This is the second in my series of one shots containing people that House has a "connection" with. This was originally done for the Friday Night O/C Challenge on the Fox Forum Fan Fiction Board. Nothing serious, just fun. Note: the foreign words are Portuguese, not Spanish and if they're incorrect, don't blame me, blame dictionary . com since I got all the translations there.
The Girl from the Taxi
House shivered as the cold rain pelted him. He had a hat on and he pulled up his collar. He should just go into the nearest bar and have a few drinks. But he was expected at the party for the donor. According to Cuddy, it was because of him that the money was coming in and the donor had specifically requested that he be there. He didn't remember the patient and he didn't know the donor, but he also didn't mind a trip to New York City paid for by the hospital. But who the hell decided that the party should be on New Year's Eve?
Still, how often did House get to spend an evening in New York City? But did it have to be raining? And why could he never find a taxi? Other people were happily riding in taxicabs. Didn't anyone have any compassion for a cripple?
He waved his cane again as one whizzed by him, but right behind it, another one stopped. It was a lot older than most of the others going by, but still… He climbed inside.
The driver turned around and with a broad smile, said, "Boa noite, senor. Where can I take you this evening?"
House eyes the pudgy man with trepidation. It wasn't that he minded foreign cab drivers, despite the cliché. It was just that this one seemed altogether too cheerful. On a night like this, the driver should be overworked and grumpy. Not smiling and happy to see him. House mumbled the address across town where the party was being held.
"Sim, senhor, that will be no problem." The driver continued smiling at him. "My name is Paulo and I will be happy to take senhor anywhere he wishes to go."
"Great." House muttered. "Can we just start driving?"
The cab driver took his time pulling out in traffic. He seemed unfamiliar with the city traffic. House soon noticed that he was heading in the wrong direction.
"Hey," he called out to the driver, "You're heading the wrong way. Don't you know the city at all? Or are you trying to scam me?"
"So sorry, senhor. I have only been in Novo York for a small time. I am from Brazil. I drive a cab there too."
"Real ambitious – move from driving a cab in South America to driving a cab in the U.S. Going up in the world."
"Sim, senhor, this is wonderful. Wonderful city, wonderful people – is very good for Paulo."
"I can tell you haven't been here long if you think the people are wonderful."
"No, no, they are, they are. I love Novo York."
"I think I'm going to be sick to my stomach." House mumbled.
"Excuse, senhor? What did you say?'
"Never mind."
"But senhor, I not go in wrong direction to cheat senhor. I know the city; I study maps before I come. But Paulo must pick up his friend. My friend says, 'Paulo, please, I not know Novo York like you do. You will pick me up and I will not be lost.' So what can Paulo do?"
"First thing Paulo can do is stop talking about himself in the third person. It's annoying."
"Sim, senhor. Paulo will… I will do that."
"Next you can tell me how long this is going to take? I have to be somewhere."
"Not long, senhor, not long. Pau…I will pick up my friend and we will go. I would not have made senhor wait, but I see senhor and you are standing in the rain with your – I don't know the word – the thing for your leg."
"My cane?"
"Sim, senhor! Cane, Paulo will remember that word. Senhor is standing with his cane and no cabs are stopping. I say to myself, 'Paulo, you cannot let that nice man stand there in the rain. You must stop.' So Paulo stops."
House sighed. There didn't seem to be any way to stop the guy from talking about himself in the third person. Especially when he talked TO himself as well. He was thinking it had been a mistake to get into this cab. But 'Paulo' was right – no other cabs had stopped for him. He supposed a little detour was okay. It was better than standing in the rain anyway. Besides, if he was late, he could always blame it on the cab driver when Cuddy blasted him.
Paulo continued to drive in the night, chatting to House the entire time. He told him about his life in Brazil and how he had driven tourists in Rio. Then he had retired for a few years. He was vague on the reason for the retirement, but then he had decided to move to the United States and his friend had helped him.
House began to rethink the wisdom of getting into this particular cab. Standing in the rain might be better than listening to this guy reciting his life story. Also, they seemed to be heading to a neighborhood that was not very nice.
"Look," House said. "I know you said you have to get your friend, but this isn't a very good neighborhood. Are you sure this is where your friend is?"
"Sim, senhor. I will see my friend very soon. I know the house."
In fact, a few seconds later, Paulo pulled up next to a skinny three story building. He beeped the horn and in minutes, House saw someone in a black cloak hurry out of the building, pull open the rear door of the cab and climb inside.
The person was completely covered with the hooded cloak. House tried to make out a face, but in the darkness, he couldn't see anything.
"Okay, buddy, now that you're here, maybe old Paulo can take me where I need to go." House grumbled.
"What is buddy?" the person asked, but to House's amazement, the voice was female.
The hood came down and House saw a head of dark hair surrounding an exotically beautiful face. She pulled the wet cloak off and he saw that she was wearing a short red cocktail dress. It was bedecked with sequins and hugged her figure tightly. And what a figure! Her curves were generous and her legs were long and shapely.
This ride could be better than he thought.
"Paulo." She said, and then started speaking quickly in Portuguese. Since House understood the language, he was able to follow their conversation. However, he thought it best to not let them know that.
"You are late. I have been waiting for you."
"I am sorry, but I had to pick up a passenger."
The woman glanced briefly at House, and then returned her attention to the driver. "Raimondi will be very upset. He is expecting me to be there and on time."
"Raimondi is never upset with you."
"Well, he will be worried. You must take me there quickly."
"I must take my passenger first."
"No, I must be first. It is important."
"You are not a paying customer. My passenger is."
The woman looked again at House, but this time she smiled.
"Senhor," she began in English, "Would you mind if Paulo takes me to my destination first? My husband is waiting for me and he will be very worried if I am late."
Damnit, he thought, she had a husband. Well, so much for that.
"I don't know." He replied. "I have an engagement myself and I could lose my job if I'm late."
This was bull. Cuddy would be angry and she would certainly blast him, but she wouldn't fire him. Not for this. He had done a whole lot worse and never been fired, being late surely wouldn't do it. Still, he would play this for all it was worth.
"Oh, senhor, I would not wish you to lose your job, but this is very important to me. Por favor?" She smiled at him again and squirmed in her seat, so that her dress rode up a bit, revealing more of her gorgeous legs.
Being male, he was mesmerized by the sight. Hmm, he thought, wonder how happy that marriage is? Would she be willing to fool around? He decided to give in to her request and see how grateful she was.
"Well, who am I to refuse a lady? Sure, we can go to your destination first."
"Obrigado, senhor! Paulo, take me there now!"
"Where?" Paulo asked. "Where is the partido?"
"Raimondi told you, I know he did. Just go there."
Paulo looked confused, but he started driving. The woman sat back in her seat and smiled at House again.
"This is very nice of you, senhor. Obrigado, once again."
House smiled back at her. "So is 'Raimondi' your husband?"
"Sim, he is my husband. He waits for me at the partido." She tilted her head to look at him, as the street light illuminated his face. "You remind me of him a bit."
This could be good or bad, House thought, depending on the husband.
"Really? I never thought I looked Brazilian."
"Oh, my Raimondi is not Brazilian, he is English."
House raised an eyebrow. Lucky Englishman to score this beauty. "So, what's your name?"
"I am Orlinda."
"Orlinda? Cool name. How did you meet 'Raimondi'?"
"He came to Rio to meet me. He saw me dance at Carnivale. I dance the samba. Do you samba?"
"Not lately." House said, picking up his cane.
"Oh, I am sorry, senhor, I did not realize!"
"That's okay. So you're a dancer?"
"I was. Now I only dance with my husband."
Considering the look in her eyes when she talked about him, House began to believe that she only did everything with her husband. Oh, well. He sighed and looked out the window again. Instead of heading back into Manhattan, the neighborhood was getting worse.
"Hey, Paulo, where the hell are we going?"
"I must take Orlinda. But I am not sure where is the partido."
House turned back to her. "Where's this 'partido' of yours? What's the address?"
She looked confused. "I do not know. I would know it if I saw it, but I do not know the address."
House rolled his eyes. This was getting more and more annoying. He tried to ignore the both of them, but then they started fighting about it.
The volume inside the cab increased with the tension between Orlinda and Paulo, with the former insisting he knew where she needed to be and the latter declaring that he did not. The disagreement was mostly conducted in Portuguese and since they didn't know that House understood, every now and then, Paulo would speak in English to him.
In as calm a voice as he could, he would say things like: "Not long now, senhor." Or: "Paulo will get you there soon, senhor." Then he would go back to fighting with her.
Finally, House had enough of the endless, repetitive argument.
He shouted in Portuguese, "Silencio! Both of you just shut up. I don't want to hear one more word from either of you!"
They looked at him in amazement.
"Senhor," Paulo spoke in Portuguese, "You speak our language?"
"No, I just learned it while listening to you. Of course, I speak it. And I never heard a more idiotic conversation in any language. You," he pointed to Orlinda. "Does your husband have a cell phone?"
"Sim, senhor."
"Then call him and find out where you're supposed to be."
"I cannot. He will be upset. He told me not to visit Lupe this evening. He did not know that I went. I was supposed to be at the hotel. And I was supposed to go to the partido with Tia Anita. But I went to see Lupe because I missed her so much. And…"
"Stop!" House yelled. "I don't want to hear it! You," he said to Paulo, "Take me to my party and then the two of you can fight all night for all I care."
Orlinda started to cry. "Raimondi will be so upset. He told me not to go without him. And he could not go tonight because he had to meet the lady from the hospital."
"Shut up!" House said. "I don't care. I don't want to hear another word from either of you. Understand?"
"Sim, senhor." They said in unison.
House sat back and closed his eyes, enjoying the silence. But something she had said nagged at him.
"What's wrong with your husband?"
"There is nothing wrong with him. Raimondi is wonderful, handsome, perfect…"
"Yeah, yeah, he's a god. You said he had to go to a hospital. Is he sick?"
"No, no, senhor, he does not GO to the hospital, he meets the lady FROM the hospital. She is in charge of the partido."
A thought occurred to House, but he quickly dismissed it. Still…
"What's the lady's name?"
"I do not remember. Oh, it was something funny. It was Getty or Hussy or, or…"
"Cuddy?" House asked.
"Sim, senhor! That is it! Cuddy. That is a silly name, no?"
"Very." House agreed. "Paulo, you can take me to my party now."
"But senhor…" Orlinda began.
"Relax. We're going to the same place."
"We are?"
"Yep. Cuddy is my boss. But why are you going to this party or partido?"
"My Raimondi is giving money to the hospital. It is a lot of money and Dr. Cuddy wanted to give him a partido to thank him."
"Why did he come from Brazil to give Princeton Plainsboro money?"
"Because my Tia Anita was very sick. The doctors in Rio could not say why. But we heard of a doctor in Novo Jersey in the United States that could do anything. So we sent her here. And this doctor cured her. Oh, maybe you know him? His name is Doctor House."
House shook his head. It really was a small world.
"Yeah, I know him. But you really don't want to meet him. He's a son of a bitch."
"Oh, no, he is wonderful! My tia, she is all the family that I have. I was so afraid that she would die. But Doctor House saved her. He is wonderful."
House smirked. He kept trying to tell Cuddy, this, but she wouldn't believe him. They rode for awhile, with Orlinda chattering on about the wonderful Doctor House and her wonderful husband. He closed his eyes to try and block her out, but it was difficult. At last they pulled up in front of the restaurant.
"Oh, this is the place!" Orlinda cried. She got out of the taxi and pulling her cloak around her, started for the door. Then she stopped and turned to House.
"Would you like to walk in with me, senhor?"
House thought, why not? "Sure." He picked up his cane and took her arm as he exited the cab.
Paulo leaned out the window, smiling. "Adeus, senhor. Adeus, Orlinda."
"Adeus, Paulo." Orlinda said.
Paulo looked at House expectantly. House glared at him. "I hope you don't expect me to pay you after driving me all around the city searching for the place I was going to in the first place."
"Nao, senhor, of course not." Paulo said with a sigh. House thought about how much a cab ride would cost him from where he'd been picked up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten. He handed it to Paulo.
"Obrigado, senhor, obrigado!" Paulo gushed as he took the money.
"Yeah, yeah," House watched the shabby taxi pull away.
He entered the restaurant with Orlinda on his arm. As they entered the room, Cuddy rushed towards him, murder in her eyes. There was a tall man beside her. He had brown hair with a touch of gray and blue eyes.
"Orlinda! My dear! I was so worried about you. Where have you been?" the man asked with a British accent.
She flung herself into his arms and said, "Oh, Raimondi, I am so sorry to be late. I – I could not decide what to wear."
"Mmm hmmm. And how was Lupe?"
She looked at him. "What are you talking about?"
"I know you couldn't resist visiting Lupe. I was just afraid that you would get lost. You don't know this city and you don't have a good sense of direction."
"Paulo was driving me."
"Oh, that reassures me!"
"But this very nice man helped me." She motioned to House.
Cuddy stared at him. "Are you talking about Dr. House?"
"No," Orlinda said, "This man. I am sorry, senhor, I do not know your name."
House smiled. "It's House. Dr. Gregory House."
"Oh! You are Doctor House? Oh! You saved my Tia Anita and now you have saved me! Thank you, Doctor House!" She ran to him, hugged him, then kissed him on the cheek.
House looked at Cuddy and smiled. This night was turning out very well after all.
Cuddy glared, then, with a forced smile, said, "House, this is Raymond Britton. He's our guest of honor. Apparently, you've already met Mrs. Britton."
They sat down to dinner and Orlinda insisted on sitting next to House. While they waited for dinner to be served, the band began playing music and people got up to dance. Raymond requested a samba. His blue eyes twinkled as he held out his hand to his wife.
"Shall we, my dear?"
She smiled at him and rose. Soon they were doing the most beautiful samba House had ever seen. The guy was a smooth dancer. House was impressed.
Cuddy sat beside him, still glaring.
"What?" he asked her. "Is your wonder bra too tight? You need to give the twins some breathing space?"
"What happened with you and Mrs. Britton?"
He stared at her. "We had sex in the taxi, what do you think?"
When he saw the horror in her eyes, he chuckled. "Nothing happened. First of all, she never stopped babbling long enough. Second, look at her. She only has eyes for him."
Cuddy did look and relaxed a bit.
When the Brittons returned to the table, Raymond asked Cuddy to dance. She agreed and they took the floor.
House watched them. Raymond Britton seemed like a nice enough guy and he wasn't bad looking, but he seemed a bit milquetoast to score a wife like Orlinda, despite the dancing. Still, he had money, which evened out the cause a bit. He turned to Orlinda, who was smiling while watching her husband and swaying in her seat.
"So how did your husband get so much money?"
She smiled as she said to him, "He robbed a bank."
"Right. Okay, so how did he really get his money?"
"I am serious. He was a bank clerk in London. He stole their money and came to Rio. They still do not know that it was him. Oh, you will not tell, will you Doctor?"
"Of course not." And he wouldn't reveal it. If the guy had enough balls to rob a bank, get away with it AND score a gorgeous wife, more power to him.
"But aren't you afraid someone might find out?"
"Britton is not really his name. No one knows his real name. And the bank believes it knows who stole the money, so they will never go after him."
House chuckled to himself. The guy was brilliant.
She sighed. "It is nice of him to dance with Doctor…is it Puffy?"
"It should be, but it's actually Cuddy."
"Oh, yes. You will not tell her? I do not wish to insult her."
"I won't tell her you said it, but I will definitely use it myself." He responded, anticipating lots of fun over the next few months.
House leaned back in his chair and smiled. All in all, it had been a really good evening.