Point Break (Better Remake)
We open to "Johnny Utah" (Portrayed in this case by Lincoln Loud) at an FBI shooting range
"100% Utah! Good job!" says the supervisor
A plane touches down, followed by Utah heading into the FBI office
"Special Agent John Utah, day number one in LA. Welcome aboard. Your record's impressive" says FBI agent Ben Harp
"Thank you"
Utah is led into the bank robbery section of the office, his assignment
"Listen up newbie, this is the bank robbery capital of the world, and the grand daddies of all bank robbers are the Ex-Presidents. Since these guys are our number one, top priority, most important targets, I've put the investigation in the hands of Agent Angelo Pappas, who I regard as a pathetic washed-up joke and whose theories I think are moronic."
"My theories are perfectly sound! The Ex-Presidents travel with the summer, and they've left traces of sand and surf board wax at the crime scenes, so I figure they surf." exclaims Agent Angelo Pappas (Played by Albert "Big Al" Loud)
"Pfft, bank robbers having hobbies, how preposterous! Seriously Pappas, this is the FBI, we don't have time for unprofessional bullshit like analyzing physical evidence to profile suspects. Get your head out of your ass and focus on our more concrete leads, of which we have none!" says Harp, indignantly
"I believe your theory, Angelo. I think you should send me undercover." says Utah
"Undercover with who? Just surfers, generally? There are like a million surfers in Los Angeles, are you going to hang out with all of them and hope a couple turn out to be more bank-robberish than the others?" Pappas explains
"You never know, maybe I'll get stupidly lucky and the first random surfer I decide to get close to, on my first day of surfing, will turn out to be the head robber's ex-girlfriend." Utah says sarcastically
Johnny rents a surfboard and tries to go surfing… and immediately wipes out and almost drowns, before being saved by Tyler (Played by Luna)
"What the hell are you doing, you fucking moron? That kind of amateur-hour bullshit doesn't belong at this or any other beach! Do us all a favor and stay the fuck away from the ocean, wear water wings when you take a bath and try to walk around puddles." Tyler yells, storming off
"The name's Johnny Utah!" He yells after her
"Who cares?!" she yells back
Undeterred, Utah drives back to he and Pappas's rendezvous point
"Awesome, she hates my guts! In Hollywood that basically guarantees we'll wind up in the sack!" Utah mumbles
"Hey Angelo, I've decided to get close to Tyler. With her seething hatred of thoughtless and irresponsible behavior, she's bound to be best friends with a bunch of bank robbers." Utah says, reaching the rendezvous point
"Shouldn't you at least try to find anyone at all even vaguely fitting the description of our perps?" Angelo questions
"Naw man, Tyler's definitely the way to go, I can feel it in my boner! Uh, I mean bones. According to her file she's got dead parents, that's an icebreaker if ever I saw one."