, he knew all he lived for was recovering his people's eyes and getting revenge upon the Phantom Troupe. But he just wanted that moment to last a little longer.
Kurapika rolled to his other side. Leorio thought about how peaceful and vulnerable he looked.
Leorio's eyes fixed on his friend's lips, slightly opened. He swore he could hear him whisper something. He searched for Kurapika's eyes making sure they were closed. "Were his eye lashes always that big?" He leaned over him to watch more closely, until he could feel his breath on his own lips
"Leorio" Kurapika pronounced his name clearly in a sleepy voice, eyes still closed
Leorio felt the heat hitting his cheeks. "Did he just call my name in his sleep? Why did he say my name? What is he dreaming about?" He thought, confused yet inexplicably exited. Perhaps even a little happy.
"Please stop staring, you are making me nervous" Kurapika said in a calm voice without opening his eyes
Leorio quickly leaned back and looked away
"Yeah l like I was doing that…"
Kurapika fell asleep with a smile on his face
"I guess I could take a break and let him sleep for a bit" Leorio thought, leaving the room and heading to the cafeteria
A few hours later Kurapika woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. It was so loud that it almost gave him a heart attack. His reaction was to grab it right a way. It was not his phone. Leorio had left his phone there. He looked at the screen. It was Gon. He answered the call.
"Gon"
"Kurapika!? Is that you?"
"Yes, hi"
"I'm so glad to hear you are ok! How come you never pick your phone but you pick Leorio's phone calls?"
"I...uh... he is busy"
"Right...I wanted to talk to him about you anyway! Just wanted to know how you are doing"
"Does he usually... call you to talk about me?
"Well, me and Killua were concerned about you not picking up your phone. But since you guys are working together he had contacted us to let us know you are ok"
"Working? together?"
An image of the zodiacs flashed through his memories. The head ache was back. Random blurry pictures came across his mind again, they all came together at once like parts of the same puzzle, one he could not yet solve. He recalled a conversation with Mizaistom.
"What was he telling me? Something about Gon. Is Gon ok?" some loose words traveled across his mind "Gon had an accident…chimera ants…risked his life…Killua healed him"
"Kurapika…?" Gon waited anxiously on the other side of the phone while Kurapika went silent. After a while he could hear him groan in pain
"Kurapika! Are you ok? What's wrong!"
"Gon. It's nothing. How are you? I think you were badly injured"
"yeah… I…did something wrong. Now I can't use my nen…well, at least for now"
"how come?"
"well… it's kind of a long story, and I can't tell details over the phone, I would put Killua in danger"
"is Killua ok?"
There was a brief silence
"yeah! He texted me just last night" Kurapika noticed a fake note in his cheerful tone
"So you are not together anymore"
"Kurapika…I…" Gon's voice sounded like he was about to cry "I messed up! …I need to talk to you! where are you?" he cried loudly
"I'm sorry Gon, I can't right now. I will come see you soon, I promise. But I wanted to apologize for not being there when your life was at risk. I am sorry"
"It's ok. I understand. I shouldn't have done what I did in the first place. I guess the thing that is keeping you busy was serious enough to keep your friends away… Just please answer your phone when we call you…ok?"
"I…" we wondered…what was he doing the past months when after Gon fell ill? The pain in his chest was stinging once again
"Netero…The Dark Continent…Zodiacs…succession…Prince Tserriednich…the scarlet eyes.."
"scarlet eyes…" Kurapika mumbled. He coughed and tried his best not to throw up again
"sorry what?"
"nothing. I….I need to go, sorry" He hung up without even waiting for an answer.
He rested his forehead in his palm. All his memories where back now. He remembered he was in a ship to the Dark Continent. But what happened to the princes? Who won the war?
"The prince!" He suddenly recalled the prince and her mother might be unprotected while he was unconscious and recovering. How long had he been there? Why didn't Leorio tell him to go back to work right away? if he didn't tell him the truth about where they were, maybe he also lied about how long he was there. He panicked
He had too many questions that needed an answer, but right now his priority was to see if the prince was ok, and what happened to Tserriednich and the scarlet eyes
He got up as fast as he could, still dizzy and feeling sick. His whole body ached but he didn't care. He made his way to the door, leaning on the walls to help himself stand. When he was about to reach the handle, the door opened wide.
Leorio came in quickly without noticing Kurapika was there. He bumped into him, and the coffee he was holding spilled all over both of them.
"shit…Kurapika you scared me, why the hell are you up?"
"I need to see the prince… how is the prince?"
Leorio was petrified by fear. He did not expect him to regain his memories this fast. He was not prepared to face that
"Kurapika… calm down…"
"don't tell me to calm down! Tell me what is going on right now!"
"listen, lets get you back to bed first and…"
"Leorio!" Kurapika's eyes were beginning to show a reddish glow "if you don't tell me I will find out myself!"
Leorio moved back and closed the door behind him
"Move…" Kurapika gave him a challenging look
"no"
"more or I will move you"
"will you just listen for one second?"
But Kurapika pounced on him, banging his back against the door, and holding him by his shirt in a threatening position. Leorio struggled
"why didn't you tell me? What is wrong with you?" Kurapika asked
"Get off me…"
"what the hell Leorio! Tell me what's going on! This has to do with the Kuruta's eyes for god's sake!"
"why is it's always about you!" Leorio pushed him back
Kurapika reacted by throwing a punch to the door, leaving a whole in it
Leorio grabbed his arm and pulled him against his own body to hold him. Kurapika struggled.
"let go…I swear next time it will hit you" Kurapika attempted to strangle him
"who are you trying to scare with that face?" Leorio easily squeezed Kurpika's entire jaw with one hand, tilting his head up.
Their eyes met, both raging like fire. Then they quickly switched from their eyes to each other's lips. Not even a second passed before their mouths met in a fierce kiss. Their lips hungry for each other, anxiously ached every time they had to separate to catch their breaths.
Kurapika was vulnerable, he could no longer think clearly. Leorio lifted him and he wrapped his legs around Leorio's hips, so that he could carry him back to the bed. Not even one moment their mouths were apart
Leorio tried his best to be gentle as he put him back in bed, lying on top of him. Kurapika's legs were still on each side of Leorio's hips.
"You made a mess" Leorio suddenly noted, looking at the huge coffee stains on his shirt. He quickly removed his clothes
Kurapika couldn't find his words. Leorio took off his tie and shirt too in a second, also dripping in coffee, and slowly caressed his chest as he kissed him
Kurapika suddenly stopped and pushed him away
"stop this bullshit! What are we even doing!? In a time like this…Are you just doing this to keep me from leaving?"
Leorio stopped and stared at his hurt expression.
He sat on the bed in silence
"all the princes are dead…"
"what…?" Kurapika opened his eyes wide, shocked "but then… but how…"
"all of them… Wobble, Tserriednich" he waited a second to see his reaction "but we managed to get the Kuruta's eyes back. You can choose what you want to do with them"
Kurapika's heartbeat rose. He was confused about how he should feel. Relieved? Guilty? Both perhaps?
"how…how did they die?"
Leorio swallowed and took a deep breath. But the words still wouldn't come out
"Leorio! How did they die!"
"the Phantom Troupe"
He looked away, he just couldn't bear to see Kurapika's face filled with pain and wrath. He continued
"They killed everyone, the princes, the guards, some of the VIP passengers, and then they ran away into the Dark Continent…Only the Zodiacs and people from the lowest levels managed to survive. They were not interested in fighting or killing weak people"
Kurapika's eyes glowed violently red as soon as he heard that name. It was too much to process. He suddenly was short of breath, and he thought he would be sick again. He coughed compulsively.
"Kurapika…" Leorio looked at him with concern as he patted his back
"It's…It's ok, I'm… fine" he said, making a gesture with his hand, telling him to let go
"that is why I couldn't tell you all of it at once. You had temporary memory loss of traumatic events, and regaining all of those traumatic memories means going through the trauma you once experienced all over again, it's too much for your body and your mind to handle.
"I'm fine" he caught his breath "but then that means…"
"yeah, we are at the Dark Continent right now. We docked at the shore. We are still figuring out a plan about what to do next. Things are getting complicated, there are divided opinions in the zodiacs about how we should proceed with the Phantom Troupe and our original mission. Some of them want to chase them down right away, others say we should use them for our mission and then kill them, also Hisoka is on our side but they don't trust him, and…"
"where…is Cheadle…" Kurapika slowly stood from the bed, making his way to the door holding from the walls once again, but this time was even harder.
Leorio shut his eyes when he heard this, for he knew what came next. He frowned in pain and bit his lower lip. His chin shaking from containing his emotions
"where is she… I need to talk to her…"
He wasn't even half way to the door and he was already panting heavily. He had to pause.
Leorio looked at the pathetic tiny figure crawling through the walls and found it hard to believe it was the same person who once was so full of life. And he hated to be right. That smile from a few minutes ago didn't belong to the creature standing before his eyes anymore, but to the person he was before. How we wished that moment would have lasted longer…
Kurapika gathered his strength to lean on the wall once again and keep walking. But then he felt Leorio's gentle hand around his wrist coming from behind him
"please…stop"
Kurapika froze
Leorio held him against him, trapping him in his arms, and resting his chin on his shoulders
He whispered to his ear "don't make me sit and watch how you destroy yourself… I can't"
"…I am not asking you to do anything"
"you don't need to ask…deep down you are expecting me to come with you, because that is what I always do"
"if you keep doing this just to hold me back… it will not work…"
Leorio suddenly turned him around and held his shoulders against the wall
"do you honestly think I kissed you just to convince you not to go?"
"well you have…never done it before" he looked away, surprisingly shy
"Kurapika…" Leorio bended down a little to make their faces at the same level, and gently held Kurapika's cheeks between his hands "I kissed you because I know I do not have the power nor the importance in your life to make you stop from leaving…but I wanted to kiss you before I don't ever see you again"
"what…what are you talking about…" Kurapika was still not processing well his words "you are a Zodiac, you can't leave. What about… the mission, what about…"
"I am not going to stay to watch you… die" the sole word was enough to make him sick "if you use Emperor Time one more time that will be the last…"
He waited for a reaction, but Kurapika just stood there in silence looking confused.
"So this is goodbye then, my friend. My dearest friend" Leorio finally said with a warm smile in his face. He kissed him on the forehead. Kurapika was still spacing out when Leorio went though the door
He only reacted to the sound of the door shutting behind Leorio's back. He chased him right away.
"…what…what do you mean you are leaving…you can't leave, you… you are coward. Are you not a pro hunter? Are you not a doctor? Are you just going to throw away everything quitting this job?"
Leorio looked at him, his face not a trace of anger or regret. He had made up his mind.
"you can't…" Kurapika's voice suddenly broke "why… why did you have to do that…" he suddenly came down to his knees on the floor, and hid his face between his hands
Leorio kneeled in front of him
"I'm sorry, but I have to go"
"I'm scared" Kurapika almost yelled " I was prepared to die, I really was. But then I met Gon, and Killua and you. And then I met Senritsu, and I met all these nice people who care about me and I've done nothing but worrying them and putting their lives at risk. And I'm sorry. You guys have always been there for me and I was not even able to be by Gon's side when he almost died!"
"Gon understands…" Leorio placed a hand on his shoulder
"that doesn't make it ok! It only makes me feel more guilty…I didn't want this. I didn't need friends. I don't deserve to be happy and move on if all my other friends and family are dead"
He paused to take a deep breath, Leorio was listening carefully. It was the first time had heard him openly talk about his feelings.
"And I've realized…what is the point on dying while having my revenge? what then? What if the people that surround me are killed? What if the Phantom Troupe seek revenge? I'm scared yet I still want to do it. And I will not rest until I kill all of them. But what then?...I was… supposed to be alone. I was never meant to make friends like you, I'm so scared of loosing my friends…I was never meant to meet someone like you, Leorio. But I did…"
"I'm…sorry we distracted you from your original plan…but would you be happier if it was that way? Can that be even called a life?"
"I cannot live while my friends are dead…I…"
"not all of your friends… and you are alive… nothing can change that. You are alive and you have people who care about you. And you care about us. That is what is troubling you, that is what makes you human. If you were not worried about the people that surrounds you, you wouldn't be any better than the Phantom Troupe"
"I…I want to live… I don't want to die. I don't want anyone else to die" Kurapika suddenly held on to him, hiding his face in his chest and pulling his arms
"forgive me, Leorio, but I am going to be a selfish brat once again and ask you for something…"
Leorio took a moment to process his words and listened carefully
"Can I live by your side? Can you fight by my side, and make sure I stay alive? for you? For my friends?"
Leorio opened his eyes wide in astonishment, and contained his tears. He dropped down on his knees, defeated, with his palms on the floor. He stared at the floor
"my life was already yours from the start…"
Kurapika held his hands between his own, and leaned over to rest his forehead in Leorio's
"then let's fight and win… let's be alive…together"