A/N First, I hope you all appreciate me getting up early and posting this, because I have to run in a moment and go to another STATE, yet here I am, posting my fic. Ah, the sacrifices I make.
Anywho, this fic gets very sappy, but it's not as depressing as some of my stuff. It's the second to last one in the Holiday Series..This'll make more sense if you read Fortune Cookies, Trick or Treat, and I'm Thankful.
Spoilers for #45..It'll make MUCH more sense if you've read #45. No spoilers (or references) to any books after that... Assume that it takes place in a world where #49 hasn't happened. ^_^ Thankees and enjoy.
centerForbidden Gifts/center
Cassie sighed deeply as her feet crunched in a pile of snow. She hummed quietly to herself, another Christmas song playing through her mind. Now where was it Jake had said Erek's house was?
Erek and the Chee were having a...well, really a New Year party, for those involved with the war. A small one, yes, but one that Marco and the rest could go to.
It had been Marco's idea. This last month Marco had been almost hyped about group get-togethers, and at times completely sentimental. The rest found all this amusing, especially the sappy tone Marco sometimes took on. But Cassie found it almost sad. She knew the true meaning behind it. Cassie reached Erek's house, pausing a second before she stepped in.
Marco had lost his mother. When she came back to him, he lost almost all normalcy in his life. Now he was clinging to the little shred of it still there. The Animorphs were that shred left. They still had regular lives...from a distance anyway. They reminded Marco of the things he had lost.
She had never told Marco that she had guessed or even thought about his change in character. That would make him uncomfortable- because sentimental or not, he still wasn't a touchy-feely guy. Not usually anyway. Sometimes he would open up to her and she could see that vulnerability guarded and covered up by a smirk, and his laughing dancing dark brown eyes that always shocked her when she really looked at him...
Cassie shook herself. Pocketing her mittens, she raised a bare hand to her cheek. It felt very warm...but that was probably simply the contrast between it and the cold winter air.
"Cassie!" a deep voice called. She looked up, startled to see Jake running towards her from down the block.
"Hey Jake." This is your boyfriend, she reminded herself, quickly giving him a warm smile. "Merry Christmas..Happy Hanukkah... Or whatever."
Jake grinned. "All of the above? I have to leave the party in about forty minutes for 'family time'." Jake sighed, and Cassie sighed too, as she was supposed to. Jake stepped closer to her and tilted her chin up. "I got you something..." He reached into his pocket, fiddled with a box, and pulled out a necklace.
Cassie had never been one for jewelry, but she still fussed over it, said all the right things. Oh, you shouldn't have. It's beautiful. That kind of thing.
It is beautiful, Cassie told herself as Jake reached behind her neck to clasp it. A silver dolphin charm dangled off of a silver chain. Its tail splashed in the air. Cassie held it up to her face and looked at it. Somehow it seemed to be lacking the liveliness, the joy, of a real dolphin.
But then, it wasn't a real dolphin.
"Thank you, Jake," Cassie said softly as he finished clasping it and stood in front of her. In response he tilted her chin up again and knelt down slightly to kiss her.
"Woo-woo!" called a voice. Jake jumped, and they both turned to see Rachel grinning. Tobias was by her side, and Ax was a little behind them, staring down in amazement at the snow. Jake blushed, but was grinning too. Almost as if he was pleased to be caught in the act. Cassie elbowed Jake in the ribs playfully. "Do you have to look so happy about it?"
This only made Rachel laugh louder, and the door to Erek's house opened. Erek looked out at them. "You know, knocking is the newest fad, I hear," he said dryly.
Gratefully Cassie headed up the steps and walked in. She was feeling exasperated, her previous good mood partially diminished. That whole scene wasn't 'cute' or 'funny'. It was just awkward.
Another face appeared by Erek's, as Marco saw Cassie step in.
"Merry Christmas, Cass!" he said happily, helping her out of her coat and hanging it up. He glanced out the door, where the rest were still gaggled. "And Jake and Rachel and Ax and Tobias!"
"And Dopey and Sleepy and Grumpy," Rachel finished, stepping forward.
"How do you like the decorations?" Marco questioned. "The Chee did most of it, but of course I added my own personal touch." He grinned.
"Well, obviously you didn't help too much," Rachel said, not too meanly. "I mean, look how great this place looks."
Wreaths hung on every side of the huge room. A banquet of food was laid out on a long table, and many Chee talked near it. Ax immediately headed in that direction. A magnificent and full tree was in the corner, near the window. Gold ornaments shone off of it, highlighted by the sun shining through the window, despite the grey December morning.
Cassie giggled. Jake glanced at her. "I think I just spotted Marco's personal touch," she explained, smiling as she pointed towards the window. A plush Santa Claus doll was propped up against the window. A small menorah was carefully balanced on it's lap.
Marco looked pleased that they had noticed. "Well, you know, I figured Santa isn't intolerant." They all laughed at that, mainly because now they were all in a good mood. Marco could have that effect on people when he wanted to, Cassie was learning. When he wasn't concentrating on being annoying, he could brighten any mood with a simple comment. A simple smile, even.
"Whoa..." Tobias said. "Ax is hitting the food table pretty hard. Look at Erek trying to restrain him 'peacefully'." Smirking, Tobias took Rachel's hand and they went over to help out Erek, Rachel muttering something about Ax needing a baby-sitter.
Jake smiled as the others wandered off, leaving only Cassie, him and Marco. "This is nice," he said after a moment. "I mean, just relaxing like this. Too bad I have to leave soon and spend quality time with Tom's Yeerk."
Cassie put a hand on Jake's arm. "Enjoy the time you have with us. Relax."
Cassie could see Marco felt a little awkward, but he tried to look nonchalant. "You don't have to go," he said. "At least, not so soon."
"Yeah, I do," Jake grumbled. "On the bright side, Dad got me three video games. One of them was actually pretty good, the graphics weren't that shabby-" Conversation dwindled into Jake-Marco video game babble. Rolling her eyes, Cassie went to join Rachel and the others.
"They're talking," Cassie said, sighing, "about whether some over dramatic game I is worse than some over dramatic game II."
Rachel winced in sympathy.
~~~
Marco laughed. "You know, I'm kind of out of practice with video games and all," he said "but I could still kick your ass at all of those new games."
Jake smiled. "Bluff all you want. You know it's not true. I'm the one who'd kick your ass."
"Right," Marco said. "Britney never got transplants. Clinton did not have sexual relations with that woman. And you're the one who would kick my ass."
This is so strange, Marco thought. Jake and him had been through hell and back, and here they were. Jake's brother was a slave to a mind-controlling alien, Marco's mom had been slave to a slug who ranked high in their alien army. Jake and Marco had both turned into dozens of animals. And they were talking about video games.
Marco gave a fake laugh to something Jake had said. It was kind of sad, really. Best friends who couldn't talk about anything but sega and basketball. No, who wouldn't talk about anything but that. Best friends who pretended everything was normal, that they were just two average kids. Marco couldn't imagine either of them ever emerging from their denial. Maybe one day it'd be both of them in the middle of the end of the world, sitting on a hill, watching cities blow up. Jake would turn to Marco and say,
"Gee Marco, have you played that all new playstation game you got?" Boom!
There goes New York City.
"I sure did Jake, and it was super duper. I managed to make it into the lair of that evil guy." Boom!
Bye-bye, LA.
"That's great!"
BOOM! Whoa, that's the end of Canada.
"Anyway, I have to get going, maybe I'll try out one of those video games when I get home," Jake said, stretching slightly.
"Boom," Marco muttered under his breath.
"Huh?" Jake asked, looking up.
"Nothing," Marco said, shaking his head. "Well, have fun."
"Oh yeah," Jake said. "Should be great. Happy Holidays Marco."
"Same to you," Marco said. They were suddenly formal.
After a second of a pause, Jake gave a wave and headed towards the door. Cassie ran up to him before he got there.
"Jake, are you going already?"
Jake nodded, shrugging helplessly. "Tell Erek thanks for the great Christmas party... Merry Christmas." He went past her, to the door.
"Thank you for the necklace Jake," Cassie called after him. "Merry Christmas!"
Jake gave a brief smile in response as he put on his coat and quickly headed out the door. Cassie watched him go, finding herself standing rather lamely by herself, a few feet from the door, like a puppy dog waiting for someone to come back. She didn't like the feeling that she looked like that.
Marco laid back against the radiator as he watched Jake go. Cassie stopped him before he could exit. They talked for a second- said their good-byes. Was she saying she loved him? Was he replying with the same words? And why should he care?
The earnest 'Merry Christmas' he heard from Cassie was met with a polite smile from Jake. Marco frowned slightly. How could Jake treat her like that? He replied so casually to any emotion she showed him, yet at times he acted like Cassie was his private property or something. He could ignore her, but she was still his. His, with a big keep-off sign around her neck.
Cassie was standing alone by the doorway now, looking a little lost, a little angry maybe. He sighed. She'd be fine... She didn't need comfort. He knew that. So why were his legs calmly taking him over to her?
Cassie turned as she heard Marco approach. Her eyes were full of confusion.
"What's wrong with Jake, Marco?" she asked. Marco searched for some wise words to say. But instead he could only say,
"I don't know."
"I don't understand it."
"Neither do I..." He paused. "I- Well he's stressed and everything. I don't think you're really his first priority." Marco realized how harsh that sounded as soon as the words left his mouth. But Cassie nodded. She knew it was true.
"I know Marco...But things with us...Him and me, I mean... It's like hot cold, hot cold. One moment he's kissing me, the next he's striding out the door without a glance or good bye." She shrugged helplessly. "It never used to be like that."
Marco was silent for a moment before he spoke. "What was it like?"
Cassie glanced up at him, startled. "What do you mean?"
"What did it use to be like between you and Jake?"
Cassie looked even more startled. "I..." She searched carefully for the words, biting her lip. "It...it was different than I had ever expected. I mean, we had the whole world on our shoulders. You'd think we'd become, I don't know...Distracted. But it wasn't like that. It was like as long as we had each other, the world wasn't going to topple away." She smiled a little distantly. "We went through so much terror, but somehow, holding each other at the end of it balanced everything out. For that one moment the war didn't matter. All that mattered was that we were there to comfort each other afterwards."
Cassie's words hung in the air for a moment before they echoed in her own ears. The words were drenched with sap, and she looked up a little fearfully, wondering what not-so-witty comment would come from Marco's lips.
"You really loved him, didn't you?" Marco didn't mean to speak in the past tense. It just slipped out. Anxiously, he tried to regain his guard.
Cassie paused. "Yes," she answered. "I did. I do, I guess, in some way. But now...He doesn't have time for me, for love. He's a general. Can't get too attached to the casualties, can he?" She laughed bitterly.
"Don't say that!" Marco replied quickly, alarmed.
"And I certainly can't force him to," Cassie continued, ignoring Marco's words.
"Come on Cass, Jake is just going through a crisis, pretty soon he'll be whispering sappy words into your ear all day and you'll have to wrench him off." But whether or not Cassie heard Marco didn't know. She was running passed the windows, into the small hallway separating the large room from the smaller rooms in the house, the hallway that hid her from the party and the eyes of dozens of others.
~~~
Tobias arched an eyebrow as he watched Cassie and Marco talk together from a distance. That's what he was, the observer. Cassie was wringing her hands, her eyes worriedly on Marco's. Marco's own eyes were wide in...whoa...concern?
Well, he's not just a laughing cynic, Tobias reminded himself. Marco was, after all, human. With human emotions... Hard as it was to believe at times.
Rachel followed Tobias's gaze, which settled on Cassie and Marco. Under her breath, audible only to Tobias, she muttered "What's that about? Is Cassie alright?" When Tobias didn't answer, Rachel shook her head.
"I'm going over there," she said, but Tobias gently put his hand on her arm to stop her before she got a yard. "Maybe you should leave them alone," he said quietly, but firmly.
Uneasy, and taken by surprise at Tobias's tone, Rachel stepped back. The two watched silently as Cassie quickly strode away from Marco and the party, into the hallway.
Yeah," Rachel said, as her eyes flickered quickly to the hallway and then to Marco. "Maybe I should."
~~~
Maybe some people just weren't meant to love or be loved, Marco thought. Maybe they were just there for... the backdrop. Like the extras or something. No, that didn't make sense.
Maybe it was more like some people were just meant to be alone and solitary. And by that he didn't mean without a soul mate or whatever. It was more along the lines of didn't belong around people. Maybe he wasn't meant to have people care about him. It wasn't that terrible, being alone. Shut off the feelings, the emotions. Ignore them, and they'll go away.
Well, that's where my big mistake is, Marco thought. He had turned his feelings on, and it had ended with someone running off crying. It was easier for everyone if he could just...seperate himself from the others.
Shaking himself mentally, Marco headed to the door. On his way, he brushed passed Cassie's coat. It smelled like pine trees.
Could he really leave Cassie there, perhaps crying alone, no one there to comfort her? Maybe he was destined to live life alone, but she certainly wasn't. Cassie deserved people caring about her. He'd say some kind words, hand her over to Rachel, and it'd be over. He could leave the party. He could leave the emotions that screwed him up in the first place.
He could leave Cassie.
As soon as he fixed the mess he had created.
~~~
Cassie slid down against a door in the hallway and let out a sigh. Everything was so complicated. And what did she know about it? It was so easy to dispense advice, so easy. Not so easy to listen to her advice, to make sense of it. At least, not about things like this. She had invested so much time, so much love into her relationship with Jake. She couldn't give up now.
"Hey," a voice said softly.
"Marco," Cassie replied, any surprise she had in him being there concealed.
Tentatively Marco reached out a hand to help Cassie off the floor, and just as tentatively, Cassie took it. He pulled her up, and she hopped to her feet.
Cassie glanced down at their clasped hands and they stood like that for a moment.
"Marco," she said gently, biting her bottom lip, "I...you know I'm not...you know... interested in you."
Marco eyes fell to the floor. "Right," he said, cooly dropping her hand. "I know that."
"Oh."
"Like I'd even try anything," Marco said, laughing lightly. "Like I'd want my life to turn into a Dawson's Creek marathon. Nooo thank you. I mean, WB commercials are torture enough."
Cassie watched him babble, his gaze falling on anything but her. He looked so lost, but was trying so hard to scramble back, to regain his grounding and poise. He looked so alone.
Before she could think, or even pause for something like slow motion to kick in, she had leaned forward and kissed him. He softly kissed her back.
They both pulled away at the same moment, although in that second Marco felt as if his arms belonged around her and nowhere else. The two realized what happened, and both blushed furiously.
"Sorry," Cassie said, staring at the ground. "God, I'm so sorry... It was just..." She looked around desperately and found her scapegoat. "The mistletoe," she said firmly, pointing to the mistletoe above their head. "It's tradition and all that."
Marco, still red, glanced up. "Oh that...Jeez... I thought my parents might spend the night here, and so I put it up as a joke. It was just... I mean..." He trailed off.
"I'm sorry," Cassie said again.
"So am I... You know, it's mistletoe. We really had no choice."
"We really didn't," Cassie agreed.
"No choice at all."
"Absolutely none."
Awkward silence.
"Anyway, um, now we aren't under the mistletoe," Marco said.
Cassie looked up again. "No, we aren't," she whispered.
"So, uh, we can go. And leave the mistletoe here."
"That's a very good idea," Cassie said. "Going, I mean. Er, I don't mean going out of the state or country. Out of the hallway. Going out of the hallway would be a very very good idea."
"Wait, Cassie..." Marco said. "Maybe it would also be a good idea if we didn't...talk about this." He stopped. "It's not that I'm ashamed or anything. Please, please don't think that. It's just, it would be best for you if we forgot it."
Cassie nodded quickly, and they practically fell out of the doorway leading back into the party.
"Look!" Cassie almost shouted. "There's Rachel! And Tobias! I'm going to go say hi!"
"Ax looks very lonely, eating that..." Marco paused, raising an eyebrow. "popcorn string off the tree..." They both laughed nervously.
"So, I'll be going over there now," Marco said.
"Good to know," Cassie said, smiling brightly.
"Seeya!" Marco returned her smile. And quickly walked to the other side of the room.
~~~
Hands shoved in his pocket, Marco sat outside in the snow, kneeling on a step of the terrace. A hologram safely surrounded the outside of the house, but the backyard of the King's was big and roomy. And no one on the outside looking in could see him. Rather than feeling safe, Marco simply felt isolation. It wasn't a nice feeling.
Whoomph! A snowball hit Marco in the back of his head. He heard Rachel's laughter behind him.
"Hey!" Grinning, he quickly he grabbed a handful of snow, turning around and flinging it in the blink of an eye.
Upon seeing the smaller cloaked figure besides Rachel, his aim swerved in his surprise, and the snowball hit the smaller figure instead.
"Cassie!" Marco said. "Uh, sorry. So sorry. I meant to hit Rachel and..."
Whoomp!
Another snowball hit Marco square in the forehead, only this one had been thrown by Cassie, who promptly started giggling. Rachel high-fived her.
"I knew you had it in you, Cass," Rachel said proudly, as if Cassie's perfectly aimed snowball had been her doing.
With a grin, Marco threw a snowball straight at Cassie, who ducked. The snowball hit Rachel instead. Rachel shook her head. "You'd take a bullet for me but not a snowball?" Two snowballs promptly hit Cassie and Marco. But they were ready with their own.
For fifteen minutes they all forgot the war and kisses that shouldn't have happened and the hell they had been through. All that mattered was laughter and happiness and snow. They all should have been freezing, out there in that weather, but they were too warm with laughter to even think of the chilled air.
The sky grew dark early, even with the winter solstice. The dark blue sky seemed to hold just as much joy as the morning sky had, even if it was more subdued. Stars seemed to appear everywhere every second, as Cassie noted out loud while staring up at the sky, in the King's backyard.
"Are they the same for you?" Marco asked. Rachel had gone home minutes before. "The same as they were before the war?"
Cassie shook her head. "No. They're different. Everything is different." She sat down on the stoop of the terrace. "I really miss it, Marco."
Marco said nothing. What was he supposed to say?
"I miss the stars being beautiful," Cassie said finally. "I used to look up at them at night with my dad. He never made me learn the constellations or anything like that. He said that they...they took the beauty out of the stars. He said it was nicer just to look up and enjoy the night sky, as it was, no questions ask." Cassie turned to Marco. "He was right. I never really knew what he meant until the stars were... polluted." The last word was said with utter disgust. "Now I can't look up at the night sky without thinking of what's out there and all that's behind the stars and-"
"And all the shit they've put us through," Marco finished. Cassie nodded. "Probably not your choice of words, huh?"
Cassie laughed without much feeling. "Close enough." Sighing, she placed her face in her hands.
"One day, the stars will mean something beautiful to you again, Cassie," Marco said, in a tone so sincere he was a little surprised at himself for a second. He wasn't even sure what he meant by that, what he was trying to say. God, he was just trying to comfort her.
He had never been the nurturing, comforting type. But part of him needed to help her, needed to see her smile. Needed to make things alright for her again.
Cassie sighed. "One day," she murmured.
Snow began falling, slowly and quietly, blown about by the wind. Cassie stood up.
"I guess I'd better be going," she said.
"It's getting late," Marco agreed. "You want to get some sleep, so that any Santa Claus's carrying menorahs don't pass you by."
"Mm," Cassie agreed. "I'm sure all the Jewish Santa Clauses only come out the day after Christmas."
Marco grinned. "That's the way it's done."
Cassie smiled slightly. "Thanks for the snowball fight." Unrumpling her coat, she looked up at the stars and her eyes grew wide.
"I think," she whispered "that they are already getting more beautiful."
Marco didn't even have to ask what she was talking about. Their eyes locked.
"I think they are too," he said quietly as he studied Cassie's face. "I...know they are." They took a few steps towards each other unconsciously, like they were in a dream.
Marco quickly tried to shake himself out of this 'dream', but it wasn't easy.
"Er...That's a nice necklace," he said, reaching out a hand to pick up the silver dolphin charm hanging from Cassie's neck. "Christmas present?"
"Yes," Cassie said. She paused. "From Jake."
Marco didn't drop the necklace like a snake, but he did let it slip through his fingers and fall back against Cassie's neck. "Oh..." he said. Their gazes met again, and an unspoken agreement passed between their eyes as they took another step closer.
A second later Cassie was in his arms, and Marco couldn't let go this time. Slowly Cassie pressed her lips to Marco's, and he held her closer. The necklace pressed against her, cold to her skin. Pulling away, they both looked down at it, and then back at each other.
They had a choice. It wasn't like before...This was different. Now they had acknowledged the necklace, acknowledged everything in that moment. They could back down, forget everything. Or they could kiss again and never turn back. Hurt Jake. Hurt themselves, probably.
Of course they would choose the sensible choice. Forget the night. Of course, Cassie thought.
She would have walked away. If she hadn't been in his arms.
They kissed again, very slowly and tenderly and maybe a little fearfully at first. Until they both forgot everything except that moment.
Finally they pulled away and stood in silence, until Marco kissed Cassie's forehead.
"I think it's time for you to go," he said.
Cassie nodded wordlessly and collected her things. Wrapping her scarf around her neck she headed for the door, Marco standing there, watching her.
Cassie turned. "Merry Christmas, Marco," she said softly, the small smile she gave him warm.
"Yeah," Marco said as he watched her go. "Merry Christmas."
~fin~
~~~~
End o' Fic A/N thingy:
Ah, but of course you know The Angst is Yet to Come. The final fic in this series SHOULD be out around New Years day.. See the capitalized should? Take note of that. ;) It should be very angsty and all that good stuff, unlike this fic...It'll be kind of a continuation to this one, you could say.
I hope that you won't flame/beat-me-to-a-pulp too badly in punishment of this piece of...writing. Peas review this, so I get some vague inspiration to write the New Year one well. ;) Thankee Beta-like people, for pretending this fic was good even though you know it..well...isn't.
Everyone have happy holidays, a wonderful winter solstice, and a haaappy New Year. May good fics bless your computer. ;)