A/N: It's been a while hasn't it my friends? Based off of the 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart list. Because it's an awesome list. And Sakura needs to do something fun every once in a while.
And for the Akatsuki members that should be dead, let's just say Pein found a way to bring them back to life and voila. I hope this is humorous for you. And this is crack, in case you haven't caught onto that.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart list. This is purely fanmade and I do not intend to make a profit off of this. Kthxbai.
1. Take some one's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart
Sakura stealthily snuck in between Naruto and Sasuke's shopping carts. When the two were arguing, she switched the items in their carts. Sasuke went home later that day to find he had purchased ten year's worth of instant ramen.
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
"Oh my GOSH!" Sakura exclaimed, holding her hands to her face and running up to Kiba and embracing him. "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!" Kiba deadpanned.
"We saw each other yesterday for the Rookie Nine's weekly luncheon." He told her.
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
Shikamaru's vision was fuzzy. He could see the outline of an irate young woman with blurry pink hair. So Sakura was the one to hit him in the head with a frozen ham?
"Troublesome, why did you do that?" He drawled, rubbing his throbbing head.
"Because you're a lazy bum!" She screamed, hitting him again.
4. Go up to some old geezer and say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE!"
"GRANDPA!" She exclaimed, running up to him and hugging him around the middle. "You're alive! It's a miracle!"
"I'm not that old." Kakashi told his ex-student. She let him go and stepped away.
"Then why is your hair grey. Huh? HUH?" She screeched.
"For the last time, Sakura! It's natural!"
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other … person was trying to take your _
Sakura walked over to Deidara's cart, picked up a package of self drying clay, and started to strut away.
"Hey! That's mine, un!" He yelled after her. Sakura turned back towards him, alarmed.
"SECURITY! THIS WOMAN WAS TRYING TO TAKE MY CLAY!" She screamed, loud enough for the whole of the Shinobi nations to hear.
"I AM NOT A WOMAN, UN!"
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Temari pushed a cart past the clothing department and promptly stopped in the middle of a stride to stair at the yellow sign set up on the carpet. "Caution: Wet Floor" it read.
Temari started to question the intelligence of the managers.
Sakura giggled from behind a clothes rack as the Suna Kunoichi walked away.
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Ino started to sort through the shirts. And scoot them aside as she tried to find one that would suit her best when the pink blur burst forth.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" It screeched. Ino screamed and stumbled backwards. The pink blur turned out to be Sakura. Said person doubled over in laughter before collapsing onto her knees.
"Sakura! What the hell!"
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"
Sakura stalked to the dressing room and stomped into one of the stalls. She slammed the door and locked it. The whole store went silent.
Three minutes and fourteen seconds later, Sakura's voice echoed through the whole store.
"THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE! WHY, DO TELL, IS THERE NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE?"
9. Get a Batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BAT MOBILE!"
Sakura stood at the top of the shelf full of crackers. Her black eye-mask was perfectly aligned on her face and her costume fit fantastically. Her hands were on her hips and a fan was at her feet, blowing her hair behind her. Her chin was aimed at the ceiling. She stood in that very same position until someone walked into the aisle.
She jumped down immediately and grabbed the person's elbow. "I AM BATWOMEN!" Sakura exclaimed. "COME ROBIN, TO THE BAT MOBILE!"
"Let go of me, Ugly." Sakura's captive said almost emotionlessly as she dragged him through the store. Sakura promptly let go of 'Robin' and started to punch his face into the floor. Sai was left in the middle of the frozen foods aisle as a pile of bloody limbs.
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"
Hinata was looking for a new dress to wear on her date with Naruto, since the oblivious boy had finallyasked her out. When she finally found a gorgeous but modest lavender dress she pulled it out to look. That's when Sakura jumped out and screamed in her face "PICK ME!"
Hinata fainted right there on the spot.
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
Sakura was walking up and down the paint aisle, trying to decide what color to paint her new room in the Akatsuki's base. She was trying to decide which shade of pink would be good as the accent when one of the attendants from the store walked up to her.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" He asked, flashing a small smile at her. Sakura looked up from the paint color slips and stared at the man before breaking down into sobs.
"Why won't you people leave me alone?" She cried, throwing her arms in the air and scattering her paint samples everywhere. She ran away and Zetsu appeared from the ground underneath of where she had been.
"What did you do to make our Blossom cry?" The attendant widened his eyes and immediately took two steps backward before fleeing the scene.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men
Sakura adjusted the arm of one of the action figures and placed him on the to shelf. Empty boxes were everywhere. Sakura had prepared the G. and X-Men for full out war.
Kisame walked past the toys on his way to the fish tanks to have some heart to heart with the goldfish when he spotted the Blossom of the Akatsuki in a blocked off aisle, playing with a Wolverine action figure. Then he saw the boxes scattered all over the floor. Sakura looked up from her work and waved at him. He nodded back and speed walked the hell away. He didn't want to get involved.
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them
Konan was in the women's clothing looking for some new clothing since all of the shirts and pants she already had were getting worn. She picked up several shirts in her size and slung them over her arm and kept walking. As she walked to the next clothing circle, there was a yank from her arm. Konan turned around and saw a hand protruding from in between the clothing. It grabbed one of the hangers from the clothes that Konan had slung over her arm and yanked hard. Konan shrieked and fell flat on her face.
Sakura looked down at her Nee-san with a sheepish look on her face. She scratched the back of her head like Naruto often did when nervous. Konan growled menacingly and Sakura found it in her best interest to run for her damn life.
14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice
"HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN. FALLING FROM THE STARS." Sakura shrieked as she strummed the guitar. "DRENCHING MY PAIN AGAIN. BECOMING WHO WE ARE."
Sasuke clapped his hands over his ears and bent over in absolute pain. "AHH! MAKE IT STOP!" He screeched.
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts
Chouji was in chips aisle. He was trying to decide which flavor he was more in the mood for, Barbecue or Sour Cream and Onion. He turned around towards his cart when he heard a noise coming from within the basket. His eyes widened in pure joy. Next to his package of chocolate chip cookies were twenty four bags of gummy bears. He looked around and saw a girl with pink hair dart out of the aisle.
"THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS CANDY FAIRY!" He yelled after her.
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
Sakura crouched down and ninja rolled until she was behind an empty check out stand. She stood up and fist pumped. "Yeah!" Then she looked around, trying to figure out how to work the thing. She saw a little switch and flipped it on. The light for check out aisle seven lit up.
A minute later, a very handsome brown haired man came to check out. Sakura smiled happily at him and took his items and looked them over before trying to scan them on the scanner.
"How are you today?" Sakura asked, finally getting the package of light bulbs scanned and into a bag. The man smiled flirtatiously.
"Very well, thank you." He replied, leaning over to look her in the eyes.
"Did you find everything you were looking for?" Sakura asked, smiling back. She scanned the candy bar and put it in the bag with the light bulbs.
"I have no-"
"Sakura." Said girl froze and winced. She turned around painstakingly slow and looked up at the orange haired man with piercings.
"Pein-niisan." She said, looking down at her feet.
"What have I told you about talking to strangers?" Pein said, scowling at his "little sister".
"To not to." Sakura frowned.
"Good. Now let's go find the others." He said, taking Sakura's hand and leading her away.
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens
After finally slipping through the clutches of her Nii-san, Sakura casually walked up to one of the employees of the Walmart and stood at attention. "Code three in house ware, sir." The man's eyes widened and he took off running.
"They promised it would never happen again!" He cried as he ran. Sakura stood blinking.
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department
Neji was just minding his own business, walking through the aisles, trying to find what he was looking for. Finally giving up looking himself, he decided to use his Byakugan. The veins around his eyes bulged and he looked around the area. Then something caught his attention. He deactivated his Kekkei Genkai and turned around to where Sakura was attempting to hide behind a stand.
"Sakura, why are you following me?" Sakura quickly denied this and Neji continued onwards, Sakura following him until he left the food area.
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap
"I CHALLENGE THEE TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Sakura exclaimed loudly, pointing a tube of gift wrap in her opponent's direction. Gaara blinked.
"No." He turned around and walked away.
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor
"So you want me to create an army of shadow clones so I can turn on all of these singing hamsters on at the same time?" Naruto cocked his head to the side.
"Precisely." Sakura nodded enthusiastically.
"I think the Akatsuki is starting to make you go insane. But alright. KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU." One hundred Narutos popped up all around them and Naruto pointed in the direction of the hamster dolls lined up perfectly. "Alright guys, everyone grab a hamster doll and wait until I give the signal to turn it on!"
"You got it, boss." "Count on us!" "Affirmative." "Okay!"
After much pushing and shoving, the Naruto army got behind the hamster dolls. "1, 2, 3!" The hamster dolls all turned on at the same time and Naruto dispelled his clones.
"Thanks Naruto!" Sakura said, getting in front of the hamster dolls and waving her hands back and forth as if she was conducting an orchestra.
"Sure." He said, smiling and walking away. Several minutes later, Hidan walked by and immediately stopped.
"What the hell, Sakura?" He exclaimed. Sakura turned around and stuck her tongue out.
"Go screw yourself, Old Man." She told him.
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock
"Excuse me, sir, do you have any Pomato Chips in stock?" The pretty pink haired girl asked him. He blinked and looked around. He was fairly new here and still didn't know a lot about how the system worked. He smiled at the pretty rosette and turned to the computer to look for the item she asked for.
"It appears we don't have any right now, ma'am." He told her. The girl frowned.
"Alright. Thank you for your help. Perhaps if I went to Target, they'd have some in stock..."
22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Sakura screamed, running up to him. She stopped in front of him and smiled evilly. Oh, the Akatsuki was teaching her so well...
"Yes, Sakura?" Kakashi said, not looking up from his little orange perverted book.
"I challenge you..." Sakura trailed off mysteriously before pulling out cards and shoving them under his masked nose. "TO A DA DA DA DA DUELLLLLLLLL!"
"Yu-Gi-Oh?" Kakashi questioned, glancing at the cards. "You are a traitor, Sakura. I thought you were a Pokemon fan!"
Sakura looked down at the cards. "Well, the list said Yu-Gi-Oh. I reluctantly decided to do precisely as the list said."
"List?"
"Never mind that. Well, if you won't duel me, I'll ask Sharky-kun. He'll play with me." And so, Sakura ran off to go find Kisame while Kakashi left to ponder what exactly she meant by "list". Deciding it wasn't important enough, he turned back to his copy of Icha Icha Paradise and started to giggle uncontrollably.
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation
"So how are we going to avoid Nii-san?"
"I dunno. Dress up as Tobi and skip around claiming to want some gummy bears."
"You've got to be joking. That's the lamest idea ever. And besides, I might scar Nii-san if he finds out I even thought about acting like Tobi."
"Fine! If I'm so useless, then why don't we find some new best friends, huh?"
"Fine! It is OVER."
Tenten watched as Sakura stomped away after yelling at air. She looked around, shivered, and went back to sharpening her kunai.
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live…"
Shikamaru was just walking along when a mysterious voice stopped him. "I know your deepest, darkest secret..."It said. Shikamaru knit his eyebrows together before walking over to the Barbie doll box and untaping the walkie-talkie from its back.
"I know where you live..." The voice said. Shikamaru sighed and pressed the button on the walkie-talkie.
"Mendokuse. Sakura, I know it's you." It was silent for several moments
"Who is this Sakura of which you speak?"
Shikamaru looked up at the top of the shelf and spotted the pink haired girl.
"Troublesome. Here's your walkie-talkie." Shikamaru said, tossing the device to Sakura. He then stuffed his hands into his pockets, slouched, and walked off.
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool…
"Blurgghhh! Help! Lurghhhh!" Deidara was immediately on his way to the sound of the Akatsuki's Blossom's voice. "Hel-urlghhh."
"I'm coming, un!" He exclaimed only to stop in front of...a kitty pool.
"Help! Blurghhh..." Sakura splashed and her head dipped underneath the water again. Deidara deadpanned.
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it
"You see, ma'am, I don't get out much. I'm confined to a big, lavish building with a bunch of idiots, and my Nii-san and Nee-san -could you put an umbrella in that? Thanks.- and I just want to relax and have a good time. Thank you very much! Oh no, keep the change!" Sakura took her drink and waved at the smiling woman who had prepared her drink.
Sakura sauntered off back to her chair next to the magazines. She lay down and grabbed the Konoha Daily and started to read.
"Sakura?" Sakura put her paper down to see who had addressed her. She pushed her sunglasses up on her face and looked at him.
"Yes, Saso-kun?" She replied, pushing her sunglasses back down and continuing to read the paper.
"What exactly are you doing?" Sasori asked.
"Reading the paper and enjoying a cold glass of Coca-Cola. I don't get out much, you know."