Murao exhales a sigh while putting the boxes full of homework exercises for the second graders down on the desk in the empty classroom. She had been working for nearly two hours on this but she can't complain; she volunteered to do this in the first place. She had been eager to help sorting the exercises between the different classes and deliver them to almost every classroom on the second and third floor, especially after she found out that Tanaka-sensei would be helping them.
Apparently they had put him in charge of the task and Tanaka-sensei chose their class on his turn. She heard from Yoshioka that Mabuchi's grades are dropping. This is probably Tanaka-sensei's way to let his little brother know that he's keeping an eye on him and that he has to work hard for better results. The younger sibling had not been pleased with the assignment he and Yoshioka were given as class representatives. She listened to their complaints for a while and suddenly, without even thinking it completely through, Murao had offered to do this alone. Mabuchi seemed to be relieved at instant but Kominato was harder to get off her case. He insisted on helping her as soon as she made her offer, he just wouldn't want to leave her alone here with all the work. But fortunately for her, Mabuchi reminded him that they had other plans for this afternoon and having a chance to leave a little earlier today would really work in their favour. Yoshioka had offered to stay and help her out; "two pairs of hands get the work done faster than just one", but she had rebuffed her offer. She might have thought that Murao did not notice the almost relieved look on her face but she had been wrong there. Murao cannot blame her; she would rather spend her time with the person she likes too instead of staying an extra hour at school. But little did she know that Murao's intentions were actually the same, with not having the others around to help this would add another extra hour to their work; which means she gets to spend two more hours with Tanaka-sensei than on a regular school day.
Tanaka-sensei had frowned in disappointment when she told him Mabuchi went home with Kominato but his expression brightened up to his usual smile when she said they were going to Kominato's place to study for the upcoming exams. It might have been a little lie, she has no clue of what Mabuchi and the other would be doing after school, but it seemed to make Tanaka-sensei happy to know his little brother was doing something other than only spending time with others instead of paying attention to his studies. It wouldn't hurt him; it almost made her feel proud. She was the deliverer of good news and it made him smile.
They spent an hour sorting the exercises, dividing them over the different classes and casually talking to each other. Murao had the time of her life, she was alone with the man she loved and they had a normal conversation. He was showing interest in her life and she asked questions about his in return. Occasionally their hands would touch while reaching out for the next paper and it might not always have been an accident that her hand touched his. The first time his fingers brushed over her hand when they both reached for a new exercise to add to their stack of paper. She mumbled a quiet sorry and in a reflex she pulled her hand back at the touch. Something she regretted the moment she did it. It could have been the perfect start of something small; it could have been their connection. She felt her face heat up when he smiled at her and apologised too. Why does he always smile like that?
Murao sighs again and wipes the sweat from her forehead; he shouldn't see her like this. It's not attractive at all. When she looks up she sees her own reflection in the windows of the classroom. Her hair is a mess from all the work and her clothes don't look that much better. She was never like this but recently she catches herself doing things like this more often, caring about the way she looks. She never cared about her appearance before, until she met him. He is perfect in her eyes. Murao runs her fingers through her dark hair; Tanaka-sensei is probably the kind of man who adores you the most when you just get out of bed. He is the kind of man who falls for the 'inner beauty', not the way you dress or wear your hair. Despite knowing that she still loosens her school tie in order to do it again, yet again she gets distracted by her own reflection in the glass. It's the inner beauty what matters, not the outside. She wouldn't want to try to seduce him by pressing her breast particularly in his face or bend over in front of him with a way too short skirt. She wants him to notice her for her personality and smile, exactly what she loves so much about him too ...
and yet...
She brings her hands up to the height of her breast and slowly unbuttons the first two buttons of her uniform. It reveals a little piece of the fabric of her white bra. Last week she brought up the courage to step inside a lingerie store. There were bras and panties and thongs and thin pieces of clothing she had never seen before and she wasn't aware that underwear like that existed. Fierce, glaring colours everywhere, leopard printed bras and translucent underwear. She was on the point of giving up when she was a cute but plain and simple, white bra with a little black ribbon in the middle between the cups. It was perfect, until she saw the price. But she could not quite smother the thought of Tanaka-sensei, bending over her, eyes full of love and admiration when he sees her in cute lingerie. It cost her almost all of her money she saved up in three months but it was so worth it she decided when she quickly took the bra from the old, kind looking lady and left the store with a deep red colour on her face of excitement. Later that day she kind of regretted her action; her fantasy of Tanaka-sensei had been silly. He would never see her wearing it. She felt stupid, what has gotten into her lately? She almost doesn't recognise herself. Eventually she pushed the embarrassing thought of it away, she bought it and she would use it now too. There's nothing wrong with wearing it.
"Ah, Murao, there you are!" When the sound of his voice reaches her ears she doesn't know how fast she should button her shirt again... or not? Would she dare to turn around and face him like this? No, she absolutely wouldn't, but she just ran out of time to think. He's already behind her. "I was getting worried about you, you were taking so long. I hope you don't mind that I came to check up on you. I know someone like you is very responsible and would not get herself in trouble. Forgive me, I just couldn't help but worry a little."
Murao can almost not believe what he just said, he complimented her! He noticed how responsible she is and even more, he was worried about her! She rapidly turns on her heel and bows, keeping her eyes shut tight as she speaks. "I-I am sorry for worrying you Sensei! I go a little distracted and forgot about the time. Thank you for thinking of me!" With a red colour on both of her cheeks she looks up at him, their eyes connect and then there's that smile again that makes her heart beat ten times faster than usual. But there is also something else on his face, is he... blushing- or is that just her imagination? His eyes dart away from her and slide across the room before meeting hers again. "Was there someone else here, Murao?" His voice sounds different than what she's used to, colder and strict. Almost like he is a real teacher.
"N-No Sensei, just me! I think everyone left the building already; it's quite late after all. It's just us here!" She clenches his fists tight together, if she just wouldn't get this nervous when he is close to her she would have been able to reassure him, but instead she is only making the situation worse.
Tanaka-sensei shuts the door and approaches her, his eyes look softer than they did a brief moment ago. While he approaches her Murao feels that she is tempted to take a step back, but wouldn't that give him the idea that she's scared of him? That would be the last thing she wants! Then she sees it, it was a quick glance yet completely obvious to her; he was looking at her breast. Her face is even redder than before and she realises she's holding her breath as he comes closer and closer to her. Does this mean anything, why did he close the door and asked her if they were alone? She can feel her heart beating fast against her chest, so hard that it almost feels like it wants to come out. Space, she needs space. Tanaka-sensei's hands raise and reach out for the rest of the buttons of her shirt. Her mind refuses to believe this is happening and at this point she is not even sure if this is what she wants from him. She doesn't want him to see her as an object of lust; she doesn't want him to be attracted to her because she is revealing more of her skin than usual. She shuts her eyes tightly when her teacher gets hold of the fabric of her shirt. "Murao." Her breath just failed her and she's quite sure her heart stopped beating for a moment. Slowly she dares to open her eyes again and looks up at the man who is standing so close to her now that if she inhales she'd be able to smell his nice scent, something she has done many times before. It always seemed to calm her when she was upset, but not this time.
Tanaka-sensei sighs loudly and buttons the first button of her shirt while speaking. "I don't know what you were doing here or what you were planning to do, Murao, it is also not my business, but please be careful." His voice is soft and warm, just like always. Or maybe even sweeter, he sounds genuinely worried about her. His hands make their way up to the next button. "I don't know either what your intentions are if you were really alone in here like you said." The next few words are almost like he's whispering and Murao closes her eyes again. She knows what he is going to say next and he knows that she knows it too, and yet he has to repeat it again. He has to make her clear that what she wants from him is impossible. "I am your teacher, Murao. I can't do this, I'm sorry."
She nods, but something is gnawing on her. What did he apologise for; that he has to repeat his words again even though she's aware of his answer or is he sorry that he can't go further than this even though he wants it? It could never be the latter, she knows it, but his words are already playing with her imagination. But if it wouldn't be the last option then it's the first, and that would mean she disappointed him. He really thought that she was trying to seduce him like this. This was not her intention, he'll lose all her respect for her, he'll distance himself from her even more and their conversations will be awkward and uncomfortable in the future. This will always stand between the two of them because the thought that she might want more of him than he can give her will be floating through his mind from now on every time they speak. This is wrong; she has to clear up the misunderstanding. This is not what he thinks it is.
"N-No Sensei," She stutters while his hands reach for her tie. Her eyes fill with tears which makes the situation even worse for her. She doesn't want to cry now, not in front of him, but she can't hold them back anymore. The thought of what will happen to them is making her heart ache even more than her unanswered love for him. "I-I didn't want this..." Before she can even finish her sentence the door swings open and the homeroom teacher from the second graders steps inside the classroom. He drops his suitcase in surprise when he sees one of his colleagues holding the loosened tie of a student with tears in her eyes.
"Tanaka-sensei, I don't know what is going on here, and I hope this is not what I think it is. I am sure you have a good explanation but for now I am asking you to distance yourself from that student." Tanaka-sensei does as the other teacher says, his head ducked down and his eyes are blank.
"What is your name?"
"M-Murao Shuuko."
"Murao-san, could you please leave us alone, I think it is better that you go home now and forget that this happened. It seems this teacher here forgot his place." Murao wants to protest and explain the situation to the other man but Tanaka-sensei speaks up before she has the chance to. "Murao, please..." His voice sounds soft and weak. She feels her heart break when she leaves the classroom and the other teacher shuts the door behind her. "From all the teachers that are working here and I have worked with on this school I would never have suspected that you, Tanaka-san, would molest a student."
Murao's eyes fill with tears again and she has to cover her mouth in order to suppress her noises. She got him in trouble; he could get fired over this. This is exactly the reason why he was reluctant towards her, she let come true what he feared, what he was trying to prevent from happening all this time, she ruined his reputation. How could she have done this to the person she holds dear? With a broken heart and majorly disappointed in herself she leaves the building.
She was so lost in her thoughts that she only realises after a full ten minutes that she forgot her bag in the classroom where they were working on the exercises together. What should she do, go back? She has no choice, all her homework is in her school bag and she really needs to finish it before tomorrow. With a feeling of reluctantly with every step she starts on her journey back to school.
In the distance she sees someone approaching her, and once he sees her too he quickens his pace. "Murao!" He shouts, waving with his hand to drag her attention, like she hasn't seen him already. Tanaka-sensei, the last person she wants to see right now. "Ah, Murao!" He pants when he comes closer to her. "It's good that I caught up with you! I went to get my coat and to lock the door when I saw that you left your bag in the room!" He holds it up so she can take it back from him. She mumbles a quiet "thank you" and a long silence follows. She's not really sure what he is expecting from her now and she doesn't know what she wants from him, but one thing is certain. She has to apologise. "A-Ano, Sensei?"
"Hmm?" His respond sounds kind, his attitude towards her hasn't changed. She gets overwhelmed by a feeling of relief, he doesn't hate her. With this in mind she finds the courage to ask him something that's burning on her lips. "Did I get you in trouble?" Even though she had a strong feeling of confidence she ducks her head down right after the question and focuses her gaze on the ground. His attitude might not have been changed but she is still terrified of the answer. "No," He smiles. Her head jolts up, eyes filling with hope. "Really?"
"I told him you spilled something on your tie and that my mother taught me how to get those nasty stings out of your clothing without much effort. You were in tears because you had a fight with your parents the other day and you were scared of their reaction. He just misinterpreted the situation." The hope in her eyes makes place for admiration, that he was able to make an excuse like this that quickly. "And he bought that?"
"Un, every word of it. He even asked me if I could teach him that trick some time, he explained that he's known for being a kind of messy eater." They both laugh and Murao feels all the tense sliding from her shoulders. She didn't get him into trouble.
"Murao." She stops laughing when she hears that same cold tone in his voice, he is serious now. "I hope that you can see now that this could cause not only me but also you a lot of trouble if we'd so something that would cross the line. As you could see today; even the slightest hint of being intimate with a student, one step too close and my life, not only as teacher, could be over. You are risking my job and your studies too. This time I got away with a good excuse but also a loud and clear warning. They will have their eyes on me, one wrong move and it could be over." He pauses. "Murao, please, don't give me that face now."
"I-It's not what you think! I wasn't trying to...!" She suddenly breaks and bursts out in tears; she's not able to hold her sorrow in anymore. Youichi finds himself in a position that he doesn't know what to do at all in this situation. He wants to embrace her, dry her tears and tell her it will be fine, but he can't. He can't be that person for her. If he would let his guard down now and hold her in his arms he would break their wall between teacher and student. This wall he has been working so hard on to build up and to not ever cross. Giving her hope now would only make the situation they are in worse. So instead of doing what his body is screaming to him to do he just puts his hand on her shoulder and hands her a handkerchief from his pocket. His heart aches, seeing a student of his cry, seeing her cry because of him too, that is not what he was aiming for when he applied to be a teacher.
When Murao calmed down a little and dried her tears she tries to tell him her side of the story again. "I didn't mean to seduce you or anything like that. I don't know why I did it but I want you to like me for me and not just my body! I would never do anything like that to you, I am not lying Sensei! I-I am so sorry for causing you this trouble today!"
"Murao." His voice is soft, like a purr. "Come." He smiles at her when she gazes up at him. Always that same smile that makes her feel like her heart is melting. "There is something I'd like to show you."
They are quietly walking next to each other but the silence hanging between them far from unpleasurable, Murao is enjoying this moment with him. She throws a quick glance in his direction. He has a soft and tender smile on his face, his eyes look at ease and not on guard at all and his hair looks brighter in the light of the setting sun. Murao averts her gaze with a slight blush colouring her cheeks, what happened today still hasn't changed her feelings towards him.
She has been wondering the whole way what it possibly could be what he wants to show her. Something to distract them both from the incident that occurred earlier today? She tried to guess the location for a few minutes but he wouldn't spill a word about it. Suddenly his pace seems to quicken, just a little, they must be getting closer. Murao can feel the excitement rushing through her body and looks around to see if he notices anything special about this place, but she can only see a man with dark brown hair and a red shirt with a v-neck, leaning against a lamppost with his eyes fixated on his phone. As they are getting closer she can see that the man is around Tanaka-sensei's age but slightly more build than he is. Blue, greyish eyes look up at them and a smile curls on his lips as they are getting closer. "Youichi, you're late."
"Un," He replies. "I had some unexpected business at school I had to take care of." He gives her a smile she cannot place, but before she has time to even think of how to respond to his remark the other man kisses Tanaka-sensei briefly on his lips.
Murao is astonished, frozen on her place as she sees that her teacher doesn't push him away but smiles instead. He smiles like he always does and she watches them as Tanaka-sensei gets hold of the unknown man's hand. "Murao, this is my boyfriend. We've been together for almost two years."
She doesn't know how to react; his words are repeating themselves over and over again in her head. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. He has a partner, a male. Her heart sinks into her shoes, she feels awful but there is also this feeling of relief again. Now she can finally see it. Even if she wouldn't be his student, Tanaka-sensei would never be interested in her. When she graduates there is no chance he might confess to her and tell her how he always felt about her. Her teacher, her crush, is gay. Of course, she can see it crystal clear; this is why she should get over him, how could she be so selfish. She almost risked his job for her stupid feelings. He had been in a relationship all this time and she didn't even know. "I-It's nice to meet you, sir." She says softly, fighting against her tears. "I-I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow Sensei!"
Once she's home she lets herself fall on her bed. Tears are streaming down over her cheeks while she buries her face deeper into her pillow. This is the last time she'll cry over him, she decides then. She will allow herself to feel devastated and heartbroken just this one last time. Then she'll do her best to get over her silly crush for once and for all. She won't bother Tanaka-sensei with her schoolgirl fantasies anymore. With this thought and a small smile curled on her lips she falls asleep. Her homework will have to wait until tomorrow morning.
Murao yawns for the eighth time this morning, she got up real early in order to finish all her homework and she was barely in time for school. To make things worse, her fist class of the day is English. She's so sleepy she was just staring at her book without reading a letter. If she would have paid a little more attention to her book she would have noticed that she was holding it upside down. She didn't, but he did. Without her noticing he made his way over to her desk and turned the book for her. "This might be easier." He smiles.
"T-Thank you." She stutters with a red face, her eyes quickly darting down to her book. "If you are pretending to pay attention in my class then at least put a little more effort in it." Without having to look up she can see the image of him giving her a mocking smile in her head. With a sigh she bends over the exercise she should be doing. Getting over him is going to be tougher than she thought.
After class he calls her over to his desk. "Had a long night?" She smiles wryly. "A short time to rest, rather." She says, trying to suppress another yawn.
"Un, I apologise, that is my fault. If you get in trouble in one of the next classes you can tell them it's my responsibility for keeping you too long here yesterday."
"Thank you Sensei, but that won't be necessary. I can take care of it myself." He smiles in return and there's a silence between them. It's now or never, she decides. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you. I promise you that this will never happen again." Tanaka-sensei waits with giving his answer until she looks up again. "Thank you, I appreciate the effort you are putting in to this. It must be a difficult situation for you too." He is kind and understanding as always, she can feel her heart beat raise again but realises that he must be like this to all of his students. She is not special to him. "You could have told me at least that you are in a relationship." She crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry. We are keeping it private."
"Why?"
His smile saddens and she feels a little stupid for asking. "Oh." He doesn't have to answer that, it is obvious what he was going to say. "Still, you could have told me!"
"Maybe I should have, maybe I was just scared of your reaction. Your opinion matters to me after all and I don't know what I would have done if you would not have approved this." He gives her a soft push against her shoulder with his hand to tease her. She laughs heartily but then focuses her eyes on the ground again, playing nervously with the hem of her skirt. "So, are we just student and teacher again?"
He's silent and it surprises her that he even has to think about an answer to her question. "I believe we are more than that." He starts eventually and reaches his hand out to her. "Friends?"
She feels stupid that she almost doubted her teacher's intentions, she should have known better by now. Murao holds his hand and shakes it with a bright smile on her face. "Friends."
Yes, that's what they are. They are not just student and teacher anymore, they are friends.
I have a huge teacher complex and this ending is even hurting me.
For all the fans out there; I am not keeping up with the manga, I am following the Anime for now so I might miss some little things.
Murao is a little OC in my eyes but I haven't had the chance to completely understand her yet- and for this role I needed her to be like this.
It's just something I wanted to write - next time it will have a better ending, I promise!
I hope you enjoyed it anyway!
A lot of credit goes to my beta reader, without him there would have been a lot embarrassing mistakes, thank you so much for reading it!
Angel