A goodbye would have been nice

by LoneGirl189

Darien reflects on how his father affected his life

Title :A goodbye would have been nice

Author: LoneGirl189, LoneGirl189@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Time Frame: Right after Father Figure

Summary: Darien reflects on how his father affected his life

Comments: This is my first non AU fic! The idea just popped into my head yesterday after re-watching Father figure. Please R/R! Also, I had my sister beta read this (she's never done it before), and I'm hoping that straying from my usual Beta reader doesn't end in disaster.

Disclaimer: I own nothing Invisible Man, if I did it wouldn't have been cancelled.....

You left without saying goodbye, although I'm sure you tried. You call the house from time to time, to make sure were alive, but you weren't there, right when I needed you the most, It's so bad.

- Nickelback, Too Bad

He was back, and now he's gone again.

I'm not sure if it's worse this time. I mean, last time I was 5. I wasn't even old enough to really understand what had happened. This time I understand all to well. I never had my dad when I was growing up, sure uncle Peter tried to fill that gap, but he could only do so much. I wanted to be like my dad.

Only what I knew about my dad was a lie.

I always grew up believing that my dad was a petty thief. That was one of the major reasons I got into it myself. It was the only way I could have a connection with him. I never understood why he left, I always liked to believe it was because he was afraid of endangering the family because he was a criminal. I knew there had to be some good reason, both my mother and grandma had said they always thought he was a good man. So I had to believe that was the reason.

I got in fights at school a couple times because of what people said about my dad. Told me he left because he didn't love the family, or that he had found some new woman to run off with. I got in trouble a lot when I was a kid because of him. What I didn't know was that not only were they wrong about him, but I was wrong too.

Hobbes was right. I was in shock after coming out of that basement. Yeah, some of it was because I just had a gun to my head and was convinced that I was going to die, but it was mostly because I had seen the man behind that gun. It was the man that I hadn't seen for the last 26 years. It was my father. My father. I couldn't believe it. I was in denial for the first few hours. I tried to convince myself that I was wrong. It couldn't be him. I hadn't seen him since I was 5, I couldn't be sure that I had seen him.

But I had.

It was my father, and he was never a thief. He was a completely different person then anyone in my family had ever known him to be. He was a hired killer for the government. I still haven't quite figured out if I should be proud, or extremely pissed off at him for what he did to our family, all the pain he caused and all the lying he did.

Because no matter his intentions, he did lie and cause a lot of pain.

I sometimes wonder if mom would have died if my dad has stayed around. Maybe she wouldn't have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. She wouldn't have been out where she was, I know that for sure. She had to take the extra job to help pay for me and Kevin. If my dad hadn't left us, she wouldn't of had that job. And she wouldn't have been out that night, and she would have lived. But he wasn't there, and she was out. And she died because of it.

I remember what it felt like to think I had no parents. I thought that my dad had probably been killed after he left, or he would had called or written..or something. He was my dad, and I knew he loved him, he had said it a thousand times before he left us. I just had taken it for granted before. After my mom died I wasn't sure how to feel. Now I had no parents, and as much as Uncle Peter and Aunt Celia tried to be my parents, I couldn't have them be that. I didn't want them to be that. They were just there to take care of me.

I know I hurt them pretty bad the times I had to call home to get out of jail, I could see it in their eyes. I always told myself that they just didn't understand. I thought if my dad was there, he would understand. He would understand everything, but he wasn't there. I guess I didn't listen to a lot of what my Uncle Peter and Aunt Celia said because of how I felt.

Besides they had Kevin.

Kevin took on the burden of being the responsible one. First after our dad left, and second when my mom died. He was also the only one who could keep it together enough to plan Uncle Peter's funeral. Probably because of those things Kevin always thinks, well, always thought he knew what to do. He's always tried to take care of me, but I never listened to him. I think that made him try even harder to control me, to protect me. Which may have been part of what lead to the whole 'gland incident'. He was trying to save me again, like he always does. And like most of the times before, it didn't work out the way he wanted it to.

When I lost Kevin....I almost lost it. And I'm not talking Quicksilver Madness. At the time I didn't have the space I needed to grieve. And I never let myself have that time really until his second burial after Arnaud dug him up. He was the only member of my original family left. After he died, I realized how really alone I was. I got pretty drunk a couple times, even thought about getting rid of the gland and myself. He did say not to let them get it.

And now I find out that I'm not as alone as I thought.

Like I said, I didn't know what to think at first. Hell, I was in denial up until my grandma told me about her maiden name. I was convinced that I was just going there to find out that I was wrong, that I was overreacting. Then she proved me wrong. It was him, he was back, he wasn't dead, and he wasn't ever a thief. Almost everything I knew or assumed about him was a lie. I was happy to find out that my dad was still around, but I was angry to the point of being unable to speak a couple times, because of the fact that he had lied for so long, and about so much.

And then he left without saying goodbye. Again.

I understand why he had to leave, but the way he did it? He did the same thing he did to me when I was 5. Well, I'm not 5 anymore, and I don't need to be treated that way. If he hadn't noticed, secrecy isn't exactly something that I'm not used too. For god sakes, I'm the invisible man. He could of at least said goodbye before he left. He probably thought it was very dramatic. Well what it was inconsiderate.

And once again I'm left alone.

He probably still watches me. I know that he watched before, I just wonder if this time he could drop a letter or give me a call sometime. Even if it's two words. Just something. I need something. I needed something the first time. He says that he couldn't contact us because he might reveal himself. He couldn't find some way to contact us through the government? He couldn't write a letter? He didn't have to tell us where he was, just that everything was alright. That's all I would have needed.

But it's too late for that now. I still can't stop myself from going over everything again in my mind from time to time. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it's alright At least this time I know. I know that the's okay, and that he still cares about me. But we still won't have a relationship. Well never have that time together that a family is supposed to have, and we never will.

I still would have liked to have at least gotten a goodbye.

It's so bad... It's too bad, to bad, it's too late, so wrong, so long. It's to bad we had no time to rewind let's walk, let's talk. No time, let's talk, let's walk.

- Nickelback, Too Bad